Why are men dating old-fashioned, traditional women if they don't plan on respecting her wishes?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I've been dating (separately, I do not live with him) for 7 months. Yesterday was the 3rd time he kept pressuring me to move in with him. He has pressured for sex twice too and twice I said no.

Flashback:

During our 1st-2nd week of knowing each other (before we became boyfriend and girlfriend) he knew what the deal was with me. The rules were no sex until marriage, no living together until engaged at least and I'm doing it both for myself and religious purposes. Then I specifically asked him if he's really sure he can handle all this because if not, he can walk away and not waste our time. He said yes.

Now he's trying to changing the whole established rules and clearly not respecting my wishes. I've seen this happening. My best friend also has my same mindset and she had the same issue with two previous men too. They pretended to respect her wishes but then ended up pressuring for sex or to move in with him.

I don't understand. Why are men dating old-fashioned, traditional women if they have no intention of respecting her wishes?

Updates

8 mo

I've asked him more than once if he was ok with the deal and he said yes in the beginning but now he wants to change the whole agreement, trying to pressure me into something I don't want.

[Datboi65]

I didn't want to answer this question at first because of how big of a topic that is, but here I am.

I'm a traditional man. I was raised by two religious parents that waited until marriage. I plan to do the same thing, and unfortunately due to the nature of my future career, that's not within the horizon for at least the next decade.

Now after I wrote a bit about myself, I'm going to tackle this problem. Why are modern men trying to pressure traditional women into giving in? To answer your question, this isn't a new phenomenon. Even if you go back to the 1800s, there were still men trying to pressure women into sleeping with them without a real commitment. What's the difference between now and then? There was a whole society that protected that woman's sanctity. The man in question would get beat up, or worse. If a child resulted out of their affair, he would be forced to marry her and pay the bills. The phenomenon was called "shotgun marriages".

Nowadays, that's not the case anymore. The average woman is not traditional, rather a rebellious free-spirit that wants to do whatever she wants without any guidance from her parents. She wants to be protected, but she doesn't want to obey commands. As a result, these men who are opportunists have grown in numbers and are now able to sleep with all the women that they want to without the need to commit.

Why do they do it? For ego purposes. They like to feel like a hunter who's turning the good girl into a bad one. They're immature and are not driven by the same goals or motivations that drive a man whose in tune with his masculinity and tradition. Worst part is, modern women keep going for them, so most men have decided to stop fighting against the change and give up on society as a whole. Men adjust their behavior based off of how women act, it's called "natural selection". May be you should ask yourself with these women out here are acting like crazy rebellious feminists and enabling these opportunists to use them in that way.

If you want better results, leave the guy. 3 different times he showed you that he's not a man of his word, and word is bond. His word doesn't mean anything, so he's not trustworthy. Let your father do the talking, and he shall lead you to a man that's worth being with.

[Asker]

Then there are a couple men that lied about being traditional and sharing similar views. That's what happened to me until he showed his true colors. I've dumped him yesterday night. I'm tired of fakers, lying opportunists. They can get lost.

[Datboi65]

A man is not defined by his words, he's defined by his actions. If his actions do not align with his words, that's not a trustworthy man.

You may not be able to see what I see as a guy because I can tell another man's intentions a lot better, since as a man I understand how our mind works and that makes me better at the screening process for my sister for example than she is. Similarly, as a woman you are probably better at female psychology and so there are certain mannerisms that a man might miss that you may be able to catch and so on.

It's not your duty to do that process once again, it should be your father's responsibility to meet every guy you talk to and vet him. If the guy is reluctant to meet your dad, that's a red flag. How soon after you start talking is determined by you, but nothing should be happening between you two without approval, I don't care how good you think he is. Your dad is your primary guardian until you are married, then he will pass that responsibility to your husband.

Good work on the break up, you made the right call. Best of luck for the future 👍🏾

[standardguy]

The guys are disrespectful believing that they can change the attitude of the girl by the time. They are not sincere.

[Asker]

Now I've just wasted 7 months of my time I'll never get back. He had many chances to leave if he wasn't going to follow through my wishes. Now I may have to do the break-up myself.

