Men, would you be willing TO BE the SOLE FINANCIAL PROVIDER of your family?

[Bellona]

Men, if you go on a date or have a girlfriend that tells you that if she wants to live with you/get married and become a housewife how would you feel?

Would you let your woman clean, cook, bake, take care of the children and so on if she wanted to instead of working?

In turn, you would have to become the sole financial provider.

Today, the economy and countries heavily rely on women working so it would never be possible for all women to become housewives without major economic/societal disruptions. Thus, this question is aimed at men answering this question and only considering their significant other.

[MrOracle]

Yes. In fact, I have lived with a girlfriend for almost 2 years who didn't work a regular job - though she did various things to earn money in her free time - and I paid for everything. She happily kept the house, cooked the majority of the meals, and made it her mission in life to take care of me and make my life comfortable when I was home. She didn't expect some crazy high lifestyle - she was happy with a reasonable lifestyle that was certainly better than if she'd lived alone and had to work and pay her own way.

Unfortunately for me, her father got cancer, and her mom couldn't take care of him alone, and so she moved back to Florida to help out, and that was the end of our relationship.

I should also add that I would have been fine if she'd worked and split the bills - I've done that with other girlfriends - but I had no problem with this arrangement either.

The problem tends to be with women who feel entitled to an upper-class lifestyle, and are resentful if a friend gets an expensive dress or purse or pair of shoes, or gets an expensive car or goes on some expensive vacation, and she feels left out because she doesn't get that too. It doesn't matter that there's often someone else - a wealthy relative - paying for that extravagance, OR if the couple is living off of credit and doesn't have $20 in the bank. And there is a LOT of that going on - people living far above their means on credit, until it eventually all falls apart and they lose everything. But that's "later" - in the "now", she wants to keep up with her friends, if not better them, for the social status. I've had that end relationships, and I've seen this happen to a number of my friends' relationships.

[Friendlybro79]

People are also mainly paid below their basic means which is why things are sometimes on credit. Most men in the US don't make enough to have a one income household anymore. It's in the numbers. I'm not sure what percentage of men can support one income households but it's probably under 10% look at avg salaries to avg housing and then think about all the utilities, insurance, car payment, oh would you like to retire one day... etc. We're almost at needing 3 incomes per household to survive...

So yes living with in your means is vital. Based on stats this is only feasible for the wealthy.

[Friendlybro79]

For me survival is to make enough to pay for today and, have a healthy savings to fix something when it breaks, and save for tomorrow which experts say means 15% of your salary to retirement fund. .. I'm not even talking about vacation.

So if I get to only keep 85% of my gross pay after taxes it is dismal. Even low 6 figure salaries turn I to nothing after basic needs and retirement savings are in play. You want one income household we would need to more than double the avg salary for people to have this life.

[MrOracle]

@Friendlybro79 "People are also mainly paid below their basic means which is why things are sometimes on credit."

That's not why someone buys (or leases) a $90,000 Escalade or Mercedes, especially buying it on an 8-year loan. They do that because they want to show off - to appear to have a higher lifestyle than they can afford. We're not talking about people struggling to buy groceries. A $15,000 3-year-old Accord or Camry would have served them just as well without costing them so much extra money - in principle, in interest payments, and in much higher-cost maintenance - but it's all about the IMAGE for these people.

You also need to recognize the cost of working, ESPECIALLY if you have young children. If you take an average middle-class income, and you subtract the costs of daycare, a decent car, fuel to get to work, wardrobe for an office job, lots of take-out lunches, etc., it often leaves relatively little left over. Going down in lifestyle a small amount - a slightly smaller house, or less fancy cars - is often more than enough to allow them to live on a single income - which is only necessary until the kids are all in school full-time anyway.

The problem is that most people - women especially - don't want to go down in lifestyle, even a little, because it would ruin their Instagram clout or their image with the neighbors.

