Why do people make a big deal about people who cheated way back in the past?

[Anonymous]

Like way back in teenage years. That's basically the age of learning and people can realize that cheating is wrong after their teenage years. In the end, most relationships that started in high school would just fail anyways as they grow apart, fall out of love because they both had shallow reasons to be in relationships or whatever naive reasons. My girlfriend to admit she cheated one time at high school. She always wanted to tell me but so afraid I might leave her but because she trusted me and reassured her a lot of times, she now wants a closure about it. I was just fine with that tho. I myself was a bully in highschool but people can change over time. Besides, we've been together for 4 years. She cried in relief because she's always been told by her friends "once a cheater is always a cheater and you'll just be dumped and I don't feel sorry for you" from way back.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are just looking for people to tell you that you are an okay person even though you cheated when you were younger. Other people who cheated will tell you that. If that's all you want to hear, you should have stated that in your post.

Those of us who never cheated will tell you that we knew it was wrong, even when we were teens, and we controlled ourselves and never cheated. If you 1) didn't know it was wrong, 2) really couldn't control your behavior, or 3) just didn't want to control your behavior, it indicates a character defect. Those things rarely change over time. Even now, you are trying to minimize the significance of your behavior, and that is precisely what cheaters do. "It's just sex; it didn't mean anything. It only happened once. I was drunk. She seduced me. Etc."

[Asker]

I never said cheating is not wrong. But what do you expect people to do if theyve done something wrong? Just kill themselves? And also you don't know me nor anyone else. Maybe you yourself can not really grow up so stop projecting yourself into others. I'm asking why. I'm not asking for your assumptions

[Asker]

And for the record she admitted it was wrong and of course everyone of us have done something wrong in the past and don't you lie about it.

[Asker]

Also how do you exactly know? it's not like every cheaters are actually honest. You're just going to die not knowing your fiance may have actually cheated on someone in the past

[Asker]

In scenarios where your fiancé actually did tell you that she cheated when she was a naive teenager, you probably would just let yourself and your fiancé die alone for that.

[OlderAndWiser]

“But what do you expect people to do if theyve done something wrong? Just kill themselves?” What an absurd response!

[Asker]

And your assumptions, it isn't absurd?

[OlderAndWiser]

I assumed you were talking about yourself instead of your girlfriend, but that doesn't change what I said about cheating.

[Asker]

That doesn't also change the fact about the rest of what i said. Everyone are sinners and you making assumptions on anyone just because they are sinners is still absurd.

[OlderAndWiser]

I stole candy when I was 8 years old so I am not allowed to have an opinion about cheating and cheaters. Is that the way it works in your world? In my world, I am allowed to have an opinion about cheaters, and people can have an opinion about me based on stealing candy when I was 8 years old. And in my world, most people will agree that someone cheating is FAR more serious than a child stealing candy, and it has much more significance as a prognosticator of future behavior.

You are simply looking for a reason to avoid confronting the fact that your girlfriend is a cheater. Because then you might need to do something in response. And you are comfortable with the status quo.

[Asker]

You're allowed to have an opinion but where did I say you can assume things on people? FYI making assumptions on someone is different from giving opinions about the situation. You're only read my question once or twice in your life and you're already acting like you've known me for years. Cheating is far more serious just like theft can be a serious thing as well but you're overly specifying theft like stealing a candy while you're talking about cheating in general when the topic is about from way back when they were teenagers. FYI, most teens don't even take their relationships seriously. It would pretty much be understandable if it was just recently done at an older age. But the question is, "people who cheated way back in the past" not cheating in general.

[Asker]

Or teens may believe they do but they don't and you may have no idea how common it actually is. So yeah just what if your wife just told you now that she cheated as a teen ager? You just may not know it tho.

[OlderAndWiser]

Obviously, you already know what you want to hear and I am not going to say it, so I will stop responding. In the future, when you post, you should state, "Please don't respond unless you tell me what I want to hear."

[Asker]

Your post here has nothing to do with the question. This isn't about me, this is about the situation but you're making it about me. So yeah your opinion here is irrelevant.

