My girlfriend's son is ruining our relationship. Should I make a decision on our relationship or do you believe we can handle this all together?

[assistant]

We've been together for a month but I've just learned that she has a 10 year-old son. He is a child I know it but I feel that he doesn't want his mom to be with someone instead of his father. Do you believe we can handle this? I mean if we decide to get married, she told me that she wants to live with her son, so we all will live together. Do you think this is a big problem in a marriage?

[bobalife]

He’s family. You’re the new boyfriend. I think you should be more sensitive and considerate of what he might be going through. If you actually want and value this relationship, take this time to be more mindful that this is a new family dynamic for everyone and it’s going to take some adjustment. Just know he has every right to his feelings just as you and anyone. If you wanna be a good boyfriend and potential dad, I think you should model what does that look like and how can you build your relationship with her son at his pace. It’s going to take some time and maybe a challenge, but you gotta be patient and authentic.


My parents are divorced, I’m not fond of their new partners either as an initial reaction lol. But what matters is if they make my parents happy and they will treat the rest of the family good too.


If that isn’t for you, then you should let your woman go to find someone who’s going to value the relationship and her son who’s going to be part of the picture. No kids deserve their parents’ partner who isn’t going to give it a chance, try to love them, or play a good role in their life.

[pethouse]

Just be a good guy be the best you can be, he will eventually see you for who you are, me may never call you dad but he still might look up to you. When my parents split my mom always had boyfriends, didn’t like any of them except the last one stayed for years so I had to deal. He was an ass hole a huge ass hole, sometimes he was cool but besides that an ass, he’d yell a lot, use to be a huge drunk then got charged with a DW so he had to stop. He’d always yell tho very verbally abusive, just like my mom🫤, he was also very lazy to become of his back problems. he was also very fat and ugly😂😂 I think my mom only dated him because he was tall, but I couldn’t really accept him tbh but that’s also because I had huge respect for my dad! I do have friends though that respect their step dads more then their real dads. Two in fact. 1 may not be the ideal parent but him and my friend sure do vibe a lot, the second one, I don't know what he’s really like but he sure did earn my friends respect, he even calls him dad. My ultimate advise is be someone respectable someone he can look up to. Don’t make it seem like your trying to replace his dad ether, in fact if you can befriend his dad that will be even better. every kid wishes their parents would get back together but it doesn’t always happen so try to make the best out of the situation!!

[Finchie40]

Well if you can’t handle her kid then you are best to end the relationship with her , kids have a hard time accepting their parents’ splitting up , kids sometimes feel it’s their fault that their parent’s ended it, so if you want her kid to accept you, you are going to have to step up and make her child feel accepted by you , Now your girlfriend honestly shouldn’t of introduced you to her son until she knew you were in it for the long haul , that was her
Mistake big time , I don’t introduce my kids to any girl until I know she is in it for the long haul because kids have a hard time adapting to someone new , and if they do end up getting close to you and you decide to walk out then not only is your partner effected the kids are as well , so if you decide you can’t handle her son it’s probably a good thing that he doesn’t like you and this should be the time you leave the relationship , but if you want to stay in the relationship with her , you are going to have to prove to her son that you are a good man and that you accept him. Kids are a package deal. Single parents should not introduce their kids to someone new until they know they are in it for the long haul , Your girlfriend was an idiot for introducing him to you so soon.

[sunflower00]

Things like this can be really difficult for kids. I did not want my parents dating other people when I was 11 and they split up because it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me at the time and felt like my life was crumbling. Of course as I grew up I totally was ok with them dating other people.


The kid always comes first. For her, her child should be her number 1 priority and if you are getting into a relationship with someone who has kids, the kid will have to become a priority for you too. The well-being of the child comes first. This doesn’t mean you can’t date at all, it just means you need to go about it in a compassionate and understanding way! Just be yourself, be nice to the kid, understand that it’s nothing personal and he might not be overly happy, and just be patient.

