How should I break up with my abusive boyfriend?

I've been dating my boyfriend for one year.
He's the longest relationship I've ever had & the only person I've actually only dated besides dating someone in the past that was overly controlling and manipulative, I ended the relationship.

My current boyfriend is very rude.
he's constently on the computer watching netflix, playing video games & his best friend is over every day from 8am - 1am!
I love video games, but my life is becoming very repetitive and boring because he is lazy & he admits it.

I've became very depressed and loosing interest in life, I've also gained weight.

When I first met my boyfriend he was the sweetest guy I've ever met & now he's the rudest guy I've ever met.

He yells at me anytime I ask a simple question about anything.

He yells at me if I'm trying to give him affection when he's busy playing video games (which is all day.)

We rarely have sex & once he said "you would open your legs to anyone! you are only using me for sex, fucking whore." after planning a romantic night for us.

He calls me stupid, idiot & retard whenever I tell him that I'm afraid he will hurt me someday.

He calls me a bitch everytime he's mad at me.

I've tried leaving & he says "please don't leave me, lets work on our relationship, I love you very much. etc ."

I want to break up with my current boyfriend.. but I feel trapped.

I could care less about him keeping my furniture, TV's, etc .

I don't want to leave behind my cats.
My mother wouldn't allow me to bring cats into her home.

I want to move back with my mother, because I was happier.

I don't want to move back because I'm 22 years old and I would feel childish. :(

My boyfriend is 21.

I am afraid.. He swings at me, punches doors, throws things. :(

He's punched the bed right next to my face while laying down and it scared me very much.

He's only a nice guy when we have extra money or my birthday.

Please help.

  • He's abusive
    Vote A
  • Dump him!
    Vote B
  • Overreacting
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Hey everyone! I am still living with my boyfriend, I am getting the courage to leave him an let go of my cats, the only reason why i haven't left yet is because my mother moved in with my grandparents for a few months and the house is full, I got a new job working at a daycare and I am hoping to move out on my own soon without him, and take my cats with me. He is only getting worse and is pushing and slapping me everywhere but my face, I am gaining courage!
I've told my mother but she is never in healthy relationships herself so she doesn't see it as a huge cousin like I have , I feel like there is no support, my cousin is helping me through it, your answers really helped me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Both A and B. He's emotionally abusive and you need to run and run like hell. He is comfortable being a lazy ass, which makes him apathetic, because his needs are taken care of, but his narcissism does not allow him to see your needs are being ignored, which should make you feel pretty much like shit.

    His attempts of "working things out" is only an attempt at manipulating your kindness into keeping him in his comfort zone, so he won't have to get his ass off the computer, straighten himself up and "get back out there". But you know what? That's not your problem. This is who the man really is, and he's not going to change anytime soon. He might in 10 or 15 years, or maybe never, but is it really worth it to put up with that shit? Don't you feel you're entitled to be treated with respect? I do, and so should you.

    There's no reason you should feel "trapped" and you can't worry about his feelings, because he damn sure isn't worried about yours. He's only looking out for himself and he's also an asshole, so dump him and keep him out of your life for good. Do not let him worm his way back into your life with false charm, because he'll only revert back to his shitbag form sooner than later.

    Please leave this man, you deserve better than that.


Most Helpful Girl

  • What good are you to the cats if you find yourself one day in the hospital with broken bones and bruises or even worse... six feet under the ground

    Stop being your worse enemy, RosalieFawn, and end the madness before it ends it for you. He's a loser, abusive mentally and physically and the older he gets, the worse he will get until one day, this ticking bomb explodes to the point where you will Not... be able to make Any decisions of what is best for you.
    Pack up and get away, lock, stock and barrel. When you have gotten your guns in place, Annie, don't leave any smoking guns behind and just remember... felines can be easily replaced when you get your own place but your own life is in danger right now and like a cat on a hot tin roof. Don't be an Enabler for yourself in which you keep finding lame duck excuses for staying and know deep down... you are afraid.
    Good luck. xx


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • there is no reason in the world you or any other woman should ever have a relationship with an abusive partner. it isn't just limited to a man. it could be another woman too that is an abuser. he probably has you convinced that he is gods gift to the whole female portion of the human race and you will never be able to do any better than him. prove him wrong! dump his ass then find someone that deserves to be SHARING your life and leave the adult child to figure out where he went wrong. for some reason girls now days are drawn to his type. no job no education no future no responsibility and then when he knocks you up they bolt because a baby requires him to become responsible and he doesn't want that. he wants his video games and his time to party with the guys he wants a maid to wait on him and of course his sex toys. that would be you of course. and as for the cats. when you get to the point in life that you are supporting yourself you can get another cat. a big well trained dog however will be more useful in protecting you from a looser like him.

  • What are you looking to hear from people

    You clearly know right from wrong. We don't need to assert your ego that you are a good person and every guy coming in your life is bad.

    Clearly there's bigger issues beyond these guys that explain why you're inclined into abusive relationships.

    You have to figure that out. Go see a therapist

  • >I've been dating my boyfriend for one year.
    He's the longest relationship I've ever had & the only person I've actually only dated besides dating someone in the past that was overly controlling and manipulative, I ended the relationship.

    Whatever you did to end that one, do iit here. This guy is the exact same with the addition of physical anger. Leave him and run away. I'm sure that if you explained the situation to your mother, she would allow you to move back with your cats. I'd even recommended going to a domestic abuse shelter for counseling. if he punched the bed right next to your face, he'd probably punch your face next time...

    Leave, I know you mentioned your mother but what about your father? Family, any kind of family- is key here. It may seem like you're alone, but your not. Talk to any family member you feel close too. Your mother as you mentioned, grandparents, aunts uncles, the list is endless.

    Don't even fell him. Pack a bag with essentials, take your cats and leave

  • Ditch the zero, and get with a Hero! It's long past time sweety. He obviously doesn't appreciate or want anything to do with you. You are just there for his convenience. Leave him before it gets worse.

  • Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Just break up, you wish it will, but it ain't going to get better. and the you longer this continues, the more painful it gets. You will find a better person in the future. Leave him, so he knows what he will be missing. Nobody deserves to get yelled at.

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What Girls Said 6

  • wow what an asshole. sorry but i think u already know that. u need to leave ASAP. i wouldn't even feel sorry or afraid. id just leave his sorry ass. it'll hit him so hard after awhile, that he took u for granted. he'll probably have a hard tim trying to get anyone like u again.
    go get a man u deserve girl <3

  • Go live your mom!!! What the hell are you still doing with him? ! Who cares if you're 22 and still living with your parents news flash to a lot of people that's NORMAL

  • Just do it and don't look back. Cut him off from your life for good. If you need to involve the cops, do it. If he tried to stalk you or anything, have a restraining order

  • Leave. He's a controlling, manipulative, abusive fucker. Stay with your mother till you get back on your feet. Don't stay with him!

  • talk to your mother about bringing your cats back with you. you need to get out of that relationship!

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