How can I get the guy I’m seeing to stop simpy behavior?

Question

So I appreciate his gestures whole heartedly and some behaviors I do let him do because I appreciate, but some behaviors would have me feeling guilty to treat someone that way. It’s to the point where he said he would drop off food to my door without even seeing my face because I’m sick. Although I do appreciate it, I want someone that is my equal to me and doesn’t feel like they need to do all this out of the way things for me. Ideas how to stop possible behavior

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

Have an uncomfortable conversation and tell him to man up. He apparently wasn't able to learn this from his parents for whatever reason.

But dropping food off to you when you're sick sounds like a weird example. Did you not let him inside or he didn't want to come in? Doesn't really seem simply to me by itself.

Maybe what you're feeling is less about him simping and more of an anxious feeling that stems from a subconscious feeling of responsibility to return the favor and you can't fathom equally reciprocating because society has given you so much conflicting information on what a relationship between a man and a woman is.

It's hard to make sense out of so it's easier for our heads to just say: oh, he's just doing that because he's insecure or desperate or doesn't value something about himself.

You seem like a down to earth person, I'm curious what specifically about this bothers you.

AnUglyBarnacle · Accepted Answer

He may love you. When some dudes are genuinely smitten, they can't help themselves. Also, if his love language is gift giving or acts of service, then he's acting out via his own way.

There is a psychology / personality phenomenon that simp men often have, and sadly they frequently wind up getting used by women as paypigs or servants. At least you're a decent enough person to recognize this and feel like you're not entitled to stuff from him.

You may just have to have a sit down and ask him outright why he wants to simp for you and where he wants the two of you to go in the future.

TrippyStarry · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you’re looking for marriage rather than boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Normally, the way I was taught, is if you want someone to act a certain way, rather than confronting them (and upsetting them), you instead point them towards someone you admire. You talk about how amazing X is and you point out all of the good things about them. Ideally you want a historical figure since they have books written about them in a positive light. This is the best way to change someone from the ground up. Criticising someone for their actions is at best a Band-Aid. Today you don’t like the food drop offs, tomorrow you won’t like him complementing you excessively. Instead inspire him.

Just as a further note, get married before you do all this. boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are so futile that other than wasting time and catching sti/std, you don’t gain much.

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

As much as what he is doing could be considered as nice, I understand how overwhelming and annoying it might be for you. Also, you should be careful since he might be love bombing you. Look it up. I'm not trying to scare you, but it has happened to a lot of women (and men). Or this might just be his way of showing affection.

My suggestion is to have a face-to-face conversation about this. Let him know that you appreciate his gesture, but at the same time, it is also making you a tad uncomfortable, and you would much rather prefer to go slow. Tell him how you feel. Some people genuinely do not realize what they are doing unless someone tells them.

coachTanthony · Answer

Behavior like this usually comes from deep rooted insecurity of losing the person. So they make that person their entire world and life. He might stop the behavior but is he working on a passion or purpose in life? Or will he now just obsess in private over you? Make sure his actions also match his words. Does he cancel plans or activities with friends in hopes to just see you? Lot's to look at hear. Simping behavior is just the ramifications of some kind of trauma.

Guy13 · Answer

The underlying issue, whether boy or girl, is one can not will, curse, project, or stick pins into chickens UNTIL the other individual loves you.

The outcome is turning one who likes you into one that first dodges you, no eye contact, eye contact-turn go opposite direction, and eventually stay F away. But yet Simp, you change not.

It doesn’t take a Genius to realize, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different Results.”(Albert Einstein).

Summeroflove · Answer

Well he’s being very nice to you. If you don’t want someone doing something. Ask him to stop. Better yet if you feel guilty repay the favor. Go drop him off food and do the things back he’s doing to you.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

You just need to talk to him. Openly and honestly. Let him know the 'long-version' of what you said here. He wouldn't do this if he knew how you felt about it. This one is easy. Talk. 🙂

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Tell him you need for him to act more like a man and less like a mouse.

Anonymous · Answer

Why does he need to be "equal" to you? Do you like talking to yourself in the mirror, or do you enjoy talking to a human being?

Everyone is not equal, and nor do you want them to be. If you want you to enjoy a date with someone who does not treat like a human being, you can always call one of your 15 ex-piece-of-shit boyfriends.

Stop wasting this good man's time and go back to one of your shitty ex-boyfriends. They're your equal. Let a good woman get this good man, and you can be with one of your equals because that's what you are attracted to.

dynamicyandere · Answer

Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages?

It’s a book about how different people tend to express love differently, but it’s important to express love in the way that’s most compatible with your partner.

This sounds like this “simpy” behavior is just the way that he naturally expresses his love/feelings towards you.

However, you can let him know a better way of communicating that with you and how you appreciate these gestures, but you prefer him to express his love in a different way for you.

