How to bring up our relationship status?

[Anonymous]

I'm in the most confusing situation ever. I don't want to say we are dating because at this point I don't know what we are doing. We met a year ago, in the beginning it felt like we were together. He called me Babe really fast within days of us hanging out. I've met his friends, kids, his father knows about me. I pretty much cook and clean for him and his kids when I am there. We spend most of our nights together. We have multiple cars together. I am helping him run his business. We've travel together we even had covid 19 together. I guess I'm confused because he calls me Babe, Baby, My Love and My queen. But then there is days when he says I'm his assistant or I'm his bestfriend. I don't think it's about sex because we just started back having sex after 8 months of not being intimate. He gets really jealous whenever I'm being nice to other men. He won't say anything in the moment but he will have a sarcastic comment later. How should I open up the conversation? I want to be with him but there are days when I feel like he doesn't want a relationship with me. He also gets upset if I go a day without reaching out to him.

[WaterIsland]

Wow. Yes I’d be confused in this situation too.


I think the first thing to establish, is you being in this position is not what you want, and it’s also incredibly unfair to you to be in this situation. It’s completely fair to expect and demand clarity here. That is not an unreasonable expectation.


The next thing, is you HAVE to go into this conversation being strong about what you want. And if he doesn’t provide that, you have to be willing to walk away. I’m not sure if you just want clarity. Or if you want a relationship with him. Only you can answer that. If he says “we’re just friends” is that ok with you? Or do you want a relationship? Either way, you have to answer that, and demand that (in a nice way).


Then I’d just sit down and ask him. Tell him you’re getting mixed signals. And you want clarity about what this is. Tell him it’s unfair to you to be in this situation of uncertainty. Just be honest and firm. Ask questions. And work to understand his perspective. But also stand your ground of what you want.


If he brushes it off or doesn’t take it seriously. I’d be concerned, and would end things. You want clarity and that is fair.


Finally. If he says you’re just friends. And you’re ok with it being just friends. Then you HAVE to set boundaries. He can’t get jealous with you being with other guys. He has to respect that you’ll date other guys then. And he should want you to be happy and find the person for you. That’s what a good friend would want for you.


He can’t have it both ways. And you have to set that boundary. Because it’s what’s best for you.


I hope that conversation goes well. But it’s a conversation that has to be had.

[Asker]

OMG you put that together so well! Thank you this helps a lot I wasn't sure how to go about it. But I definitely will take this approach because you are right. There is a lot of mix signals and I want clarity. If he does want to be just friends he will need to respect that I will begin dating again. We can just be business partners. But I need to know what we are doing.

[WaterIsland]

Totally agree! It’s ok to set boundaries. In fact it’s very healthy. It’s ok to say: “this is what I need”.

Again. I hope that conversation goes well. If I can answer any more questions or provide anymore perspective, let me know! My messages are open, and I’m totally willing to answer more here.

I’m so incredibly glad it was helpful. And I truly help it goes well. Stay true to yourself!!!

[Anonymous]

Marry him

[Asker]

Honestly I feel like we are married and that's where the confusion is coming from.

[Opinion Owner]

Marry legally...
You both are already spend enough time together his family is also know you..

If you're not legally married than eventually he will lost interest in you