[Pinay_ako]

There’s three people in your life you can’t replace - your father, your mother and your children. You can replace a partner. There’s your answer

[razelove]

Your own kids will cock block you, that's part of life. What I'd find more concerning is that after being together for a month you just found out she has a kid that's ten. Kids are a huge part of your life.
I've had casual relationships and knew within a weekend whether they had kids or not. It was more or less part of if they wanted to tell me anything about themselves.
That's the part I'd find most concerning.

[OlderAndWiser]

A woman with a child is a package deal. Talk to her about how the two of you resolve this problem together, or move on to someone else.

[sage2021]

I am a single mom and my son was raised by me alone.
Some of the guys I dated through the years really liked him. Took us both out when we went somewhere. I had a couple of guys like that. Wasn't a problem.

Then there were some guys that things didn't go as well.

If you are not totally into them, then you should break it off. Then maybe she can find a nice guy that won't think her son is "ruining" your relationship. You just won't treat him right and he will be sad and not be able to be happy with you around.

I mean, after all, she did know her son before she met you!

[Johnny4473]

This!! Seriously, listen to this woman. This is a mother who gives a shit about her child and actually has her priorities straight.

[BlackBeauty90]

@assistant - Do her a favour & get lost.

It's only been a month and you are already willing to throw in the towel over what is a MINOR "problem". Most kids say they don't want their parents dating other people - particularly if the divorce is recent or the parents evenly split time - it doesn't mean much that'll always be the case unless the person their parent is dating is an asshole.

The reason why I say get lost is because if you're just much of a weak kneed give up individual you are definitely NOT cut out for anything remotely long-term in a relationship and definitely NOT cut out for anything remotely resembling a marriage.

[Johnny4473]

Nice... well you're conclusion was pretty much accurate but boy those reasons were absolutely dogshit. Maybe you should stay away from relationships too.

And as for him, you dumb idiot, he is a child, wtf are you expecting him to behave like. You are not the person to get into such a complicated relationship, for gods sake you are treating and expecting a 10 year old to act like an adult.

That's a child, you get into that, you need to hold the responsibility of taking care of a child. That means sacrificing your desires, dreams and what you want to do.

And as for the person who made this comment, grow the fuck up out of your resentment. Drawing such wild rhetorics and assumptions from. one post, you are no more mature than the idiot who made this post.

Honestly, get each other's numbers, you both seem like the perfect fit for each other. Adult babies

[BlackBeauty90]

@Johnny4473 Are you drunk or stoned or some sort of mental defect?

[virtue2332]

You can't blame a 10 yo for not wanting some strange new guy fucking his mom. Understand that it's a normal and going to come with the territory. Just show him some respect and understand he is going through a lot at that age. If you try and view things from his perspective you shouldn't be offended by him mishandling an awkward situation. It will get better as long as you don't act like dick and if you are incapable of being sensitive to what he's going through then yeah move on because it won't work.

[Gent207-2]

1st - How the hell do you go a whole month of dating without knowing she has a kid? That is a huge red flag!

2nd - You are not just dating his mom, you are a candidate for being his next dad.

3rd - if you don't like kids or you are just not interested in being a step dad (which is cool, no judgement) then leave his mom alone.

Seriously bro you are entering a broken family and are trying out for being more than a boyfriend, but a father. If you can't get down with that, then RUN.

But don't go blaming the kid!

[MOO212014]

if you have only been dating for one month I believe you will have to try to make it work with her son make him see you are not here to do harm but to make his mom happy any child is going to want to see bio parents together, but kids do grow on step parents it takes a lot of time and patients so you both have to take it slow.. forsure a red flag if she just told you now about her kid though my opinion obviously. a women who has a child should always mention that not mention it after the fact.. it would help with avoiding things like this

[OfMiceandMen]

All kids initially don't like their mom/dad moving onto someone else. All you can do is befriend the little guy. Just make it fun whenever you are together, like teaching him things, etc.

If I were you, I would have the talk with him about not wanting to replace his dad, and his dad will always be his dad. You hope to be a good friend, is all.