[standardguy]

Yes, I hope you've told him that he wasted your time and that he should do better with the next girl.

[Asker]

I just told him that through a text. I'm very upset at this moment.

[standardguy]

Yea, I can really understand you!

[Asker]

Fixed. I broke it off yesterday night. Nothing is going to change my views. This to me is non-negotiable. If he doesn't like them, he can take a hike.

[standardguy]

Yes, that's better for both! This guy has no future!

[Ninania]

My only advice is to stop letting people who disrespect your boundaries stay in your life. When you clearly state your boundaries, but don't enforce consequences when they're disrespected, you set a precedence for how people can treat you.
Your boyfriend has already proven that he's not worth keeping around.
Start fresh with the mindset that you are to be respected at all times, your boundaries are non-negotiable, and any partner worthy of you will show you that they can be trusted through their actions.
You deserve better than this.

[Asker]

He's not my boyfriend anymore. I've dumped him as of yesterday night.

[Rei13]

Why are you still dating this guy? You’re still young. You should build up your support network and find a healthy distraction to help you heal after leaving him.

As for traditional men they are out there. I would consider my boyfriend as more traditional even though he doesn’t completely match that mold. Generally you can tell by someone’s lifestyle choices and how they act in their relationships (both friendship and otherwise)

[Asker]

Fixed. I just broke up yesterday night.

[Rei13]

I am so proud of you

[loveslongnails]

The next guy you date should be informed very early on of what it is you're NOT going to do. If you're not going to move in with him unless you're engaged, or not until you're married, he needs to know right away. Same thing obviously for sex, and no, the first date is not too soon. It doesn't have to be the first thing you actually say, but don't waste your time or his.

[whirled_up_girl]

@loveslongnails Yeah but in her second paragraph she said that she went over all of this with him before they entered the relationship and he said he was fine with it. So basically he lied, hopefully the next guy will be more honest about it.

[Asker]

@whirled_up_girl
yup I was very clear in what I wanted from the start. It was him that lied to me and I don't take getting mislead, getting my time wasted lightly. I broke up already. 7 months is still 7 months wasted I'll never get back. Time is valuable to me.

[MzAsh]

And guys wonder why modern women aren’t traditional. They just end up with guys like this who don’t respect her. Honestly, he doesn’t deserve to have you.

[Datboi65]

Why do modern women like yourself just pretend that 2nd and 3rd wave feminism didn't just happen? There's causation for this male behavior. Women went batshit crazy first, and then men threw the rug. Society was traditional until you rebelled, now the guys who would usually get beat up for trying to talk to someone's daughter without the father's approval are now running around and getting everyone pregnant, because the daughter got an attitude now and thinks she doesn't owe her father any explanation.

[MzAsh]

This is about what happened *before* first wave feminism. Traditional family structure was always set up to benefit men most, and women were the ones who rebelled.

[Datboi65]

In what way does it benefit men? If I'm expected to fight and die for my country, die protecting my family, put all of my resources to make sure that you're fed before I am, what makes you think that I as a man want to do any of this? There's a level of selflessness and a sense of duty that also comes with authority. Modern women expect that level of selflessness to come out of a man with no degree of authority, and that's not how it works.

Your original argument was that modern women act so modern because men aren't traditional as the OP said in her post. When I debunked that, you then tried to move the goalpost by saying that tradition benefits men and not women, therefore reaffirming my point that modern men's lack of tradition is as a direct result of feminism, and not the cause of feminism.

[MzAsh]

I didn’t say that it was because men aren’t traditional. I actually implied that women aren’t traditional because when they are, they get treated with disrespect. The traditional relationship model has historically perpetuated gender roles, where men have been expected to be the breadwinners and hold positions of power, while women are expected to be caregivers and homemakers. This arrangement has given men more economic and societal advantages, leading to greater control over resources and decision making.

Additionally, the traditional model has sometimes allowed men to have more freedom in pursuing their personal goals and careers, while women may have faced limitations or discrimination. This unequal distribution of responsibilities and expectations has contributed to gender disparities in many aspects of life, including career opportunities, income, and overall empowerment.