[Friendlybro79]

Most people don't buy 80k cars. Look at the number of sales. Some people are the way you suggest not most but most people do not make enough to buy a home period. Smaller home is still not affordable

[MrOracle]

@Friendlybro79 You'd be shocked at how many people buy $80k vehicles - whether that's a luxury car or a fully loaded trucks. Perhaps it's more common on the coasts vs in the middle of the country, but it's very very common in California. And while SOMEtimes there is a legit need for an expensive work truck (a building contractor or diesel mechanic or something), a TON of these cars are bought by people who can't afford them except by leasing them or financing them on loans as long as 10 years, which is insane, given that the total cost (assuming you pay the payments as scheduled) is more than double. Even worse, they'll trade in a car they're upside-down on to get a new one, and roll in the debt from the old car into the loan from a new one. This is WAY more common than most people realize. If you know anyone who sells cars, or works in the loan industry, talk to them - you might be very surprised.

[Friendlybro79]

I'm not disagreeing that some people do this. I'm saying something else. Living with in today's means implies you're in debt. You can't live within your means like you can literally pay for everything outright. You are mortgaging your home 90+ percent of the time that you can't afford because even starter homes are too much.

I'm talking about one income households for the avg person. I said 10% are probably able to do this and they're the ones buying 80k cars. Some people that buy these cars are only doing so because the avg car is 50k now and they have two salaries. Take away the wife working and they're not buying these cars. They do it because their wives either want to work or have to. Again ten percent is still a lot of people.

My great grandfather literally made something like 20 dollars a week. He paid for a house in cash. There was no credit because you could save and buy things in a reasonable amount of time. He bought a house at 30 years old in cash. That's living within your means. Today you have to play the credit game because the system is designed to keep the majority but the rich in debt.

So I'm saying again that there is probably ten percent or less of men in this country that can afford to have one income households with kids. Maybe it can be done easier in a few rural red states where you have to travel 45 miles to a supermarket lol.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Well to start I won't see my wife as a maid and butler that was born just to cook and clean and be home 24/7.

A man who sees his wife in such light is a big P. O. S.

Now, if I'm well off financially then she doesn't have to work a formal job which nearly all of those jobs are pure ish stuck several hours at work, but she will have to at least go volunteer in the community for at least 3 to 4 hours a day, 5 times a week.

She just can't stay home all day. I will not tolerate that foolishness.

She must be productive in society somehow.

[OlderAndWiser]

If we were at an age to have children, I would want them to have their mom at home instead of being raised by whoever is working at the daycare. If there are no kids, then there is no excuse for her to stay at home.

[Avicenna]

For me to agree to that, we would have to have kids or at least have one on the way, be in a stable relationship and I'd have to earn enough money. But I don't rule it out.

[mobiusforniner]

I am the sole provider and i make a six figure salary. Its doable, but lots of work

That said, there's other things to consider here. I married the quintessential housewife... she was raised in a strict religious home and her only destiny was getting married and making babies. I thought itd be easy and will grant me more freedom and flexibility in our relationship.

What I found out instead was that i married a woman with the mental capacity of a child. She has no life experience, is incapble of making decisions and doesn't know how to defend me when im stuck in a hard spot. She has no personal pride or confidence. No backbone. she's literally defined by me.

So rather ironically im helping her finish her college degree and want to see her build a life for herself. If that means her own career then great! I want her to feel confident and purposeful beyond just being a hide away housewife making babies...

[BungusHighFivePizza]

I'm totally willing in the right circumstances but I don't want to marry such a boring woman who aspires to be a housewife. What a boring peasant mindset. I don't even think interesting women in the Victorian era were the ones dreaming to be housewives. That's a fucking peon raised on a farm. I at least want an artist if not someone educated, interesting to talk to, an educated writer (like my wife), anything but a woman who is such a loser that all she can think about is cleaning the dishes.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope, but she would be home regardless.