[OlderAndWiser]

I'm sure that's what you want to think. And I don't care. Goodbye.

[Asker]

Well I'm sure you just want attention by trying to project themselves into others.

[RagnarRedbeard]

People care about it because it reveals their nature. Sometimes people can change for good, that’s true. Many people though will revert back to their old ways, especially when things get tough. Maybe she has changed, but personally I wouldn’t be interested in taking the risk and finding out.

[Asker]

I believe it only seemed that many people will revert back to their old ways is because those people who never changed, or people who will revert back just don't even have to hide their past from anyone. If someone who actually did cheat in the past just never told you or anyone, you would just assume that they had always been a loyal person.

[nastyb]

"Changing" doesn't justify hurting other people. Neither is it a valid excuse for malicious intent

[Asker]

It's not justified. However you'd rather not let a person change?

[provokeesmokee]

I don't think most folks make a big deal about it.

Most folks just won't make a losing bet.

Sure, a cheater might change. They also might not.

Why take a risk when there's more than enough more decent people with a better track record?

Besides, it's easy not to cheat. Why would I bother with someone who needed to be rehabilitated from something so simple to avoid? They might change, but they're starting their climb from below ground, lmao.

[Asker]

That's because it doesn't matter who you are dating. There is always a possibility they can be cheaters even if they have no histories of cheating themselves. If you tell to be careful who i am dating because she had a history of cheating, everyone have to be prepared when being cheated on. I don't really have any proof of her words when she told me that because i haven't witnessed it myself and i can always give benefits of a doubts because the only proof i had so far as she had no signs of any disrespect and this loyalty. It's the same for people who get accused, i am a presumption of innocence type of guy.

[Anonymous]

They are insecure and very immature. The past is the past and is nobodies business except your own.

[KrakenAttackin]

Anon... spoken like a cheating ho.

[Finchie40]

Because they are insecure and think the cheater will eventually cheat on them , the sad truth is almost everyone cheats one way or another , Cheating isn’t just physical it can be emotional as well, People cheat when they invest their time into someone else over investing time into their partner , people cheat when they are secretly talking to the opposite sex behind their partners back , Anything you have to hide from your partner makes you a cheater , When a partner can not be honest with you , it makes them a cheater , they are cheating on the relationship they choose to be in with you. Most people can’t accept the fact that they are wrong , they make excuses for their own selfish actions. No relationship will survive if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner the same way you expect them to remove it for you , it needs to go both ways or the relationships is a waste of time period , people will keep continuing having failed relationships until they learn how to remove selfishness for each other and understand you can’t always be right and your partner is wrong. Just because something doesn’t go your way , doesn’t give you a right to seek validation elsewhere , if you can not fix what is broken with your partner you truly don’t love and value them , you only love and value yourself period. Relationships are a choice , You choose that person to stand by your side , hoping that person chooses you as well , we can’t force someone to love us , we can only treat someone the same way we
Want to be treated in return , it will never be perfect because no relationship is perfect , but when you make your partner your number 1 priority it’s easier for your partner to make you theirs , if they choose not to then let them go , never be a convenience to anyone be a priority

[PragmaticProfit]

It represents a display of unfavorable personality traits. Although more forgivable in youth, it highlights negative values, a lack of self-control, disrespect for friends and loved ones, manipulative inclinations, integrity problems, and selfish behavior. Moreover, it indicates being a risky choice for a committed relationship. It also showcases that you didn’t have the testicular fortitude to get what you needed in a relationship, and then didn’t even have the courage to end it when you were dissatisfied. Weak and cowardly if you ask me. Overall, it's simply distasteful and trashy.

[Asker]

More like i have balls to admit people can change over time. Chances are your fiance may have also cheated in the past and you don't know it yet. I mean what are the odds of people actually being honest about it though? If my girlfriend never told me she cheated and we get to be with together until we are at a retired old age, she would just be assumed to be someone who has never cheated the past. If you like to break up for that then maybe you're looking for an excuse to cheat yourself or just look for someone else because you are unsatisfied with your relationship.

