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See here is the thing Coach, I said no... but now I want to change my answer.
"IF", and that is the question here, IF I fell in love with them and they were that far in debt then I would try to help them out. Not by giving them money... but let me explain.
I was dating this woman, she was like $40K in debt and getting pay day loans to make the ends meet. Other than that, she was super nice, very kindhearted, and excellent girlfriend. But eventually she had to take a second job, and between work and her kids, there was no time for me. So, we broke up.
But I tried to get her to claim bankruptcy and work out a fiscal plan with her and let me help her develop a budget and work through the bankruptcy process. But she would have none of that, she was 45 years old, and she didn't want anything as far as help from anyone, in any way shape or form.
But if it was different, then I would stay with her, regardless of the debt. Because there are ways to work around that and even get out of it. Sure, I would not marry her until after her bankruptcy cleared and what not. But I would have stayed with her.
To date out of all the women, she was the best woman I ever dated. Ultimately, she had a spending problem, and she did not want me or anyone to tell her how to live. She would rather be 45 doing what she is doing, working two jobs living the way she is living.
But if she would have wanted to work me with and make changes then I would have worked it out with her.
Explained perfectly.
Nothing, more than one’s checking or credit card accounts, shows the whole heart and person of the individual you are engaging. This is why I insist upon full medical, credit, and criminal records disclosure before an internal assumption of “Wifey Material” is made.
Deception or the willingness to intentionally cause a false belief that is known or believed to be false, such as no or average debt, has relational effects.
Lying statement made by one who does not believe them with the intention of getting another to be led to believe it truthful such as “no worries with money or I’m good where I am financially” also has relational effects.
Either way, Money is the root of all evil and everyone knows that full disclosure is a must. Done ✔️, Done ☑️, and Done forever ✅
Sure, IF he happens to make a million or so a year, then half a million isn't really too bad given debt to income ratio.
To get that far in debt, someone has to have good enough income to get loans and other ways to borrow money, as someone making 50k a year won't be allowed to get that far in debt, even a mortgage would be too much for that debt to income ratio.
Really it simply matters what the debt to income ratio is, as I consider that to be like a FICO relationship score for responsibility. I don't care how much someone is in debt, if the ratio is reasonable compared to income and they are current on all bills.
Depends on why they're in debt.
Are they in debt because of gambling problems, alcoholism or drug abuse? Typically not worth the time. The effort to change is huge & why most people don't succeed.
Are they in debt because of educational issues? University isn't cheap. Higher end universities are even more expensive. Would stay = they're trying to suceed.
Now... There's a difference between accepting help & expecting help.
If the person expects me to help them pay off their debt I'd tell them to get lost.
If the person accepts me helping them pay off their debt then I'd be happy to help.
Opinion
28Opinion
u WHat is the basis of the debt? How did she get that far in debt? Has she done anything to address this problem? Is it a debt that is dischargeable in bankruptcy?
What would be acceptable to you because those questions cannot be answered.
Some debts might reflect moral responsbility, like paying for medical treatment for her parents, or payng expenses to get her parents out of China and to the US. Some might reflect irresponsbility, like gambling debts, an ill-advised and faled business venture, or just accumulated credit card debts.
So what kind of debt would make you move on?
Drug dealer, gambling, buying luxury items on credit that she can't afford, buying 600 pairs of shoes, extravagant trips abroad. In general, debts that indicaed an underlying immaturity and lack of self-control would be a turn off.
Gotcha thanks
Once I fall in love, I can't back out even if leaving crosses my mind for a second. I know I wouldn't get into a relationship who doesn't do anything at all in life. So, I know he'd be working hard to pay off the debt... and by mid 30s, most people earn a good salary. So, it's possible for him to clear it off. I'd make a better plan for him if it's possible to clear it out soon and support him. Tough times might last for a long times... doesn't last forever, though.
I broke up with someone who had 85k in student loan debt, so 500k would definitely have me moving on, unless perhaps it was medical school debt.
