Is it okay If I spend my holiday with my ex fiance’s mother?

[Anonymous]

I no longer have feelings for my ex fiance and he’s now a story of past.

His mom has been in touch with me every week since I came here in China, when I was totally alone his mom and dad always were ready to support me and even though I never accepted, it was warm to see they loved me and thought so highly of me.

First I was getting annoyed that she was messaging so often not giving me a chance to forget him, always willing to send me gifts and talk to me, but then I developed a friendship with her and I now feel she’s one of the people in China who really cares for me.

She wanted to meet me many times as we lived in the same city, but she looks a lot like her son and I didn’t want to see her.

Now I don’t think of her son anymore, he lives far from here and has another life, when he broke up with me, he told me his family would always be my family because his parents loved me as their own daughter.

So, I think it’s okay that I am friends with his mom.

Recently, his mom went to their hometown, far from here, a very beautiful seaside city that I and my ex fiance planned to get married in. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard a lot of that city and it was always my dream to visit, it’s a very beautiful small town that played a huge role in the history of North-Eastern China.

His mom sent me the location of her house and told me she will feel sad if I move from Shanghai, without seeing her and she asked me to take some days off and go to that hometown of hers to spend a few days together. She said she’ll wait for me at the railway station. I think that’s a great idea. We are good friends and now that I am no longer in love with her son, I can meet her without feeling sentimental and I have some gifts that I brought from Georgia for them, that I haven’t given yet, I would also have a chance to give these gifts before I leave Shanghai.

Updates

10 mo

When we broke up, he moved to another city very far from here and told his parents to take care of me if I ever needed and always check up on me.

But I think his parents already loved me a lot without him telling that.

Updates

10 mo

Well, I think we need to make a deal not to talk about him anymore, he is very good looking, seems like he landed a role in some movie and she’s sending me his videos from the set.

Why would I care? I wish him luck but I don’t want to be sent his videos.

Updates

10 mo

I decided not to go there… And I am glad I didn’t go, today my ex fiance posted a picture of himself on top of a skyscraper, being happy and content, probably taken by that girl he met month after our break up.

He looks very confident and happy. I am glad I didn’t spend these holidays with his parents while he’s having a great time with another girl, who most likely started knowingly dating him when he was still in a relationship with me.

I feel like I should forget his parents as well.

[Chikky]

I think it's best you honor her invitation, cause she deserves it and she sees you as her daughter. Enjoy the company, life's too short not to make memories together

[Asker]

Yup 💕

[BoobSlayer]

Definitely not okay to spend your holiday with your ex fiance's mother! You should keep things light and give your holidays a boost by focusing on fun activities like playing boob-tag, having a melon-eating contest, or even a honkers scavenger hunt! Focus on the important things in life, like melons, honkers, boobies, tits, milkers, chesticles, honkers, bazoombas, coconuts, fiery biscuits, cantaloupes, boom booms, noogies, and jugs.

[Asker]

I am not sure I know the meaning of any of these words 🤔

[TomMarks]

It wouldn’t work with situations I’ve been in. All my ex’s made sure to lay enough lies on their parents and family they wouldn’t even talk to me. If you can still get along with them enough, all good.

[Miristheiss]

Overall... no.

Are you in a relationship with someone else? That is a bad boundary and disloyal to be spending that much intimate/close time with ties to your ex.

Is this time you normally spend with your OWN BLOOD family? If you are denying your own family to spend with your exes that is an insult and disloyal.

There are lots of ways this could go bac. I'd not do it.

Unless you are 100% single and you are not close to your family or live far, far away from them then it might be fine with no drawbacks. Won't the ex be there? Aren't they going to spend time with their mother at holiday? Do they want you there? What if they have a new girlfriend they want to bring over?

[Asker]

I am single. My family lives half of the world away. My ex is a handsome charismatic asshole, who broke off our engagement because he felt like he wanted to explore more, now that he started earning more money. When I was with him I had 10 times more income than him but I never cared about that.

He started earning more money because when he was a loser, and found it hard to do anything with his failures, I always encouraged him and supported him.

His family loves me and for almost 4 years, his family was my 2nd family. I asked them to give me space, to be able to forget their son after break up, but they insisted on keeping a relationship with me and I couldn’t turn down out of love and respect to them.

