What should we learn from failed relationships?

Question

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

There's no such thing as a bad experience as long as we learn from it. The only true failure is a failure to act. Scientists run experiments all the time. How many of those experiments give them the results they are seeking? They don't look at these results as failures, as they've discovered facts that help them make future decisions.

At your age, relationships are not about a commitment for life, but a discovery of yourself and how different qualities in others impact you. How can you responsibly choose anything without any prior knowledge? Do you like mustard on your bananas? If you've never tried it, how can you make a realistic judgment? If you've tried it and discovered you don't like it, how can that be seen as a failure?

In, or after, a relationship, primarily focus on your own choices, as that's all you have any control of. How do those choices impact you, your partner and your relationship? Be observant of patterns, which will make future choices much easier. Who wants to spend the rest of their life choosing between an endless series of two sealed brown boxes without knowing what might be inside? Yes, you want to be aware of how the other responds to your choices, to know whether the responses they elicit are the ones you seek, but primarily focus on what you chose and the reasons you chose those. Learn to fine tune what you bring to the relationship rather than focus on what you believe you're entitled to receive from the relationship. Never continue the same pattern while expecting different results. How many times will I have to tell my boss to give me a raise and then punch him in the nose, before he actually gives me a raise?

I'm not saying arranged marriages and virgin marriages can't work, but they rely on the willingness of the participants to put aside any thoughts of the grass being greener elsewhere and then accept whatever they're presented as satisfying and fulfilling. Haven't you ever had a favorite flavor of ice cream... only to discover you actually prefer another flavor (that you've never previously tasted)? There are 40 students in the new class you just signed up for. Sight unseen, pick a number from one to forty, and that will be your partner for life. I know lack of knowledge is promoted by some, but I wouldn't care to make choices by relying on the roll of the dice. Ignorance of anything different won't necessarily prevent people from being disappointed in us, and how can we improve if we don't have experiences to learn from.

Knowledge of all kinds is beautiful. The more open we are to experience, discover and learn, the more depth and meaning we will discover within our own choices. Never limit your learning to only what you are required to learn or what is important to others; keep your eyes wide open, and discover aspects you never previously knew existed. Life is to be enjoyed. Enjoy it to the fullest.

Ladys_Man · Accepted Answer

Hopefully understand your roll in the collapse of it.

We can put the blame all we want for the misery we subdued but in reality the next relationship won't have a much different end result if we don't understand why the first one went bad.

To me, nagging is one thing I could never understand, especially when it had something to do with work let's just say. I can understand being upset but to waste all the energy and take your frustration out on someone else is beyond me.

Married in the church and the sacred vow to last forever, I couldn't do it, and God forbid to try have the relationship with God being the center of it.

Miserable two days after being married, knowing the mistake I made and having a person I didn't know at all in my home that would not shut up for hours while following me around the house. I decided to work 16 hours a day then close the bar so that she would be asleep when I got home. Adding to her nagging and my misery.

I really couldn't tell you the real reason for her nagging and I don't think she could even tell you. I left her after 16 years of misery. Leaving everything behind just to never see her again. it wasn't worth ever seeing her.

the next relationship was with a good woman that had a complex for some reason she was a little on the thick side but amazingly perfect. The one I am in now has been tough and it might not last much longer. surgery has changed her but that is not the reason of things being rocky. I make good money but I can't do it all, not in this state where prices tripled in the last five years. Basically kill myself so someone 11 years younger than me can just set at home and do nothing. Yeah!

What I have learned through it all is people aren't the person that they present themselves to be up front. usually having a negative turn. if it doesn't work out this time which is the third. I am not going to consider a relationship, constantly being used, due to the amount of money I make. It's not worth it to me. I would be better off by myself so I can focus on what is really important, how it was meant to be.

After spending around a million and a half, It really is not worth the effort to think it will be different this next time or the next after three failed attempts. The second being my choice because I was still suffering from depression because4 the the first marriage 's negative impact on my life knowing at the time she deserved better then a depreesed drunk. with that no longer being the case thank God!

So the moral of this all is in my case , don't get involved again. It's not worth it! Unless I want someone to try to control me and spend all my money. Which has happened in all three cases.