[Datboi65]

I don't know if you believe in religion or not, but I'm going to basically make an example related to it.

If Adam and Eve were given the same responsibilities and expectations, we wouldn't be here where we are today. The reason why we exist as an advanced civilization is because men have paved the way for women to work. The reason why you're typing on your computer is because a man has invented the computer and the internet. There were many steps that have lead to its creation, like the creation of algorithms or the four stages of its creation (abacus, mechanic, electrical and electronic). Before that, the standardized 365 day calender that you use was invented by men, and so were time zones. Men mapped the world that you live in, and created ships and airplanes for travel. Men created agriculture for the food you eat, and have been hunting animals for millennia.

So many things that you take for granted, yet you're out here debating me that tradition had kept women down. If anything, I just see a bunch of delusional and ungrateful women that have been coddled for far too long. If women are just as capable as we are in design, engineering and agriculture, why don't they go and create their own society were men aren't allowed? Why do they always ask men to hand then things, rather than go out there and create a completely new system that's unique and separate from what men have created? They can't and they won't, that's your answer.

[MzAsh]

While men have contributed significantly to the advancement of society, it’s important to recognize that attributing our progress solely to men overlooks the valuable contributions made by women throughout history. Progress and civilization have been shaped by the collaboration and efforts of both men and women.

Claiming that women have been "coddled" or haven't created their own societies ignores the historical and societal barriers that limited women's opportunities for centuries. Women faced systematic discrimination, denied access to education, and limited job opportunities, hindering their ability to participate equally in various fields.

Today, women have proven their capabilities in design, engineering, agriculture, and countless other areas, but they still face challenges due to lingering gender biases and inequalities.

[Datboi65]

"Gender bias and inequalities" is the best argument you could come up with. Life isn't fair. Reality isn't fair, is it? Wars, famine, greed and so on are all parts of our reality. Marginalization of minorities isn't fair. Political assassinations aren't fair. So many things aren't fair, but yet they happened, and that's the point. The point is, if you don't like your reality then work on fixing it. Don't ask people to include you within their system, because you'll always get bread crumbs. Go build your own system where you're the leader and nobody can tell you anything.

[Datboi65]

I never said they're incapable of anything, women contribute to one third of the global economy. Pay attention, I said they're not AS capable, and the only reason they do contribute is because of our mentorship and guidance to them in those fields that they excel at. Name me one branch of science that was started by a woman. Every discovery known to human kind has a long history with multiple steps of discoveries that has lead up to this point, starting as far back as pre-biblical times. Guess who made all of the discoveries? It was men.

[Datboi65]

I'm trying to get a point in your head. Men don't and shouldn't compete with women when it comes to our work, there shouldn't even be a debate about this. We are different. One thing you said that I agree with is that male and female collaboration is what built society, not competition. Collaboration can only happen when there's traditionalism. It allows men to focus on civilizing the world without worrying about other duties through delegating responsibilities. If you're not as qualified as a man in doing the same job, it doesn't make sense to lose efficiency in promoting that kind of change if the task can be done faster with less effort. That's just the truth. The barriers were there to protect the children and family, nothing good happens to a society were married women are going to bars and clubs, leaving their children with a baby sitter while the husband works late and is unaware of what's going on. Nothing good happens to a society where liberal women in schools are allowed to teach the kids that they should consider taking puberty blockers because it's "their choice". Nothing good happens to a society where there are absolutely no barriers and you can get pregnant from another man, but if your husband asks for a paternity test he's shamed into "you don't trust me?" when she was being untrustworthy. After everything we built and created, here you are destroying it all in the last 60 years or so by being so ungrateful. There's no amount of gaslighting that can make men ignore the bigger picture, every metric and statistic available points towards a state of moral decay. This is what happens when you let women have their way, they don't lead you into development and prosperity, because that's simply not their job, and it's OK to accept that reality. I already stated before that with authority comes responsibility and selflessness, and the women of today are the most selfish they've ever been.

[KrakenAttackin]

@MzAsh. You mean back in the days when women were actually HAPPY?

[MzAsh]

life may not always be fair, but it doesn't mean we should accept unjust situations. Working towards eliminating gender biases benefits society as a whole by tapping into the full potential and diverse talents of all its members.

As for scientific contributions, it’s true that women have historically faced barriers to entering certain fields, limiting their opportunities for recognition. However, this doesn't negate their capabilities or potential. In recent times, efforts have been made to rectify historical injustices and promote inclusivity in various fields.

Also, traditional gender roles can have drawbacks, restricting choices and perpetuating stereotypes. Personally, it doesn’t work for my husband and I. We work together depending on our strengths and desires, and that looks significantly different than the traditional approach. Balancing tasks and responsibilities doesn't mean diminishing men's contributions, it aims to create a society where everyone's talents and perspectives are valued and utilized.

[JackCarter]

Pressurizing for sex is the cheapest thing a man can do!
I am sorry you have to deal with him, it's clearly his fault to not respect your side even after being clearly stated and agreed upon!

[Asker]

Yes the rules were explained from the start. If he didn't like them, he could've walked away the moment I said I was waiting till marriage. If not then he could've left the moment I asked if he was sure he can handle it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe they are hoping for a quick engagement and even quicker marriage!

[Asker]

Please. I've heard of other women that wasted 4-8 years of their lives doing the shacking up thing and while they were sad, waiting to get proposed to... the man is so comfortable and thinks being with a girlfriend for endless years and no kids but avoiding the topic of marriage is commitment, lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Yeah, that happens, but I also hear about people getting married.

[blueonblack22]

I want to let you know I respect your outlook if you truly are old fashioned.

I see two potential scenarios for your current boyfriend and how he’s acting:

#1. He never truly respected what you said you wanted. But he sees you as a challenge and hopes to eventually get what he wants. It’s a long game.

#2. He is wondering if you might be using him (not really attracted to him) and might cheat or hop in the sack with when some exciting asshole comes around the corner and pushes your buttons. If were to happen it would beyond devastate him. He did everything right just to be a placeholder. Also are you a virgin?

Anyway given how long it’s been he might of truly respected your wishes in the beginning. But first you need to know:

1) are you going to get married to him? If not then this isn’t a real relationship (sex or not). What’s the point?

2) are you really attracted to him? Do you have feelings for him? Or is this more about surface optics to say “you have a bf” and have his attention?

There has to be a future plan to tie the knot. You both have to be on board with it. If there isn’t then this is all for not.

[Asker]

Yes I'm a virgin. I broke up with him as of yesterday night because he wasn't respecting my boundaries nor wishes. He wanted his own agenda and kept trying to convince me to live with him, how sex is normal, etc. That's not what I agreed at all. I've said what I wanted from the beginning.

[blueonblack22]

Alright fair enough. You probably made the right decision. That wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

Anyway it’s awesome you can wait till marriage. But the guy has to know you are LOOKING FORWARD to it and are legitimately attracted to him.

Men have just seen too many good girls get bored with good guys and give it up to bad guys. That’s beyond devastating for a good guy who started out doing things right. So to prevent that you need to let the good guy that you are truly in love and attracted to him but holding out for something better.

[Asker]

They were likely not truly good girls with strong values. If someone can give up something good for cheap thrills, are they really a genuine, good person? Doesn't look so.

[blueonblack22]

And that’s what was told growing up. But I’ve seen too much over the years. But you have no idea what it’s like to treat a woman a way she wants to be treated (over a long period of time) just to watch her fall in love with exact opposite.

Just being told “oh she wasn’t a good girl” and “she wasn’t meant for you” is very little consolation when that happens. Especially when you put a lot time, hope and effort into hoping it would happen.

[RespectfulGuy]

Many called me crazy, but I did wait and my (then) girlfriend and I married as virgins.

Hence I'm one example of guys who wait are around.

You just need to look harder and examine more than just words from the start.

Perhaps talk about his beliefs (religious or otherwise), family background, education and how many girls he slept with could help.

Perhaps you should start with a virgin guy. At your age I think there are still many. And don't give up on INCEL or those who appear shy and nerdy.

And use tact when dating. Choose your clothing. Choose the way you chat and text. Try not to arouse him sexually. And turn all sexual convo into something something else, like suggesting to go for a run later and then change topic.

Finally, are you ready for marriage? If you can't see yourself becoming a wife in the next 3 to 4 years, then I suggest don't date. That's more fair for the weaker gender.

[Asker]

We need more men like you out there. I just broke up with my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) as of yesterday night. He lied to me about having similar goals to me. Unbelivable how far liars will get to try getting what they want. However, my values remain stronger. For me waiting till marriage is non-negotiable. Now I'm going to be a lot more specific on my search to make sure I'm not wasting my time again.

[RespectfulGuy]

If you're indeed below 25 year-old, then no hurry.

Get your degree, get a career, save some money to buy a home (down-payment).

When you have some "basic standard", you'll meet guys who are "around there" too. Guys who have degrees, OK career that pays more than rent.

And at late 20s or early 30s, they're more ready to "settle down". These are guys who look for girls like you.

Hence keep your focus. Do the more important things first, which is to build up yourself before making a nest.

PS: I looked for a wife (not fuck buddy) at around 26, 27. And married at 28.

[Asker]

Yes I feel sorry for the girls living together and wasting 5+ years of their lives (by then, both are in their late 20's or even early 30's) and while they want to get married already, the man is comfortable with how things are and thinks that's commitment. That's exactly a fuck buddy you enjoy passing time with and all the romance but not the real stuff. A girlfriend isn't the same as a wife, not even close.

[inhua]

you and your friend came across modern men posing as traditional men

don't fall for the same mistake Lauren Southern did. yes she may have been a grifter but she was tricked by a liberal man pretending to be conservative and now she's a single mom

[Asker]

It's hard to find a mind-minded guy nowadays. They pretend to be one thing just to say what we want to hear, liars. But yes I'm careful. I'm not giving all for nothing in return. It seems modern dating has everything backwards; several women are sacrificing lust and their years but later on don't get commitment, something so important. If we have limited time to have kids and get commitment during our best years, then we have more to lose if we sacrifice it all for little or nothing, if we give in to just a boyfriend and he doesn't propose then that's time and years lost, our value greatly reduces by then. The contrary, by waiting till marriage; the man (the one that has unlimited time to have kids) is the one sacrificing his needs, his freedom for commitment. That's how it was in the old days and it all made sense. It had its purpose.

[Asker]

In fact, I'm actually so close to breaking up at this very moment. 7 months of time wasted is still time I'll never get back.

[inhua]

nobody can know who the mind-minded guys are. we can tell how physically attractive and how financially successful they are but what goes in their mind can not be determined

if a guy were to be ready for marriage and start a family, he would need to believe he has found the right girl and he has the necessary finances to sustain the family. this may not be the case for younger men because money and status takes time to accumulate and whatever easy sex he can get, he'll take when the opportunity presents itself

[Alli39]

It's possible he thought he could and that simply didn't align with his reality. If you're experiencing a repeated issue, you should probably revisit your original conversation with him. It sucks to have to reiterate boundaries, but it's important to make sure everyone is clear/getting a reminder if needed. If this continues after that then you might need to reconsider if he's the right person for you or not.

[Asker]

I'm actually breaking-up. I'm upset that my time was wasted even after I've been very clear about what I was looking for and that I wasn't dating just to date and see how things go. I'm dating for commitment and kids.

[EricSummer]

Are you still on track to get married, though? Do you want to marry your boyfriend?

I understand that a taditional woman would wait for him to propose, but even in the old days many would make plans together and the woman would nudge him to propose.

I think if this is not going into the direction of marriage you should call it quits. Staying together without any perspective of sex would exceed the strength of most men and it seems it will exceed his strength.

From his perspective it's tough. If I anyway wanted to marry and have kids I would agree to such a deal if the woman was otherwise out of my league by a fair margin and we were getting along well.

However, it would be unacceptable to continue using sex as a reward in the marriage. It is best to have a woman who genuinely likes sex so that she cannot withhold it without punishing herself as well in the process.

[Asker]

I broke up with him yesterday for not respecting my boundaries and wishes. The fact that he lied to a about sharing similar views and was ok with it when he wasn't isn't good. He was trying to push his agenda on me, something I've never agreed with. I stated what I wanted in the beginning.

[EricSummer]

Ok. It's sad at first I suppose, but you were right to stand by what you believe in and what you said all along.

As religion is important for you, can you find a guy in your religious community? It will be best if he shares your religious views and agrees to have sex only after marriage based on his own belief and not as something he "can handle" for your sake.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Tyrael]

You say you're a traditional woman, does that mean you're a virgin? If not, you're asking him to make an unreasonable commitment while also letting him know that you were willing to sleep with other guys but not him.

And these are not traditional times. Over 50% of marriages ends in divorce these days, with over 70% of those divorces initiated by the wife. Combine that with the fact men are at a severe disadvantage in the courts and likely to lose a lot of their hard earned money in a divorce, as well as their kids, getting married these days is not a smart move. And marrying someone when you don't even know if you are sexually compatible or not is even more ludicrous.

[Asker]

Yes I'm a virgin

[Asker]

Honestly, I have my own assets too. I don't want his money. I want him to respect my wishes.

[Asker]

I completely refuse to compromise over his needs. It's either the rules I've stated in the beginning or he can take a hike. Maybe other things in life can be compromised but I'm not compromising my views, my wishes.

[cuteangelprincess]

Agreed on the sexual compatibility but her saying she is not willing to have sex until marriage, obviously means she hasn't had sex before so the first part makes no sense. Unless ofc she was married before which isn't the case here.

[CubsterShura]

A lot of men think they can handle it and later find out that they don't. And a lot simply expect that you will change your mind for them.

Either way, if it's not working out, it's not worth your time.

[Asker]

I'm breaking up at this moment because 7 months is already time wasted. My time and years are so valuable to me. I'm actually very upset to have wasted time, even after asking me several times if he could really handle it or not.

[EmyyWolf]

Is he the 30 year old? And you the virgin?

[CubsterShura]

@EmyyWolf how on earth is "the virgin" ever a way to describe anyone?

[Asker]

No he's 27 years old. I just broke up yesterday night.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

That's pretty much them being selfish and immature to say they can live up to a standard and then not follow through. The only thing I'd caution against is him making a commitment just to get those things from you (especially sex) or for him to find those things elsewhere without the need for a marriage commitment. If they are already being immature, then they wouldn't be above doing one of those things.

[Asker]

It sucks to see I've wasted 7 months of my time. I was very clear when I asked him if he was sure he can handle it and he said yes. So that means he was lying. That's still misleading what he did; saying yes just to see if I would change my mind.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Agreed and now you have to stand your ground and reinforce your standards to him and give him one last choice to either stop asking or leave if he can't handle it.

[abc3643]

Because "old-fashioned, traditional women" don't respect themselves because "old-fashioned, traditional women" let men rule the household regardless of her feelings.

So, men who aren't willing to possibly have arguments or drama and hack things out as equal partners but just want to be in control seek out these women.

[Asker]

I prefer a leader in the household because I'm actually kind of shy by nature and actually like it when a man is in charge. Off course this doesn't mean being a servant. Some people are better at leading than others.

[abc3643]

I do not disagree. However, the men who seek "old-fashioned, traditional women" are not ones who can accept not being in charge - that is, ruling. They want their word to be final regardless of his wife's thoughts or feelings or needs. She may discuss them with him - if he's open to that which is not often the case - but he rules, pure and simple. It makes it easier for him and he needs that because he has a weaker intellect.

[inhua]

relationships should be peaceful for both parties. no one should have to deal with stupid arguments and drama.

[abc3643]

@inhua Peaceful shouldn't mean repression

The American colonists could have remained peaceful instead of starting the Revolution but aren't you glad they did?

[inhua]

peaceful is not the same as repression

just because someone is peaceful doesn't mean they are being controlled

[abc3643]

@inhua That's true. However, the reality is that no people have ever agreed 100% on everything. Thus, logically, there will be disagreement at some point.
This results is one of these destinies:
1. Mootness - the source of the disagreement involved a condition that no longer exists.
2. Agree to disagree - the disagreement is not resolved.
3. Compromise
4. Persuasion leads one person the change their view and then agree with the other person.
5. Secret disagreement - one person suppresses their viewpoint to either keep the peace or out of fear of the consequences of disagreeing with the other person.

It's that last one that concerns me. A man dating a woman can have any of those disagreement destinies occur. But the man seeking the "old-fashioned, traditional woman" (in which the man rules the family) is where that 5th destiny is going to occur a lot more; he may get his peace - until she explodes or withers away.

[inhua]

men seeking out traditional women are not seeking them out for those reasons. there's a difference between leadership and tyranny.

the 5th destiny can go either way to either gender including men who can't file for divorce and have to put up with their wives' disrespect, lies and emasculation

[abc3643]

@inhua I don't disagree although why can't they file for divorce? Nevermind, that was rhetorical.

A man who is emasculated or puts up with disrespect by his wife chooses to be.
I let my wife do all sorts of shit and some might say I am emasculated because I am easy-going, but if she crosses the line or gets out of hand, she hears it from me.

I am muting this question.

[inhua]

"A man who is emasculated or puts up with disrespect by his wife chooses to be."

yes and no. there's always someone out there ready to label him as insecure whenever he shows any boundaries that interfere with her "happiness"

[WindAtMyBack]

When he said yes, he probably had that intention. But then again, maybe not. Maybe he thought he'd change your mind. There is no way to know for sure.

Men are going to want sex. Period. That is never going to change. That is pure biology and he WILL want sex. You want him to accept waiting until marriage. But you also have to accept that he is going to want sex. That's just accepting reality. That doesn't mean you have to give into it, but you have to accept that he will want to.

[Asker]

Then he should be dating girls that are ok with what he wants. I'm not willing to compromise my stances, wishes over his needs. I tend to follow through till the end and don't change my mind.

[WindAtMyBack]

I think you are missing the point. He obviously chooses to date you. Maybe that will change, but for now he chooses to.

The point you are really missing is that ALL men will want sex unless they have something medically wrong with them. It's 100% biology that you can't change. If you want a man who doesn't want sex, then you should either forget the whole thing and be single forever, or try to find someone who has something medically wrong.

The only questions are whether you actually do have sex - and whether his persistence is enough of a problem that you want to break up with him. But he WILL want sex, and so will every other man unless they have something wrong with them.

[Asker]

I do want sex but with a husband, after my wedding day, not with a boyfriend I'm dating.

[WindAtMyBack]

I understand that. But you are completely missing the point. It's very simple. You don't have to do it, but he WILL want sex.

[jshm2]

He is respecting your wishes, he is asking you. Most guys these days would roofie you if you resisted too much.

Also, you are neither "old-fashioned" or "traditional" you're just not putting out and trying to save you bills.

[Asker]

Not getting raped isn't an additional credit nor something that I should even have to request. That's basic decency, having basic humanity; the bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

I love being a traditionell woman and I beleive the man is the leader but that doesn't mean he sees you as less value or will treat you bad. Men view things differently than women. This just shows you dont understand men..

[Asker]

Yes I like it when a man leads. I can be kind of shy at times so seeing him lead makes me feel complemented.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes! I dont wanna tell him to lead either ut should come natrually to him:)

[Anonymous]

Double standards. They want that "traditional" woman but then when she starts actually being traditional and hilding off sex until marriage then that same guy is saying "too traditional, too traditional"

Basically they want their women to be something like sex robots they can program. Be traditional but not today because I want lots of sex, be a virgin, but also have pornstar skills in bed.

[Asker]

Basically they want an oxymoron. Then once the relationship is over, I woud've wasted my time for nothing meanwhile he happily got all he wanted without commitment. No thanks. I'm not willing to give him everything for nothing.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah they want you to be what they want you to be when they want you to be that way. Basically something they can program. That's not how humans work. That's also a level of gross childlike entitlement. I want what I want how I want it, when I want it. It's actually pathetic.

[peedy]

In all honesty actual old fashioned traditional women didn't have wishes or a say or allowed to vote or own property it was his way a thst was final
So when you talk about old fashioned and traditional what exactly do you mean
All or nothing or are we picking and choosing because it seems a little confusing

[Asker]

I meant having the old-fashioned love/commitment when more people waited till marriage back then, knew what real commitment is (not the BS ''it's just a business transaction, just a govern thing'' version) and had children within the nuclear family.

[Asker]

the man took charge, was a leader and the woman was proud of showing her feminine side. I actually prefer a man taking charge because I can be kind of shy and not all of us can be assertive leaders. That doesn't mean I want to be a slave. It just means we complement one another. I don't want to compete.

[peedy]

I couldn't agree more with everything you said I've always wanted to marry someone for love not money or status raise a family with good strong masculine and feminine roles models aka dad and mom teach my kids how to grow there on food not just earn money to buy it at the store back to basics sometimes I think people have to much time and money on thete hands that they have it to easy if they had to work hard just to survive worry about where your next meal is coming from instead of all these woke issues the world would be a far better place

[Asker]

It's horrible what modern fanatics (anything in done in extreme is negative) have done to both genders. It's a disaster. I really hope you find a great woman. I pray you do. I've already broken up with him and will now be searching for the one with similar views on commitment.

[molonski2]

Because thats all part of the fun and challenge of it , being refused like that makes it all the more challenging..

Let me tell you , you'd be worried it he didn't have a big crack at trying to bed you , its healthy.

[Asker]

I've dumped him as of yesterday night. Not only was my time wasted but he sure wasted his time too since he didn't get what he wanted.

[molonski2]

Yes Asker , but he had a bit of fun trying to get into your pants , and thats what life is about , experience , he'll still be around.
It reminds me when I went out with this " Churchie " when I was about 20 , she was 18 , absolutely infatuated with me , always said " Your not going to fck me , please please don't try " , and all this kind of stuff , well , of course the complete opposite was really true.
Banged her senseless on multiple occasions , one at a Church function , BBQ.

[Asker]

It sounds like she didn't really felt strongly about waiting till marriage. A man getting all romantic and saying sweet words won't work on me.

[molonski2]

It was good fun though , each to their own I guess.
Goodluck with your next move and take care I guess , we each have our own ideals.

[Anonymous]

Because traditional women are the only ones worth dating anymore, but men have absolutely zero incentive to be traditional themselves in the current social climate. In fact it’s actually a detriment to them, because women can make the same money as them, but still divorce them and get the children and alimony. Men are more likely to be pressured into a marriage that can actual ruin them by being traditional.

[Asker]

So then you can't ask for something and then try having it your way. That's called having your cake and eating it; your own convenience. Guys can't ask for a traditional, devoted virgin with values and then freak out when we're following through waiting till marriage and react like it's too much, then all of the sudden ''omg that's too traditional, oh no, I want her to put out at least a couple times in the relationship''.
In regards to men wanting to protect their assets. Fine with me. I have my own stuff too and clearly I'm not in any financial crisis at all. He can always sign a pre-nup if he thinks all of us are evil gold-diggers. I don't need his money to survive. All I need is my wishes respected and someone that won't pressure me, esp if I've been straight forward from the beginning on my goals.

[Asker]

No amount of acting romantic, sweet words or decorating the room with roses is going to make me change my mind on my stance. So since I'm not changing my mind at all and clearly not interested in his ''moving in together'' agenda, I think he can leave. He had the chance to leave many times instead of sticking around to see if I change my mind.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn’t say you were wrong or unreasonable. You asked why guys are like that, I gave you my perspective on why guys are like that.

[Asker]

I see. I hope things get better with the genders at some point. It's like the dating scene complicated. I'm actually going to have to unfortunately break up with him. He just wasted 7 months of my time I'll never get back.

[MzAsh]

This is exactly why most modern women aren’t traditional. They end up with guys like the askers. It’s not worth it.

[DreamLife7]

There are faithful men in this world. This guy just doesn't like you lol. Stop blaming all men for your problems

[Asker]

I just made him my now ex boyfriend yesterday night.

[DreamLife7]

You can't make someone an ex that was never with you