Do I make enough money/can I take overtime to make enough? Yes.
Do I want to give up being single? No.
Being in a marriage with a family is far more than the wedding. It is far more than the maybe 5 minute mental "montage" of the "perfect" family that many people may play in their head when they picture having a family.
The reality is dealing with the hospital and stress of having a kid. The first few years in which you are running on maybe 6 hours of sleep on a good night and 3 hours of sleep on an average night... with no sleep on the worst nights, because the baby won't stop crying... FOR YEARS until 4-5 years old.
Now you have to deal with the child WHILE you are dealing with work. You have to juggle being an employee AND a parent. You have the added stress/expense of dealing with a child/kids and you have to mentally "steel" yourself to adjust to being in constant mental/physical pain because your family comes before you. This/these kid (s) will grow into teenagers and you still aren't out of the woodworks yet.
Now you have to deal with a teenager that most likely, hates you. They get annoyed every time you want to spend time with them and think you are the biggest loser on the planet. They deep down may love you, but that is not what you see when you come home from work. You hear: "Get lost, dad!" or "ugh, what do you want?". You also have to deal with this kid getting into trouble (like all kids do) and hopefully you do not have a daughter because that is a huge added stress.
Getting married means you are voluntary signing your freedom to house arrest with a curfew and at least 18 years of slavery, fights, and heartache. You spend the next 18 years looking forward to the day that your kids leave the house so you and your wife can go on trips in your retirement, only to not actually enjoy those trips because both of you are so old that you just fall asleep at hotels.
So no, I do not "want" to carry the entire family on my back financially... or at all... because I never want a family.
We are built to provide. So if a man wants to do that then it does not necessarily add stress to his life, instead it could add meaning. He can be living out his vocation as a man in the way he sees fit. And there's a lot of good to that.
Now, he can also want financial help. That's up to each individual person, and there's nothing wrong with that either. But it is wrong to say that he should want financial help and that's the only right perspective or feeling to be had on the issue
Nah. I wouldn’t want that. If I’m his wife, I would want to help him as his partner. I believe in 50/50 always. Idc about gender roles in a relationship. He helps me, I help him. We do it together. Regardless who makes more. If I make more, I also want to make sure he has enough for himself left to spend on his wants. I want to make him happy 😃
again another question with the obsession over traditional roles...
here's bad news for you... housewifery is unaffordable for vast majority of the population, and it will become increasingly unaffordable over the next 10-20 years. good luck!
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My husband does it no problem and much prefers it that way so I can stay at home and raise our kids. And no it not hard on him. He'd be doing the same exact job even if he was single. If I were to work and put all my kids in daycare would cost 30-40k a year. We are saving tons of money with me staying home.
by the way kids are only expensive if you think they are. It's much healthier for kids to grow up in a home where they aren't spoiled and learn that money cannot buy happiness.
I wouldn’t even think about being a non-working wife unless he was making 100k or more.
People can work together as a team when it comes to child rearing and financial support. There is no reason to believe either sex is better suited for either of those things. Being a support system for your partner is important. I commonly see people who earn money being more conscientious about how they spend it, as compared to people who get money as an entitled handout. Living beyond one's means will never lead to true happiness and fulfillment. No two people will ever be totally equal in all areas, but a legitimate effort in all areas is generally appreciated. Keeping a wife at home, pregnant and barefoot, is just what insecure people prioritize, as it reduces their likelihood of the wife discovering something better and then leaving.
Our self-esteem is not based on what is handed to us, but on what we achieve. Only by challenging ourselves and gaining a sense of accomplishment will our self-esteem grow. The problem with being a stay-at-home parent is you won't be able to measure your success for 18 years, and by then, self-esteem has already been destroyed. Since a stay-at-home parent maintains a never-ending cycle of doing the same things over and over, gaining a sense of accomplishment is kept out of reach. Since these people aren't creating their own self-esteem, they often pressure their partner to constantly validate them and tell them how wonderful they are. This can be a major drain on the relationship.
Where I'm from that's just normal. The only thing is that I was very careful about the kind of woman I married. My mindset was never, "I need 2 incomes to reach my goals" or "I need a woman who earns a lot". I can't imagine living any other way.
Some people go through life worrying all the time and expecting bad things to happen. They actually set their goals low and don't even know it. From my POV women who think they can't depend on a man just set their goals low. And they get what they expect in life.
It’s very possible if you prioritize. My house is less than I qualified for and it is nearly 100 years old. I bought my truck at 11 years old. We don’t have any tv subscriptions or an entertainment center. I grow vegetables in the yard. So many that I have some to give away at times. We don’t drink or smoke. We don’t go out. I load my own ammunition. When I finish my teaching certification we will make more with just me working than we do with both of us working now. Once that settles down she can stop working and homeschool the kids.
Most men eventually understand that what we want doesn’t matter in heterosexual relationships. Men chase and women choose. That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it will always be.
This is tangentially connected to the ridiculously overused question, “Why don’t men express themselves?”. Because nobody cares what men feel or want. When men express their feelings and desires, the results are always negative. Jobs are lost, relationships end, educational opportunities are revoked, lives are ruined. “I FINALLY expressed myself and nothing but great things happened!!!”, said no man… ever. Ell oh ell! This has become so patently pervasive that men even hinting at preferences now is widely called “misogyny”, if not universally.
I thin the ultimate responsibility of providing for the family falls on the man. Even if his wife makes more money, if something should ever happen to her, or or income, it falls on him, not her.
Of course his wife is a partner. They need to both contribute.
I grew up in a traditional household. Literally all the households around me when I grew up were also traditional. Even today at least half the households around her are traditional. It worked when I grew up and still works.
