I was with my ex girlfriend for two years and from our circle of friends, I met my current girlfriend. I did not physically cheat on my girlfriend but I emotionally cheated because I fell in love with my current girlfriend while with my ex girlfriend. Eventually, my feelings for my ex girlfriend faded entirely because my new girlfriend was very compatible with me. We laugh, play and feel really comfortable with each other. I love my new girlfriend and I don’t regret my decision but I do still feel bad. My ex girlfriend didn’t deserve to be left the way I left because she was actually a great girlfriend and did everything right.
She told me “I did everything right and you still left me.” Her family has contacted me saying she has been in a state of depression for the past couple of months. I feel responsible.
Yes, you are a bad guy and I hope your new relationship fails.
No, you are not a bad guy. Relationships end and people walk away from other people all the time.
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Am I a bad person for cheating on my girlfriend and leaving her for the girl I cheated with? Can I explain first please before you vote?
One, the fact that you developed feelings for another woman shows your boundaries were terrible to begin with and you didn't respect the relationship you had.
Why were you spending so much time, talking so much, sharing so much about yourself and learning about her if you are in a relationship? If you are hanging out that much with some other woman that you develop feelings for her then your boundaries suck. Also, you should have noticed yourself starting to feel something and recognized it and cut off contact with her in order to be true to your girl. You kept right on going though.
Also, if you decide you don't want your girl anymore and want to date someone else YOU END THINGS FIRST with your girl THEN start something up with the new girl. You don't cheat while still in a relationship with your girl.
You had terrible boundaries and spent too much time with some other woman, then you cheated without first breaking up with your girl. All of this is sleazy, dishonorable, selfish, sneaky and if anything bad comes your way... it is karma that you deserve.
It just is what it is. The statement of just being more compatible with the new girl kinda describes to me what I've experienced myself. It sucks just being in a relationship... just because it's there, especially when another option is there that's actually far more enjoyable.
Your age range is 18-24 I don’t know why this post sounds like your about to get married now life is great the sky is blue stars are shining and you are sipping some wine. This can happen again you can fall in love with someone else, your current girlfriend too can. Also your “ex”. No need to feel bad she got hurt. She will eventually find someone else and continue her life. You will be a some random memory to her. Also she will be some random memory to you too when you both reach 40s + etc etc. you might get divorced she might also get divorced you can die into a car accident she can live and have kids. Point is this life is a bitch. Be humble with what you have.
Your life haven’t even started yet. You have so much to learn. So no you aren’t a bad person. You are just a human doing your best.
Love is a chemical reaction, while getting dumped sucks, its better than someone staying with you when they don't love you.
You did the right thing leaving her so she can move on. No doubt you didn't choose to fall in love with someone else, but hopefully you two will be perfect. As it takes many relationships to figure it out and then often people never do.
Live and learn, but she is better off that you left her, even if she is depressed.
Sad thing is too many people stay in relationships only wasting their lives when they'd both be better off moving on.
At least you didn't physically cheat on her and when you realized it, you ended it. Sometimes it isn't about doing everything right or wrong, just don't work out.
You’re right. I mean. If he went behind her back before breaking up that’s shitty. But. You’re right about that. It could also depend on events leading up as well. To whether he’s right or wrong.
I will say this. Her family reaching out is not appropriate. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be.
It hurts to break up with someone or to be broken up with. But if it’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be.
She’s a great girlfriend. Meaning she will probably find someone else.
Sorry for being not-so-nice here. I usually try to always tell nice thing to people. In this case, it's not gonna be an easy answer.
It does not particularly make you a "bad" person. More a naive person that (hopefuly) learned a lesson.
If you are already commited to 1 girl, you usually stay away of building up romantical feelings for other girls. You don't get easily to a point where your emotions are strong for someone else, so that you decide to leave/breakup with your current girlfriend/boyfriend. So having reached that point means you put more time into a friendship with this new girl so it developed into a deeper romantic emotional attachment.
The lesson learned is that now that u have another girlfriend, protect your mind and heart by avoiding to develop other deeper friendships with other girls. Otherwise sooner or later when you get over the butterfly-in-the-belly feelings... you will risk getting more attraction to another girl again.
So now you read this... if you do it again... knowing this information... and still letting urself fall for another girl... well that WILL make u a bad person for hurting 2 girls.