That's just me though

WriterDreams · Accepted Answer

Mine wasn't clean cut fail. Although we haven't got back together exactly the love is still there and we are still "together".
However, when he walked out on me the day he fell ill I learnt a few hard lessons.
Communication with a man is complicated.
Communication with a man who is ill is even harder.
I lernt that everything tv etc tell us women about how to understand a man or what all men want is bull.
They are all different. All have different tastes. They don't all go for the young blondes etc.
I learnt that heartbreak should be treated like an actual heart attack because it dam near killed me.
I learnt that this world views heartbreak like you knocked over a glass of milk.
I learnt that no amount of sleep can stop the pain and that not all heartbreaks remain broken.
Life is full of many veritable and many different things and people.
Love and life follow no rules.
Love is wicked leathal but it is definitely worth it.
It is an incredible emotion.
I lernt don't think in absolutes, don't trust society to be empathetic- expect them to BE pathetic.
Above all don't assume a man isn't interested in you, paying attention to you or is being rude just because he is on his phone. There truly can be ligament reason why some times.
Trust yourself and if you take advice of a friend to bring up a topic that is based all on assumptions expect it to blow up in your face - and for you be a little pissed at yourself and at the friend.
Also, good men will see your mistakes and forgive, own his own and if he loves you he will come back. An argument isn't always the end.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

All the religious people I know say you should chase God and not the guy you want to date, and in chasing God, the guy will appear, cause God is the one who gives you the personality and the intelligence and the career and the health that you need to attract a guy.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Don’t rush it Don’t push it  How you got him is how you’re going to lose him (if he left a girlfriend for you) Communicate  spend quality time with each other  don’t try to change him  If it hurts because it’s real  nothing lasts forever

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Instead of blaming your ex for everything that went wrong, you should be asking yourself what you did wrong in selecting that person as a partner, and what you did that interfered with solving problems in the relationship. You should come away with the idea that you should be able to do a better job the next time.

Rosexøxø · Answer

Learn to create the environment for longer lasting and healthier relationships.

Be observant, learn to view the failed relationships with open minds instead of bitter hearts. Cannot just feel the way through, but to observe and understand as well

Sonorous · Answer

Whatever lesson the failure presents. The possibilities are infinite. 🧙🏿‍♂️

Avicenna · Answer

What you like and don't like in a relationship

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

My first girl I dated, I learned that women want men to lead the way. Not in a big macho way, but in a way that makes something interesting happen. In other words, don't be boring.

The second one made me realize that back then I was holding onto things too much and I needed to learn to let go and let things take their natural course sometimes.

Next girl made me realize how important security is to woman and how much they seem to hate unexpected things.

Next time I was serious with a girl she made me realize that I'm not the type to compromise over what kind of life I want. Still not sure if that's selfish. She also made me realize how quickly someone will change once they get comfortable with you.

Next girl after that, it might have been an isolated incident but I learned what people mean when they say love is blind. If you really love someone your ability to see things about the relationship objectively are greatly diminished.

There's probably stuff from other chicks too but these are the big ones.

MarkHrdman · Answer

To give up & watch porn.
With most relationships there are so many problems that people can't go back to it, so the intention is to learn from your mistakes but when the problem is the other person, then clearly there is no process towards what it is you need to fix but having to be confronted with dealing with change within yourself to overcome people like that but the horrible truth is all people are like that, in some perspective.

The best way to deal with it is to overcome it and better yourself with physical development and maintaining a healthy diet and avoiding sexual interest or desire to a point where your appeal will lead to another relationship but fact of the matter is that life isn't just mapped out like that and its impossible to learn from something where you dont see the problem, without closure from the other person and in general you'll never get closure, so its a pointless question to ask because its not you that has the answer.
Simple fact of the matter is that it really comes down to desire and compromise so the question really is how much are you prepared to compromise of your life in order to develop rather then learning from an experience in life with someone who won't provide the closure you need to know for accessment, which clearly you haven't got.