It's obviously not advantageous. Even if you offered it out of good faith, most of the chicks out there just want to take you for everything you're worth and go right back to banging any guy that winks while they drain you for cash.
Obviously, some chicks will hear me say that and get all heated and say "Not me!" Well, I'm not talking about you then stupid. But also recognize if you are that special you're probably not even looking for that type of guy... at least not as a demand.
Let´s say it that way. A lot more guys would want to do it than are actually capable of doing so in my experience.
For me that´s the situation I mostly grew up with the difference though my mum or other women in the family worked but not to be a breadwinner because it was their passion.
But nowadays it seems in many parts so that both adults have to work to allow the family a decent life status because it´s not the case that just part could work and the other stay home.
A problem also is here that women are often better qualified than guys so when they enter university they rarely find a guy that has better marks or is better qualified than they are studying the same subject.
For me it´s therefore like this. I prepare myself to be in the position of being the main breadwinner not the only but the main. So that I can leave it up to her if she´s willing to work or not.
Being able to have your child raised by someone who knows and loves them rather than a government worker is worth a lot to some men.
I don't think idle hands are a good thing so I would want a partner to work on that basis alone.
I think any number of men on GAG have said they don't give a shit how much a girl earns because quite simply we value their contribution in other areas more highly. I am certainly in that cohort.
If you think about it which is better? A couple - both of whom are stressed from work - coming home to be stressed together. Or a couple - one of whom is in high stress and one of whom is in low stress who de-stresses the stressed partner?
In my experience I am more stressed in the first case as I have her stress to deal with as well as my own. In the second case my stress goes, like shrugging off a coat, with her welcome home hug.
It’s how I was raised and it’s a role I realized I wanted since I was around 10 years old.
And it was around that same age I started working a job fixing and cleaning appliances to start preparing myself for it. By acclimating myself to stress’s and worries of life early.
Also finically support my parents and siblings when they need it among other things. On top of my own bills and stuff. So that sort of stress or responsibilities aren’t something that a 100% unfamiliar to me.
Also I will not allow a government worker or a stranger to raise my kids. Only people doing that would be me or my partner or a family member.
So assuming I’m in a finically viable position to do that when the time comes yes I’m more then willing to do it I take pride in that kind of stuff I’m a very traditional person. But I’m also willing to accept financial help from my partner as well if we genuinely needed it.
Absolutely. It becomes stressful at times, but I'm always up for the challenge and reward of providing. My wife provides so much value in other areas. I believe that biologically men and women are different, and we ought to play to our biological strengths rather than approaching the marriage from a 50/50 perspective in every facet. A woman who works and acts like a man is not going to carry that feminine energy around the house and in the marriage that men crave and desire.
While we don't have kids yet, I'm building enough wealth and resources to be able to provide for kids and a nice lifestyle in a couple of years. My wife will quit her job as soon as we have kids. Right now her work is remote, and it's something she enjoys. I want my wife to focus on supporting me, the house, and the kids. Those are big responsibilities. I also want her to enjoy her life without worrying about money. I'm an ambitious guy and I hustle. I'll make it happen for her and my future family.
In today's world it takes a lot of money to have a family with a stay at home wife, and raise a couple of children. That, and to live somewhat comfortably. The ones who I know who do it have very well paying jobs. Even then I don't see how they pull it off sometimes. So it seems in most families, both the husband and wife have to work if they want any kind of comfortable lifestyle and not be poor.
I want a wife who will give our children the very best childhood, and that means being there for them rather than paying someone else to raise them. The early years of a child's life are critical in their mental and emotional development. During that period they need a mother who loves them unconditionally and knows every little thing about them, not a daycare worker who doesn't love them and is trying to manage a bunch of children at the same time.
Yes, that means I have to financially support the family during those years, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the most important thing in the world. I'm not willing to compromise when it comes to my children.
These days it is not a one income member household and the majority of married couples both work to split finances. I know it wouldn't be possible for me to do both me and my girlfriend.
It would be a matter of who can work and get to be around the kids easier if it came down to it. At the end of the day I know each of our parents would be more than willing to help watch them to help us out. Better them than some incompetent people or god forbid potential groomers.
Most people don't do the math, but often when you add up the costs of daycare, more meals out, work clothes, commute, higher tax bracket, etc., that second income often ranges from a small net positive to a net negative, and unless it's a substantial net positive, most moms would be happier, and certainly kids would be much better off, if she stayed home with them until they are in school. Depending on how many kids, this could be 5-10 years.
Ladies. NEVER give up your financial independence. The only thing in life that is for sure is change. Multi millionaire judge Judy said the biggest mistake a woman can make in life is give up her financial independence. She's seen a lot of women live in unpleasant situations because they gave up their financial independence.
I carry my entire family on my back financially.
It was not by choice, see my wife used to work and we would share the expense of life together
Then my wife started to get these nasty migraines. Went to the doctor and they have her a MRI
My wife has a brain tumor and is slowly dying
(I am not a person that normally goes anonymous, but I don't want my friends on here to know what's really really going on. I use GAG as a getaway and have a little fun to hide the pain of watching my wife slowly die)
So, it turns out that specialization really IS a thing. Kids certainly CAN be expensive if you have to outsource every part of their upbringing. BUT if you have someone in the house who can specialize in giving them attention and provide early education (pre-school) you can save a TON of money compared to daycare.
AND if you have another partner who can specialize in career and can maximize lifetime earnings, you can do pretty well financially.
So yeah--I'm fine with that specialization. Just a matter of finding a partner who likes that idea too.
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