My ex almost boyfriend keeps driving past my work place?

[Anonymous]

So. We were in the talking stage for about 6 months. I finally said, "well if you don't see a relationship between us, there's no point in talking anymore." I cut him off. Muted his messages, deleted him from my socials. I'm out, best thing I can do if you don't want me is to find someone who does. I haven't even checked to see if he's messaged me, because I basically told him to stop talking to me. Well. It's been about 4 months now since I ended everything. I have noticed him driving past my work way more often than he ever has. He's not stopping, just driving past. Which is odd, because he told me he doesn't do much in that town other than get fast food occasionally. It's far from his home, and even farther away than his work. (Total opposite directions, my work place and his... his home is in the middle between off a highway exit) So I see him coming from a direction that is wayyy out of his route to work... this has been multiple times. For example o worked 7 straight days. I saw him practically everyday I worked at least once. Now maybe he really does have business in that part of town. And I'm just over thinking it. Except I saw him 2 times today on my way to and from work. Twice outside of work too. So 4 times today. I know it was him each time cause I managed to see his face, and I know his vehicle. And its been more and more often I'm passing him on the road. Sure that's just coincidence, but it's still unsettling. I liked him a lot, not going to lie. We vibed. But I will not be a lonely option for him. He doesn't know where I live, but he has seen me at work (before I ended it.). He doesn't stop, but it's just bugging me that I'm seeing him more often. It was quiet for a while, then all of a sudden I catch him driving past my work... this has been within the last month. Am I just overthinking? Please tell me I'm just overthinking.

[OlderAndWiser]

Does "talking" mean texting? If so, did you ever have actual voice-to-voice conversations? Did you ever meet in person?

[Asker]

Yes, we met in person. We were hanging out for 6 months, once a week at least.

[Asker]

We actually worked together a couple years ago, it's not like we were total strangers.

[kylee2437]

@asker if a guy isn’t pushing to see you more than once a week, that’s a sign he’s not serious about you. Just note that for next time.

[Asker]

@kylee2437 we did try, but I'm an adult and I work, I couldn't drop everything I had going on to see him all the time.

[Asker]

He**** not we

[kylee2437]

So you didn’t have time for a relationship lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Why did you do this for 6 months before you ended it?

[Asker]

@kylee2437 well we weren't IN a relationship just yet, just trying to see if we were compatible. He's in his 30s, in 26. I work odd hours, they vary.

[Asker]

Because I was hoping. I was really hoping. The first 3 were purely friendship.

[kylee2437]

I never said you were in a relationship, you just wanted one but don’t have time for one. Maybe that’s why he didn’t see a relationship forming within that 6 months?

[Asker]

@kylee2437 he told me he wanted to be with me. But wanted to take things slow, which is great. But 6 months is half a year. That's my limit. We are either together by then, or we aren't. I have had too many heart breaks to be a fool any longer.

It just drives me insane when I see him driving past my work. Makes me sad. Makes me feel unlovable.

Complained about being alone, but when I said, well we could take it up a notch, if you want to be my boyfriend.

[Asker]

@kylee2437 sorry if that one comment made it feel like I was rude, I wasn't trying to be! I was emphasizing.

[kylee2437]

Why does it matter if he drives by? You are overthinking

[Asker]

Because just so odd. He NEVER did that before. He's never once shopped at any of the shop near by. Admitted it himself he doesn't go around My work often because he doesn't need too.

[Asker]

I compare it too driving past my home, I'm there so often.

[kylee2437]

If you feel threatened, inform the police. There’s not much of a question here.

[Asker]

I dont feel threatened, just unsettled

[kylee2437]

So I’m confused on what you want us to say?

[Asker]

What you're saying is fine, maybe even right. I'm just... I guess, just confused myself.

