I've always been a people pleaser and a shy person. People think they can control me. Could you please give me some tips to become more confident?

[Cyra1622]

Im by nature, a very overthinking person, to the point where I can't stop my brain. It's depressing at times. Everyone's happy with me until I make my own decisions. And somehow they think just cause I'm polite, they can control me. I became like this cause of my bad past, I don't know. But I want to be someone who's confident and assertive. Like, my no means no. I've been insecure of my looks, and everything cause of my past and I dont know how to leave it behind me.

[caring__1]

Extremes tend to be balanced by the opposite extreme, so choosing to be closer to the center tends to be more stable over time. It's not about being selfish or being selfless. What tends to be healthiest is to consider how your choices impact others and show them respect, not let them walk all over you. For instance, choose a movie that both of you would like rather than one that only one of you would like. People appreciate those who are considerate of others, but they generally don't respect those who allow others to use them or those who only focus on their own sense of entitlement.

[serious]

I think this link will help:"

www.inc.com/.../...at-make-you-more-assertive.html

[melanieeeB]

Learn to say no, learn to set boundaries and not to allow people to walk all over you. Most importantly stop the people pleasing and start pleasing yourself. Put yourself first.

[Crankor]

Consider if you are a people pleaser then you don't have an identity for yourself. Doing things for yourself is what builds preferences, likes, shapes your character etc. Realistically those type of people are less likely to have real friends too and just become the temp fill in. Being selfish on its own is not a bad thing at all. Like anything it's over use of it. People just make it into a derogatory term as an excuse for themselves in order to create a silly argument 90% of the time

[mark000h]

Stop trying to please others. Work on pleasing yourself. Set up boundaries and don't compromise them.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Back hand them, and if they say anything remotely insulting you say “you want me to hit you like you’re a real man?”

[Iron_Man]

Go to the gym that will help you gain confidence

[urpapi69]

What happened in your past?