Am I the only One scared of being pregnant?

Question

My boyfriend spoke to me this morning about a future of being married and kids. I love my relationship with my family and would want to have that someday with my kids. But I have never ever romanticized being pregnant. I horrible cramps. Sometimes they make me google on how to remove my ovaries. They are so painful sometimes, I’m throwing up I can’t sleep well excessive cravings that make me moody😔 and I’m often irritated. This is me once a week every month. And just the cramps pain makes me not want to even venture into being pregnant. I have a low pain tolerance😔 I was with my aunt when she was pregnant and that wasn’t looking like what I’d want to go through. The heartburn swollen feet the anxiety of if your baby is okay. Then the entire pain that comes with delivery and also the thought of postpartum depression or getting blind or loosing my teeth. it’s so scary to me. I was telling him if when we were ready and we had enough money for surrogacy i would rather do that. Or we could adopt. Maybe down the line knowing I have a supportive partner would help calm my fears. Till then I’m still so scared.🥺 he was so understanding and calm when I spoke about my fears. He does want his own kids but he was telling me that he doesn’t want us to argue especially when it’s my body 🥺 and we could always find a way around it when we were ready.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

At 20 it is a rational thing to fear pregnancy and all the consequences of having children. I had no desire to have any at that age.

This is a time of your life you need to find who you are and what you want to do. Travel, find the work you'll love to do, get educated, develop a skill or skills you enjoy.

There are people who say, "Have kids while you're young..." That can be fine for those who're into doing this. But youhave some physical issues that exacerabate your fears.

What I'd suggest is that you get hear with these excessive cramps during your period and the mood swings that accompany them. There are medications that can get you through this time with less pain and misery.

If your boyfriend is entertaining parenthood and you are not interested and fearful, discuss this with him and if he won't drop the subject, consider getting a new boyfriend. You don't need pressure on an issue that has medical consequences that include pain for you. This person doesn't care about your limitations or your current suffering. But, you need to see a doctor about your problems with periodic moodiness and pain.

Also, post partum depression is not a regular occurrence. I happens and it has been noted, but CDC's most recent surveys show that less than 15% of women suffer with post-natal depression. But since you do have severe periodic symptoms, it IS rational that you be concerned. Good Luck!!

Haha456 · Accepted Answer

if you're 20 years old, you're far too young to be having kids. I remember being 20 years old. Right now I'm 26. Looking back right now, I was just a kid (Though I was considered mature for my age). I lacked the maturity, the real-world knowledge of how society works, the steady income, absolutely no life experience, didn't have any knowledge or wisdom to pass down to my kids. At 20, you're still exploring the world and learning, developing mentally into a full-fledged adult.

Enjoy the process of dating, build your career then get married. Having kids too early in life while you are not ready with a decent career / income can really end up screwing you up later in life. Once those kids come out, everything you do will be for them. I've seen plenty of young parents who had kids at 21 while not being financially ready. A lot of them struggle financially, can't fulfill their career potential due to lack of resources and time. They're not happy people.

Surrogates are expensive. Make sure you can actually afford to hire one. See if insurance will cover the surrogate (its unlikely). Adoption is not a bad option either. But adoption agencies are very selective about who they hand out kids to. One of the requirements is that you and your partner must be very financially stable.

Apple1996 · Answer

It is a common fear but not one that I have since I'm now on my 4th pregnancy. Birth/pregnancy/postpartum can be a postive or negative experience depending on how you choose to look at it. I've always tried to be postive even when things are bad.

420Rachel · Answer

No, you're absolutely not the only one! Pregnancy is SCARY AS HELL! I was terrified to give birth! As a woman who's been pregnant and had a child, I'll tell you about my experience, to the best of my memory. However, keep in mind that every pregnancy and every birth is DIFFERENT!!!