[kylee2437]

Eh who knows. Just as much as you are interested in his behaviors after , he may be with you two. Maybe he has feelings it’s just the circumstances do not allow a proper relationship to form

[Asker]

Maybe. I know he was just scared. He didn't want to be hurt again, he was open about that... but in the process, it torn me apart. I wanted him, but I wasn't with him, you know? I may work odd hours that change every week, but that doesn't mean I don't have time, loyalty, or anything like that.

[kylee2437]

Hey if he has trust issues, he probably needs someone that is going to be able to cater to that more. It’s just a reflection of compatibility. Maybe the distance was unsettling to him. Men have difficulties speaking up especially on stuff like this, so maybe the distance was bothering him?

[Asker]

I suppose it could have been. He told me he wanted to see me more, which I was down for... but he wasn't my boyfriend. Maybe it's wrong of me, but I was upfront when we started talking. I said, "if you can't see us going anywhere, we need to stop flirting and wasting time." I told him I wanted to do everything a girlfriend does for her partner. I wanted to pamper him, love him and his quirks and flaws, I wasn't looking for perfect...

[Asker]

Just real. Everything I gave didn't seem to be enough... so now I'm seeing him everywhere, which I didn't see much of around town while we were hanging out and talking.

[kylee2437]

Aye I wouldn’t doubt that there was flaws on his side also. Just in my personal perspective though, it’s very hard to form a proper connection when only seeing someone once a week. From my experiences every guy that I saw once a week , I feel like I never had a true connection with. I’m sure there’s couples that live like this but even if you two weren’t initially together, I think forming a proper bond involves a lot more than just making it a routine to see each other once a week only. It ruins authenticity when you aren’t actively planning things beyond the once a week mark

[Asker]

There were multiple times I did get to see him several times a week. We hang out for like 7 days straight at one point. I just felt like our connection was good, and it could have gotten even better if he wanted to hold on like I did.

[kylee2437]

Hmmm did you ask him why he wasn’t inching at a relationship?

[Asker]

I did. He just kept telling me "I'm trying to take it slow." But... you know in 3 to 4 months if you really want someone.

[Asker]

He was mad I was going on a date with someone, but wouldn't make it official.

[kylee2437]

I mean while I do understand, why would he put a title on something when you made it known you were dating other people? While you were single the whole time, sometimes I think not everything needs to be said. Honesty is great but sometimes talking stages are a game of chess. Or even more so if you felt like you needed to go explore options, maybe understanding for yourself that you need to cut ties with him for a while

[kylee2437]

Would’ve been better off cutting him off first and then going to talk to other people

[Asker]

Perhaps. But I was trying to figure out if he was okay with it, or if he was going say something about it. I didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket. I've been lead on so many times... I wondered if that's what was happening here.

[kylee2437]

So essentially were you trying to make him jealous? Many men will become uninterested if they actively see you doing that. You don’t have to put your eggs in one basket , but also if it’s that deep into a talking stage and you feel like looking for other options is necessary, then personally I think it’s time to move on. Cut him off. Forget about him, talk to other people. If it is meant to be, it will find its way back, or maybe you will find someone that sweeps you off your feet

[Asker]

I was honest about my past, that I've never been in a relationship, but I wanted to learn, grow, water each other. If he were my boyfriend, I would have dropped everything for him. Told him that. But I didn't want to act like a girlfriend if I wasn't officially a girlfriend.

[kylee2437]

I think there’s limitations to not acting like a girlfriend. In order for someone to see you as a potential, you do need to put some level of vulnerability out there. Obviously this doesn’t include sex, but building a connection is needed to make something happen. Maybe you felt connected, but he truly didn’t so whatever reason or what not. I can’t really say much to that because I don’t know either of you lol but while you shouldn’t give up yourself to someone all the way, you should present some girlfriend qualities so a man sees you as such

[Asker]

Honestly. There never was another guy. I made that up. I wanted him to feel like he was losing me. Wrong of me? Maybe... but I've been lead on before... waited a year for a date with someone who agreed with a date way before we ever even met. i didn't want to wait long.

