If I'm 26 do I have to date a 35-40 year-old man in order to have a family in a shorter timeframe?

[Anonymous]

I don't want a prolonged infatuation stage where it doesn't go beyond ''Oh, I miss you, lets go to the movies, oh you got me flowers, I love you'' (boyfriend and girlfriend stuff). Too many people are at that stage for 5-8 years (only having fun and enjoying the moment), only to break up and we're screwed by then.

Since a man my age will likely want a super long-term relationship without responsibilities, is going after a man between 35-40 years old the solution? I'm looking for a mature man that's compatible with my timeframe and goals towards forming a family, that doesn't take too long?

Updates

1 y

I'm still at my good years but I can't afford a dead-end relationship that goes nowhere after 3-4 years. I don't want to be stuck at just the childless, live-in girlfriend. Too many men are making us wait too much.

[MrOracle]

I think you can find what you want with a man in his early 30s - you don't necessarily need to go late 30s - but you also have to have reasonable expectations of where a man is going to be in his career at, say, 31, vs say, 37. Pick a man based on his morals, values, and life-goals, and look at his career POTENTIAL more than his current status, especially if he has at least some ambition. A lot of guys are just starting to hit their financial stride at 31, and having a wife and the makings of a family are EXCELLENT motivation for him to work harder and push for a higher position and larger salary - and employers are more likely to accept it if they know he's married and looking to start a family, because a family man is more likely to be loyal to the company.

Let me repeat this part: pick your man based on his MORALS, VALUES, and LIFE-GOALS and understand that whoever he is today is exactly who he is going to be in 50 years. If he's insecure today, he'll be insecure then. If he's a workaholic, he'll always be. If he's a neat-freak, he'll always be. If he's immature and playful, he'll always be. If he throws his socks on the floor, you'll be picking them up 50 years from now. YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM - EVER - and no guy is going to be everything you want, so make sure the most important things (hint: morals, values, life-goals) are where you need them to be, and then make peace with the little things that aren't exactly what you'd like, because you'll be with them forever - and are they REALLY that big a deal?

If you meet a guy, and he isn't family-oriented, then NO MATTER how hot he is, how much money he makes, how charismatic he is, or whatever else, he is NOT your guy. You need a guy who ALREADY wants to be a husband and father, and who makes that a priority. Those men EXIST. Many of them are already reasonably successful for their age. Most of them don't look like Hollywood leading men or fitness models, so you need to come to terms with that.

Finally, I want to recognize and praise the fact that you realize that your youth and fertility are both precious and fleeting, and are taking advantage of your opportunities while you have them. So many women don't do that, and they deeply regret it when they're older and alone. This suggests that you are wise and can think independently, which means you are likely to have success in your endeavors. I wish you the best!

[Asker]

Yes too many women are stuck in the position of either a childless live-in girlfriend or a single mother if the boyfriend bails. We end up losing and having major consequences if we don't choose right.

[MrOracle]

Too many girls pick guys based on their look or how "exciting" (read: dangerous or chaotic) they are. These traits may be attractive in the beginning, but they get old very quickly, and they certainly won't seem important years into the relationship. You seem to be wiser than most, and more likely to make a better decision.

[DaveJord]

I would say yes. I am 46, I am not looking to have kids again, but I am not against it with the right woman. I like yourself do not want to play those types of long-drawn-out games either.

But I got to be honestly as 46-year-old man, I have a hard time approaching women younger than 35. So, you have to take the initiative. Younger women just treat older men like they are creepy old farts, only interested in the one thing. Well, honestly, the one thing is always a point of interest in any relationships, but older men are more mature and open to more than just that, because it knows it requires a lot more than just that. So, on average I truly think older men are looking for more... and want more.

But the truth is that at 46 I am pretty healthy, and I live a healthy lifestyle, but I am very established in life and finically secure, free spirted and looking to be out and about and enjoying it with someone special. And since I have had my own kids and raised them all to adults already, I know there is still a lot of joys and happiness that can come from that type of relationship. So yeah, if she was a special person, I think you should consider all that's out there.