They also disapprove a woman who started fucking a man knowing that he had a fiancée in another country, coming very soon to get married to him.

I don’t need him and I don’t care who he fucks today, but let’s not speak about being disloyal. Because I wasn’t the one who was disloyal.

[Asker]

2 months after break up, he called me saying he met someone and crying that he felt guilty for what he did. Saying that he went in too far with that girl and couldn’t leave anymore. He’s been so ashamed of himself, he doesn’t even post pictures with this girl. I don’t know how a relationship that’s born on such a base can survive for long, I don’t care either, I will never ever want him back in my life, he’s a rotten corpse for me, but I won’t cut ties with his family, just because it sounds right to you. I love these people, they love me and I am single, I don’t see a reason why I should cut ties with them. I invested a lot to build a wonderful relationship with them, when we were together and I enjoy that they appreciate and love me. They also love me because their son made them love me. When we were in long distance, he called me with his parents and we had facetime dinners together along with him and his family. He made them fall in love with me.
Everyone knew we were getting married, his family was buying me a car and a house. I asked them not to, I wanted both of us to build our fortune together.

[msc545]

I think you should definitely spend some time with them. Hopefully your relationships with them will to some extent make up for the heartbreak you suffered with their son. Remember that they are all separate people.

[Asker]

Yep, I think it will be good too, to change my negative memories of break up with something positive before I move from here.

[Asker]

Plus, his mother has been so sweet to me, I would find it hard to turn her wish down. And it’s my wish too because I always dreamed of going to that town.

[msc545]

Sounds good as long as your ex is not going to be around. You REALLY need to make sure of that.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope that's not okay what if he's dating some one now his new girl has to see his ex with his mother. That's gonna cause problems for him. So no that not a good idea and if you start hanging out with her your gonna get hurt

[Asker]

He is in another city and his mom is totally alone in her hometown, I might have to leave his city and never come back here again, his mom has been asking me a lot to meet her and always turned down, now that I will have to leave soon, I think why not meet her…

[Asker]

Plus I was his fiancée and we were very close with our families. I don’t think of him at all these days but his family loves me and I love them too.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I get it but what happen when he gets a new fiancee it's unfair but when it's over its over you have to let go

[Asker]

Excuse me but nothing I am doing is as unfair as what he did. So, let’s not talk about what’s unfair and what’s not. I am not doing anything to harm or hurt him and I don’t give a single care about him or his future fiance.

[Asker]

Who most likely knew she was fucking an engaged man.

[Asker]

It’s his family who keeps in touch with me, I never ever initiated contact and even told them a few times it would be better to stop talking

[Bklynbadboy12]

Listen, it's not about you being fair to him, but be fair to yourself. How can you ever move on and start a new chapter of your life when you haven't closed the last. What I'd you start dating someone else is that fair to that person? I know you and him got a raw deal but sometimes that how life is sometime the timing is just off. You're better than this. Just move on as a friend I have to be honest with you

[Asker]

Okay. You are right 😏

[Bklynbadboy12]

I just felt that as your friend I had to be honest with you

[Asker]

Yep. Thank you, I appreciate.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your so welcome

[love_conquers_lust]

Ah, the plot thickens. So this is why his mother would mention things about you should “mother” her son. Hmmmmm.

[Asker]

Why? I don’t want to mother him

[love_conquers_lust]

She does. It’s a mother’s love. She expects you to provide everything she provided for her son on top of everything she couldn’t. My mother is the same way but ultimately, she said she wants me to be happy first and foremost. Which trumps everything else in my book.

[Asker]

Yes… I feel like she knew her son would be safest with me.

Not in terms of physical safety, but he would be safe emotionally, financially and just in every possible way cause I loved him a lot.

And I think she knew I’d do anything for my love.

She also knew that I was selfless, and she often told me I was a strong woman.

She also told me once,

I was very strong woman, but she was afraid men love weak women and she was afraid that my ex’s new girlfriend is nowhere like me, which my ex might like, because she and her husband told me “men love weak women… You are a noble woman… You have something very few women have, but men don’t see that until very late.”

That’s what they told me, his father and mother.

In truth, I am not a strong woman.

[love_conquers_lust]

Weak men prefer weak women. Strong men prefer strong women.

