my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 years, it’s been very rocky since the beginning. he used to follow girls on social media, like girls bikini pictures, and DM a bunch of them complimenting them on how pretty they are. i was so angry about it, sad, hurt, and annoyed about it that it changed my life. i was so happy before finding it out, then i noticed myself changing everyday. i noticed myself stop being feminine, combative and angry all the time. three months ago, i wrote on Reddit complaining about him once again. he found it while searching my computer and i denied it because i didn’t remember writing it. until he started reading it then i remembered. he was angry, hurt, disappointed and cried. about a month ago, i started to learn how to let go of the past and appreciate the present. we have changed so much and so has he. he hugs me everyday and apologizes for treating me like crap and loves me everyday. he found the post on reddit on Tuesday and decided to tell me about it yesterday. i didn’t handle it like an adult. instead of talking to him about it, i wanted to leave. he tried his hardest to have me stay to talk about it, but i left. i left because i didn’t want to argue anymore. i called him today to see how he was doing and he felt like crap. he said that he hates that he loves me and he’s tired of having a girlfriend who is masculine and never talks about her feelings to her boyfriend. he said he unfortunately still wants to be with me, but he doesn’t want to live his life like this anymore. i don’t blame him. i have a lot of work to do. i’ve been doing research and a lot of websites and youtube videos says feminism starts from peace within. i’ve lost that peace when i found out what he was doing on social media. i love him for who he is now, a kind, happy, genuine soul who loves hard. i don’t want to lose him, but i’m scared i already have. we’ve been through a lot, i don’t want to lose him. what should i do?
I miss my boyfriend and I feel bad not treating him better?
