“Part of falling in love with someone is actually falling in love with yourself” — Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

[Rosexøxø]

Oh my god it is. The hardest thing for me was letting go of my *expectation (s)* about what “love” should look like or was going to be like- or everything we’d do.

They say

“Treat others the way you want to be treated”

and I think for me it created something unhealthy-

I was trying to nonverbally TELL others what I wanted from them, what I wanted them to make me feel, by the ways that I would give them things and try to make them feel.

Maybe I don’t know for sure how they felt, but I’d imagine it.

Giving them a foot massage because I imagined that I’d like one too

maybe one day they’d repay me..

foot massages must be true love and anything else is the contrary, or falls short of “true love,” and must be just being “polite.” Lol

_______________________
So basically, I couldn’t expect it. I just talked to them, and I realized I could either be disappointed that they weren’t what I had in the back of my mind for all those years, or I could enjoy them for actually making me smile- giving me a good time, and having the best intentions. We enjoyed each other’s company? Why should I say they didn’t love me, when they didn’t give me a foot massage that had been floating in the back of my mind?

Maybe true love isn’t foot massages?

Maybe love is a painting..

And we shouldn’t force their hand or take the brush from them 🎨

we should let them paint something for us, that comes from their heart. What does love look like to them? 🫂 🖼

Can we be open to it?

(sure never let someone hurt you or manipulate or abuse)

As long as they respect and you know their intentions are good

as long as you’re having a good time

as long as you’re smiling at what they’re painting

and they’re smiling at what you’re painting..

Isn’t THAT

true love?…

♥️

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Yeah i learnt this lesson in college i had a friend he was doing engineering and i was a different college and my field was different

he wanted me to write his assignment he literally begged sort off.. he gave his reasons like he has to study and do different things

Then at my home while i am writing his assignment the MF falls on the couch and watched TV.

Then the next day i called him to take his assignment back when he came that evening while sitting on a bike he gets a call from his friend that he has not done his assignment or something and this MF says you give me that assignment i will write it 🤣🤣🤣 and infront of me the nerve inside my mind MF complete your assignment first on your own and then go writting for others..

Then he says me see if you help me don't expect me to help you back it won't ever happen and i will help others that's how the world is.

From that day i never helped him 🤣🤣🤣. For small things it was not that i was expecting something but the way he threw those words and made my efforts in vain

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Although my story has nothing to do with love lol 😂😂

[Nomina]

No, LOL! Not at all. Does that mean that falling in love with someone is to try to look for yourself in someone else? What about opposites attract? What about complementing one another?

Is this a twist on "you can't love someone unless you love yourself" concept?

There is something in this view very self-centered. From what I get of this, I don't think it would lead to any kind of healthy love. Cuz ultimately it's just about you and not the other.

[Nomina]

To add. I've absolutely falling in love with someone while simultaneously not liking myself very much.

I don't get this.

[Nomina]

I also thing there's a conflation between falling in love with and loving someone. The first is just emotion, you kinda can't help it. The second is deliberate action to show love to someone; you actively love the person, not just feel nice about them.

Two different things.

[SnowedIn]

@nomina is absolutely right. And, as usual @Rosexøxø has an amazing piece of insight that is 100% correct. To the asker's question though, what I think the saying means is not that you should self-centeredly focus on you. Rather, it means that until you know yourself and are confident in yourself, your hobbled and hamstrung at being able to love. The point is that to gain that confidence and the ability to love outward is to accept yourself, flaws and all, and love the imperfect person that you are. Because if you cannot love you -- for whatever reason -- then you're incapable of loving another with their flaws and disappointments. I think, too, that falling in love is a process of discovery and exploration and learning and questioning and experiencing. Of taking risk. Of failing. We need to do all of those things with and for ourselves. If we want to love another, we have to ask and discover who they are and what they like -- that process has to be done for us. And thus you fall in love with yourself as you fall in love with them.

[Guy13]

I think it is falling out of love with Self... and taking that selfishness and investing it into another... one held in higher regard than one holds oneself. The effect from such behavior does make one feel better about Him/HerSelf... maybe that's what you mean?

[Kaneki05]

I've had 2 loves of my life. And I don't see how this statement is correct at all lol. In fact it's the opposite as if you love someone you would let them leave you if it made them happy because it's unselfish.
But if I loved myself I would put myself first no doubt. Which is more someone does when not in love...

[TheSpaceGnome]

100% true.

Compatibility is VERY important, and a person has to be mentally similar to you to be compatible with you. So if you don't like yourself mentally, you're screwed on matches until you change into what you like (which I would argue was your true self anyway).

[TrueConfection]

I disagree. "You have to love yourself first," is such a cliche. We need to stop thinking about ourselves and love others first. Falling in love with someone means you love their heart, not their ego.

[Talia808]

I have never heard it put like that, but it does hold water. we fall in love with someone who makes us feel good about ourself, and makes us a better version of ourself, along with wanting to be a better version of ourself.

[Bethany22]

That's true. A large part of falling in love with someone is thinking that they have all kinds of similarities to you

[hahahmm]

Just word salad unless you define 'love' and give examples of what you mean.

[MCheetah]

No! Completely disagree. That just sounds like arrogance to me!

[TroyDT2]

To me "falling in love" is purely emotional, so I avoid it.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard their is a lot of truth inn that.

[FilmGuy93]

Yes! That is 100% true.

[Anonymous]

I don't even get what that means. 🤣🤣🤣