You meet someone, you fall in love with them but find out they are a half million dollars in debt. Do you continue to see them or move on?

Question

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

See here is the thing Coach, I said no... but now I want to change my answer.

"IF", and that is the question here, IF I fell in love with them and they were that far in debt then I would try to help them out. Not by giving them money... but let me explain.

I was dating this woman, she was like $40K in debt and getting pay day loans to make the ends meet. Other than that, she was super nice, very kindhearted, and excellent girlfriend. But eventually she had to take a second job, and between work and her kids, there was no time for me. So, we broke up.

But I tried to get her to claim bankruptcy and work out a fiscal plan with her and let me help her develop a budget and work through the bankruptcy process. But she would have none of that, she was 45 years old, and she didn't want anything as far as help from anyone, in any way shape or form.

But if it was different, then I would stay with her, regardless of the debt. Because there are ways to work around that and even get out of it. Sure, I would not marry her until after her bankruptcy cleared and what not. But I would have stayed with her.

To date out of all the women, she was the best woman I ever dated. Ultimately, she had a spending problem, and she did not want me or anyone to tell her how to live. She would rather be 45 doing what she is doing, working two jobs living the way she is living.

But if she would have wanted to work me with and make changes then I would have worked it out with her.

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

Nothing, more than one’s checking or credit card accounts, shows the whole heart and person of the individual you are engaging. This is why I insist upon full medical, credit, and criminal records disclosure before an internal assumption of “Wifey Material” is made.

Deception or the willingness to intentionally cause a false belief that is known or believed to be false, such as no or average debt, has relational effects.
Lying statement made by one who does not believe them with the intention of getting another to be led to believe it truthful such as “no worries with money or I’m good where I am financially” also has relational effects.

Either way, Money is the root of all evil and everyone knows that full disclosure is a must. Done ✔️, Done ☑️, and Done forever ✅

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

Sure, IF he happens to make a million or so a year, then half a million isn't really too bad given debt to income ratio.

To get that far in debt, someone has to have good enough income to get loans and other ways to borrow money, as someone making 50k a year won't be allowed to get that far in debt, even a mortgage would be too much for that debt to income ratio.

Really it simply matters what the debt to income ratio is, as I consider that to be like a FICO relationship score for responsibility. I don't care how much someone is in debt, if the ratio is reasonable compared to income and they are current on all bills.

APrettyLittleLady87 · Accepted Answer

Depends on why they're in debt.

Are they in debt because of gambling problems, alcoholism or drug abuse? Typically not worth the time. The effort to change is huge & why most people don't succeed.

Are they in debt because of educational issues? University isn't cheap. Higher end universities are even more expensive. Would stay = they're trying to suceed.

Now... There's a difference between accepting help & expecting help.

If the person expects me to help them pay off their debt I'd tell them to get lost.

If the person accepts me helping them pay off their debt then I'd be happy to help.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

WHat is the basis of the debt? How did she get that far in debt? Has she done anything to address this problem? Is it a debt that is dischargeable in bankruptcy?

Genie23 · Answer

Once I fall in love, I can't back out even if leaving crosses my mind for a second. I know I wouldn't get into a relationship who doesn't do anything at all in life. So, I know he'd be working hard to pay off the debt... and by mid 30s, most people earn a good salary. So, it's possible for him to clear it off. I'd make a better plan for him if it's possible to clear it out soon and support him. Tough times might last for a long times... doesn't last forever, though.

Avicenna · Answer

I broke up with someone who had 85k in student loan debt, so 500k would definitely have me moving on, unless perhaps it was medical school debt.

Changiis07 · Answer

There's a lot of stress that comes with debt so I would not bother lol

NathanDavis · Answer

how did we get here...  that's always a pertinent question, and the answers to it do matter a lot and sometimes, you can have a high debt but also means and a plan to pay it off without it bleed you out for the rest of your life  if someone is highly irresponsible financially though... that's never a good sign

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

Leaving would most likely be my first thought when hearing about this kind of information, but if I was in love and otherwise nothing was wrong with the person, I would want to know what the reason for their dept was.
If it was because they had bought a house or something reasonable like that, then there's not much I could say against it.

But if it's just showing they're irresponsible with their finances or that they're gambling or something like that, then yes, I would leave them.

electromagnetic · Answer

Thats  their  debt not mine. I’ve got no problem helping them budget and sort out our expenses in a way that doesn’t require a 50/50 plan. But they also have to be will to clear up their debt as well. If they’re making 60K but spending 80K and continue to roll themselves into debt, that’s not the lifestyle for me.

SaoirseS · Answer

In my case, I marry him. My husband has significant student loan debt from a five-year college program; not half a million, but a significant six-figure amount. He has always had a repayment plan and was sticking to it. I managed to talk my necrophobic husband into moving into the funeral home with me. Having no rent/mortgage or utilities to pay allows him to aggressively pay down the loans and will save a substantial amount in interest over the long term.

Emiliamazing · Answer

That is an awful lot of debt. I think it depends on the type of debt. It's student loan debt and mortgage and he has a job paying in the six figures, that's probably OK. I have no idea how you would rack up that amount of debt if it was only on credit cards and payday loan type debt.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

I guess I would need a little bit more information like how they ended up half a million dollars in debt.