[Avicenna]

You need to find someone compatible who wants the same things you do

[Berethor]

Not all men your age are immature, but a 35 year old man more likely to want a family if he don't have one. You still have some time but you right to be aware of yours biological clock.

https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age

[OfMiceandMen]

You could even go a little lower, like 30 or so. There are some guys in the early 30's looking for a family these days. It is just hard to find bc it isn't something guys come out with during a conversation.

[ilovelamp]

". I don't want to be stuck at just the childless, live-in girlfriend. "

Would you rather be stuck as a single mother?

[Asker]

Neither of them. I want to be married and have my first child before age 30, then either have my 2nd or 3rd child in my early 30's.

[ilovelamp]

that is a pretty tight timeline to find a long term partner that actually fits with you with the same values morals and everything.
You mentioned the prolonged infatuation stage which really can look identical to love. And look just like the long term type.

[Asker]

I'll make it for simple:
I don't want to be a man's girlfriend for 5+ years, too much.

[bean2k21]

What you need is a sperm bank.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OSfWYPneeIU

[PhantomMenace22]

What do you get out of trolling? Just curious
No one ever laughs or reacts to your comments; they're so weird, so people just ignore them

[bean2k21]

@PhantomMenace22 What do you get out of being a loser?

[PhantomMenace22]

You're the only loser here

[bean2k21]

@PhantomMenace22 Your mother.

[PhantomMenace22]

Don't speak about my mother fucking a$$hole

[BoobSlayer]

@PhantomMenace22 Grow a dick.

[BoobSlayer]

What do you get out of being a tiny homosexual? Just curious.
No one ever reacts to your tiny penis; it's so small, so people just ignore it

[BoobSlayer]

@PhantomMenace22 Wait, I'm confused. Your mother has a tiny penis?

[BoobSlayer]

@Subarugіrl Boring is an understatement. They are mindless slaves who who drivel meaningless statements -- designed to provide free content for advertisers, all for the sake of promoting a 'loving and caring' platform. Then these fools believe they are doing something good for humanity by censoring the other slaves who for a moment see something beyond their cage.

[BoobSlayer]

@PhantomMenace22 Do you think you can stop the slaves of bean2k21? You might as well try to stop the flow of electricity you fucking moron.

[SawerBrown]

Not all of us are like that I tried getting engaged and hoping for marriage but she was cheating on me do I had to break the engagement.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear that. I hope you have healed. Cheaters suck.

[Redstang88]

Definitely not true, probably a solid half of my friends are already married with kids.

[Asker]

Then it's about being lucky to find the guy with compatible goals and timeframe.

[Redstang88]

Pretty much

[Bklynbadboy12]

No you don't have to date an older man you just have to date someone that wants to say things that you want. It doesn't really matter if they're older. They just have to want the same things you want

[barn_stormer]

not necessarily. guys that old who are still single probably like being single.

[Asker]

Then what would be the solution? Too many men are making us wait too much and keeping more of us as their childless live-in gfs. I don't want a prolonged girlfriend and boyfriend relationship for endless years, don't want him to take too much time. I want to have a family before age 30 and by my early 30's have a 2nd child at least.

[barn_stormer]

just date lots of guys and weed out the ones who don't want what you want

[Anonymous]

Yes, you would save a lot of time doing that. Many guys are still trying to get their shit together in their 20s or just simply want to enjoy it without kids which is understandable.

[Anonymous]

Yeah probably because they are probably done with partying or playing games and will be serious

[Asker]

Indeed. The irony is my parents are young themselves; my mom being only a month older than dad. Both are just 45 year-olds. Yeah they were just 19 year-olds when I was born and got married when I was just 5 months old. Either people were more serious in the past or mom got lucky.

[Asker]

Once in a while I do wonder what it must have been for my dad to be a father at just 19 years old. I think that's young even for a woman too.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah my parents were 19 when they had me too and married afterwards by a few months probably because my dad wasn’t here when I was born, he was in the Air Force, some people just start early having a family

[Opinion Owner]

At least I still have my dad around since he is only 19 years older than me

[Anonymous]

Nope. You're just choosing the wrong men. Learn to make better choices.

[Pterodon]

Yes pretty much

[CT_CD]

No..