What would you do if your live-in boyfriend didn't come home?

[hollygoeslightly]

Gonna keep as brief as possible:
Been with boyfriend for over 4 years - very happy and living together with our cat.
He likes a drink with friends - I'm more introverted - that's fine - happy for him to go and socialise.
I don't want to text him whilst he's having fun, but if it's gonna be a late one, I like him to let me know - and if staying at his mates, more security wise so can lock the door.
Not heard from him at all today - went out 6.30pm to mate's down road and local pub - now almost 4am and nothing.
Phone dead, no calls or texts answered or picked up/read.
Added to this I think I may have been having an early miscarriage tonight so am in pain/bleeding unexpectedly and just desperate to hear his voice - too much pain to go down road and bang on his mate's door.
Is this unreasonable behaviour? I do get anxious and panic - spiral with my thoughts and I can feel this happening as I'm not sure if I may need to go to A&E for the pain and I need him.
Am I right to be angry about no text just letting me know what's going on?

[Haha456]

if you don't know if you should call your boyfriend when you're having a miscarriage, its a sign that something is not right in your relationship. You don't think you're important enough to disturb his night out with the boys. Don't have a baby with him. the relationship eventually won't work out in the future.

[Haha456]

if i was bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain, the first thing on my mind would be to text my boyfriend. And tell him everything. I wouldn't have to doubt that he doesn't want to hear about it. because i know he will want to hear about it

[Razp_Sorbet]

I think you misread the question. She never talked about questioning if she should call her boyfriend...

[Haha456]

@Razp_Sorbet

I dont think her boyfriend not coming home is the actual question she is trying to ask.

Because he is an adult. You have no right to put a curfew on him as if he is a child. What i found most surprising was that instead of texting him about the pain, she rarher wait silently for him to arrive home. When he doesn't arrive on time, she complains.

If you can't tell your SO that you're in pain, that is a red flag something is just not right

[Razp_Sorbet]

Again... Looks like you didn't actually read the question.

[Razp_Sorbet]

She didn't say he has a curfew. She just wants to be let known if he's going to have a later night, or is going to crash somewhere else, that is perfectly reasonable.

She called him and texted him He didn't answer...

She has every right to be upset.

[Haha456]

@Razp_Sorbet

i don't think she's mainly upset about that. its not uncommon for people who go to clubs to stay over night.

i think what she is mainly upset about is the fact that that she is in pain and she wants her boyfriend's attention but she thinks its in appropriate to reach out for his attention since he is enjoying himself.

dont you think her boyfriend would come home earlier ONLY if she told him she was in pain?

see? thats why i said it was so strange that she wants her boyfriend home yet she doesn't want to text him about her pain

[Razp_Sorbet]

I really think you ought to reread the description... You're making up your own scenario at this point

[Haha456]

@Razp_Sorbet

you don't think her boyfriend would come home earlier if she had told him that she was in pain?

[Haha456]

@Razp_Sorbet

don't take things at face value. you need to evaluate / analyze the situation in its entirety beyond what someone tells you. you need to realize that not everyone will tell you everything or hand you every little detail over to you on a silver platter.

[Haha456]

its the same as a police arriving to a 911 call. you will realize that not everyone will tell you the entire story or be totally truthful about their own feelings. but you can definitely figure out a lot based on events that happened or how the person responded to the situation.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I think he probably would have if he checked his phone/kept it charged like she has told him to do.

[Haha456]

@Razp_Sorbet

she likely never texted or called him, which is why he came home so late. Not that his phone wasn't charged.

[Haha456]

quite pathetic to blame his phone than the fact that you were too scared to text him.

[Razp_Sorbet]

"Phone dead, no calls or texts answered or picked up/read"

Really pays to read things carefully. Again you're making up a scenario that didn't happen.

[NotTacocaT6969]

I would call the friends he went drinking with or the bar itself.

[hollygoeslightly]

I've tried - no answer and texted too.

[Anonymous]

I'd forget about him for now and get yourself sorted. Do you have anyone else to reach out to? Otherwise get yourself to a hospital if you need to.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Why u want to disturb him when he's hanging with the boys?

You have no right to be angry

[Razp_Sorbet]

Your feelings are valid. I hope you're ok and get a hold of him

[hollygoeslightly]

Thank you - still can't get hold of him and just waiting to see if I need to head to A&E. Just peed me off that when I need him he's not available - this is a common argument about phone dying, not letting me know stuff.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yeah, he definitely needs to sort his stuff out. Especially if his mates aren't answering either

[hollygoeslightly]

Thank you

[Tx_Girl31]

You have every right to be angry

[hollygoeslightly]

Thank you - I was panic-spiralling so wasn't sure if I'm being over the top