Why is it taking me so long to fall in love with this guy?

[sheikalana]

Met this guy in October and we liked each other immediately. We get along with each other and he's very sweet and affectionate with me. We are almos the same age but he's a very mature Man probably because of his life experiences and I think for the first time in my life I'm in a relationship with a Man who's actually more mature than me. Our short relationship been through a huge challenge I got pregnant two months after meeting him but we couldn't have the baby. I know that for some couples this would have been the end of their relationship but I think we've been doing pretty well and it actually brought us closer to each other. I feel a great connection with him but I don't feel that I'm in love with him yet. I miss him when he's not around and I think about him all the time but I don't feel that I'm crazy in love. With my past relationships I used to fall in love pretty easily and quickly. Is it normal that's it taking me so long to feel that?

[Isaack]

If it's a matter of attraction, then you shouldn't have started the relationship to begin with, because no matter how much you like a person, you can't force attraction. If you are attracted to him, but perhaps feel that he's too safe to challenge you and excite you, then you should discuss with him things that you would find exciting and desirable. If he's attractive and exciting, but you don't quite trust him, then that's a whole different conversation. Trust may just take more time, unless he proves that he isn't trustworthy.

[Sparklesz]

I just want to bring attention to a varible that you may not have thought of. Sometimes when you meet a person who is very stable, it feels like there is less passion. Could it be the other relationships there was less stability? This could mean fighting, manipulation, immaturaity, etc. Sometimes when we're used to being in unhealthy and unstable relationships when we finally meet a stable person, it feels like something is missing. There are healthy ways to build passion, though.

Just some food for thought.

[sheikalana]

I’m not the type of person who gets into fights/arguments. but I do admit I was in toxic relationships in the past and this kind of feels new to me. I hope you’re right and I hope this love goes strong.

[Sparklesz]

I think for the most part love is built. It's not something that just happens to you. There's also a lot of work, commitment, effort, etc that goes into it. Too many people nowadays are waiting for a feeling to just occur, and so they quickly drop people and move on. Love is built in my opinion. Of course, you do need a solid foundation in the first place. Usually that involves some physical attraction, compatability, and stuff like that.

It's the same thing with careers. People try to "find" their passion. But a lot of experts point out that passion is built, not just found. Usually.

[Sparklesz]

Oh, another interesting thing is that people who are in arranged marriages aren't less happy than those who choose who to marry. In fact, they may be happier. You can look the studies up yourself if interested. Why is this? Because in an arranged marriage you know you're stuck with the person forever so you HAVE TO find a way to make it work. And that's the key. That commitment.

[sheikalana]

Thank you so much. Everything you said makes sense to me.

[aaron210419]

Love is not a feeling (though we certainly do feel love), it's an intimate emotional bond that strengthens over time through a series of vulnerable and supportive actions. We take actions that build love. We take actions that strengthen love. And over time, the intimate emotional bond that is love will happen.

[sheikalana]

You've explained it very well. Thanks for your beautiful words.

[aaron210419]

No problem

[slatyb]

Maybe you are just more mature and no longer imagine that a man is going to make your life fantastic. How's the conversation? How's the sex? Are you bored? He can be a great guy but not great for you.

[sheikalana]

He's really good at communicating I'm not as good and I tend to be quiet but I love that about him. Sex is really good and exciting. I don't feel bored at all when I'm around him.

[Paul09]

People seem to throw around the world love. If you can't stop thinking about him maybe you are in love. Or you're clingy. Anyways need sunshine but your side. Make up your mind. You can't force yourself to love someone. Make sure you aren't wasting his time either

[driven159]

The longer it takes to fall in love the longer the love will last.

[sheikalana]

I hope you’re right. I really want this to work.

[RavVid]

I don't think that that is that unusual. The crazy in love part doesn't last that long

[OddBeMe]

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, no more.

But seriously, what is love vs what you feel toward him? Does he turn you on?

[EaterPeter]

Would / have you allow/ed him / yourself to give you an orgasm?

[sheikalana]

Of course I did.

[EaterPeter]

Then he may not be a eight guy for you?

[EaterPeter]

Do you have pattern for falling in love?

[EaterPeter]

Right guy *

[EaterPeter]

Can he speak your primary love language?

[EaterPeter]

Are you one of those not easy to fall in love? Are you still in touch with your ex?

[Heolurt]

"love" doesn't exist