There's a lot of stress that comes with debt so I would not bother lol
u how did we get here...
that's always a pertinent question, and the answers to it do matter a lot
and sometimes, you can have a high debt but also means and a plan to pay it off without it bleed you out for the rest of your life
if someone is highly irresponsible financially though... that's never a good sign
Yeah it depends on how it was accumulated and why for sure.
for example "I'm an entrepreneur." and ~high debt~
those are two things that I NEVER trust when they got together, lmao...
that is debt wrapped in a HOPE wrapper lol Not falling for that.
Only 3 downvotes. Poor performance.
@PrettyPriya lol... might be a slow day
@PrettyPriya Five is the norm so he made it lol
Leaving would most likely be my first thought when hearing about this kind of information, but if I was in love and otherwise nothing was wrong with the person, I would want to know what the reason for their dept was.
If it was because they had bought a house or something reasonable like that, then there's not much I could say against it.
But if it's just showing they're irresponsible with their finances or that they're gambling or something like that, then yes, I would leave them.
Thats their debt not mine. I’ve got no problem helping them budget and sort out our expenses in a way that doesn’t require a 50/50 plan. But they also have to be will to clear up their debt as well. If they’re making 60K but spending 80K and continue to roll themselves into debt, that’s not the lifestyle for me.
In my case, I marry him. My husband has significant student loan debt from a five-year college program; not half a million, but a significant six-figure amount. He has always had a repayment plan and was sticking to it. I managed to talk my necrophobic husband into moving into the funeral home with me. Having no rent/mortgage or utilities to pay allows him to aggressively pay down the loans and will save a substantial amount in interest over the long term.
That is an awful lot of debt. I think it depends on the type of debt. It's student loan debt and mortgage and he has a job paying in the six figures, that's probably OK. I have no idea how you would rack up that amount of debt if it was only on credit cards and payday loan type debt.
Sorry to see the downed boat, but everybody has a right to their opinion. Half $1 million takes a long time to pay off. My husband and I paid off I've had $180,000 in student loan debt between my law school, and what remains of his student loans from undergrad. There's a good chance in the world we live in at this point, an individual could be used and then walked away from.
* down vote, $500,000
I do believe medical school can rack up that kind of debt, but I'm uncertain.
I guess I would need a little bit more information like how they ended up half a million dollars in debt.
You tell me what would be acceptable for you to stay with them?
Well I would be nervous if they lost by gambling it away, as I've had many relatives almost lose everyhing or actually lose everything because of a gamiling addiction. I'm not sure I would want to date a gambling addict. However, if they made a few bad investments or borrowed too much money to tr keep a business that failed afloot, that would be different, perhaps they thought they had a solid business plan but didn't realize how tough the market for small business owners can be, then I would find that acceptable to stay with them. I'm not sure if they could get a half million dollar of debt either of those ways but that would be my answer.
It depends on the reason they're in that debt first place.
What they're doing to get themselves out of it, and what they would want from me in the future, if anything.
They have no plan do you help them or leave them?
hmmmm okay
The reason why, is because they need to know how to do it for themselves.
Of they want the help and are willing to take the steps to get it sorted WITH new, then I don't mind.
But if they don't think there's a problem or they constantly leave/ignore it, then that's going to be a red flag and they can get on with it themselves!!
I gots to go 😂 I dont need a dude who’s rich. Its okay if he's on the comeup. But im strict about not dating anyone in debt. Debt is not that hard to dodge
I knew the downvotes would come. But thankfully I got full tuition scholarships and dodged loans. I would hope he went to school without loans or simply able to pay out of pocket
Or at least he was smart enough to major in something worthwhile that he could earn enough to pay his tuition loans. Not "gender studies" or the like.
Wtf is gender studies? But anyways if he is still paying on a loan by time he meets me then i dont want him. Simple as that
Depends on what the debt is, it’s easy if it is a house. Where we live the cheapest house you can find is 400 thousand dollars
The debt is not disclosed but its not a house.
What does her debt matter to me? As long as I never marry her, the debt will never be mine. I'd honestly stick around long enough to learn exactly how she managed to gain so much debt lol Like, that's amazing. Once I found out, I'd probably excuse myself
I do know a married couple who met in grad school. When they graduated, they had about $250K in debt each, for a total of about $500K. They got married about two years after graduating. Last I heard from them, they were living as frugal as possible to pay it down, and they make over $200K a year between the two of them.