I personally had very little nausea. I only got sick a handful of times during my pregnancy and it would be pretty random. I was able to eat like a horse through my pregnancy haha. 😂 I did experience heartburn, especially as the baby grew bigger, closer to the third trimester. That was my worst pregnancy symptom. I ate Tums like they were candy. My legs and ankles swelled to the point that I could press my finger into my ankle and it would make an indention. I think the strangest symptom I had was the non good cravings. I was never an ice eater but I craved ice so much when I was pregnant I would always eat all the ice out of my drunk cups. Also I currently work as a server and did while I was pregnant, and for some reason I craved the cardboard coasters we have on our tables. I just loved the way they smelled and I wanted to eat them. 😭😅

I ended up being two weeks overdue so I was induced for my labor. I thought I'd be able to be tough and have a natural birth but once they broke my water and the contractions really started getting intense I got an epidural. I was 4 1/2 cm dilated when I got the epidural. The doctor told me she was surprised I even made it that far. I COMMEND women who have the mental fortitude to have a 100% natural birth. I've heard many stories where it didn't work at all or only worked partially. Luckily mine took and I only felt some pressure when he was crowning. The birth was fairly quick. I think I only pushed for like 30 minutes or so before he came out. Also they put a standing mirror in front of my so I could watch him come out, I thought that was cool. 🤣 Now I have a crazy, sweet, wonderful 3 year old son and I wouldn't change it for the world. 🥰

Pregnancy is crazy, it's scary, it's unpredictable, but it's also beautiful and wonderful, and it's all worth it when you get to meet your baby for the first time. ☺️

TenderFantasy · Answer

A lot of women naturally want to procreate/extend their genes into the future not to mention having a cute, cuddly, small version of themselves and their lover. They romanticize it but that is a NATURAL feeling. It's a SELFISH feeling but it's obviously a natural one, otherwise our species would have died out long ago. Even women from te 1800's loved babies but more importanly loved SEX more than babies and babies was like a SECOND, "ENJOYABLE" side effect of the act.

I think you are still quite young, but I do find your fear, strange. If being being pregnant was THAT scary and bad for you, then either I suggest you start birth control (the pill and or the condom or IUD) NOW and don't wait till it's too late (you get pregnant). It's too risky for you at this point in your life seeing as you are "too scared" to do what your body is naturally supposed to do, especially at your young, supposedly healthy age of twenty! You're only 20 not 40, not 50, so you have time on your side to decide what you really want out of life. Do you want to become a mother? Maybe not now but in the future? You have that luxury of time fortunately for you. Next, you want to see how RESPONSIBLE you are going to be at raising said child. It would be easier with a RESPONSIBLE partner as well. Raising another human being is more than finances. It's also about physical as well as emotional and moral support. You are starting from scratch with your baby essentially.

You should talk to a counselor, maybe that will help you. Most women want babies bad enough that they would be willing to go through the TEMPORARY uncomfortableness and risks of being pregnant and giving birth.

If you really don't want to have ANY children, and this is REALLY what you want to do, then consider getting your tubes tied.

Actuallly, it is easier to NOT get pregnant truth be told. Even a HEALTHY person in their 20's, only has like a 30% chance of getting pregnant with each act of unprotected sex. And the odds just get lower from there unfortunately.

I don't have any children (and I am not sure if I will EVER get the chance to have them. I did want them when I was younger but I couldn't find Mr. Right in time I guess. And I believed in certain lies about life.) So I might just do the surrogation part like you. I've been through some trauma and I don't know if I that hurt my chances of getting pregnant. This was psychological trauma with my ex too sadly.

sage2021 · Answer

I can tell by the language the women speak in their opinions that they are getting their information from social media - which is other people 's experience and has nothing to do with what your experience will be.