LovingJo · Answer

It depends on the reason they're in that debt first place. What they're doing to get themselves out of it, and what they would want from me in the future, if anything.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I gots to go 😂 I dont need a dude who’s rich. Its okay if he's on the comeup. But im strict about not dating anyone in debt. Debt is not that hard to dodge

dreamstar72 · Answer

Depends on what the debt is, it’s easy if it is a house. Where we live the cheapest house you can find is 400 thousand dollars

Weapon77 · Answer

What does her debt matter to me? As long as I never marry her, the debt will never be mine. I'd honestly stick around long enough to learn exactly how she managed to gain so much debt lol Like, that's amazing. Once I found out, I'd probably excuse myself

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I do know a married couple who met in grad school. When they graduated, they had about $250K in debt each, for a total of about $500K. They got married about two years after graduating. Last I heard from them, they were living as frugal as possible to pay it down, and they make over $200K a year between the two of them.

But no, I wouldn't get involved with someone with debt like that unless we were both new grads or still young.

DaySpring · Answer

Lol... I love how people are making intellectual decisions right now but of course we all know what the emotion of love would do to most people's decision making.

A lot of the girls/guys saying they would end it are lying and don't even know they are lying. You got people who have crap situations right now and still won't leave; set on trying to fix a broken relationship... But if you ask them question they'll say yeah I'd leave. People think one way and do the other thing; don't let this poll fool you.

People are completely disregarding the fact that they'd be in love with this person and you cannot intellectually understand that; it is something that is only emotionally understood.

exitseven · Answer

I would continue to see them but marriage is probably off the table.

melanieeeB · Answer

If someone has lost that much control about their finances... I don't wanna know what else there might be

Gibbons44 · Answer

I don't think it could happen. It would take a very low IQ - or a really bad fortune, for that to be the case.

It is impossible to go that deep into debt in the EU, banks won't even give you a credit card with a 5000€ limit unless you have that as regular, legal/employment derived income. 500K in debt is simply unimaginable.

Mangospacho · Answer

It depends on her situation. If she went to college for six years and has a masters from a prestigious university and now is making $200K/yr then that is not as daunting. If she’s gone to her “dream school” and got a useless degree and is making $17/hr then I would be suspicious she’s just using me to get her debt paid off.

VIVANT · Answer

I’ll continue of course but i will not join bank accounts 😜

FreyaRed · Answer

As long as he doesn't beg for money we remain friends.

LiamJHayden · Answer

General answer is "Move on." but I suppose there could be exceptions if it were necessary and there is a plan to clear the debt that doesn't include my paying it.

mobiusforniner · Answer

I dumped a chick simply because her student loan debt exceeded my homes mortgage value.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd move on. But before I moved on I would ask her a million questions about how she got there. I mean, when you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do. Stop digging!

Anemone978 · Answer

Well considering I don't want to mess up my own credit and I don't make enough money to pay it off... Yeah I would leave because he is either bad with money or bad with business so no thanks...

DubiousIntentions · Answer

I'd be out of there myself. He doesn't sound like a good financial planner or just unlucky in gambling. Whatever the reason, it's too much baggage for me.

Wish4UrB00ty · Answer

I would lose whatever interest I had we could be friends and I might try to help them out somehow but we would not be dating any time in the future.

msc545 · Answer

I help her get a lawyer to figure out how to manage this problem. I am not stupid or arrogant enough to believe I can do this.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I continue to be with him because his debt is his debt, doesn’t affect me so I don’t give a f.

Sasha0426 · Answer

Half million dollars in debt? Are we dating a celebrity or what? 🤨

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

Is it secured debt? In some parts of the US you could hardly get a mortgage for less than this.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

In a capitalism, that person is a moron. I hate dumb people. I’m more or less a pacifist, but i’d rather execute idiots than live with them.

TrueConfection · Answer

Not at my age, no way. 😂 It would mean he was irresponsible, immature, or he came out on the losing end of a nasty divorce. I'd pass.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Tough question, this actually is more common than we think, because of student debt. While I dont believe in the whole love nonsense, I would probably continue to see her. Her debt only becomes yours if you get married.

Keishio · Answer

You won't be in love for long when the financial stresses start kicking in

Guardian45 · Answer

I'd see them, but NOT marry them until they cleared their debt.

Red-Blaze · Answer

Will continue and at least try to help them set a plan to get out of it

Dinklex3 · Answer

?  Continue seeing him, lol. If he needs help budgeting then we can work on that.

RavVid · Answer

I would continue to see them... but take legal advice on not becoming liable for their debt.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

What's the debt for? Am I getting murdered (or worse) if it's not paid? Can they even afford to date / leave the house?

es20490446e · Answer

I will give them $1.

Anonymous · Answer

NOPE! Lol 😂  So we can be in debt and broke for the rest of our existence?

red324 · Answer

Who cares, that's thinking too far ahead. Lol

purplepoppy · Answer

Move? You wouldn't see my ass for dust.

Anonymous · Answer

So long I'm not expected to pay these off and she works on neutralizing her debts it's all good.

OddBeMe · Answer

I told you it’s collateralized debt. Now get those pants off.

legalboxers · Answer

hell to the fuck no

douride2 · Answer

Sorry but I'm out of there.

Anonymous · Answer

Too bad, you can’t see how many women voted for which option with the new polling system from GAC

Anonymous · Answer

I was in debt and learned from it. I will never do it again.

Agape93 · Answer

Sure. It's their debt, not mine.

jimmy2 · Answer

I would get her into Bankruptcy

Sarah2023 · Answer

Sounds like a mortgage.. so why not

You meet someone, you fall in love with them but find out they are a half million dollars in debt. Do you continue to see them or move on?

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Do you stay in the relationship or jump ship at this point?

You meet someone, you fall in love with them but find out they are a half million dollars in debt. Do you continue to see them or move on?

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Do you stay in the relationship or jump ship at this point?

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