So, I suppose the short answer to your question is I believe you need to have a candid conversation with him about these gestures and how you’d appreciate it if he went with a different approach because it honestly weirds you out a bit with the unexpected power-imbalance.

sage2021 · Answer

When I was dating many years ago, the word simp did not exist. However, I still know what you are meanung to say here.
What we used to call it was he was putting you up high on a pedestal and you feel uncomfortable being there. It's like he's graveling for you and would get on his hands and knees if you just asked him to. And yes, it does make him seen to be the lower of the two of you.
Usually when a guy was like that when he liked me, I couldn't handle it because I am kind of an alpha female. I needed someone masculine. I needed someone to at least be on the same page as me going through life.
If you settle and just try to change him into what you want her m to be then that us not fair to him.
So, each of you need to find people with a similar personality and that would be a better fit.
The only person you can change is yourself.
And I think the old wives tale that opposites attract us a lot of whooey!
Let him down nicely. Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

You need to tactfully tell him the truth. I know you don’t want him to do a 180 on you. He won’t flip on you if your honest with him.

However if this keeps up I predict pure agony will come his way (you will cheat on him, break up and try to friéndzone him, etc.).

Sadly he was brainwashed to treat women this way. He probably was raised by a very controlling mother who taught him to always put women up on a pedal stool. Also lots of women always “say” they like this. But this affectionate caring behavior is only pleasing the right moments. He doesn’t know how to time that so he just does that all the time.

Truth is I feel really sorry for this guy. Extremely sorry. I was semi like this in my youth and it’s an extremely difficult to unlearn crap that was pounded into your head since childhood (e. g. always be nice to girls no matter what).

He’s got a very difficult road in front of him when it comes to romance. Much more worse than most guys.

ericclayton · Answer

You have to be careful in your discernment here. Could he be "love bombing"? Yes of course. He could also be trying to be a decent human being. Try to put the best construction on it, but be smart as well.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Date someone else. It's fake. He is a simp. And if you tell him it pleases you to have him not act like a simp, he's just going to simp and do what you say. If he wasn't really a simp he would say idgaf im being nice and if you don't like it go with someone else. The fact that he would change for you just proves he's a total simp.

Guys do this same nonsense too. Girl is a ho and they say we'll I don't want a girl who hooks up so let's not have sex until we been dating awhile. The fact she would have banged you within 5 minutes of meeting you is still the fact whether she did it or not.

dowser19 · Answer

A uniquely American phenomenon. Once again, you CHOSE him. That's what you CHOSE. It's your bed. Lie in it. You could go to the opposite end of the spectrum like most do and choose the ex con, dope dealing baby daddy... and you'll be needing a "good guy" to cry to about how "unfair it is" how that guy will treat you. Once again, you'd CHOOSE that. Welcome to equality. I get told every day to take responsibility. EVERY DAY. So do you. I love equality.😎

Anonymous · Answer

If you're seeing these things as potential 🚩🚩🚩 red flags then end it now for your own sanity. My exGF was emotionally abusive and controlling in my last relationship too. Recently I stopped dating a woman because of the warning signs I was noticing regarding very similar behaviour and due to how overbearing she was trying to be.

Dinklex3 · Answer

I don't really see dropping off food for someone who is sick as simpy, but you have to be honest and have a conversation about it.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Simps are going to simp. He's probably just really blue-pilled. You sound like you want an equal instead of a man-servant.

DavidRaul · Answer

You can't make it stop until you tell him that you get irritated by this behaviour. If it doesn't stop, you should move on and find someone else

MementoMori777 · Answer

Maybe if you tell him that he is simping then he will notice he is simping and stop simping

Anonymous · Answer

He's not your equal, you're the superior Female. There's no such thing as an equal relationship, and he wants to be your submissive. You're in a perfect position, and you want to throw it away over some romantic notion about equality?

PainusNdeeAnus · Answer

A man that is your equal won’t exhibit simp behavior because he will have more options than you  And what’s simpy about feeding a sick girl you like stop thinking you’re better than him

20yearsolder · Answer

Yeah, speak your mind. Tell him that you're not comfortable with him doing that.

Staximus · Answer

Find a guy who doesn't want to do shit for you, a guy that doesn't care enough about you to go out of his way for you.

Mangospacho · Answer

It’s only “simpy” if you don’t plan to reciprocate. But, you are technically in the honeymoon phase, so just give it a few months and he will start treating you like a normal human person.

Tracker1958 · Answer

Soon, simp will be all you women can get, enjoy the men that are more of a woman than the women are.

red324 · Answer

Well there are plenty of guys who will beat the shit out of you. Find one of those guys.

LegendaryDater · Answer

You tell him and make sure it's a lesson he will never forget by then leaving him and finding someone who doesn't do these things.

Nerdvana · Answer

He's a nice guy, wanting to do nice things for you. And you want him to be less nice?

nawtee_me · Answer

Try being more like him instead of trying to change him. You can not change others, you can only change yourself.

shanshu · Answer

Just tell him that the things he's doing are lovely but you would like him to stop

wafflemakerman69 · Answer

You shouldn't have to ask but looks like you have no other opiton.

Anonymous · Answer

Ooof! Yeah--if you want to fix that, you're going to need to date a less simpy guy!

spartan55 · Answer

Do you have any other examples?

es20490446e · Answer

Exaggerate the situation.

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

Tell him to man up and stop being a simp

Anonymous · Answer

all men are dog

How can I get the guy I’m seeing to stop simpy behavior?

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How do I get him to stop?

How can I get the guy I’m seeing to stop simpy behavior?

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