My boyfriend has a child but I didn't know about it?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend broke up with his ex when she was pregnant and neither he nor his family see the child very often. I did not know that an I was very upset when I heard this news because how can you be serious with someone who is not responsible for his child?

[DaveJord]

Did you tell you the whole story. So, when I divorced it was ugly. My ex-wife did a lot of really ugly stuff... the vilest of the things she did was manipulate and corrupt my children against me. My ex-wife even got brought up on perjury charges for lying in court and on court documents during the divorce. Only fines not jail time for her.

The only reason why she didn't want be to get any visitation or custody was because she wanted the maximum amount of child support from every month. It was about the money, not the child, to her. $$$$

It was vile toxic stuff, very painful to endure.

My children are 25 and 18 now... but my ex cut me out of their lives immediately. The 25 year old has a restraining order against her mother, but she at same time won't talk to me, because she feels I did not do enough to protect her from her mother growing up. Which is fair of her, she is dealing with a lot of things right now. But what was I supposed to do, I spent $40,000.00 on my divorce and courts would do anything for me. She turned my kids that easily against me.

My youngest told me the last time I saw her, that mom has access to her cell phone and monitors all her social media, and when she does see me that mom interrogates her when she gets home... and that she just doesn't want to see me anymore. I cried that night... and it I have seen her since.

So when I meet a woman, who has no idea of the back or story, you really do not bring up or talk about it right away. But in my case, I just say my kids are grown and out of the house... which honestly, they are. I paid child support for years, haven't seen my youngest since she was 16. SAD, very sad. She turns 18 this month, so I have hope.

My ex-wife still writes my family saying I am dead beat... but I pay the maximum child support the courts can allow. I would of given more money for custody and visitation... but it does not work that way in the courts.

So it is easy in the era of sexism and male discrimination, and the rise of feminism to make the assumption the Dad or Man is a dead beat. But you know nothing about the abuse a man endures from some woman, and then how they turn that toxic emotional abuse on to the children. So I see all these single women with kids, with not father and I ask myself... what's her story? I try not to judge.

Its traumatic, its devastating and destructive... does that sound like something you want to talk about with a new love interest, as you are trying to move on with your life?

[Asker]

I'm sorry for you and your children. I hope everything goes well for you. but our age is still very young and naturally he should have shared such a thing with me. As far as I know, the child's mother does not prevent him from meeting with him. but he doesn't want to see them very often. This is a situation that upsets me because I grew up with such. a huge love to my dad. I would be very upset if my child was separated from his father.

[DaveJord]

I agree with you 100%. Again I do not know the situation or circumstances. Just remember that later when it comes to you wanting kids maybe someday, and there are people in your life telling you a woman can do everything a man can do. That is false. A woman cannot be positive male role model or father. So, cutting the father out might be good for you personally, but it's not for the kids.

So, this guy might be a dead beat, but for the rest of us, like myself, don't assume to much unless you really know the facts.

[boggboss]

So what are u actually asking you got with a guy that dont want to be in his kids life

[Asker]

I'm asking if it's right to continue my relationship with this person.

[boggboss]

Thats completely upto you tho is this somthing u can accept or not from a partner

[Simslover92]

Not only did he not tell you about the kid he had but he's not taking care of his responsibility? Sounds like a big red flag to me. I would really consider not speaking to him again. If he could hide something this big from you, there's no telling what else he could hide from you.

[Asker]

yes its such a big red flag.. im so sad for the baby...

[Asker]

I mean even if I continue to be with him and start a family in the future I don't want it to be like this. he should always be in communication with the child I don't feel sorry for myself or him, only the child

[Simslover92]

Yeah I definitely feel sorry for that child. And you have to ask yourself is there a possibility that he could do the same to you if you guys were to have kids? To just walk out on them?

[Asker]

I don't know but if I experienced this, I would be very upset because family ties are very important to me. especially my father. so I think maybe we should just stay friends now because we didn't experience much

[laraWM]

I understand, I'd have been upset too. How did you learn about it? Did he tell you?

[Asker]

no hi did no tI found out from someone I knew and he told me the whole stor When he was 21, his girlfriend gave birth to the child even though he said he couldn't take responsibility for it. and the person who told me about it says he only did it because she wanted his money. I don't know and I don't care about this part, but there is a baby in the and the baby needs attention and love no matter what.

[laraWM]

You need to talk about it together, he could give you more details on what happened

[Asker]

I don't really want to because he hid everything all this time I don't know how honest he will be

[laraWM]

Yes but then I'm not sure what else you can do

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Yes, deadbeat dad. It's kind of a forewarning to you of what would happen if you get pregnant.

[Asker]

and people say that his ex-girlfriend gave birth to the baby just for his money this is a very wrong thought no matter what, there is a child and not material needs but moral needs are important for the baby

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I would not like to be with a man who would leave his child.

[TheAfrikan]

I bet he has his own reasons for not wanting you to know about it. You can ask him about why he had to hide it from u.

[Asker]

he shared his reasons after this but its not a enough reason not to take care of his child it makes me sad he said he was 21 at the time and his girlfriend gave birth to child just for financial reasons

[imfreeze95]

I’d dump him if he did that before he will do it again, maybe even to you.

[Cheerfull009]

It is your fault, you did not inquired before going in relationship

[itsalyssaagain]

Girl what you doing dating an idiot like that!

[In_Trance]

How did you not know about this?

[Asker]

how can I know this they are even not living in the same country

[In_Trance]

How could this not come up in conversation?

[Asker]

It didn't even occur to me to ask if a 23-year-old had a child.

[In_Trance]

Live and learn

[anon1903]

He's a douche