Isn't there a limit to how long a woman can wait for the man to propose?

Question

This isn't me but for other women that find themselves in that position. What if the woman wants a family (through marriage) before age 30?

What if the man says ''if you love you then you would wait for me to be ready, even if it's within10 years''? By then, we won't be able to have kids or the kid will have developmental issues? It's very easy for men to say we have to wait but about our limited time? We don't have their unlimited time.

I really hate that ''If you love him, would you wait for him and not pressure him,''. Ok but how long of waiting (and staying childless) would be too much? How long should we continue being patient, 5 years, 10 years until we can't have kids anymore?

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

This is a big issue between the sexes right now. It's easy to blame the woman when she just wants to have sex fun or career fun and for some reason thinks waiting until 40 is a great idea for having kids.

But yeah, what about these dudes that just don't want kids because they don't see how that could benefit them in any way? They'll string a woman along because they like the relationship and the sex... but they'll lead her right to the wall (that is undefeated) just for those reasons, and then the woman that wanted kids the entire time is just shit out of luck at that point.

The point of marriage was for kids at one point in history... now the love and romance stuff has been reduced to the sex/attention/money factors with no consideration for the idea of kids a lot of the time. I guess the only solution for a woman that wants to have kids... is to screen the men for wanting kids. By the time most men have any urge to actually have kids and not just the sex part... they're much older than a young woman that could easily get pregnant. That's changed with history as well... the idea of a 30-year-old man marrying a 14 to 16-year-old girl is now seen as perverted on a criminal level.

Very complicated question and I don't think there is going to be any real solution anytime soon. Society evolved into something else faster than biology has.

FilmGuy93 · Accepted Answer

People make comments like "if you love me, you'll wait for me to be ready" when they're playing you.

I don't know that there is a necessarily a limit to how long a woman can wait, but there is definitely a limit on how long she should wait.

When you want one thing, and the person you're talking to doesn't know if what you want will ever even be in the cards for him; why would you waste your time hoping that he'll come around?

Your limit should be the instant he doesn't give you a clear definition about how the relationship is developing. If he doesn't know now, when will he know? Does he give you a definite timeline? If I didn't know whether I wanted to be married to a woman, I wouldn't string her along. I would tell her "I don't know if I can marry you yet. Please give me until [month] of [year] to let you know." And then draw a firm boundary at that point.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Instead, I think I’d say there’s no rule on how each woman chooses to navigate her relationship. Personally I’d never be with a guy for 4-5 years (let alone 10? Never!😂) waiting on him to marry me. Why? Because once those first few months to a year passes, he already knows if a woman is wife material or not. It doesn’t take even half the time that women have been conditioned to believe is adequate for a man to know if there’s potential for a future with her.
But that’s just women who are like me and refuse to wait around years and years. Other women will internalize and adopt a guys talking points when they really wanna hang on. They can make themselves be cool with a 5+ year “boyfriend” when he’s telling her things like “marriage is just a piece of paper” “what’s the rush?” “we don’t need that label to say we are serious about each other” and all those other twisted lies.

desidoll · Accepted Answer

Five years maximum for me. There is no reason for him to delay anything unless it is something serious. I feel like it impacts women more because if we plan to have children in the future, making us wait will just waste our time and chance of conceiving is lower as we age. Some men can be selfish, just because it doesn’t affect them.

Anarcamus · Answer

So one response I see missing here is have you asked him "why" that timeframe? I would imagine if he is that upfront about the amount of time that would be needed, and works with you to understand if there is a desired reason for this delayed outcome (he wants to make sure of X, Y, Z), AND that its worth it to you. Then yes wait, but also discuss as much as you can. Be willing to actually hear the other persons reasons too, if you make him feel respected and heard he will likely "speed up" that time line for you.

RavVid · Answer

Hmmh I am reminded of the coffee cup "Your lack of planning is not my emergency" which is semi-pertinent.

I don't think your friends are going to successfully pressure a man into marriage and fatherhood. The only card they have is I'll break up with you and if your friend has given the man bad times he is likely to say OK.

For women in their late twenties early thirties, they have possibly left their run a bit late. I'm probably not the only guy to have started thinking this is not a good deal for me.

Lionman95 · Answer

I would say there is. The problem is that guys often times also don´t know or have a date when to propose. So they wait for the right moment to. I would say that five years is a good marker. Because if he takes more than that he surely doesn´t have marriage in mind.
If you don´t want to wait which I can understand then talk with him about either during dating or during the relationship and try to show him that you´re interested in it.
In modern days many guys aren´t interested in marriage because of different reasons so it might be better to sort out that guys that aren´t while dating.

Twalli · Answer

Why do you NEED kids? You can get married and never have kids. It's not the end of the world if that happens. My girlfriend is 37. It's pretty much a guarantee she can't get pregnant. She can't with me because I got a vasectomy, but even with another guy it's unlikely. We're both pretty happy with it and even when we started dating and she was 33, we didn't want children. Two of my aunts (blood-related) decided to never have children. Another one decided to adopt. All three were happy not reproducing at all.

BCA6010 · Answer

I think if a relationship has lasted six months, there needs to be serious considerations about where it's going. If one or both of them wants marriage, they're not doing themselves many favors by waiting, and if one of them doesn't want a marriage, then it's unfair to keep leading them on.

sheikalana · Answer

I guess it depends a lot on your age. I'm in my early 30s I wouldn't date anyone for more than one year if he doesn't have any intention of getting married of propose to me after two years.

slatyb · Answer

If you want to be married, then decide how long you are willing to wait before making a decision to either marry or move on. Eighteen months should be enough. If a man can't decide to marry after a year and a half then he doesn't really want to.

Adam1978 · Answer

No you got your man already that is the important part. Don't ruin it for a ring. It must be something more crucial to life such as wanting to raise a family. And if he lacks that you shouldn't want a ring.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

If you get tired of waiting then propose to him. I don't think there are any rules as to how long you wait. Some guys are happy just living together and may never ask.

strateguy632 · Answer

dating in my opinion not propose less than 6 months and not need more than a year. if guy not propose but relationship lasted a year ask him if he plans on proposing.

TooHot2Care · Answer

Bro, 2 years is too long tbh…… Like, my mom had my little sister in her 40s, but my family are genetic badasses.

Most women’s fertility won’t last that long. This is why you date multiple people.

YourExLover69 · Answer

I think guy should propose a girl as early as possible after few months of acquaintance or friendship with her. Otherwise sometimes it's too late

LazerBean · Answer

Absolutely. If how you plan your life to look in 5 years doesn't match how he plans his life to look, it's time to move on.

anon1903 · Answer

Why can't she propose him? That'd solve it. And if he still says he's not ready, ask him this question.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I would advice any woman not to wait longer than 1 year. If a man can't figure out if he desires to marry you within that time span then get rid of him lest he ends up wasting your time.

Anonymous · Answer

If you choose a good man from the start, or were a decent woman to begin with you don't have this problem. So few women want to take responsibility for thier role in a relationship.

TheFlak38 · Answer

This is entirely the woman's fault for having such dumb instincts, picking the best man possible and then waisting her fertile years for him.

msc545 · Answer

Find another guy that is willing to put up with your selfish entitlement.

In_Trance · Answer

Why not have the children and get married later?

mommymommymommy · Answer

I don't want kids

Isn't there a limit to how long a woman can wait for the man to propose?

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