StormChaser838 · Answer

Success are situations were all the faults get hidden or ignored. Often you may have even not contributed anything to the success and may have just been there at the right place and time. Yet at a time of success everyone is a beauty, a genius, etc, etc, and you really just set your self up for the inevitable failure. Therefore, a smart person never lets success go to her/his head.
On the other hand, failure is the best teacher and shows you reality. It shows you what you need to constantly do to get better. We can never be perfect, but we can keep learning and improving. Here failure is your only friend. The last is HOPE, you have to have hope, hope that you will overcome, hope that you will rise from the ashes. Always remember, if you keep throwing the punches you are never beaten, and will always win ultimately. So failure and hope are two of the most powerful guns to have in your Armory.
Now relationships are a very easy situation, first you know that the person wants the product you are selling, ( pussy or dick), only it does not have to be from you. So first study the person, first see if they are really worth the effort and what they are seeking. Like in my case, a girl wanted me to two-time, ( have a relationship with her, but she even after all her promises was not able to put down her old guy). Now this was beyond my principals, so I backed off. But if you see a go in the relationship, see what he/she wants and learn to give it better and attack the person a-fresh. Remember, it's the thrill of the chase, u will never loose, you will just become better at the game and will catch your prince/princess charming, and it's all through your friend's help, a bitch/bastard called FAILURE.

BullShark · Answer

Well, every relationship we have, may it be friendships or a romantic partner, in my experience, each of them teach us a lesson that shape us into who we are and a life lesson that sticks with us and makes us grow as people. For better or for worse. Here's a few things my failed friendships/relationships taught me;

Not everyone who seems like a friend, is a friend
Time doesn't matter. A person whom you may have known for a couple years may actually be a snake in disguise, while a person you became friends with last month may be an even realer friend
Everyone loves you for a reason. Once that reason is no more, they'll leave you too
Heartbreaks can hurt, but they're a necessary pain
Betrayal will always come to bite you one way or another
Karma is a b*tch. Need I say more?
You can never stay happy for long after hurting someone's feelings intentionally
Some wounds can last a long time if not mended sooner
Apologizing for something you did, even if you weren't wrong DOES NOT make you a smaller person
People can change depending on how much you mean to them
Some people can never change

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I think a lot of people don't pay enough attention to their own faults... like did you act too much like a simp, or put up with shit you shouldn't have, and didn't stand your ground with your own boundaries. It's like okay, your partner was this, this, or that... any chance you tend to make people act like that around you when people get too close to you?

I just see a lot of people just blame their ex-partner for everything... there is no self-reflection, and then they jump right into another relationship and turn that relationship into something that resembles the last one.

A common pattern that is off the top of my head is these chicks that keep going for guys, that are in reality way out of their league, and then they wonder why the guy really isn't interested in much more than the sex... especially after he's already gotten the sex. It's like hello! Maybe you should stop and think about why you're getting ran through, but not getting that commitment you say you want? Maybe, just maybe?

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

You can't help those who won't help themselves.

If she refuses to speak with you because you couldn't help her with something you didn't owe her, don't assume she was ever a real friend.

If she gloats about her cooking, but has mediocre dishes and bad photography, and openly speaks about drug rehab and obscure heavy metal bands, run.

If she's a stasher, or tries to dictate to you how you are to play your own copy of a game, run.

The hot-crazy matrix was created to save lives. Psychosis is everywhere.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Learn about yourself, whom you are choosing... what you need... like how you feel loved, communication style, emotional maturity, fincial and sexual compatability, how to be a better communicator. You learn how to live with another human, which thinks differently than you and how to resolve conflicts in view, how to work together.
learn about others... personalities, behaviors.
develop and affirm your goals in life, values, standards,

A lot of learning... is in the "school of hard knocks". Lets be honest... you got very little training and what you got was probably garbage. Thus, you need to awaken to learn while you pursue your desires.

If only there was training...

TheIrishWolf · Answer

- Don't make descions or say much when you're angry
- Stay away from people that have lots of issues (you inherit them)
- Stay away from people that don't reciprocate love and attention (even if they don't mean it)
- Don't let them blame you for their own problems
- Don't let them play games. Once they leave, they're gone.
- Be a good man, and always stick to your principles
- Don't depend on love to be happy. Be happy on your own and work on yourself first. Then bring both happineeses together, once you're ready.

TooHot2Care · Answer

Never apologize.

double the fuck down.
triple the fuck down.

quadruple the fuck down.

always interrupt everyone else.

never let anyone interrupt me.
put myself first second and third in that order.

Whatever the problem, it’s not my fault.
And if it was I didn’t mean it.

and if I did then you deserved it.
always reject them before they reject me.
empathy is a myth created by liberals.
sigma males are real.

alpha males are real.
beta males are subhuman.
always be an alpha and a sigma at the same time.

do not talk things out.
always deceive and manipulate.