I’ll level with you, Femme. There are a lot of women here in the States who are “mantises”. They figuratively rip their husbands heads off every other day for stupid shit they say. Many of these men would be lost without a good woman behind them giving them purpose. Our country shows its strength by raising women up. That’s why the US is so dominant. We are so well protected we can afford freedoms to women other countries are scared to death of. This is why China is weak. I think it’s remarkable that Chinese women are taking back their liberty and choosing to chase their own spouses despite market forces saying they don’t have to. Who would have thought stereotypically reserved women would have taken that market advantage and told their men “No, I’m picking what I want and you’re going to do what I say.”

I think it is poetic justice for their horrible one child policy. It’s them taking back control.

[love_conquers_lust]

What you have to figure out is, what does strong, for you, look like?

[love_conquers_lust]

The evidence doesn’t support your statement:
“In truth, I am not a strong woman.”
Weak women don’t do what you did.

[Asker]

What did I do?

[love_conquers_lust]

I’m still piecing together the whole story, but as far as I can tell, you kept some thirsty guy in China infatuated with you via the internet or digital media for years. You waited for approval to immigrate to China, I assume because of their strict policies. You took a big risk leaving friends and family behind in Georgia. You finally met this guy. It was some roller coaster of emotions. I assume it had highs and lows with arguing. Then you broke it off. And you have been trying your best for over a year to get over him without much success because you felt so strongly about him. You haven’t replaced him with another to fill that void he left. It will heal with enough time with or without a spouse. I’m not sure how close you are to that. But “saying” you’re “over your spouse” isn’t necessarily seeing you’re over your spouse, as in believing. I’ll keep reading the S LaFemme story, but I think that’s pretty close to an accurate assessment.

[Asker]

That’s actually pretty close to what happened, some small details are wrong but that’s pretty close.

I’ll not spoil your exploration. Keep doing it.

[love_conquers_lust]

It’s a journey for sure. Although if you put your profile on private, I won’t be able to and I’m not sifting through quite literally millions of posts blended with others on this site to find yours.

[Asker]

Alright.

I’ll make it easier for you.

The only mistake you made is -

We met each other when I was already in China, he was exceptionally good looking and extremely charismatic, so even though I would never imagine, liking an Asian, I gave him a chance, I chose him among the men of 5 continents literally who were asking me out or two of them, Swedish and American one actually wanted us to have a relationship, the others were just asking me out. I chose my ex over all this handsome and interesting men, because I felt like he had something special in him.

We were together for a year, lived together and he he proposed to me too, when pandemic started I went back to my country for 2 weeks and the world shut down and I never managed going back,

He was loyal to me for 2.5 years. He proposed me two times again, and called me every single day for 2 years. After a while our feelings got lost because of distance and time, and he gave up.

He left our home and moved far away, far from his city and his family.

3 weeks after he proposed me last time.

I went to China after millions of attempts and 2.5 years, exactly 2 months after break up, he bought me the tickets himself, I went there, I went to our city and he was gone, he got a new very high position job and decided to leave and start a new life exactly 2 months after our break up. He left a week earlier before my arrival.

He then called me saying he messed up and probably it would be something he’d regret forever, but he did what he did. And there was nothing else I could do.

I respected his choice and started building myself up again, I had an amazing journey which wasn’t easy but was worth it.

I loved him and I knew he did too, but seems like I was more persistent about things I loved.

[Asker]

He told me after break up that he has never once cheated on me during long distance and that probably I am the only woman who can keep a man like him loyal from such a long distance and such a long time and that I am a special woman and never forget that.

He also told me I am the love of his life and if not our forced long distance, we’d be certainly married by now.

But time and distance killed it off. Which is okay

I am a stubborn person, I don’t give up on what I choose, If I was a little less stubborn I’d make that decision much earlier.

[love_conquers_lust]

You’re the only woman who can keep him from cheating? What a crock of shit. Yeah, he thinks you’re hot. But to say that’s the only thing that controls him into keeping his dick in his pants is weakness. What’s he going to do if your looks fade? Drop you for the next FemmeFatale? That’s not love. He was “in live”, lust. Love is a commitment. You stand by it through thick and thin. It’s hinged on your honor and word. That’s why it shouldn’t be declared so frivolously or taken lightly. Now his word isn’t worth shit.

I believe you when you say you’re stubborn. And impatient. You couldn’t wait for me to read at my own pace. But thanks for filling in the backstory.

