Boyfriend lives with baby's mama. Am I the other woman?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend asked his baby mama to move in with him years ago to maintain his house, while he was deployed back to back for like 3 deployments. Yet she is still there and he claims he's been telling her to leave for a long time. He claims he doesn't want to rock the boat because she'll take him for years of child support. We've been together over a year (yes I know, I know) and she still lives with him. She doesn't know about me. Should I believe him about the child support, (he supports his child but doesn't want to be taken to court for years of back pay). We now have a child together (unplanned pregnancy). When I showed him the laws in our state and explained she couldn't "take him" for years of child support (especially since his child has lived with him for many years), he said he didn't want to hear it and that I didn't know what I was talking about. He's generally OK, and good to my other two children. He's not abusive. Myself and my kids have had such a rough road, I'm fearing we should just take what we've got. At least he doesn't beat on us. No man will take a woman with three kids.. I'm afraid to leave this guy. My children need a father, and as long as he's good to them- that's all that matters right? I'm a real idiot because he told me about her in the beginning, but if I had realized that I would be a secret and that her family still thinks they're an item(found out that last one at 6months pregnant) we'd still be in this same spot- I would not have stayed. Now I care so much about him, it hurts and I have been crying since I was 4 weeks pregnant.- now my baby is 3 months old. Please tell me what you think!

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness what a pickle. So he mother to his other children doesn't know about you or your child with him?
I am so sorry to hear this. You really must be hurting right now and I'm sad that there is nothing we can do or say immediatly to make you feel better.

I think if we try and look at this simply, although it's not. He is hiding you? What is your gut feeling?
Perhaps they had a bad patch and got back together. Perhaps he is telling the truth and feels stuck.
Perhaps this whole time he is taking you for a ride and you have just been his woman on the side.

It really seems as though, due to him not telling her about you. That he isn't caring about you as much as he should. It's not right to treat you like this and I think you know it.
If he lives with her how much quality time are you and your child getting?
I also believe this other woman has a right to know he has a new baby.
But I don't think your the person to tell her.

Do you see a future with him? Will he move in with you?
This is all terrible I don't really know what to say.
My gut is telling me to tell you to wait until you know he is out, go to his house, and show the woman the baby. Tell her it's his, tell her about the last year then leave his ass.
But given the situation I know this is terrible advice.
But both you and this woman deserve better.

Are you on social media? Or does he hide you from his social accounts also?

I really think you should put your foot down and tell him he needs to come clean with this woman or you two are through. Yes the baby needs a dad I completely agree, but he is leading a double life.
Is there someway you can get this woman to find out which won't be obviously down to you?

My goodness sweetie you poor thing xx

[Opinion Owner]

How are things going?

[Anonymous]

well hmmm does the baby mama know about you? also do you still feel like they are together? My ex and I still live together so we don't have to fight for custody but were no longer married nor together do they sleep in the same bed?

[Asker]

I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt, believing his siutation was like yours. He says they aren't together and don't share a bed. But she doesn't know about me.

[Asker]

Thank you for answering. Oh and, I'm confused about how I feel. We can't talk when he's at home, etc. He says she searches his phone and will go crazy and demand child support if she knew he was seeing someone.

[Opinion Owner]

oooo if she is looking threw his phone they are still probally together I'm sorry I NEVER checked my xs phone in fact I would try to push him to see other women I don't know I'm sorry its a tough one

[Asker]

Thank you for answering. It at least helps me to know if I'm crazy for being suspicious. Either that or I'm a total idiot. I've been through so much with abusive psycho cheating men- I'm a total dummy.