My boyfriend asked me not to wear nail polish. Should I respect that?

[Anonymous]

I have always enjoyed painting my nails. My boyfriend, who I am crazy about, has told me its an absolute turn off for him. (I knew this before I started dating him- he thinks its the most disgusting thing in the world). He basically thinks it makes girls' hands look like a child who got into markers and made a mess. He asked me not to wear it, at least not on my hands. He doesn't mind it on my toes because he can ignore it.

I don't know how I feel about my boyfriend telling me how to groom myself, but he just really really hates nail polish.

If I stop wearing nail polish for him, am I letting him control me?

[caring__1]

He is open and honest and letting you know this is a deal breaker for him. It's up to you to determine if it is a deal breaker for you, also. We all have preferences, limiting our opportunities because of those preferences. It's better he let you know from the start rather than hold it in and stew inside. It probably reminds him of a bad experience in his life, and he fears reliving that experience.

There will always be differences in relationships. Seek a deeper understanding rather than just give the other something to push against. Ask him to share his earliest experiences related to painted nails and show him you want to understand how it impacted him, rather than attempt to legitimize your choice. If you handle this respectfully and with consideration, he might be able to separate the previous trauma from your actions, but this is best handled by a professional rather than someone who is just guessing what to do. After all, you don't want to make it worse. It might be possible for him to see value in subtle, natural tones, while he may continue to shy away from flashy people who continue to have a great need to be noticed by strangers.

There are many reasons someone might dislike painted nails. They may see those who prioritize that as high maintenance, superficial or self-focused. They may see painted nails as limiting the types of activities they enjoy... not wanting to get them dirty or mess them up. Some people are more drawn to simple, natural beauty rather than legitimizing a lack of self-care by covering it up with fancy nails, hair, makeup and clothing. This is like a chef who covers up his lack of understanding of blending food flavors by drowning everything in spices. Though some see value in this, others may see it as a flashing neon sign declaring the person's inadequacies.

[ElvenMr]

Try to find a middle ground aka a nail polish that he likes, surely he doesn't hate all colors.
If he hates it all, then you can also tell him something you want to change about him lol. See how he responds.
He doesn't want to control you tho, i think he's really into you, he just doesn't like nail polish, that's all. Maybe you'll also stop liking it after a while.

He needs to accept you for who you are, and if you don't want to change your style, find someone who accepts You.

[BlueScorpio]

Well that is odd, most men don't care about that unless it's a sloppy mess. Um that would kinda suck cause I loved painting my nails, the only reason I don't do it now is cause of my job. But if I could I would paint them again. I wouldn't say he's being controlling, but just making a request. If it starts with nail polish, then how you dress, wear your hair etc. Then I would start getting worried.

[Sour-rose]

Yes... yes you are. (letting himcontrol you) Some mofo who don't like what you do and try to say what not to do around him usually leads you to being his dog that he can slowly mold into an emotional puppet he can manipulate.

[Be3Bee]

You could offer him a compromise. If he sees painted nails as childish, you could try showing him some of the artistic nails with crystals, symbols, and stuff. You could let him pick what kind of style he finds to be the "lesser evil" and let him slowly get used to it.

I wouldn't recommend completely burying something you like doing without trying to find a compromise first.
And if the compromise is not possible then you could reflect on you relationship - whether your hobby is something you are willing to sacrifice for your boyfriend or whether it is an irreplaceable part of who you are (Example - anyone forbidding me from reading any books would be instant deal-breaker for me). And also whether this is a one-time problem or if there is a pattern (I don't suppose this to be the case, but if it were like 10th thing he asked you to abandon, would it still be the same you that he started dating or would you become someone entirely different? An artificial you shaped by him? = Again, I don't suppose this is your case, just a general warning that it sometimes happens in the world)

[jshm2]

To be fair, I also dislike nail polish and "nail glam" shit. It rarely looks as good to others as you think it does - so there is also that.

Anyway, what you probably don't know (or care to know) is that when you wipe your ass and clean your hands you are actually trapping a lot of shit and bacteria in those layers. Water and soap doesn't penetrate, and nor do you clean the underside of each extended nail.

So it's actually quite filthy what's under those polish layers.

[PetiteBabe64]

Ask him To not Wear certain clothes and If he Is fine with you picking and choosing what clothes he will Wear then you can do the same.
Relationships are about Sacrifice if your going sacrifice something You like so should he. If he doesn't then You shouldn't sacrifice what he wants.

[SnowedIn]

So, your question was whether you should respect that. That answer is yes. BUT you have to also respect and honor what works for you -- the nails make you feel good and you love that. HE has to respect that. It's not his way or the highway. Compromise. But, yeah, don't let him change you.

[Moose304]

Nobody can answer this question but you! I have things that are turnoffs. I also walk away. You have to make up your mind. Do you want to continue to see this boy or is painting your nails that important? You might not be able to do both. It does seem a bit strange the guy does not like painted nails, but he is free to feel that way. I think you and he needs to have a talk about your relationship.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

100 people will say hundred things mostly will easily say to dump him lol.

But the question here is are you really ok with not getting your nails painted?

Can you do it or willing to do it.

This has to be your decision , you don't want to be controlled by your very own boyfriend.

But you are willing to be controlled by strangers thoughts haha 🙂🙃.

[Hardworkingguy]

The real question is why are you in a relationship with someone who demonstrated from the beginning he hates aspects of your life that make you happy... he was being honest from the start. Life is full of different people. You should probably look for a guy who likes who likes who you are without trying to change anything about you

[DubiousIntentions]

When you love someone, you don't just love parts of them. That is like saying I love you here, but not there. When you love someone, you love the whole person. This guy wants to be picky. He might not be right for you.

[DavidRaul]

Yes you are somewhat making him control you. You love to paint your nails. So i don't think he has any right to narrate what not to do. You should do what you feel like.

[Anonymous]

In your situation I would stop wearing nail polish, he’s not controlling he’s asking and has good reasons for it so sounds good to me

[burlen]

Do what pleases you and is ethical and legal.

[MiamiMadness]

In a serious relationship it’s ok for you and him to compromise within reason and the nail polish things seems reasonable to me tbh

[BJP21]

Express yourself how you want to look, regardless of what a guy tells you. Im the kind of guy that will help you paint them, and maybe my own. LOL

[DancingQueen16]

I don't think you should stop wearing nail polish just because he doesn't like it

[MysteriousDarkness]

You knew he hated nail polish before you got with him so why did you decide to date him if you love wearing nail polish?

[soe11]

You do whatever you like.

Nothing to do with him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with him, especially if the nails are long. It makes a woman look fake and high maintenance. But you should do what you want, not what he wants.

[Wise4myage]

Yes you are letting him control you, and he has no right to ask you not to wear nail polish.

[Anonymous]

He's not controlling you. Controlling you means you wouldn't get a say. Still, if you're genuinely crazy about him then the answer should be a no-brainer.

[Anonymous]

he's a fucking idiot do what makes you happy and ignore the jackass