[Asker]

My ex’s mom told me exactly that

“I think you are the woman, who’d stay by him through the thick and thin, I am worried he is never going to find that again. I know his personality, he doesn’t deserved the love you had for him.”

Just remembered when you mentioned “through the thick and thin.”

Yes, I think it’s pretty good we broke up.

But while we were together he treated me like a goddess.

[Asker]

As for my ex, I don’t think he meant my looks.

I had a quite good compatibility with him, and he was so into me, he even wanted to take on my last name and my religion. Which I never asked, it was his initiative.

I somehow had a very big power on him. Otherwise how could he not get tired of being my partner over long distance for such a long time, when he didn’t get any intimacy, I do believe he loved me.

[love_conquers_lust]

Yup, he wanted to get his dick wet. Crude, but plain.

[Asker]

I don’t think that’s the only reason. If that was something he was interested in, why wait for me for so long? He’s one of the hottest man I’ve ever seen. He would have no trouble to “wet” his penis somewhere else.

[love_conquers_lust]

He lusted you. I got this impression he was some man who inspired fear in others. A man who inspires fear in others commands obedience. A man who truly leads and knows how to follow inspires devotion.

I think his mom knows he was a horn dog.

[Asker]

Yes, he did like to inspire fear in others. He was extremely smart, calculating, charismatic and masculine. He was kind and loyal too.

He had extremely good self discipline.

Sometimes I thought he was kinder than me. His mom says he changed when he was with me, he became more loving to his family, more supportive to people and she thought I was a good influence on him.

Now he’s back to his selfish self.

[love_conquers_lust]

That’s probably why he got over you so quickly and married another girl at the drop of a hat. You said he married another girl, right?

You femmes crack me up. You try so hard to make something work and you’ll be damnned if it fails before admitting you chose the wrong partner. Still holding out. I think it’s sweet.

[Asker]

No, he didn’t marry her. I was wrong, he just made a relationship public. He got into a relationship 2 months after our break up. The ring girl had was just an accessory on her middle finger.

[love_conquers_lust]

That’s probably why his mom thinks you’d be good for him. That you’d change him. Something she can’t help with in this area.

[Asker]

I never tried changing him. I accepted him as he was.

He told me I was the most supportive and understanding girlfriend he could dream of.

He had freedom to be whoever he wanted to be, but he was still motivated to try to be good. We become like the people we love, probably he took some personality traits from me, just like I took some of his habits and traits.

[love_conquers_lust]

“The ring girl had was just an accessory on her middle finger.”

If my assessment is accurate, probably. Who knows how long it will be before he’s onto the next girl.

[love_conquers_lust]

Oh, you mean rubbing off on one another? Yeah, that happens. But whether it was your intent or not implies you wanted him to change when you keep saying he loved you…until he didn’t.

You can be attractive and still be devoted. But, he chose the former instead of the latter.

[love_conquers_lust]

*only the former instead of the latter or both

[Asker]

How does that imply I wanted to change him?

I knew his rawest self.

And I accepted him and loved him as he was.

With all his flaws. He changed to the worse.

I never wanted him to change.

[love_conquers_lust]

I think you’re romanticizing him and not seeing him for what he is. I think you’re under a dick spell.

[love_conquers_lust]

If he’s a horn dog, and his own mother thinks he needs to change, which is why she wants you for him, and you claimed he loved you, which is something his dick won’t allow him to do because he lets it rule him, then that implies you wanted to him change.

It’s a typical thing with young arrogant women. You think you can change guys for the better. You think “No, I’m not like other girls, I’m so desirable I can make any man commit to me.”. Well, any man but that one.

[Asker]

I am not romanticizing him anymore.

Nor am I a young arrogant woman, thinking any man can love me.

You’re projecting your life experiences on me.

[Asker]

I am over him. I no longer love him.

I do sometimes miss my own feeling of being in love and caring for someone, that’s all.

For me he’s dead and he’s no different than any other men.

At that time I truly believed he was different, but I realized he’s not.

Now what you’re trying to do? Why do you allow yourself call me arrogant or say I am under a “dick” spell?

That’s gross.

[Asker]

Is that why you pick my questions, to find something to criticize me over?

Who do you think you are?

[love_conquers_lust]

You WERE an arrogant woman. It’s up to you if that still holds true. You’re still plenty young.