All this talk about feeling like alien's are inside you when you feel the BABY move is social media jargon. And your teeth falling out, now someone made that up and you read it on social media. I sure am glad they didn't have social media when I was pregnant or before getting pregnant. You shouldn't listen to those people and their made up stories about what could happen or what happened to them.
Mind you, I didn't have social media when I was about to get pregnant. I was looking forward to it.
I had a really good experience with my pregnancy. No morning sickness (vomiting), I felt pretty good everyday. I rode the bus to work, worked all day and was fine.
The only thing I remember that I had a hard time with was my sense of smell was heightened. Sonne Snell's would make me nauseous. But I carried a fresh lemon in my purse, and every time I would smell something that was making me feel suck, I would get out my trusty lemon and hold it up to my nose and squirt a tiny bit of the juice to smell and I'd be ok again.
I wish you would have a more positive attitude about pregnancy. It really is a beautiful experience if you would let it be that. 🌹

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

Honestly, pre-pregnancy, I was scared to be pregnant. I didn't know what to expect from the changes to my body. I was scared of delivery. I was scared of what would happen AFTER leaving the hospital.

But then I became pregnant & had an honest talk with myself & my SO about our options. Either we would allow the fetus to come to term & we keep it, or we would get an abortion. It was a hard decision to make, but we decided to allow the fetus to come to term.
I honestly felt like Sigourney Weaver in Alien when I started feeling the fetus move. I had slowed down at my job as restaurant staff & had my coworkers complain about it. I couldn't be "super woman" after 30wks. I felt disconnected from my own body.
I didn't realize that I was mourning the lose of my old life & embracing my new one at the same time. I had many conflicting feelings throughout my entire pregnancy, but I was excited about being a living science experiment.
I had to be induced at 41wks, & I decided against the epidural. An epidural could slow the process & put me in labor for over twelve hours vs natural where it was anyone's guess on how long it would be. I ended up giving birth an hour & 41 minutes after I had my water broken.
I love my son, I'm so happy I went through with the pregnancy, but I am frightened every day that I am doing it all wrong.

No everyone is meant to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD have kids. Make the decision for yourself.
If you really never want to have children of your own, you can always talk to your OBGYN about getting a hysterectomy, tell them you're serious about it & tell them it is your right to have it if they givw you any lip service. Ask to have your eggs frozen & donated as well.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Times had changed now a days no ines having kids at 20 if you are a normal person. Unless you are a conservative religion and married at 20 and expect to have kids. But seriously now a days normal young people don't do that. I don't blame you being pregnant is hard. I am 29 not 21 lol yes everything you are describing is true pregnancy is hard and not for every woman. I had preeclampsia with my first pregnancy the whole 9 months vomiting nonstop I couldn't eat the first few months and had to be out on medication on my second pregnancy I had diabetes I had to poke my fingers before meals to check my numbers and gone to see some lady at the hospital that would talk like a kindergarten teacher which we all know what's healthy to eat and what not I got annoyed at one point. And girl I was always in a bad mood with my second pregnancy. I never experienced prostpurtum depression but my friend has her husband neglected her. So tell your boyfriend pregnancy is a huge responsibility. Oh I for got to mention the cesarian are no fun at all it's painful even when you laugh or cough. You never know if things happen unexpectedly if babies head is to big or it can't fit or the vagina can't open more. Girl not trying to scare you but it is a lot.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

It is difficult as a male to voice an opinion on the subject of pregnancy for you. I will never go through it. I understand your apprehension because in our society no one wants to give up the youthful figure. Maintaining the Barbie image is something that is based on competition. Goethe, once said that there are two great heartbreaks in life. The first is loosing your hearts desire. The second is attaining your hearts desire. In both cases you loose motivation. No argument there. But a caterpillar can not remain a caterpillar forever. Many feel that the change in morphology is a beautiful thing. Women sacrifice many things to bring about a new generation. My study was Human Anatomy and Pathology. Granted my information base is aged by 10 years. But from my studies I know that ductal carcinoma (the most common form of breast cancer) is more common in those who don't have children. I don't think you can choose not to have children without losing your breast to cancer. One of my professors cited Nun and Lesbians as having he highest breast cancer rates. He also cited Priest as having the highest Prostate cancer rates. God or nature gave us a reproductive system for a reason. To not use it is dangerous.

snowboarder720 · Answer

I can’t really answer this question as I don’t have a vagina to say😆
After reading your question I couldn’t help but think about my girlfriend who has VERY painful periods and horrible cramps. Even worse she can’t take pain killers like ibuprofen because it messed up her stomach and she cannot take them anymore. Her periods are very hard on us.
I’ve never wanted more than 2 kids of my own as they can be a lot. She has always talked about having kids of her own so that leads me to believe that being pregnant is what it will take and she’s okay with that…
I’m just worried because I know the process up to giving birth would damn near kill her. Not to mention still births or other complications that could harm the baby too.