House is too organized to need much cleaning at any point.
I can cook/bake while having a job.
I don't want kids.
I work from home.

She would need to join me in my job working from home and split bills 50/50, I'd be her husband, not her father, so I can't be expected to be her provider, though if she became sick or disabled after marrying her I would.

The classical "housewife job" is of no use to me, but I don't date/marry for utility anyway, I date/marry for mental similarities, love, and sex.

[Bellona]

Is this site your 'work from home.' '1k opinion shared on relationships...'

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, but my job hours are short, and my work day hasn't started yet. Also of those hours involve waiting for a computer to finish an automatic task or waiting on another person to have need of me, so I have lots of free time each day. I also did not have a job when I first joined this site. I'm not even out of bed yet lol.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also some of those hours*

[TheSpaceGnome]

Even with all of that, a very small portion of my day is on this site, basically morning and just before falling asleep, and thats only do to no SO to talk to atm.

[Anonymous]

Of course. It's not easy to pull off financially in today's economy, but I think most men who want marriage and a family, if they had the means, would prefer a woman who prioritizes her family ahead of her career ambitions. I mean what father wouldn't want a mother for his children who makes them the center of her universe. Isn't that what mothers are supposed to do? That's rare today, but it will always be the ideal. No man wants to pay someone else to raise his children. It's terrible for the children, and really for everyone involved.

[Poppymarie]

My fiancé actually would support the idea of me being a homemaker, but I don’t enjoy staying home all day, so he also supports my decision to work. I love taking care of the home when I’m not working and he is still the breadwinner, but I like having a source of fulfillment outside the home too.

[Adam1978]

Sure if all she wants is the extra food an clothes a second person needs. I don't need to work harder to accomplish that. But if she wants some kind of life in luxery she can forget about it. Then she needs to be the one providing thst luxery because I don't have any needs for it.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

It wouldn't be an issue if she wished for that, I can pay for everything without issue.

My wife did that for a period to be honest, but now that she opened her butchery and deli shop we divide some of the housework and care of the children between the two of us, and leave the rest to the hired help.

[OfMiceandMen]

And what the hell would she do all day? I mean the house can be cleaned in a few hours once or twice a week. Cooking takes an hour before anyone gets home from work.

If both kids are in school, then there's nothing to do but sit and wait till they come home.

I am not saying this to be an ass, I am just thinking if it were me, I would be bored out of my skull after the first week, or so.

[Bellona]

well, if you have a house you would need to do the gardening (+ watering one hour every day), cut the grass (every 2 weeks), water blasting (every couple of months) and other exterior work if you aren't a dirty and lazy ass. Also, cooking a decent meal takes a couple of hours if I want to make a pasta sauce it takes 2+ hours (you need to check it up constantly) or if I want to bake a cake that is extra time added. washing up takes one hour - dishwashers are for the lazy. Also, vacuuming the whole house every 3 days (we have pets) takes one hour. Cleaning the bathroom and shower every week takes one hour for 2 of each. Creating/preparing breakfast + lunch for the household is one hour every day. dog walks one hour every day. grocery shopping for one hour once a week. So that is on average 7 hours a day of labour.

[TheSpaceGnome]

@Bellona Your lifestyle is very high maintinence, I value efficiency.
Automatic watering system for garden.
No mowing, looks ugly cut.
No water blasting needed.
Quick meals most days.
Storebought sauce.
No cake (bad for health).
Dishwasher + each person washes their own dishes right after using them so it doesn't pile up.
Quality air filtration and no carpets mean vaccuming is rarely needed.
If I make a mess in the bathroom, I clean it immediately after.
Breakfast is quick.
I'm not a dog person.
I do my own grocery shopping, and it takes 20 minutes to an hour, not 7 hours.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also I'm not lazy, I just prefer to have time to do other things.