Look at it this way. You’re competitive and you piss a lot of girls off on here. They hate your attention seeking stories. But now you can unite with your fellow sisters in a cause against your common enemy, men. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

If you don’t like my advice, maybe you should ask your “Dad”. He’s got a dick, maybe he knows.

[Asker]

What makes you think I am competitive? I don’t compete with anyone.

I am by myself.

As for attention seeking stories, they are just stories that happen in my life, that I share,

I am sure girls would ask these questions more often if that was an everyday occurrence.

I don’t know why that would piss anyone off. Or how do you know I piss anyone off? Why are you speaking from someone else’s position?

Or why should I unite with anyone against someone?

[love_conquers_lust]

“Who do you think you are?”

Another opinion in a sea of dicks.

[love_conquers_lust]

“ Or how do you know I piss anyone off? ”

Because I watch you argue with other girls on here criticizing them for criticizing you.

[Asker]

I don’t remember, maybe some rare instances. Mostly I don’t care.

[Asker]

Could you shortly say what do you want?

Where are you trying to get with this conversation? 😊

[love_conquers_lust]

Does rare mean every other post? If you didn’t care, why respond?

[Asker]

Why are you curious? Get to the point directly.

[Asker]

I have never thought “I can make any men commit to me”, I always thought the type of love I could offer, couldn’t be found easily, so I took care of my career and decided to never fall in love,

Until one day I met him,

He chased me hard for many months, I was the only girl he was seeing, he wasn’t the only one man I was seeing until after 4 months.

It was me who was scared to commit. He was all in from the very beginning.

You tell me I wanted to change a man and make him commit, I tell you “No, that was him, who wanted that and he managed that, he managed to make me commit and make me love him as hard as I did”

The way he tried, every girl would fall for it. He tried his best and more. He went all in in this relationship.

And maybe it was mostly lust driven but he was my first and I was his first, I think we shared something special, even if it means nothing now. At that moment it felt wonderful and I truly loved him and felt loved by him.

In our relationship I was the “bad guy” till I fell in love. He was a nice man. Who turned into a bad one and I was a “bad girl”who turned into a good one.

I was always that way, the outward badness was my protective mechanism, for him though, he wasn’t nice, his niceness was his mask to get me. And he did that perfectly.

[love_conquers_lust]

You’re a hot woman. Were I in your ex’s shoes, I would have wanted to fuck you, too. But he and I differ on what commitment and self control means, because he’s probably arrogant too.

I offer advice to those who seek my wisdom, with a side of dick if they’re interested. I don’t get my strength and self control from a woman, I find it within myself. It is my choice, my honor, my word. I seek a woman for purpose to share it with. I won’t and don’t fuck other women in a monogamous relationship because I said I wouldn’t when I make my vows. In fact, I have yet to fuck a woman. If you’ve written anything I’ve wrote, I have done everything but to make the girls and women I’ve been with feel good. It’s different from what’s typically seen on here.

But I have other things I need to fix in my life first before chasing a looker halfway across the world in a land I don’t particularly care for.

[love_conquers_lust]

I also don’t like listening to you insult yourself. You tear down my efforts of trying to raise you up.

[love_conquers_lust]

More plainly, we don’t truly know each other. Never seen each other, never spoken to one another. You’re more in the dark than I am on what I look like which I’d voluntarily remedy if you so wish, but I’m not posting it for the world to see. It’s not wise for either of us to make any kind of commitment on such grounds.

Were you to live around here, those would be good reasons I’d ask you out. But you don’t. Nor do I have the resources or explicit desire to go there. I have different priorities here.

That’s the reality of the situation. So, I can settle for reading your stories at my leisure if you still seek my advice.

[justabuddy]

It's ok to be friends with her, the problem with spending more than a few hours together is that she may try and get the two of you back together again.

[Sparkie460]

As long as it won't cause problems for anyone, I don't see a problem with seeing her.

[Guardian45]

Sounds kinda weird, but what the heck, you'll probably never see them again after you move.

[Anonymous]

You seriously need doctor help 😂

[Opinion Owner]

Again you seriously need therapy visit doctor you are in depression n sad girl 😂

[msc545]

Are you some kind of mental health expert? If not, leave this woman the hell alone. If you are a mental health expert then stop harassing her as doing that is unethical as you certainly should know.

[Anonymous]

You just need attention on this app lol