Just know that you’re definitely not alone on that and you can find moral support when you need it as it’s more common than you’d think.

Anonymous · Answer

Its very scary to me too. I didn't really think about it until I was about 21. Understandably. You start to the think about things more in depth as you get older. I was in lalaland in my head about having kids and family in my teens. Knew nothing about pregnancy. But I also dont want kids badly enough to pay for surrogacy. As a single woman, I have no desire for kids. But If I were to be in a relationship then I feel like my mind might change a little. But either way, Im fine with going my whole life without kids.

AviatorTom · Answer

My then-wife had 3 kids, and she told me that each pregnancy was scary. I give you women a lot of credit... putting up with a strange thing growing inside you for 9 months, making you sick, painful and stretch marks. She said it was scary but it was also what she wanted.

You're young, only 20. When you're ready to have kids, feel free to be scared of being pregnant, but you will survive it... and one of the best things that can ever happen to you when you give birth to your child.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I've not heard anyone say this, but doubt you are the only one. I'd be more concerned with raising the kid and going through all parents have to handle, but that's me... I don't have kids of my own.

In essence, are you afraid of pain, or is there more to it that makes you fearful?

There are realities but also options to reduce pain and such. Maybe you are sensitive person.

Brokenheartedx · Answer

Pregnancy is different for each woman... i had terrible nausea with my pregnancy's, yet my mother didn't even have morning sickness or heartburn she sailed through her pregnancy's.. My older sister didn't know she was pregnant until she was 8 months gone. No 2 pregnancies are the same. Child birth though I will tell you what my mother told me, its painful no point lying.

If you are having painful periods have you been to the doctor, you could be suffering endometriosis

hellfirec · Answer

I am single, will get married in a year or two. I scared of getting pregnant. I mean you will get a lot of weight, your body will never look same the way it was earlier. You will have to take a lot of efforts to lose that weight. You will have a horrible mood swings due to the hormonal changes. Sometimes vitamin deficiencies, hair fall also happens.
I get scared too much after thinking about all these stuffs😶

Anonymous · Answer

I'm currently pregnant. I haven't experienced any kind of pain. So far my pregnancy has been a breeze and I am someone with low pain tolerance. I haven't experienced any heartburn or swollen feet. Everyone's pregnancy is different. Prior to falling pregnant I had always wanted to be a mum but I was the same as you scared of the pain and all those pregnancy symptoms you mentioned but nope my pregnancy has honestly been a complete breeze. I don't even have morning sickness.

addie14 · Answer

There is no reason to be scared. My mom got scared because you don't want to rush anything. Talk to him and he will listen to you. Be prepared and make sure you are 100% ok with having a baby.

Sour-rose · Answer

Honestly, No. I ain't havin' kids and if i get a woman who wants to have kids with me by having a man fk me, we done and don't contact me again. :) Very quick decision but... it's horrifying to me.

Punk-y · Answer

Nothing wrong with not wanting to be pregnant, babes! I hope you and your boyfriend adopt when you guys are ready to be parents; please don't feel pressure about having "your own" kids, adopting kids is wonderful and they'll be your own as much!

baserunner611 · Answer

It would help if you wanted a life with him.
He told about your future which includes him as a future, your husband and kids, you scary and did you want that?
Can Only you Answer that question.
Think about this it is your life plus other

Daniela1982 · Answer

If you didn't want to get pregnant why didn't you use protection?

clampfan101 · Answer

I imagine it being quite common, but if you have a good husband he’ll help you through it. Also I’ve never heard of a woman who wanted kids feeling it wasn’t worth pregnancy after getting them.

Am I the only One scared of being pregnant?

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