[Asker]

This other dude agreed to a date, but never helped me make plans or anything. He was my best friend too. It would have been better if he just said no.

[kylee2437]

Lesson learned for next time, don’t ever tell a guy that another guy is involved. If you feel like you aren’t getting what you want, just leave him alone. You don’t want to be looked at, as the girl that folded because guess what? You just gave him a reason as to why his decision was correct not to girlfriend you up. Most men will respect you more when you walk away with dignity.

[Asker]

Oh I tried... but I didn't want to look like a fool. I told him everything, the guys who lead me on, the fact I've never had sex but wanted to with someone someday... I bought him gifts, brought him alcohol, made food for him...

[kylee2437]

Walking away with dignity doesn’t make you look like a fool, trying to make a man jealous does, no offense.

[Asker]

Maybe. He told me that he was a "go with the flow" kind of guy. So I thought maybe if I added other interest, he'd step back and think, "damn I don't want to lose her."

[Asker]

Maybe it did the opposite of what I wanted it to do. But perhaps it is a blessing?

[kylee2437]

So here’s the thing, and I heard this from a man straight up last week while he was drunk in his feelings, a man is more likely to regret a girl that treated him 100% well and was loyal to him than a girl that shows signs of disloyalty.

[kylee2437]

Hey it could be a blessing but there’s lessons to be learned here. I was once in your shoes and stuff like this backfired on me. A man will always remember a woman that was good to him. Any man that comes back after you mistreated him most likely will only come back in hopes for some sexual pleasure

[Asker]

Totally fair. When he asked me about it I was like, "oh, he canceled. I didn't really want to drive an hour away in a bigger city anyway." Then I told him, "since we aren't together I thought it was fine."

[kylee2437]

Yeah just be good to someone next time. You don’t need to give yourself all the way up but men regret losing good girls.

[Asker]

To be fair. He could have treated me better, too. I could have seen it coming, looking back. Way before the made up date. Some red flags were we only ever hung out at his place, we never did anything besides play video games and watch anime, he had days I couldn't see him ("raid nights" or whatever in his game). We did cuddle though. wish I would have rejected then.

[Danny_dan92]

Ok done. Move on then

[Asker]

I'm trying. But he keeps popping up in places I frequent.

[Danny_dan92]

Find new places

[Danny_dan92]

Pop a restraining order on him

[Asker]

I really like my job, I don't really want to to quit. Basically home, the store, and work is all I ever do. We live in a bunch of small towns that kind of all work as one city.

[Asker]

That I may do if he actually approaches me

[Danny_dan92]

Good 👍🏼

[In_Trance]

my ex almost boyfriend. WTH does that even mean

[Asker]

We were talking, enjoying eachother company. But it was never official.

[Asker]

Getting to know about eachother, you know

[In_Trance]

So... he was nothing

[Asker]

He was someone I was seeing. The only guy I was seeing.

[In_Trance]

But it's over. For a reason. So... time to move on

[Asker]

I agree. It's just hard when he keeps popping up at places I frequent and he never did before

[In_Trance]

It'll be easier when you start paying attention to someone else

[Ryfyle]

Call the cops

[Asker]

I dont think I have much of a case. "He keeps driving past the place I work and I see him everywhere I go anymore." Isn't really a police situation. But if he ever approaches me. I just may.

[Ryfyle]

make shit up.

[Ryfyle]

Jokes aside that could be grounds for harassment.

[Asker]

Oh he may have hurt me, but I would never put false accusations on someone.

[Asker]

Maybe. He hasn't approached me since I ended contact.

[Ryfyle]

Keep the cop option open and wait for him to get bored. Or, pay a stud to be around.

[Asker]

God I hope he just stops going out of his way soon. I liked him a lot... but sometimes I felt maybe he didn't feel the same? Told me I have red flags, yet... seems to run into me a lot now.

[Ryfyle]

Yeah, thats getting weird, confront them.