[PragmaticProfit]

I feel bad for you if you think integrity is that scarce. It’s not. There are honest women and men out there who have temptations here and there and make the conscience decision to respect their partner. If I was cheated on, I’m leaving because I’d no longer be attracted to that persons character. Yes, people can change though.

[PragmaticProfit]

Instead of making excuses for the behavior, I'd suggest you take ownership so that you can actually change.

[Asker]

Ofcourse I'd leave her if she do cheat on me. But so far there isn't any proof of it. It's like this, i've only made this question once and you've only read it once and now you're acting like you've known me for years and not even giving it any benefits of a doubt. Just imagine if your wife just say they've cheated once despite being with her for so long, you'd pretty much have a hard time believing it just like how you'd have a hard time believing someone is actually innocent after being canceled due to accusations.

[PragmaticProfit]

I’ve been cheated on. Shit takes years to recover. It’s like your entire relationship and the time spent was a lie. You experience difficulty with your perception of reality. Questions arise like, how could I be so naive or choose someone like this. This is why I have a stronger stance against it. Truthfully, I think infidelity is the worst form of human betrayal.

Another point is that there are a lot of men out there who are loyal because they don’t have any options. It’s easy in that scenario. As a man who’s always had options, it can be challenging at times. I always protect my marriage by avoiding situations that could easily escalate to something more.

[Asker]

Yeah I see how it affects people but again, where's the proof? And also, you don't assume I'm like those other guys who are doormats. I'm fine being single but that doesn't mean I don't want a relationship. I'm not even desperate for one. But that just had me thinking, is there any point in telling anyone that they've cheated in the past? Probably no because people will always just assume they'd cheat again so chances are you could also just be dating a liar your whole life until you die of old age.

[PragmaticProfit]

You're 25-29. I don't believe in modern culture telling grown men to delay growing up for such a long period of time. At your age, you should be focusing on building a business or career so that you can support a family. Of course integrity is integral to a marriage or long term relationship. Hiding such a skeleton in your closet is asinine. It always comes out eventually. If you hide it and your partner notices that you're closed off during certain conversation topics, then it will cause tension. We shouldn't keep things like that from our spouse

[Spongebobssocks]

Because its not a normal behaviour. Just like rape and murder isn't normal. They are all linked to lack off empathy. The media try to make it look like a simple misstake because the people with most attention in media are usually narcissists. So thats why..

But you're correct if someone really young, far below 25 cheats or murders someone they can change but its rare

[Asker]

Of course there are many other not normal behaviors that people can do. Maybe you think it's rare its because people who dont change dont have to hide their part mistake to anyone. People who did change just seem like they've always been a good person.

[Asker]

*past mistake

[Asker]

People who changed from good to bad are also assumed that they always been bad.

[Spongebobssocks]

Humans are natrually evil. We can learn to be good but it doesn't come natrual. In my opinion cheating should be punnished by death

[Asker]

That is a one-sided view. Morality is not something every species but all species or if not most species have desires to dominate and no species would just view it as evil but rather just a part of life. There for viewing ourselves evil is just a human thinking. We don't just learn to be good. There indeed people who are sensitive and genuine about how they feel towards others and everybody who also has their own level of sensitivity which is basically the goodness that is naturally in them. And if we are evil, should we just punish ourselves?

[Asker]

You can start punishing yourself if you believe you're evil. Your intolerance is basically something that is evil in you which you like to call justice.

[Spongebobssocks]

People who care about others dont cheat

[Asker]

People can go from not caring about others to caring about others or vice versa. She haven't cheated on me so she cares about me. I haven't bullied her so i care about her

[Spongebobssocks]

Somewhat agree somewhat no but good👍🏻

[Asker]

You might be familiar of this sentences. People say ''Stop being a racist/sexist/homophobe/asshole'' which implies people can change. I don't see how it's any different to saying "Stop being a cheater''

[Spongebobssocks]

Hahah no thats what people with low intelligence say..

