Would you be in a relationship with a woman that won't believe you if you say ''I love you''?

[Anonymous]

Say those 3 words and unfortunately I'm going to think it's another liar, another idiot. Yeah right, that's what they all say. Everyone says ''I love you'' all the times and they all end up breaking up.

If you try dedicating poems to me or bringing me a bunch of roses, it won't work either. I'm not impressed. In my mind, that's what they all do.

I'll open up but only if I'm proven wrong, if it's real. I don't hate anyone. I want to love. I just don't trust anyone. I'm hardened by now. I might not even say ''I love you'' unless proven wrong, unless he commits. Would you give it a try?

Updates

1 y

I hate love poem, I hate ''I'll be with you forever'' songs, I hate all that. I don't believe in any of that BS. I don't mean to vent out but it's what I think.
By now I need to be proven wrong and it won't be with just word and much less sex... anyone can say I love you just for sex.

[WaterIsland]

That’d be incredibly difficult for me. It’s important in a relationship to feel like it’s reciprocal.


Now. I understand that it takes you a while to open up. And I’ve had people tell me they love me for it to be fake. But not everyone is like that. You have to find the one who means it genuinely. And that isn’t easy. But they do exist.


Remember also. People’s feelings can change as they learn more about the person. So it’s not unrealistic for someone to say that then eventually fall out of love. It’s unfortunate, but I wouldn’t say it’s unfair.


Some of dating and relationships is a game. I wish it wasn’t and everyone is genuine. But you have to slowly reveal more cards and slowly build up to it. It doesn’t happen overnight. True love is built on time. One moment doesn’t define it. But millions of tiny moments put together. And that takes time.


But to answer your question. If I didn’t feel like she was building those tiny moments too, and if I felt like she didn’t care about me anymore, I’d end things. It’s fine if it takes her a while to say that. But I need to always feel like eventually she will.

[Asker]

Many people are all about just the infatuation stage and only want the good times, fantasizing about the partners and thinking that's love and no actual lifetime commitment.
If he's so much in love with me that he would be willing to do anything, then how about giving up his freedom and proposing, along with the date placed on and the wedding really taking place... then fine he'll make my day, he can dedicate anything he wants to? Otherwise if he just keeps me as just a girlfriend to have fun, great times, sex and how much he loves me; I'll call that BS.

[WaterIsland]

Let’s reverse the roles here. Would you want to propose and marry someone who’s never told you they love you? Isn’t loving someone a requirement before saying you’re gonna spend your entire life together?

You are right about infatuation, but that’s why I said that it takes time and it’s slow. A relationship is a slow walk down a path of stepping stones.

It’s a balance here, right. Guys who say I love you instantly are pathetic and losers. It’s that simple. But not saying that until proposal, is kinda insane too. I don’t think I could ever propose to a woman who’s never told me she loves me. I wouldn’t be confident in saying I want to spend my life with someone without knowing she loves me.

Let me put it another way. Being honest is critical in a relationship. You don’t want guys to say they love you and not have it be genuine. I agree with that. But in the same regard, if you love someone, not sharing that, is just as bad. If you expect people to share their genuine feelings, you have to do the same in return.

And waiting until a proposal to say you love someone. Either means you felt it before and didn’t share it. Or that a single moment determines your love for someone. Both scenarios would really freak me out.

[Asker]

But wouldn't you also look for actions besides just ''I love you'' words? It's very easy for anyone to say they love you but they have to show it too.

[WaterIsland]

I would. Actions reaffirm the words. And words reaffirm the words. For me tho, I think words are a pretty big love language for me.

Here is all I can say. Don’t set a timetable like “after a proposal”. And do your best to not let your past experiences impact future experiences. Just be authentic and genuine. When you truly love someone, tell them. Don’t wait for an arbitrary moment to say it if that’s truly how you feel.

You’ll know in your heart when you truly love someone vs just saying the words. And when you truly feel it, then say it.

But I also wouldn’t base it off a single action like a proposal. One moment (no matter how good) can’t define love.

[Gent207-2]

Well that's something you're going to have to fix because at a certain age, a true good man is not going to waste his time on a woman that doesn't trust him, especially when he has done nothing to earn that mistrust.

Might I recommend therapy

[Asker]

I'm seeing a psychologist once in a while. I'm not fully healed to be honest. I got lovebombed so much that he even took money from me. It's one thing to get used for sex but super insulting for a man to just be after my money and my family's wealth; to be just a commodity to him, a resource. Yeah imagine that, a male golddiger, a total faker.

[Gent207-2]

Now that right there actually broke my heart and I truly apologize for misjudging you and your situation.
I confess I am curious about the details but only if you want to share them with me. Feel free to dm me.
But seriously wow
I'd call him a bitch, but female dogs are at least loyal and I would call him a pussy, but a pussy is way more tough and far more useful.

[OlderAndWiser]

This sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy in action! What's it take for you to fall in love and tell a guy how you feel?

[Asker]

Perhaps a proposal

[Asker]

If he really loves me and wants to be with me forever then a proposal will proof me wrong

[OlderAndWiser]

What are the odds that a guy is going to propose marriage to a girl who has never given any indication that she loves him?

[Asker]

I guess time will tell and I would have to analyze if it's just infatuation he's feeling (''oh the butterflies in the stomach, the moon and the stars'') and only loves when everything is great or actually accepts my flaws and I would accept his flaws too.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are never going to get that far with any guy if you don't open yourself up to taking a chance and feeling love.

[slatyb]

In a way you are right -- it's easy to say "I love you". The only thing that really matters is their behavior.

[Asker]

Exactly. Too many ''I love you'' BS and no commitment.

[SnowedIn]

No, I would not be in a relationship with that person.

[LazerBean]

Nope.