Is it right that my mom thinks my boyfriend should always be paying for me and sharing everything with me? (Page 2)
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In a REAL relationship, it's not even 50/50 -- it's all in one pot. For example, let's say I make $100k a year and my S. O. makes $50k, but she absolutely LOVES her work. She could make more doing a job she wouldn't like as much, but $150k between us is plenty of money. I don't expect her to bank as much as I do for expenses, I'd rather reap the benefits of a happier partner who does great work for less money. And no, I'm not being taken advantage of either. :)
I’ll tell you why. Your mom grew up like that and she expected your dad to do the same thing. Plus, your dad also grew up thinking men pay for everything. Now, she’s trying to engrave that into your mind and have you expect your boyfriend to pay for everything. I can tell you don’t want to do that to your boyfriend and that’s great.
It's 2 different models.
Either one can work there is no "should be".
If the man is to be the caregiver and provider the woman is to be submissive to him (many women enjoy that)
Now if you're not someone who feels should be in a secondary role then you opt for the 50 50 option, now neither party owes submission to the other but in turn both have to split all bills and bring the same ammount of bread to the table.
Well I say it should be 50/50 for boyfriend girlfriend relationships. But inside of a marriage relationship, the man should take charge of the financial obligations. This coming from a perspective, that if both men and wife are working, there would be other extraneous costs like daycare, house cleaning services, Etc. I just think life is simpler, if one goes to work turn a paycheck, and one stays at home to save a buttload of money that would otherwise be paying people to do things that husband and wife or simply too tired to take care of themselves.
It's only right if you consider yourself a traditional woman. If you're more of a modern woman however, that's fine too, but you won't continue to get traditional treatment from a man, if you're not a traditional woman. These days, that tends to be the obstacle most modern women run into.
Your mom isn't right but she's not wrong. You are also not wrong. She has an opinion. Doesn't mean that's what you have to do.
Her thoughts are, as I look at your profile age, reflective of her age and generation. My mom and dad would have said the same thing as your mom (and to an extent I might have too).
But you're not wrong. Just do what works for you and your boyfriend, tell your mom that you love her and appreciate her input and keep doing what you're doing.
If you are capable of doing 50-50 go for it
If you don’t have the way how to cover your 50% and the guy can than it is what it is.. I don’t know why such a ask asked it’s stupid.
My correction would be if he is your *husband though.
Boyfriend or girlfriend aren’t same as husband and wife.
As a wife if I can cover 20% take it or leave it. This precise idea of 50-50 is very American I want to puke
A quality woman will put effort herself in return. This is one of the things that irritate me early on in a relationship and I pickup on it fast if I feel a girl is just leeching off me.
Yes exactly! A decent woman who is serious about the guy and not out to use him will pay her half…. correct?
Yeah but I don't just mean paying for stuff.
What other types of effort are you talking about?
Remembering the little things, food I like, a movie i want to watch, showing an interest in my life. How about her arranging a date for us instead of me doing it all the time. That's exhausting and takes the fun out of it.
It's an outdated view in many ways. But it still comes up in modern society as some want to pay and take care of a partner which is nice to offer at least in occasion. Do nice things as treats as that. But then there are many who think for instance a man should pay for dates as that's what is traditional. And well I guess some want to be paid for and that as well. It's a massive debate with a not of variations in points and such and why it's fine or ridiculous and all that depeing on the view.
Just I honestly think it's brilliant to see that you think it's 50/50 and not your parents beliefs as often it's hard for people to move away from those who are key rolemodels beliefs to make there own. So honestly that's amazing.
Mama is always right, always. I do believe it’s a partnership though and not a fifty fifty not all the time it’s when you don’t feel consumed and you are not consuming someone it’s a matter or being fair.
Your mom will always want things to your advantage and wants to know you are taking care of if she sees you are happy I believe that’s her ultimate goal.
I went with A as the better choice, but really it should be more about who has more money/income. If it's equal, then 50-50, if either earns significantly more than the other, there's no shame in letting them pay, you can show your gratitude in other ways.
She was right before, traditions, old traditions. But it never made sense to me. I did nothing to deserve getting treated like that, everything for free. I think it makes us come off as entitled to be expecting that. It's sweet if he wants to do that, but I feel bad when it happens.
Unpopular opinion perhaps, but I think it's okay for him to pay for everything, if you do everything he asks of you absent complaint. It's only fair.
None of your options to pick from are correct tbh. Relationships are fluid , they flow they don't have a crystallized ratio of 50/50 or 20/80 or whatever. Relationship dynamics can change which comes down to emotional maturity and being able to communicate openly honestly and transparently.
honestly I love the fact that I could provide for my boyfriend in any case but I'd say depending on both of your incomes and if one can survive paying 50/50 with how much you make then sure ofc
My mom is an advocate for financial independence when you're a woman. So many rely on others for money that they will withstand abuse because they don't think they can support themselves. 50/50. Treat every once in a while is ok but it shouldn't be a regular thing even if you dont have money right now.
It's possible and better to be independent nowadays and when you rely on "caregiver and provider" you will lose your independence very soon.
You are big kids now- 30+ - so you need to make your own life. Your mom is simply trying to "cover your six"- accept her gesture of guidance and concern as just the. The decision you make is yours, though.
PS- I wish I had heeded my parents' views/suggestions/hints a few more times the. I did: just sayin'.
I think it depends on whether you want to be partners with your man or a dependent. You could get further societally as a partner. Although, you'd have to develop a deeper connection to make being a dependent work. If I'm with a girl and there are kids home, I'd happily pay for the things. Without kids though you gotta contribute or the relationship will deteriorate.
I am more of a traditional person and think the guy should be the provider and caregiver especially if there married. But since it's a boyfriend girlfriend relationship it should be 50/50 or guy 70/30. I think the guy should show some effort that he can provide for her but if your willing to pay for a movie or dinner he should gracefully agreed or go 50/50.
You're mom has an old-fashioned mentality and definitely needs to get educated about modern ways.