Honestly. It could just mean it’s not meant to be. It’s better to break up with someone. Then to not like them anymore and want someone else or worse go behind their back.
Her family reaching out is also highly inappropriate.
But I do see what you’re saying. Whether he is in the right or wrong. Depends on events that took place leading up to it.
But. You shouldn’t be with someone if you’re not happy anymore
It's not a crime to fall out of "love" with someone, or decide you are more compatible with someone else. What makes you a shithead in this situation is how you did it. I'm at a loss to understand how you "fell in love" ... that's LOVE I said, with another girl while you were with your ex? When did you have the time to be alone with this other girl and get to know her?
In any case, once you felt yourself slipping away from the ex, for whatever reasons you imagined were at play, you should have cut ties and told her. Of course, it was going to be painful for her, but better sooner than later. Instead, it sounds like you waited till you knew you had a safe place to land before you said anything and kept up your end of the charade for far too long.
I'm in no position to judge if you're a bad "person", but you definitely did a bad "thing" - a REALLY bad thing, to a girl who did everything right. If you put me in touch with her (seriously, message me), I can explain to her why she's better off now even though she doesn't realize that yet. Perhaps it will make her feel better.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Very brief reply. I would not say you are a bad person, but from the sound of it you handled it very badly.
We cannot help what we feel, but we can help what we do about it. From the sound of it - and again, I can only go by what you wrote as I was not there to watch - you chose to treat your ex as mere raw material to be dispensed with when someone better came along.
Ask yourself this, if your current gfd did the same to you, how would you feel? Any way you look at it, your ex was not going to feel good about the end of your relationship. However, you had it in your capacity to at least act sensitively and lessened the blow.
Even the cheating, per se, was not wrong. However, the instant you began cheating you should have gone to your ex and, as gently as possible, ended the relationship, making no reference to your new gfd in the process.
Well, you cannot un-ring the bell, as the old saying goes. Lesson learned and all you can do now is do your best, in the way you treat your new gfd, to be the best bfd you can be. Plus, if the opportunity presents itself, tell your ex that while you do not feel for her the way you used to, you are sorry for how you handled things and tell her you hope she finds happiness some day.
if you feel shitty that is because you did a shitty thing... that's good, to regret the mistakes you've done
now, own it... you made a mistake, that's all... don't try to justify it or sell yourself as a "good person" in spite of all, you're human, we're human, we make mistakes sometimes, you learn and move on, then try the best you can not to do those shitty things again to anyone else or yourself
and also hope, that someone else won't do the same shitty thing to you
If you fell out of love with your ex girlfriend, you didn't physically cheat on her, you only became intimate with your current girlfriend after splitting up with your ex, then I don't think you have done anything wrong.
Look, we only have one life and you can drift in and out of feelings for anyone. If you felt your soul was no longer connected to your ex, it was actually the right thing to do to split up with her, no matter how great she was as a person. It's not nice to hear how she is doing right now, but what would be worse is if you were still with her and didn't love her, but was with her through pity.
You may wish to respond to her family and say how deeply sorry you are, you did not intend to hurt her, and you could no longer stay with her as you fell out of love with her.
I don’t think you’re a bad guy. No. But I think the way you went about things was wrong. You feel guilty. You should pray and repent over it.
You should have left your ex before getting with your new girlfriend. If someone will cheat with you. The chances of them cheating on you are high. As well as the chances of you doing it again if something like that happens again with your current.
Some relationships aren’t meant to be. When you aren’t happy anymore or like someone else. You have to break up. I know it isn’t always easy.
But pulling this kind of thing will hurt worse. You want what’s best for you and you should also want what’s best with your partner.
It would really suck if she loved you and you no longer loved her and moved onto someone else. Behind her back.
If you broke up with your girlfriend before getting with your new one. Then fine
I'm sorry but idc what the reason is why you ended up seeing another girl on the side. If you felt that you lost your interest with the girl you are were seeing then you should have been man enough to respectfully tell her how you felt and that it just wasn't working out or whatever before you start to date other girls. Instead of cheating on her with someone else. It's not a easy thing to do when you have to tell your partner you don't have the same feelings for them anymore like you did before and they will probably feel hurt but they will feel worse if they know that you were seeing someone else besides them. I have experienced this enough times with my past ex's and it's one of the worst feelings ever. Cheating is worst thing you could do to them and you should feel ashamed for that!
