Should we get married?

[Anonymous]

So I was talking to my boyfriend of almost 8 years about making and setting a date. He told me I can make and I brought it up to his attention recently. So he was saying how he wanted to wait another 2-3 years and I'm like we just talked about this and I told him I didn't wanna wait that long for marriage. He keeps talking about stock investments and getting money even though we both make good money. Together we'd make 6 figs but anyway, he saw I was mad because the decision feels one-sided and texted me later saying I could set a date soon. So it feels forced and like he says/feels one way and does something else... I feel it should be a joint decision than just me.

[lightbulb27]

based on that alone I'd say get married. If you think he's being honest that finances is the issue. Maybe talk to a wise counselor about finances... parent or such or do dave ramsey together, etc.. and see that it works.

I understand where he's coming from in that regard. This is all expensive and I think what he is saying is... I don't want the financial stress, I don't want to fail, and that's good. So heed the warning. Marriage, children, and finances alone can create a lot of stress and that's what blows up relationships. You have to work together effectively.

If there's othe reservations, try to talk about them

[Asker]

He's trying to "get money back" he put majority of his money into crypto and over the months he lost around $50k+ he had nearly $100k. He's caring a lot about finances but blowing away majority on your money is just financially irresponsible. Like I have money too and both of our incomes we'll make $117k a year. So money's not bad his priorities are just different

[lightbulb27]

definitely listen to dave ramsey to get ideas. he gambled on crypto that was unwise.
hows a wedding going to happen and a honeymoon... that's expensive. how about a simple ceremony.
better make sure you two are on the same page for what life should be. depending where you life, that's enough money for now.

[SnowedIn]

I'm not sensing forced. Here's my suggestion: call the bluff. Pick the date and order the invitations. Make an announcement to your family. If he has reservations, they'll come out then. Otherwise you'll have your date.

If, however, what you're really trying to ask is whether you should marry him at all, then that doubt is of much larger importance than the date. If you do have doubt and it's coming from this date issue, then I'm concerned for you both and perhaps you need to put the brakes on the whole thing.

[Asker]

Yeahh I just had doubts because he says one thing and then something else. He doesn't want to til later and I don't want to wait til years later. I'll say next year

[serious_miss419]

If he doesn’t want to, then That’s that. If you want to, then that’s that. If you both have spoke to each other about this - then that’s that. What more can be done or said?
Your side of this sounds like that he does not trust women or he has some un healed sh! t he needs to clear up.
In my experience, a man won’t change for a woman, he will only change if and when he is ready. if he is this way now, imagine how he will be when there is kids around………
Girl, leave that ring on the kitchen counter and take your things, move on if your wanting more.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

8 years of dating and still not committing? At this point, I don’t think he ever will.

Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.

[Asker]

Yup he said I can but at the same time it's 2-3 more years. He's going on 30 in two more years, money isn't a problem.

[Summeroflove]

Marriage is a very important and big decision but I also think that 8 years is a long time. Plus if you wanted to have children…. Waiting too long could also jeopardize that.

You can’t force a guy to marry you. Bur you can also figure out if you see a future with him or if he is just wasting your time

[Asker]

Right like I'm still 25 but when you're in you're 30's it can be hard to have kids. Like my brother got married at 32 and him and his wife were together just as long as we were and they're having a hard time trying to have a baby. I don't want to waste any more time but I don't want to feel like I'm forcing.

[Summeroflove]

Asker yeah I’m sure this is a difficult decision I would talk to him about this. If you have a bad feeling he is stringing you along or if you feel he really loves you and is serious

[Asker]

Yeah like I've talked to him before he said he wasn't ready til 2-3 more years until his stocks come back and that's unpredictable. I don't care about the money because we have money. It's a waste of time. I didn't want to get married in my younger years but now is a better time just feels forced.

[Summeroflove]

Asker yeah I don't know what to tell you and honestly I think that is a pretty lame excuse not to get married... If he just does not want to get married he should say so but maybe it is a legit reason for him who knows.

You can't force him though

[Summeroflove]

If the whole relationship feels forced at this point maybe it just means it isn't meant to be.

[Asker]

Yup just the marriage feels forced even though he said I could. It is his reason for marriage but it's unpredictable with that.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t really know what to tell you Asker. Maybe you need to have some serious conversations with him.