[Bellona]

@TheSpaceGnome store bought sauce? Do you know how many preservatives and synthetic colours are in that. It is so unhealthy and you care about health. Much.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The food grade preservatives and colorings in store baought pasta sauce are actually harmless. People are just paranoid about anything that gets initials or has more than a few syllables in it's name.

[Bellona]

@TheSpaceGnome you are just uneducated.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No I'm quite educated on the subject. Try getting your info from somewhere besides the internet.

[Bellona]

@TheSpaceGnome there is nothing wrong with using internet sources if you use reliable ones.

[TheSpaceGnome]

There are no reliable sources, you are just believing someone.

Calling them reliable does not make them reliable.

I've eaten store bought sauce my whole life, I'm not sick from it. Most studies can't be replicated and are based on nonsense methodologies because today's science labs are polluted by staff who are not qualified to be there.

[Bellona]

@TheSpaceGnome There are reliable sources if you assess the reliability and decide that they are reliable through assessment.

[Steelcore5280]

I'm currently talking to someone whose dream is to be a stay at home mother and wife and wants to go down the traditional route. As someone who was raised in a traditional home, I love that and would have no problem being the one making the money while she stayed home.

[jjm789]

Men were made for the role of sole provider. Dont listen to the misinformation that claims the idea is a modern invention. Men have ALWAYS run the world. They built all the buildings and fought all the wars. They are the providers and protectors. Women keep the home and children. The role makes way for softness and femininity which is the epitome of innocence that men fight to protect. Women have been given a large gift in life to be well equipped for their role. Women doing a man's job? Very unappealing. A man can and should provide.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yes but "cook, clean, bake, kids" isn't enough. I only eat twice a day how much time does she need to cook? I'm also a sous chef... a good meal doesn't take all day. Do all that AND go the extra mile to be supportive to me, bring peace into my life and be and nurturing feminine wife who takes care of herself? Yeah gladly, and she'll live well.

[D_Bone_Steak]

When I try to sleep I like to pretend or fantasize that I'm really rich. I'd move back to Japan and buy a big place. I would support several women and I'd have a secret room where my weights are. They'd run the house and do all the human stuff, and I'd come out to have sex with them and give them babies... otherwise... I'm lifting my fucking weights. I am completely fine with that idea. I would give them all the fancy shit they could imagine having.

[itsaboutthyme]

The fact this is showing a stereotypical trad wife is actually too ironic. Women should feel free to pursue more things than motherhood, cleaning and cooking, but if that's what some women want, more power to them.

[HighValue]

Does she realize that when men were the sole provider, they didn't provide their wife with her own car, smartphone, cable TV/streaming service, and there was no dish washer, no dryer (clothes were hung to dry then ironed by her), etc?

[Bellona]

Yeah, that will do the women some good, without the extras.

[HighValue]

I would require a prenuptial agreement, and even if she didn't plan to work, I would want her to complete at least a certificate program at college so she would be capable of working if something ever happened to my job, or if I was temporarily unable to work in the future due to an injury or illness.
It is better to be prepared and not need something that it is to need something and be unprepared.

[Anpu23]

I am the sole provider for me and my wife. She stays home and cleans and works on her art

When I lost one of my jobs a couple of months ago there was some concern that she would have to go back if I couldn't find something that covers our bills. But, luckily I did find another C level position so she's free to do what she wants.

[QuietVerbena]

Bellona the war goddess. Cool! Did you get that from Rick Riordan?

I would never ask my boyfriend to be the sole financial provider. It’s not in my nature.

[Anonymous]

It’s what I do now. If the two of you are ok w that then that’s all that matters. I think a lot of men would love a girl like that but won’t really say it in fear of being labeled a million different names like controlling, misogynistic, etc, etc.

[mommymommymommy]

My dad, who was laid off 4 times in the past 5 years, is in deep irs and state tax trouble, we owe them thousands of dollars, if my mom wasn't working, and I wasn't working (and now that he's working again), wasn't working. We would default, and likely wind up in jail