Yeah. You’re right. Sure. It hurts to be dumped. But if something isn’t meant to be. If someone isn’t happy anymore. Then they need to be a better person and just point blank try to end things on good terms.
Yep! No sympathy from me! "My feelings just faded away" is something most people will hate! The fact that you can do everything right and some people will do that is CRAZY! Of course your feelings will "fade" at some point. Even someone who never had a girlfriend before like me knows that. Your EX felt the same thing but she still stayed with you because you just don't leave someone when you get "bored". That's what true love is about and you cannot truly love as it seems. I do not "hope" that your new relationship fails, it WILL fail for sure! But I do hope that you are the one getting dumped this time!
The only positive thing from this is that the poor girl is now free to find someone that will truly love her! She dodged a bullet!
You aren't necessarily a bad guy, but what you did was shitty. You're on here asking this question perhaps to get reassurance that you haven't been shitty so you can feel better and absolve your guilt, but sorry what you did was bad form.
If you're truly sorry, apologise to your ex. Also, don't rub the new relationship in her face. Imagine if it were you in her position, how would you feel?
Also OP, I can tell that you're only really on here asking this question to get an answer you want to hear. You've selected mHO as the ones telling you you didn't do anything wrong and justifying your bad actions and judgement. You're here for justification and trying to feel better about yourself. Sorry, but THAT makes you "bad." I feel sorry for your ex tbh.
@asker there's nothing wrong with wanting to leave a relationship if you're aren't happy. However, the way you handled it is bad, bad. You weren't a gentleman about it and you owed your ex basic respect. The right thing would've been to dump her as soon as you starting losing interest. THEN start flirting with another girl or girls.
Eh, do u even care if it was the wrong thing? U seem proud, but really it just shows what kind u are. Decent people break up if they wanted someone new. I guess cheating is expected, especially for people like you 🤷♀️ Im sure you’ll end up doing the same thing to your currEnt girlfriend
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4 Reply
Asker
1 y
I seem proud? Im sorry? I was looking for people to make me feel like less of an asshole for what I did. You don’t understand because I caught feelings for someone else while in a relationship and the girl I moved onto was a perfect match for me.
If you were seeing her while still in a relationship with your ex. Then that was wrong.
If you broke it off knowing you had feelings for someone else and then got into a relationship with her. That’s different maybe. Depending on events leading up
@Summeroflove I wasn’t physically cheating. Yes, I was seeing her only because she was part of our group of friends. We didn’t hang out alone but when everyone got together, we got along really well. We had instant chemistry and as more time passed, we both admitted to each other that we were starting to develop feelings for each other. She knew I was taken and told me that if I wanted to be with her to break up with my girlfriend and then I tried to buy time explaining to her that I was scared to hurt my ex girlfriend because not only am I telling her it’s over but also that I found someone else and I lost feelings for her.
You’re not a bad person. But you did do her wrong though, and you are a dickhead for doing it. In the end you went behind her back and betrayed her trust, you caused her pain unnecessarily. Could it have been justified? yeah, sure. But you could’ve easily ended things first. In any circumstance she’s in the right now cause of it.
First of all, whether it is wrong or not to cheat, you probably had your reasons as you were falling for the new girl so to speak. Though if you feel you made the right choices then you did the right thing. In case of regrets you did not do the right thing for yourself, but now it will be harder to get her back I suppose :(
Just apologize and move on with your new life also you said you cheated on your ex emotionally which is beyond repair. So you better stay away and don't come back to her if you fall out of love with this one. I don't wanna judge people like you but however, I'm.
What's more concerning is (correct me if I'm wrong) in your question/poll you're looking to excuse and reassure yourself on here instead of taking accountability. You know you fucked up, man, just learn from it and take responsibility for hurting someone.
Yes, you acted like an asshole. You know you did. You need to take responsibility for that. Sooner or later, a bill will come due, and you'll have to pay for that. Life has a pretty good track record of settling those kinds of debts.
It’s not ideal…. Not sure this one lapse in judgement should categorize you as a bad person. It is obvious that your previous relationship wasn’t right for you or you wouldn’t have cheated in the first place.
Have you explained to her that it was nothing that she did? You just fell in love with someone else. Make it clear to her that she did nothing that made you not love her anymore and she was a perfect girlfriend, but you just stopped loving her. She needs to know that she couldn't have done anything differently to keep you.
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