The guy I’m dating seems controlling? Help?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months. I didn’t realise it but he’s quite insecure and controlling and it’s crazy because I M literally only dating him I ignore everyone else. He called me 6 times yesterday yelling saying I follow too many boys on Instagram and how I need to stop. I’ve had that account since I was 14 im now 21 which he dosent seen to understand. I don’t talk to any of them. He said oh can I have ur password as a joke but after I said no he said that he will go on my account when he’s with me and unfollow them. He also gets mad at me when I’m awake at 1am as he finds it weird? Or if I go to sleep at 9 he get suspicious about it and thinks why I’m sleeping so early, but I wake up at 5am everyday. I really do like him though so I’m not sure what to do? How do I prove to him that he’s the only one? Or when I post on Instagram the first thing he says is he dosent like it when I post since I must get loads of boys messaging me? I am a very attractive woman but I Geniuenly only talk to him but how do I prove this? Are these signs of controlling? Even during sex he will literally say that I shouldn’t be speaking to other boys.

Updates

1 y

I’m really good to him too I treat him really nicely I’m patient but for some reason he just thinks I speak to others

[quaranta]

He is very abusive, I don't think he is ready for any relationship in general. I had an ex of this sort but much softer than that, yet it was unsustainable for me and I had to quit it. So what are you actually doing there? He can't change soon about that, his issues are very rooted... And I really, really doubt he manages to compensate and give you enough to make up for what he demands.
He destroyed the requirements of any healthy relationship from the start, he basically stated (indirectly) that he doesn't trust you to the least, but expects you to trust him fully (even giving him your password). This is deeply wrong, no relationship can work upon such trust issue and that is why I say he is not ready for anything at the moment.
Now the problem is that you are willing to submit to his abuses because instead of asking us how to make him stop, you ask us how to reassure him, which means: asking us how to play his crazy game. But if the game is build upon abusive foundations, you're going to play it forever as long as he wants. This shouldn't happen, you should not let these permissions to settle as the normality and set your boundaries, because he will never set yours for you (rather the opposite).

Listen here, this is my current relationship: he never, ever, reacted negatively, to any guy I talked with. I enjoyed one on one calls with male friends, hanged out one on one with another male friend, planning to meet other 3 of them, praised some male friends skills, etc. I have almost only male friends due to my hobbies but why does he not react negatively to that? Because he trusts me. And I trust him. Our communication is transparent, and, he has mostly close female friends instead, which he talks with one on one as well. He even met his former crush recently and I contacted one of my exes. No reaction both sides, because: trust.
The moral is: you should be free to live your social life, within the limits of a relationship, which means you shouldn't "flirt" with a guy and shouldn't indulge in cuddles, sex talks, sexy pics, or give them too much priority than your partner for any personal matter. Anything you would do with a female friend: allowed. The rest: no. Very easy and you should get to have a partner who can respect you first of all, and trust you too. He doesn't love you, he "wants" you only, so the relationship is about himself, and he hates your life (far from caring about it, which should be included in "love" instead) as well because you "dare" having social contacts he doesn't approve of, as if it's "his".
To me this would be really really extreme and a deal breaker with no turning back, not even for a friendship later.

You can anyway suggest him therapy if he wants to start a path to fix this problem, but he must first of all aknowledge he has a severe problem HE has to fix, not you by submitting to its rules. Demand minimum respect and have a vision of a healthy relationship you want to achieve, don't think you deserve less and don't accept his game if you don't want it to open the door for more and more abusive requests, or to settle that as the norm.

[mark000h]

Do yourself a life saving favor and dump him now. Run. This is not just controlling, it's dangerously abusive.

[boggboss]

You can't change him either stay with him and end up being abused or move on

[Mayo503]

Wow… not sure it does seem like he’s controlling and if you’re not that way you need to sit down and chat with him or move on from him…?
Up to you really

[Chad345]

Dump him and find someone less insecure as this guy is.

[In_Trance]

you acknowledge red flags, yet you'll continue to date him for months to come