Am I being ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

I had a conversation with my partner about putting forth a little more effort in our relationship. Having a child is tough and it’s been a long time since we’ve had any alone time together, so now that we have family to watch our kid I would like to get back to romance. My partner never makes any sort of effort when it comes to holidays, birthdays, or even just simple outings. I never get any romantic or spontaneous gestures and rarely get affection unless I initiate.
So I talked to him about this Valentine’s Day and putting in a little bit of effort (keep in mind we had only celebrated once before COVID hit). I told him I didn’t care about the money I just wanted him to plan/make something or show me some sort of effort.

Well he just told me that he went to the mall to pick me out something (it was a super cute dress) , I loved it but then he tells me he just walked into the mall and went to the first store he saw and just picked something random. So now I’m confused. Should I be mad?

[ShiftingMonke]

Rediscovering intimacy can sometimes be a tricky process. Just to capitalize on what another user said- it's VERY likely that your partner actually put a lot of thought in his purchase.

Think of it like this:

If the dress fits great and you love it, it looks like he pays far more attention to your size and style than you give him credit for. He gets to be Joe Cool, casually saving the day and pulling a massive win when you had low expectations.

But if the dress doesn't fit, or looks bad, we'll he just grabbed something at random so odds are it wasn't gonna be right anyway, but its slightly more effort than you had been getting so you will consider it a win, even a mediocre one.

From his perspective, telling you how he obtained the gift covers his bases and minimum effort is the path of least resistance in a relationship.

[SnowedIn]

No you should not be bad. You're not exactly being ridiculous but pretty close to it.

You talked to him about how you felt. AWESOME! Good for you. Communication. Yay! AND... guess what: he LISTENED and he took action. He went out and he did something. And you said the dress was super cute. And you loved it. It is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY not fair of you to then judge what he did. Which is what it sounds like when you write about how he found the dress and picked at random. If we pick apart what he did, was it perfect? No. And him telling you about the random was just stupid but neither here nor there. He did what you asked. Sure he can improve, but this is an awesome victory. Celebrate.

[Anonymous]

We can't know for certain. Communication is good! The question is are you communicating or nagging. Did he tell you picked out the first thing he saw and tell you that out of spite because you're nagging. Or is he just stupid. We can't know these answers. And the details will give us the answer.

[Mayo503]

Wow…. At least he got you something….
Why does that matter and confuse you for…?
You should be happy …..

[Asker]

The whole conversation we had was about effort and putting thought into actually doing something. Not just going out and picking random things.

[Mayo503]

Awww well at least he did….
So you should behave put a time limit on it lol
So what did he pick you…?
Anything nice

[Drumlin2001]

When did you last arrange something for him?

[Asker]

The last time I planned/did something nice for him was a month before during Christmas.