Obviously, you would want to coordinate the effort with his mom, but you want to slowly integrate yourself into his life. I am sure his mom will have some good ideas, she knows him best.

In addition, to you and her talking to him, she will need to to a preamble prior to you coming on the scene.

[lightbulb27]

its both a problem and an opportunity.

I married last year, but know my gag girl for years prior. She had 2 kids 7/9 years old. We had to work through some of that although the kids in general, became fairly accepting as they rationalized it.

That raltionalization depends upon the personality and emotions. For example, the boy concluded "this is like having two dads..."... e. g. from a selfish viewpoint, he saw the benefits to him.

So you have to get into the psyche of the kid to understand their view, because all they want to know is who they are, their position, they are secure. He may be possessive of his mom as he just went through emotional hell.

Most kids warm up if they realize mom is happier, they are secure, it's fun, there is more benefit than loss, etc.. Treat him as you would a scared puppy backed into a corner and start from there.

Yea, I wouldn't marry until this is ironed out.

[Gingerbread_GB]

It's as big a problem as you want it to be. If she has a 10 yr old son, she's keeping the regardless of whether you are with her or not. It's up to you on whether you want to go through the challenges or not.

I would say children, especially young children, seek affections first. If you treat them nicely and act like a father figure, they will respect you. But there will be tough times.

[molonski2]

I think 1 month is not long enough , the kid is only 10 years , I'd say , go slowly ( Sabai Sabai as we say in Thailand ) , don't take anything to heart , and over time do some stuff with the kid yourself , park , water park , go carts , whatever he likes.

Slowly , things will turn around , I'd say hang in there bro. I've been in this situation , in the end I had a far better relationship with the child than the father , but I always taught him to love and care for his Dad.

[Johnny4473]

He is a 10 year old you idiot. Wtf were you expecting? He will obviously act like child and want his mum and dad to stay together. He is a child, he doesn't understand the first thing about the real world and the complexity of life and relationships.

Do you?

Seriously I'd say to keep going on and give you advice, but if you simply do not understand this basic fact about children. You have no place dating a woman with a kid.

Plenty of women out there without kids.

[Peter_Penetrator]

She should have been up front with you to begin with. However, a month should be too soon for you to be around her kid until you both know where this is going. The kid is 10 years old and if you and his mother are serious about each other, then you can work on getting him to accept you. But, you must consider that if you and him start bonding, and either you or her end the relationship, the kid will also be hurt by the breakup.

[DermalPunch]

This is not the relationship for you.

You are not his father. You are in close proximity of his mother. Boys already are territorial to wards their mothers.

You decide he is the problem after a month of dating. You don't have the patience.

Please respectfully leave this woman before you drag it out and do real damage to both.

[exitseven]

This will be a big problem. I coached soccer for 11 years when my kids were little. There were lots of kids that had stepfathers and most of the time there was no love lost between them. The kids were usually very forthcoming about their feeling for the poor guy.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You should end it.

The kid has to like you as a father figure for it to work out.
Also you should only date someone if you can't even imagine leaving them, and asking her if she has any kids should have been done on day 1, not day 30.

[Sparkie460]

If you really love her and not afraid to put in the time and work, he might come around and start liking you. Take him out without your girlfriend once in awhile and do things that he likes. Show him that you're interested in getting to know him better. Let him know that you are not trying to replace his dad.

[Kinkyhubby]

Give it time, it's only been a month. Plus if you start to get serious you and his mom should sit down with him, and talk to him as a person. Kids understand a lot more then people think. Are you the 1st guy she dated after the divorce? That could be the other issue. Give the kid a break, and maybe try and do some things with him and the mom together, so he can see you treat his mom well.

[Surely]

In my experience. That would depend on a lot of factors. Like how well disciplined the child was. How involved is his biological father with him. Will the father cause problems to get revenge on the child’s mother? How willing are you to accept being a person in another man’s child’s life? Can you share this woman with her child?
You need to access your feelings and the current situation and make your own decisions.