"Need to learn independence"?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend (35) doesn't want to move forward in our relationship until I've lived on my own for a year and "learned independence". Under normal circumstances for someone who hasn't lived alone before, I get that and see how it would be useful for someone who hasn't figured out how to adult. I understand it may have been helpful to him when he was younger. I'm 27 and was forced into a caregiver role for my parents as I finished college. I've been on my own, and have been caring for two whole other human beings. I'm not an infant who doesn't know how to do laundry or dishes without crying to my mom. Wth would living on my own give me other than quiet blissful nights not having to care for another human being for maybe the only time in my life. I find this to be a dumb reason for him to rely on for why he doesn't want to move forward. Would have posted on reddit, but I dont want him to come across this by chance. What do you all think?

[GreenLanternI0I]

You said a lot about yourself, but not much about him. Does he have a job? is it a good job? is he broke and simply living in his mom's basement. Does his parents love him very much? and does he love his parents very much? I'm asking all of those questions, because there is no easy answer when it comes to people living by themselves. I will give myself as an example. I have a good job and I'm making a Very respectable salary and yet I choose to live with my mom. I'm happy living with her and she is x10 more happier living with me. So, even though I'm more than capable living by myself, I'm choosing not to. Now you tell me your B. F situation. Where is he financially? where is he educationally? how is his relationship with his parents? how is he as person? respectable or play type? is he a hardworking type of guy or is he lazy?

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. I'm happy to hear you choose to live with your mom. I guess on that dynamic, he's on a need to know basis with his parents. When I have meals with his family, they ask what he's been up to and he would say not much, then I would add all the tasks and accomplishments he's done recently and his mom would thank me for sharing because he doesn't. he's in the middle of changing his career and going back to school for it. Its fully paid for by his previous career. He owns his house. I live on the other side of the country and have my own house, albeit I still have my parents with me so I can care for them. There are plans to move them to senior living. We both have enough savings to have a good start together. My idea was to move in with him after marriage, but he insists I need to live on my own and "learn" first?

[GreenLanternI0I]

What is his train of though behind asking you to live by yourself, I don't understand. For you to learn what? how to pay your bills? how to cook? how to watch movies by yourself in the night when no one is around? Either his logic is flawed or there is something else going on between you two. Maybe he is afraid of marrying you and having kids. You said he is 35, how long have you been together? and do you want to have kids and if yes, how old are you?

[Guy13]

He is immature and controlling and can’t stand you have outgrown him.

[Aerissa_Jade]

It really is up to you, I always recommend that people do live on their own before they get married.

I've seen too many move out from their parents for the first time, in with a SO (or spouse) and they have no idea how to live in the real world.

You have experience though, or at least it seems that way that he isn't giving you credit for.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I don’t quite understand the situation. Is the plan for you to be a stay at home? If so, you’re more than well-equipped since you’re already doing the things stay at home spouses do (dishes, laundry, taking care of other humans). Or is he worried that if something were to happen to him you wouldn’t know what to do or how to manage?