How do I help my boyfriend?

[Starwisper23]

His dad just died and this is my first dealing with this. He is 24 and I am 26 I want to be there for him. I've tried to check on him today and he said he wanted to be alone and he would call me in the morning.

[RavVid]

Understand you do not have any magic words and you cannot make it better. That makes it bit easier for you to be of help to him.

While "Sorry for your loss" is sort of trite, people do take comfort from genuine recognition of their grief. don't be afraid of using those standard condolences.

Don't know if this an accident or an illness but if an accident there will be shock and trauma about it and a tendecy to think "This can't be true" but to then realize it is and for the grief to hit hard. If an illness usually the family has a little time to get used to the idea somebody is going to die before they do.

It is right for him to grieve so don't try to amuse him out of it, let him grieve. You can be silently there recognizing his loss you don't need to fill time with words.

When it is an older person, I say remember who they were to you and how important they were in your life. But I am guessing his dad would be 40's maybe early 50's. That is young to die so I am not sure that would help but maybe encourage him to tell you about the good times with his dad when his grief allows. Might be all too raw just now.

For his sake I hope he had a good relationship with his dad.

Hope that helps a little. It is a difficult time for you too.

[Starwisper23]

He was 52 and he suddenly went into a diabetic coma. I loved his dad too even though I have only been with his son for 5 months I was looking forward going fishing with his dad and spending more time with him. I am very heartbroken too and I haven't even eat anything today

[RavVid]

Oh. I had a diabetic girlfriend so I know about hypo's. often there isn't much rhyme or reason to suddenly dropping blood sugar and a diabetic can become insensitive and not realize their blood sugar is dropping. I saw her go blue, fitting and into a coma 30 miles off shore on a Great Barrier reef trip. Fortunately shoveling table sugar into her mouth worked.

Was the dad alone at the time?

I am truly sorry for your loss. It is sad that you didn't have the opportunity to spend more time with him and be a family together. Grieving is a very physical feeling as well as emotional and it is right to feel it. Best wishes to you.

[Starwisper23]

Yes he was alone my boyfriend was out of town working. His 10 year old neice found him and my boyfriend hasn't talked to me since he told me his dad passed yesterday morning. I called him late yesterday and he said he would call me in the morning and now it's 7 in the evening I called him again around 3 and he said he would call me shortly but he didn't call and now they've got a go fund me and funeral arrangements but I've not been told anything I'm friends with his sister too and she won't talk to me either I feel hurt but I can understand.

[Starwisper23]

Thankyou for the best wishes.

[RavVid]

Oh my! There is a lot of trauma here. I guess you just have to understand that the son and daughter are pretty distraught and just don't have the capability at the moment to be inclusive. Not easy for you. I do think biological family tend to circle the wagons while they come to grips with the loss.

I've not had to deal with a sudden loss like this. It has always been that the person has been in decline and at the end it was time for them to go. I have always thought that a sudden unexpected death would be so difficult.

I know there is nothing good I can say to you but I am feeling for you.

[RavVid]

How are things at the moment for you Starwispher23? I know they can't be good... but I would like to know how you are doing.

[Pyrofox]

I'd say if it was one of my close mates and his girlfriend wasn't sure what to do I'd tell her that this is one of those moments I'd say its okay to invade his space. As losing a family member like this especially a FATHER of all things. I'd know my bro isn't gonna have the mental capacity to take care of themselves and in times like this the most important thing is making sure they are doing the basic things to just keep going. My personal advice is if you know how to cook tell him straight up you want a dinner date >w< and like try together to like figure out what his dads favorite meal was and make it together and remind him that he's got stuff to still live for and that he can grieve but he's gotta remember to keep on going. And living on is what his dad would want him to do. So celebrate his dad in his own ways rather than dwell on the loss focus on honoring his father and being able to carry forward.

[Starwisper23]

he's not talking to me I don't even know where he is or what's going on with him

[Pyrofox]

I'd say this is one of the times you can use a spontaneous. Relationship moment if your serious. My guess is he's dealing with the stages of grief and I wouldn't be surprised if he's stuck at the bottom. So it's basically up to you if you want to wait for him or give him the light it's okay to keep going.

[Horror_lover92]

Just give him a little space, my boyfriend dad died before Christmas 2 years ago and I really wanted to be there for him. He also told me he wanted to be left alone, so I just told him I will be waiting for him. 2 days later he video called me and we talked. I made him smile and he even gave out a small chuckle.

So give him a little space, if he doesn't contact you in 2 or 3 days it's okay to text him so he can know you are still worried and want to be there for him.

[Starwisper23]

Did you get to come to the funeral if you dont mind me asking?

[Horror_lover92]

Sadly I was away when it happened but he took me to the cemetery

[KittyKat90210]

He needs time to process what happened. It's good that he knows you're there for him. Give him a little time and I'm sure he'll reach out to you when he's feeling strong enough

[Effably]

You could be there for him. You could be his point of normalcy - the one person not nagging him about it all who he can still be his old self with. Could be the one to help him celebrate a beloves memory instead of hurting because it is now only memories.

Speaking from my own view, if my dad died I would want to hurt for a while. That is, I don't want to be okay. I don't want to not be sad. Instead I would be very happy to be torn apart emotionally for some time. And so leaving me alone isn't a bad idea. Although reaching out every day for something small - a tiny little gesture to cheer me up perhaps - would be very appreciated. In the end though, I need to be sad for some time.

[Dorian451]

It's best to stay out of this, luvvie. He needs to process this event on his own.

[In_Trance]

All you need to do is be there

[Starwisper23]

He won't let me be there he's shut me completely out I've tried texting and calling but he won't talk I feel very helpless and I feel like our relationship might end over it but I love him so much.

[In_Trance]

Back off then. Give it time