Really regret my decision of posting my relationship to public?

[Anonymous]

I really regret it…

i miss the days when nobody knows about my relationship, now after posting and everybody knows… people keep asking how do i get into a relationship, and keep wanting to meet for double dates or such…. I dont want them to disrupt my relationship… i want a peaceful and quiet without anyone interfering….

i really really hate myself for posting it… now i can't turn back time where everything is so peaceful

[quaranta]

Generally nobody needs to keep their relationship secret to protect it from the others. You are an active participant in your relationship so it's your duty too, to set boundaries. Just, when someone proposes things you don't like: decline, of course. Tell them "no" and that you want to spend more alone time with your boyfriend instead. Be coincise and clear, don't tell them half vague things that could leave room for their hopes. And don't smile to them or add smileys while you say "no", otherwise it will sound more like a frivolous response than an actual serious "no".
You are at the lead of what you allow the others to do, to you. So just keep the boundaries intact, it might require some more communication skills maybe if you are afraid to decline things but that is the only way. And you shouldn't be forced to hide yourself just to preserve your boundaries, it's like self-abusing yourself almost. Really just learn ignoring, declining, and validating your alone-time with your boyfriend.
And if they are too nosy: tell them you are reserved but everything is fine and nothing to worry about.

However how I read in antoher comment that you are afraid to talk about your relationship because it might disrupt it. If you need to hide your thoughts from your partner, this sounds like you are scared of him and possibly in an abusive situation. Are you sure the others aren't being nosy because they sensed that and want to protect you rather than just being randomly curious? If that is the case, but you feel like you can't trust them to stay silent about your "secrets", then consider online therapy sessions to talk with a psychologist at least. You can even talk with random people on Fiverr by the way. For sure none of them knows your boyfriend and anything you say will stay secret, but at least you get help if that is what your friends are tying to give you. Many times victims of psychological abuses close in themselves and "defend" the abuser for years before discovering they are rotting inside, so if there is any chance this is the case, take action now, not later.

[Asker]

No it’s not that im in an abusive situation… it’s just that i prefer only me and my partner without other people interfering… as it’s more relaxing and peaceful when there is only both of us…. That’s why i really regret posting that picture of my relationship with my partner on social media… That is also the first time i go public on my relationship, so everybody was curious and i dont like it….

Also the other reason i regret posting that pic is because i’ve been faking my appearance on social media, but because at that time i was too happy (its on valentines day) so i didn't think too much and just posted that pic…. I didn't notice that i didn't fake my appearance (my height) there… i was so careless….. i blame myself because all these years efforts have gone in vain…..
I feel like screaming and scratch myself because im so unreliable, for me in social media everyone judges us so we can't make mistake….

[quaranta]

Well I think it's time to get genuine. Why faking your height for years? That is some extreme insecurity you got, let your height be the real one, people must accept it. As well as they must accept your "no" and declines. That should be your requirement to keep talking with them: basic respect. If you keep hiding from the others (like with your faked photos, that is hiding too) you will become a slave of your own lies and work overtime to keep the lies up, day by day more at risk to fall. I'm pretty sure people will accept your height, and the fact you want alone-time with your boyfriend, because most people accept heights and respect people's relationships and decisions.
Now you're talking like if you are a big influencer anyway, so if you are, I think you may take a small pause from social media. Some influencers do, usually for being overwhelmed by online contacts. Some internet detox can't be anything else than healthy! If you are a big influencer you will get judged a lot but mind that those people don't know you very personally and feel more like talking to a "public" than directly to you, so their comments are harsher but wouldn't tell you anything similar if they knew you in person. So you can ignore, for sure, anyone who is "too concerned" about your height.

[Asker]

Nope, i’m not an influencer at all, just a normal person using social media…
It’s just that i usually get teased and judged regarding my height… so i’ve been faking it on social media…

And tbh i posted my relationship on valentines day because i like being praised…. But i dont like getting judged, that’s why im regretting it now….

And i like everything to be safe, that’s why i want to plan every stage in my relationship… and right now i dont want my friends to meet my partner yet as it might disrupt the relationship…

[quaranta]

To me this worry is quite invalidating if you're not even an influencer, it's like if you are strangely very very worried of whatever anyone thinks. If so, well, Instagram is definitely the worst place to stay on, since it's precisely made for posting cool content and getting Likes and stuff. It's like putting yourself under judgement.
So given you have this unusual insecurity, maybe if they meet your partner the relationship wouldn't actually get disrupted, why? What do you need to hide to your partner? Don't you have a bond, trusting each other enough to not let random friends manipulate his view of you? I mean it's not so easy to ruin a relationship, let alone if you were honest and respectful of your partner all along. So maybe there isn't such a danger to worry about... And I think a pause from Instagram could calm you down in general, you're giving it an unhealthy importance in my opinion. Sure you like the praise but a pause won't take you off the option later.

[Asker]

Is it really not easy to ruin a relationship?
Like yes im being honest and respectful to my partner…
But there are lots of better qualities and appearance out there which might disrupt our relationship… And meeting my friends could create a new pathway to that…

I really miss the moment when im dating without anyone knowing…. It feels really relaxing and free, how i wish i didn't post that pic on valentines day… it’d be feeling really free right now..

And yeah u are right im worried about whatever everyone thinks… since valentines day i’ve been stressing about that pic till now….

And also the more people getting curious of my relationship, the higher the chance where i’ll get judged…. So it’s really stressful…

Also our relationship has a chance of being in a LDR next year, so i’m really stressed….

[Asker]

I have a hard time trusting anyone i know, i doubt they genuinely want to help/support me…. They are just being curious…

[quaranta]

Well so why can't you just tell them coincise and short replies, "all is fine" (generic ones like this), declining invites, telling them you want alone-time with your partner so you can't hang out etc? It's just normal and healthy, they won't "assault" you for that

[DeeDeeDeVour]

To fend off suitors or anybody else who have desires to ask me out, I find it helpful (most of the time) to establish that I am taken (as in "married").

[Asker]

But how about friends who keeps getting curious about the relationship now that they know im taken… i dont want to talk as my words might disrupt the relationship, it’s safer to not talk…

And also people keep asking for double dates, while i only want to hangout with my partner only…

[DeeDeeDeVour]

My friends immediately get it.
They don't think twice.
Plus, my husband & I don't mind double dates.

[Guy13]

If you are like me and prefer a low profile but have a large friend group... and do something that is good that gets out... it becomes a pain because I am not seeking the attention in the "friend group". I am going to assume that to be the case and friends or boyfriend got upset.

Hope it all works out as you want it too.

[Mayo503]

Not sure what you’re saying…?
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