(I am being facetious in case some of you are too fuckijg stupid to notice….)

AliSulayman · Answer

To love the right person. Be honest and communicate on spot. Don’t leave arguments without reaching a closure and a mutual agreement, otherwise you’ll end up exchanging negativity and magnifying disagreements and toxifying the relationship. Understand that a relationship is a two people thing, and make sure the other part agrees on this concept, so you don’t end up giving more with expectations, nor feel the pressure when given more than you give. Balance intimacy and emotions, be honest about what you want in bed and how you feel towards their needs and what is your libido tied to, so you don’t end up weaponizing sex and they don’t end up seeking more when they feel things are not that hot between you. And finally discus future expectations on the short term and long term and be honest about it.

Gopackers02 · Answer

Communication is key, creating boundaries, take time to know them before dating. Communication was big because she would get upset over everything. Boundaries too because I basically let her drag me and toss me around and felt defenseless unless I legit had something to do other than being with her. But now I have a backbone and can say no. Taking time to understand the partner is important so you know there hobbies, how they are, who their friends are, etc. if I knew half these I’d instantly be out and never dated her but we both rushed it and it got toxic FAST

Just_call_me_Levi · Answer

Depends on the relationship.

Here's what I learned from my last one:
Listen to her friends' warnings, don't rush things, don't be too open with eachother (or risk trauma bonding that later develops into emotional manipulation and gaslighting), listen to what your gut is telling you, don't start a relationship when you're not in the right (head) space, don't believe they'll change if their actions don't back it up, call it quits if you develop an addiction to cope and learn to love yourself first, to name a few.

SeriouslyFunny00 · Answer

Acceptance , that not everyone we love.. will stay forever. And that's okay.  Communication  is very important. You learn more about yourself. What you want in a partner, where you need to improve at.. "There is no failure, you either win or learn." :)

jorfan3 · Answer

What I learned from my failed relationships is I deserved better. I settled a lot, and let's just say I invested $1,000s of dollars into lemons...

Never settle for someone that laughs at your interests, who can't make time for intimacy, or disrespects your boundaries.

inhua · Answer

being completely honest and understanding why you were attracted to them in the first place

don't lie and tell yourself that he/she was so sweet, nice and caring etc.

if you thought he/she was stunningly hot, then tell yourself that

CarefreeGirly · Answer

I’ve learned from analyzing the relationships around me and doing some short-term dating myself that men mistreat their girlfriends because they resent and blame the female species for not having the freedom to be with whom they really want, which is other men.

MichaelEspinoza · Answer

Well here's my opinion on this , listen I've been in one relationship & it failed of course. But I've learned something - the thing you should learn from a failed relationship in my opinion is - you can't make everyone happy or you won't find the solutions you need that relationship so you should find a relationship that works for you. I would pray 🙏 before getting into a relationship

Leapfrog00 · Answer

I've learned not to stay with a cheater. No matter how much they beg, how sorry they tell you they are, you forgive them, they do it again and again. They're not worth the heartbreak and tears. It's sad really, you can care about someone and worship the ground they walk on, and do anything for that person, and they repay you by walking all over you! lol

Anonymous · Answer

That healing takes time. It won't happen overnight. There are five phases you will go through and they are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

You should go through them with knowing that in time things will get better but you must take these necessary steps to get over a breakup.

Freyke · Answer

Look back at what could have gone better. It's easy to blame the other person, but as bad as they may be, you might be able to find things from your side that could have gone better. What went wrong, why did it go wrong, what did I like about him, what did I dislike? What to watch out for. Take all that with you for the next relationship.

Massageman · Answer

Hopefully, how not to make the same mistakes in the. future. The key thing is being able to DISCERN the lesson found in each failed experience. "Just because something doesn't do what you planned, doesn't mean it's useless." “I have not failed. I've just found 1,000 ways that won't work.” Thomas Edison. Your "failures" are what you make of them. I wish I had someone tell. me that about 47 years ago.

MrQuick · Answer

Say what you mean and ask for what you want. You can't get mad at the other person if they don't magically do what you expect if you never told them; they don't read minds. And, if you're not getting what you want or being fulfilled, it's on you if you never told them.
I also learn not to enable and perpetuate bad behaviors because people will adapt to what you show them.
Lastly, if someone asks you a direct question and they ACTUALLY want the answer give them a direct answer.

