I got pregnant from a friends with benefits - do I confront him about sleeping around?

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant with my friends with benefits the second time I slept with him. I’ve only known him now for 8 months and I kept the baby. He wanted me to originally so did I and then he went off the idea of it and tried to force me to get an abortion I said no. He came around eventually and we have been seeing each other ever since as in dating. But I’ve found out he’s been sleeping with someone behind my back. But me and him are NOT official and he did tell me he’s not sure what he wants in terms of a relationship but that he wants me and him to work in the future and that I’m not allowed to date anyone else or speak to anyone else ever. Yet he is doing the same thing? Do I confront him on this or let it go considering we aren’t officially dating? I also sometimes feel like I’m lucky to even have him in the child’s life as i literally got pregnant the second time i slept with him and should I even expect him to be loyal since this situation realistically is all a mess? I don’t regret keeping our child as it felt the right thing to do and I found out very late I was pregnant and would not have went through with that at 16 weeks pregnant.

[Avicenna]

That's a difficult situation to be in. Here's the thing- he has no incentive at this point to change his behavior and you are not going to get him to be in a stable monogamous relationship with you, so it's best to acknowledge that and focus on your raising your child. You first need to decide if you want him in your child's life and if you do, then you should talk to him and let him know what your expectations are and see if he can be bothered to be a father.

You also need to make arrangements to get child support. Keep in mind that he will have visitation rights. If he says he wants nothing to do with the child, see an attorney about getting him to give up his parental rights.

[Asker]

Yes I thought that too. I just don’t like how he is so hypocritical and tells me I can’t be with anyone else or speak to anyone else and that I belong to him it’s not fair yet he can do what he wants. That’s the only thing encouraging me to confront him. I would like him to see the child as I know he’s excited to have a son, I’m just finding it hard to separate my emotions from him while I’m pregnant. I know when the baby is here I won’t be bothered about what he’s up to but while I’m pregnant it’s lonely and I get negative thoughts about him and other wimen

[Avicenna]

Don't waste your time confronting him. If he tells you what to do, tell him he doesn't control you. Focus in your child's best interests and welfare. If he wants to be a part of his kid's life, great, but he has no business telling you what to do. Do you have family and friends who can be supportive right now when you're lonely or need help?

[Asker]

Yeah I have a lot of friends and family who I speak to often and I already love my baby very much even though I haven’t met him yet I just feel like I’m very obsessive over my baby’s father and what he’s doing

[Avicenna]

Like I said, you just need to come to the realization that he isn't going to be a responsible person and be your partner. I know that is unpleasant, but the sooner you realize it, the better.

[Pohjolan]

Confront a fuckboy you are not in a relationship with about him sleeping around?

He may settle down later on but don't count on it nor assume that you won't be the side chick.

Also be mindful that the negative emotions you might feel are completely natural.

Your ancestors in the same kind of a situation faced death or potentially committing infanticide.

Maybe move in with your parents for a while.

[provokeesmokee]

Jesus.

You chose this at this point. Why would you let him tell you whether or not to carry a baby to term? Make your own decision.

[nawtee_me]

go out with one of his friends and have a good time. Have sex with him if you want to. He has no control over you when he can not even control himself. The two of you should be together or you should be apart. Tell him you want child support if he is going to play around with other girls.

[ohsheeT]

Well you can always start it out with the birds and the bee story

[Staximus]

Maybe you two should either be a couple or don't, instead of all this wishy washy friends with benefits with rules bullshit