But no, I wouldn't get involved with someone with debt like that unless we were both new grads or still young.
Lol... I love how people are making intellectual decisions right now but of course we all know what the emotion of love would do to most people's decision making.
A lot of the girls/guys saying they would end it are lying and don't even know they are lying. You got people who have crap situations right now and still won't leave; set on trying to fix a broken relationship... But if you ask them question they'll say yeah I'd leave. People think one way and do the other thing; don't let this poll fool you.
People are completely disregarding the fact that they'd be in love with this person and you cannot intellectually understand that; it is something that is only emotionally understood.
I don't think they are lying it's simply how they feel. Time is money lol
One cannot lie without knowing it. That is called being incorrect. Lying requires intent.
I would continue to see them but marriage is probably off the table.
Why continue to see them then unless marriage is off the table either way.
If someone has lost that much control about their finances... I don't wanna know what else there might be
I don't think it could happen. It would take a very low IQ - or a really bad fortune, for that to be the case.
It is impossible to go that deep into debt in the EU, banks won't even give you a credit card with a 5000€ limit unless you have that as regular, legal/employment derived income. 500K in debt is simply unimaginable.
It depends on her situation. If she went to college for six years and has a masters from a prestigious university and now is making $200K/yr then that is not as daunting. If she’s gone to her “dream school” and got a useless degree and is making $17/hr then I would be suspicious she’s just using me to get her debt paid off.
I’ll continue of course but i will not join bank accounts 😜
As long as he doesn't beg for money we remain friends.
General answer is "Move on." but I suppose there could be exceptions if it were necessary and there is a plan to clear the debt that doesn't include my paying it.
I dumped a chick simply because her student loan debt exceeded my homes mortgage value.
Well considering I don't want to mess up my own credit and I don't make enough money to pay it off... Yeah I would leave because he is either bad with money or bad with business so no thanks...
I'd be out of there myself. He doesn't sound like a good financial planner or just unlucky in gambling. Whatever the reason, it's too much baggage for me.
I would lose whatever interest I had we could be friends and I might try to help them out somehow but we would not be dating any time in the future.
I'd move on. But before I moved on I would ask her a million questions about how she got there. I mean, when you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do. Stop digging!
I help her get a lawyer to figure out how to manage this problem. I am not stupid or arrogant enough to believe I can do this.
Yes I continue to be with him because his debt is his debt, doesn’t affect me so I don’t give a f.
Half million dollars in debt? Are we dating a celebrity or what? 🤨
Is it secured debt? In some parts of the US you could hardly get a mortgage for less than this.
Or is it business debt? It’s hard to tell whether he’s personally on the hook for this.
In a capitalism, that person is a moron. I hate dumb people. I’m more or less a pacifist, but i’d rather execute idiots than live with them.
Not at my age, no way. 😂 It would mean he was irresponsible, immature, or he came out on the losing end of a nasty divorce.
I'd pass.
Tough question, this actually is more common than we think, because of student debt. While I dont believe in the whole love nonsense, I would probably continue to see her. Her debt only becomes yours if you get married.
You won't be in love for long when the financial stresses start kicking in
I'd see them, but NOT marry them until they cleared their debt.
Will continue and at least try to help them set a plan to get out of it
?
Continue seeing him, lol.
If he needs help budgeting then we can work on that.
I would continue to see them... but take legal advice on not becoming liable for their debt.
What's the debt for? Am I getting murdered (or worse) if it's not paid? Can they even afford to date / leave the house?
I will give them $1.
You are so thoughtful. lol
:D :D :D
NOPE! Lol 😂
So we can be in debt and broke for the rest of our existence?
Who cares, that's thinking too far ahead. Lol
Move? You wouldn't see my ass for dust.
So long I'm not expected to pay these off and she works on neutralizing her debts it's all good.
I told you it’s collateralized debt. Now get those pants off.
hell to the fuck no
Sorry but I'm out of there.
Too bad, you can’t see how many women voted for which option with the new polling system from GAC
I was in debt and learned from it. I will never do it again.
Sure. It's their debt, not mine.
I would get her into Bankruptcy
Sounds like a mortgage.. so why not
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