Djaay · Answer

The other partner will react to your actions and they'll act waiting for your reactions as well. Great actions directed towards your partner should imply great reactions towards yourself. So forgiveness and good intended actions for and to your partner should get reactions that are good back.

Shayyyy1 · Answer

To value myself more. Don't bend over backwards for someone who won't do the same for you. Dont stay with someone who doesn't return ur respect. They'll pin everything on you and say it's all ur fault.

arodriguez664 · Answer

In a weird way I'm extremely grateful for every heartbreak I've had. They helped me evolve to a point where I realized I didn't want to be needed. I want to be wanted. I want a man who is independent like me but wants to spend time with me

Walt832 · Answer

Avoid culture that involves limits. As not living together first, to get to know each very well. Instead they tell you 3 years is the max as boyfriend to marry. I rather find someone is independent and responsible.

Anonymous · Answer

Hopefully 2 things. What we don't want in a partner and what potentially we can improve on. It isn't always our fault. But when patterns emerge that are sticking points with the opposite gender. You have to consider the possibility that the problem isn't them.

Mariena_Anne92 · Answer

Honesty always the best policy, also don’t tolerate things u partner did that u think he won’t tolerate if it’s happen to him. And always put your happiness first before everything else.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Not to carry bad experiences over into another relationship. If you already have a bad attitude about guys or girls going into the new relationship, it is likely doomed from the start.

loveslongnails · Answer

You should have learned a lot about what you wanted and what the other person wanted. Start there and analyze why it didn't work? Did you want different things? Did you communicate clearly? That will keep you busy for a while!

Justmeagain1 · Answer

You will show love differently to how your partner does. It doesn’t make them a bad person if they can’t love you the way you expect them too.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Our self worth and what we deserve, What not to do (again), and How much we will/won’t tolerate

FreyaRed · Answer

Nothing that is advantageous for another relationship, this knowledge is rather counterproductive.

HighValue · Answer

Figure put the main things that made you incompatible long term and in the future avoid potential partners with those traits.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You hopefully learn from your mistakes.

Twalli · Answer

Failed relationships can tell you what to avoid in the future. Let's say that you liked how he was kind of a bad boy at the start, but then realized that it wears on you after a while. Next time don't pick a bad boy.

SphynxUK · Answer

I learnt to stay single lol. Seriously. I’m not really cut out for relationships.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

I learned that I was asexual and aromantic, so I was definitely not meant to have a romantic partner

Vikkrram · Answer

If the person didn't want to continue the relationship then all of your efforts would be waste.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Pretty much what went wrong and why. If you don't learn from it you will probably keep making the same mistakes.

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

That I need to always put myself first.. always love myself before others.

Marklaw12 · Answer

How to make sacrifices to make relationships work.  We all have bad habits that our we or our partners don't like.  We need to work on improving that.

mobiusforniner · Answer

That having a girlfriend while married will NOT work

ChillaxingLove · Answer

Whatever you need to learn that helped it fail

IknowthatIdontKnow09 · Answer

I learned nothing because I was never in a relationship

1stupidrobot · Answer

Don't ever date or have sex with an ex after it's over. There's a reason it's over. Move on.

Someonerandomgirllol · Answer

Learn their not worth it and they are a piece of shit

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Always choose the partner who shows lots of love, caring, communication, etc.

SirJohn42 · Answer

To never go back to that relationship again or make the same mistakes in current relarionship. We learn from our mistakes and make them better.

Iron_Man · Answer

You’re a little bit too young for all this, but the one thing is to understand is learn to compromise

Anonymous · Answer

If it looks/seems too good to be true, it probably is. Nothing lasts forever. While the cat is away the mouse will play. Abscence does not aways make the heart grow fonder. Once all the money is gone the only thing left is love.

ChattyGuy43 · Answer

It's never been my fault, it's always been the partner who's wronged me

Ben487 · Answer

you learn what you did wrong whether that was the way you behaved or the men you selected

YourExLover69 · Answer

Money talks. You shouldn't love if you don't earn big amount

Unit1 · Answer

That they happen. Someone is always going to foul it up.

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