You can’t force someone to marry you. If you propose and get rejected. It is really what it is. You can try again. But if it feels forced. I don’t know.

If your happy I guess see where things go for now

[Guy13]

I’m not trying to be negative but it sounds like you are in love with Mr. Noncommittal. What’s really going on here? Have you ever had that discussion? This is duper abnormal. How old is he anyway.

[Asker]

Exactly, and yes we had it before. He keeps talking about getting his money back from stocks. I'm 25 and he's 27 and he'll be 28 in a few months. I don't want to waste my time.

[Guy13]

It will never happen if it takes that long.

[Asker]

Yes, I'm only 25(just turned) but I don't want to waste all of my twenties on being a "long term girlfriend". I wasn't ready years ago because we were teens when we dated but I'm not getting younger.

[Guy13]

Baby and traditional family window is closing…

[Asker]

Not too soon.

[Guy13]

At 25 it is too late for her. Be 27 before married 29 baby. Never be more than 1. You think like a woman. Your ManValue is about to expire.

[Asker]

Not really. So many of my peers are unmarried or single.

[Vikkrram]

Your relationship is 8 years long what now he is waiting for? Money he can earn after your marriage also but once time would fly it won't come back.

I think you both earn good, yes it's good to think about future but besides money there are also things to be settle down.

[Asker]

My point exactly! His logic is messed up. We've been together too long to not make marriage plans. He makes like $47k or more with overtime and I make like $57k from the military and school so there's that. Everyone keeps asking us for a date too.

[Vikkrram]

Try to making him understand that once time gone it won't come back.

[Asker]

Exactly but his love of money exceeds time and logic

[Vikkrram]

He then sounds like he doesn't care about relationships he value money more

[pinkflamingo92]

Honestly it is a decision that needs to be made… if marriage is your goal and not his he needs to let you know so you can achieve that goal with someone else… 8 years is a long time… if he’s not ready after 8 years maybe do some reevaluating just my opinion

[JustinTheGreat]

It should definitely be a joint decision but after 8 years, it’s weird to me that he doesn’t want to get married already.
If you’re both financially stable and can afford it, then why not? He’s talking about stock investments but there’s no guarantee that those stocks will bring in money. That could be money that’s potentially wasted when you could just use it towards a wedding

[Asker]

My point exactly he's making it about money when we both have it. He's a firefighter and I'm a military vet. His investment stuff should be something on the side instead of the main thing to marriage. He feels when we get married we'll have to buy a house and it's just ridiculous logic

[Anonymous]

He's actually smart and the moment you said stock market i knew what he was trying to do. He's hoping to win enough money in the stock market to pay for the wedding but the flip sides are 1. He would need to invest a lot in order to make that happen and 2. There's also a possibility he could lose that money also

[Asker]

That's such an unpredictable investment and you never know when that'll happen and investing majority of your money into stocks isn't a smart move just to pay for a wedding or to gain more money it's a gamble and hopeless. Weddings don't need to be expensive either.

[tiajoka]

I don’t think you should even be dating. Unless you’re a minor, being in a relationship for over two years without at least being engaged is a waste of time.

[Asker]

We're engaged, been so for like a year. He just puts it off.

[tiajoka]

You’ve been together 8 tho

[Asker]

I know, were together a long time in our teens early 20's now we're older and have more money

[Kyyroz]

Lol. 8 years and he still isn't ready? You'll stay unmarried forever.

[Asker]

Yeah talks about his money "for us" I'm like 😑 u have a good paying job! Money doesn't matter.

[Kyyroz]

My advice to you. Leave him, find someone who is serious about marriage.

[Anonymous]

After 8 years, I'd be inclined to set a date and run with it. He probably feels there's no rush. I'm guessing you want things in place for the next phase.

[CuriousMufuxka]

No! There is absolutely no point to marry if you both love each other! Once a magnificent ceremony became legality.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Hope he dumps you and find a better caring woman.

[Asker]

Please stfu

[KrakenAttackin]

Only an idiot of a man gets married in this day in age.

[Preeti161101]

Yes 🥰

[Asker]

Even though he wants something else? Feels forced and one-sided