[Asker]

It make sense however. ''Stop being an alcoholic'' is one of them to and it's very possible for someone to stop being an alcoholic. So would you give up on your kids just because they are spoiled brats? Because apparently you believe you they will never change

[Spongebobssocks]

I know the first 6 years of kids upbringing at the most important so imma be home with my kids:)

[Asker]

That basically means you are aware that people do change but you just don't really care.

[Spongebobssocks]

No it doesn't. 99% of the time people do not change..

[Asker]

''Maybe you think it's rare its because people who dont change dont have to hide their part mistake to anyone. People who did change just seem like they've always been a good person.'' Read what i said again. You must be so busy to actually meet 99% of people

[Spongebobssocks]

I met 1 person out of 1000 people that had basic human decensy in primary school. It is less than 1%. But agree to disagree. Its good you think humans can change

[Asker]

Why are you only talking about primary school? Haven't you met them now and compare them in their primary school?

[Asker]

You don't have to agree to disagree because i can still challenge your point of views because there are still a lot of flaws your mentioning here

[Spongebobssocks]

Okay then continue. And the ones in primary school are still trash they would all be better of dead but it is what it is:)

[Asker]

Maybe in your experience. Also no one can be sure if you're telling the truth or not because I myself can give you stories like I know plenty of other spoiled brats who became ladies and gentlemen as adults. And it's no one's fault your mind is just poisoned. Perhaps you yourself have never grown up which is why you think people are just like you.

[Spongebobssocks]

Like me? I've necer broken my own morals😂 I've only met one other person who isn't sadistic

[Spongebobssocks]

*never

Everyone has evil in them so do I but less than 99% supress it.

[Asker]

I don't think so. Everyone are sinners and you're not perfect. In my experience, people who say they've never done anything wrong are lying and lying is also another way to break their own morals. Everyone has evil in them but everyone also has good in them. You're only looking at evilness in people to make yourself feel more like a saint even tho you're far from it.

[Spongebobssocks]

I never said im perfect im just saying I've never broken my own morals

[Spongebobssocks]

I've done many things wrong but I've never broken my own morals

[Asker]

Yes you have. And if you doubt what I said about most people having the capability to change, then I doubt you not breaking your own moral codes.

[Spongebobssocks]

You think I break my own morals lol?

[Asker]

You think people rarely change?

[Spongebobssocks]

Yup.

[Asker]

Then I think you break your own moral codes at certain points.

[Spongebobssocks]

When?

[Asker]

at certain points. No exact date and time recalled because i don't care much about you to actually know when. But I can assume you do. Just like how you assume people can't change.

[Spongebobssocks]

I said most people dont change:) its extremely rare but if you are gonna accuse me of breaking my own morals then you should be able to tell me when? Or should we just stop the discussion?

[Asker]

You're acting like you know most people too well. This world has over 7 billion people. Not even close to how much you've met. Sure, I can just simply say 5 years ago, you did. At June 17.

[Spongebobssocks]

You dont need to tell me when just tell me what morals I have and which one I broke since you are assuming

[Asker]

That fact that you're lying about not breaking your moral code is one of them. Or maybe you're adjusting your moral codes in a way that's just convenient to you so can just have an excuse to do those things you once believed it's immoral. Just like religion. It's changing its rule so they can break it and can say they've never broke their own rules because it's changed.

[Spongebobssocks]

I didn't lie. I haven't broken my own morals

[Asker]

You use to believe that most people are good and believing people are evil most of the time would go against your moral code until you changed it to make it seem like you've never broken it.

[Spongebobssocks]

No I never believed most people are good actually I always knew they were evil

[Asker]

Then I believe you're lying. Just like what religion do.

[Spongebobssocks]

Okay believe whatever you want

[Asker]

The fact that you're still alive today and appreciating life maybe, you're lying when you say most people are evil. You wouldn't be talking to anyone.

[Asker]

That's a fact tho. You're not murdering people because deep down, you do know they're good but don't wanna admit it.

