How would you feel if your boyfriend is keeping his ex-dead wife's things?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a single father who has been divorced for 5 years. She left when their son was 6 months old and now he is 7. He said she couldn't handle being a mom, she had a lot of mental health issues. She ended up passing away in 2021 due to fentanyl OD while living with another guy 14 hours away. I didn't know any of this until after we've known each other for 8 months and finally met in person (we met on Twitter) I love him very much. But I'm confused as to why he withheld that from me and the fact he is still keeping some of her things when they were divorced so long. He has her wedding dress, some of her other clothes, and some of her jewelry. I don't find this healthy. But I also feel like I can't talk to him about it because it's a sensitive topic. I would love some insight into what others would do in this situation.

[Guy13]

I think your boyfriend attaching to pieces of his dead wife”s things is good. It shows you he is capable of a deep and long lasting connection. You are fortunate. I have a “for

My Uncle, who cheated on his wife and never forgave himself, outlived her 25 years. For the first decade after her death, every birthday he visited her grave. His current wife, who was married once as well, went with him to visit for at least four years while dating. She was testing his heart for people and relationships.

Now, his daughter, grandkids etc do that. They drive 4 hours for this.

[Asker]

I think you're right. He is a very caring man he goes above and beyond for me. Drives 2 hours every two weeks to see me. This is my first relationship since getting out of a very abusive one, so I'm still learning to fully trust again and I think he is as well.

Your uncle seemed like a very good man. We all make mistakes and I'm sad things didn't workout.

[midnightmoon05]

Most guys have stuff from their previous partners. If they are just there…let it be.
since you two are together now, see how he treats you. Not by what he says. if he is giving you her coat just say thank you then put it away. If he ask if you like it.. maybe you can say not your style or doesn’t fit right. the wedding dress…you have the right to say…I have a dream dress I like if that time comes. a lot of the things can be hard in the beginning…as you two get closer and understanding each other better, it can show if you two are compatible. the other thing is, you are his second. His son comes first. Love his son, he is innocent and lost a mom.
he will look at all these to see if you are a good fit for the role.

[KrakenAttackin]

Classic female who wants to be queen of the best... just get rid of his stuff and start barking orders.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't think there's anything wrong with him keeping her stuff to remember her by. She was the love of his life, and she is dead. Give the guy a break.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say "The love of his life" he said it is what it is. When he told me and said he refused to let her see their son when she asked. He tried to give me her coat... I had to tell him that was not right. I'm thinking what if he tries to give me the dress? I don't want it around for that reason. That was his 3rd marriage by the way.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. Okay

[TacosRAwesome]

No matter what happened she's still the mother of his child.

[Anonymous]

Some bits are probably so he has stuff for his son to remember her by

[VirginousBeta]

Who cares she’s dead not like he can cheat on you with her. Are you jealous of the deceased?

[LiamJHayden]

Perhaps for their son?

[In_Trance]

probably not ready to let go yet

[slatyb]

I would never wait eight months to meet someone.

[Asker]

It's safer than meeting someone after 2 weeks of knowing them online. Besides I was in the middle of a divorce from an very abusive man. Not everything is black and white... I asked what you would do in the situation of keeping her things. Do you have an opinion on that?