To be in a relationship or not to be?

[ThatDreyGuy]

I’d like to consider myself a free-spirit. I don’t like feeling restricted or confined, I’m far from my best in conditions like that.

I’ve noticed that when I like someone and I get into an official relationship with them, my attraction for them tends to fade and grey out, even if I don’t want it to. Then I start to want out after a while. And usually after getting out of the relationship, I may start to find them attractive and colorful again.
But when I do like someone but don’t get into an official relationship with them, my attraction for them remains for MUCH longer and I feel more passion.

Is there a way I can go about this and avoid the stigma that usually surrounds situationships? Commitment isn’t a problem to me. It’s the fact that the attraction and passion fades whenever I feel confined, and getting into an official relationship tends to make me feel that way.

[Anonymous]

In my experience having friends who are very much like yourself, they always seem to end up in these pseudo-relationahips, if at all. Where they'll never admit they're a couple or even serious in any way, but will be 'almost' exclusively seeing each other for years lol. Maybe you're just not ready or not meant to feel tied down. Does that idea scare you?

[ThatDreyGuy]

The idea of a serious relationship doesn’t scare me. I just don’t know why the spark fades. But it could be because of a subconscious unready for the responsibilities that come with relationships. I’m not sure tho cause that still has never been my problem

[ThatDreyGuy]

Unreadiness*

[Guy13]

That is the question⁉️ You are going to have to decide that BUT Situationship is what you got here ‼️

[LazerBean]

Some people just aren't meant for relationships. And that's not a bad thing. I think the first step is figuring out if you are one of those people, or if you just have commitment issues.

[ThatDreyGuy]

I believe having commitment issues automatically qualifies a person to be one of those people who relationships aren’t meant for. But I don’t believe commitment is an issue to me. But I’ll have to find out for sure

[LazerBean]

I don't disagree with you. But I meant it in the sense that there is nothing wrong with them on a mental or emotional level, they just do not crave or wish for the sort of romantic relationship that most people do.

[ThatDreyGuy]

I understand that. But I do desire a romantic relationships. Maybe I’m just young and committing full time to a relationship isn’t in my agenda at the moment. It could be that I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

It seems like you're afraid of commitment, but don't force yourself to have one. The right person will make you want to commit. It's not magic, it's love.

[ThatDreyGuy]

As I said though, commitment isn’t the problem. I’m not afraid of commitment as I’ve been in committed relationships before.

[ThatDreyGuy]

But ironically,
I’ve also been in committed “situationships”. It doesn’t seem to make sense in theory, but those tend to last for me

[SeriouslyFunny00]

I see.. In that case, maybe the you were looking for the spark. Relationships can get boring sometimes as you're getting comfortable with each other. If you want a long term relationship, I suggest for you to take your relationship as a long term responsibility. All relationships have ups and downs, and we can't avoid that.

If you are with a person who treats you right, but you always feel dissatisfied, then you will always be in a short term or situationships. You're still young though, do I think what you're feeling right now is just temporary. 👍

[ThatDreyGuy]

Avoiding the ups and down of relationships isn’t my problem. As long as the attraction is still in place, I can endure whatever. But I hope you’re right and what I feel now is just temporary and I may eventually outgrow it. Because I do want to get married and have kids lol.

[Avicenna]

Maybe something more casual might work better for you. Or is there a fear of failed relationships?

[ThatDreyGuy]

I do consider the possibility that my relationship with someone could have worked out better had we not been in an ‘official’ relationship in the first place.

[Avicenna]

You might be able to find a woman who's OK with that, but most want the affirmation of an official relationship and its trimmings.

[ThatDreyGuy]

And that exactly is the problem. Because there’s already a stigma around situationships. So it’s like “we are official or I’m walking out”. A difficult situation to be in. I often give in to the temptation of that ultimatum, though still keeping in mind that the attraction could most likely dwindle whilst still hoping it doesn’t.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, well, that's tough.

[Iron_Man]

You’re not ready to date at this time

[In_Trance]

Whatever works for you

[RenRen098]

the same happens to me after a few months