[Spongebobssocks]

I have 2 friends for a reason. :)

And the reason I dont murder is because I believe thats not my job. I think murder can be justified it can remove bad people but I dont think its my job

[Asker]

If it's not your job to murder then it is not your job to make judgments either. Also you're not making murdering your job is because you still know deep down those people cannot be evil and your judgment may be wrong.

[Spongebobssocks]

No I've already explained why I dont do it.

I never said I should judge people. Im not the one desiding their destiny

[Asker]

You don't say your judge people but you're saying the people don't change most of the time and assuming their mostly evil which is basically making judgement. You just never want to admit to yourself that you have been lying which is why you can't stop looking at the bad side of people

[ProbablyClueless]

It speaks to the person's character. Regardless of whether the person was learning how to "human" (something that we're all in a constant state of learning), the fact they cheated at a young age proves that that capacity for betrayal is something they've acted on before.

[Asker]

Would you still call someone your age a litterer because they littered one time as a kid?

[ProbablyClueless]

Cheating is a hell of a lot worse and more damaging to the world around you than littering. But. it all depends on what, where, and how much they littered. A person who tossed a few cig butts on the ground as a teenager is different from someone who dumps the toxic sludge from their RV into a native tribe's water supply.

[Asker]

I could say it's worse but that is still subjective. You can literally get in jail for littering but you can't get in jail for cheating so that's what makes it the subjective part. But the point here is that both doing certain actions in the past. It involves the same principle.

[ProbablyClueless]

I agree with the general principle that people can be redeemed and that people need to be given the chance to change, but my only caution is that cheating is something people do because of long life history of not knowing how to set/navigate boundaries and how to handle conflicts. You want to be sure that person has actually learned how to handle these situations in a healthy manner before giving them the greenlight.

[Asker]

Yes but people can learn how to handle conflicts and set boundaries over time. It was even quite courageous of her to tell me and admit she's wrong and even started beating herself up that which is basically a greener flag.

[nastyb]

i remember being in high school. I was 17 years old and I overheard one of my girl classmates tell another girl that she cheats on her boyfriend. the other girl was shocked and shook her head when she heard it. this was back in 2012.

trust me, teenagers are not too young to know that cheating is wrong. they're way more developed than you think they are. they know wrong from right. they just don't care because they just want the freedom to whatever they want.

[Asker]

I never said they don't know that what they do is wrong. She even admit it was wrong. Sometimes people can develop sympathy and understand what makes think so bad at a later age as their brain is also still developing. Our brain stop developing at the age the mid twenties. I'm not justifying it but that's just a reasoning. I don't like the overlook the fact that they are different now from back then

[nastyb]

@Asker

You really dont need to be at least 25 years old to realize cheating is wrong. You should know right from wrong by the time you turn 18. There is a reason why the legal age is set at 18.

You knew it was wront but you did it anyways since you didn't care.

16 to 17 yr olds aren't kids.. they know more than you think

[nastyb]

You knew it was wrong but you did it anyways since you didn't care.

[Asker]

And again I never said they don't know that what they do is wrong. I know it's wrong for me to bully people, it's wrong for her to cheat which is why we're doing the right thing this time. And it's up to you if you just accept it or not because we're just simply moving on from people like you. After, we're not the one hurting ourselves but you are for carrying that kind of grudge.

[nastyb]

@Asker

You still hurt someone by cheating on them... why wouldn't they hold a grudge? Were they there to take away your pain? No

I still hold a grudge against my childhood bully. From my experience, people who bully in high school tend to bully as adults.

[Asker]

Also, they may have realized that as soon after they did it not even when they're 25 years old. They can know that it's wrong but again, brains are still developing so some of them may not developed any sympathy to care if it's wrong. Of course they may have terrible parents as well.

Also this, if you have a boyfriend, you'd have no idea if he actually cheated one time or not. Seriously who's gonna be honest about it when there are a lot of narrow minded people like who believe people can't grow up.

[nastyb]

There are people who murdered when they were 19. