Dishes: how do you handle them as a couple?

[Anonymous]

I am a type A person who loves the dishes done asap and definitely before bed. My boyfriend is more relaxed and can leave them overnight if he is too tired or whatever. We just had an argument because I wanted to get them done asap but instead he sat on the couch and said he’ll do it later. But because I have experienced him in the past saying this then going to bed and leaving everything for the morning (leaving me to do them before bed passive aggressively muttering under my breath), I automatically feel like I know he won’t do them ‘later’. And the whole time I’m waiting for him to be ready to do the dishes, I’m anxious about ‘will they get done/ will they not/ will I be doing them alone?’ So it’s much easier for my mental health if I just do them straight away. But it hurts my feelings that he doesn’t seem to care that it’s important to me to just get the cleaning done so we can relax. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I don’t mind doing dishes alone as does he. But tonight we bbq’d on the balcony so there were a lot of things to bring through into the kitchen. Tonight of all nights would have been the time to just go with how I wanted to do things and pitch in! Any other couples out there with this type a/b dynamic? How do y’all manage dishes and cleaning up in the evening?

[snowboarder720]

I’m fine with doing the dishes. My fiancé… not so much.
I basically ask her to bring her dishes to the sink and rinse them off as much as possible where I can just place in the dishwasher with no problem. I mostly find myself doing 95% of the dishes. She’s a good person and normally recognizes that and she helps me by doing our laundry or cleaning the bathroom, etc. that way we seem to balance each other with what we do for the other person.
Sometimes I do the dishes and help her with laundry and sometimes she takes care of the dishes and does 100% of the laundry.


The important thing is we feel that we balance each other and one person isn’t felt left out. If one person feels that they are burnt out, they can tell the other person that they feel exhausted from the amount of work they’ve been doing and the other person rethinks what they are doing to help out. It’s honestly more about open communication than doing the chores, honestly. This stuff takes a ton of practice and not every week is the same as the last.


Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

I realise this is common female thinking. It's not that you're wrong from your perspective but to guys this is crazy.

Take control of this area because you care about it and you'll then be master of your own destiny without causing needless arguments. Chances are he cares about other stuff - stuff that you don't care about -and resents your moaning at him.

To save your feelings, agree we him that he must do something else. Like take out the trash, fix the car, more the lawn.

Equality does not mean same.

Personally, I bought a dishwasher. A nice one. I fill it every night and turn it on. I empty it every morning.

[jennifer_bloom]

Tell him, if he does not do the dishes, that night, he has to do your dishes another night. Or he has to take out the trash during pick up because you washed the dishes. In my home, my dad does the driving and research and my mom does the gardening. You don’t have to both do exactly the same thing in every case. You can, but there are other ways to divide the work. One person could do all the laundry and another could do all the vacuuming etc…

[beebella]

I've never been in this situation, but I'm more of a "morning dish-washer" type of person. 😄
I don't usually like cleaning up at night (I like relaxing at night), but if someone wants the dishes done before the end of the night, then I'll wash them. It's not a big deal to me. 🤷‍♀️

[JackCarter]

Same here.. can't peacefully go to bed if anything like that is left out and also just can't let my wifey do anything in the kitchen alone! I suck at cooking (She says its great but nah).. so I usually go with doing the dishes LOL

(I am sorry about the argument by the way)

[richardcory]

Disagreeing on how chores should be done can turn into a big problem. Your situation sounds similar to a friend of mine where she ended up doing basically all the chores because she wanted things neater than her husband did.

Fortunately my wife and I are both pretty much neatness freaks, so things get cleaned up immediately

[Lliam]

I ALWAYS wash my own dishes and utensils. I don't expect anyone to clean up after me.

My wife cooks most of our dinners when she is home, so I do most of the dishes. But we sometimes share doing dishes when there are lots of dirty pot, pans and utensils.

She tends to leave cleaned things in the left side of the double kitchen sink. I don't mind putting those away. I also run and empty the dishwasher.

[zebronics]

I don't believe in 50:50 stuffs, we have our own roles to play in a family, however we can sometimes help with the kitchen work or in other help in the home or with the kids but generally that's the responsibility of the woman, man is the one who provides for them food clothes , love , security, affection... traditional way.🌱🌱

[madhatters4]

i don't particularly like doing dishes but i do them more often than not. primarily because my wife just gently swabs the dishes with soap and sponge and i often end up having to clean harder stuff so i just do it most of the time

[BrickBiggems]

We have a kitchen window near our dish washer. We just chuck our dishes out the window. Let me tell ya, it make mowing the grass a bitch!

[SnowedIn]

My wife refuses to go near dishes. Which is okay because I enjoy doing them.

[Curmudgeon]

Sometimes, it is a good idea to let a particularly greasy or charred pan soak in liquid detergent water for some hours, but in general, i try to do them right after the meal.

[Billlewis]

It's very simple -- I do all the housework there is to be done, and of course, that includes the dishes as well as the entire kitchen.

[Anonymous]

I suggest that if the dishes are bothering you then do them yourself and dont ever expect him to do them on your time frame because he isn't going to and its not worth arguing about, if you dont like that then you should date someone else.

[abc3643]

I usually do the dishes every night.
In fact, that reminds me...
I ought to check the dishwasher; I think my load is done. BRB...

[musicbrain5]

We have a dishwasher, but anything that's leftover or doesn't fit - we take turns.

[lightbulb27]

Train everyone to to se and pit in dishwasher them whomever unloads… often me but sometimes others.

[exitseven]

we have a dishwasher. When it isfull my wife puts in the soap and turns it on. The next morning i empty it.

[lorenzomichael]

I'm with you, my mother never went to bed unless her kitchen was clean. I'm happy to say that my wife feels the same way I love my home always being clean..

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t mind cooking if my boyfriend did the dishes. I’d be cool with that.

[JustinTheGreat]

My husband does pretty much all the cooking so I do the dishes. I think that’s fair

[Anonymous]

you make a dish dirty, you wash your own dish. it's simple.

we share making a dinner together, we both wash the dishes.

[smilelots]

I like to do them soon after we eat. and if one washes and one dries then they get done faster and you get to spend some Quality time together.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I don't mind doing the dishes despite being in pain. However, i really make sure she does her part too

[LiamJHayden]

I do them myself because I do not trust anyone else to properly clean them.

[Sparkie460]

I wash the dishes as soon as they go in the sink. I can't stand a sink full of dishes

[Anonymous]

I like doing dishes so I would wash them... Unless I'm really tired.

[Redstang88]

That’s basically every couple

[midnightmoon05]

He does all the dishes! 👍😊

[shades777]

keep the kitchen clean or use the dish washer

[JamesRandiDebates]

Dishes are the woman's job.

[jahaims]

Dishwasher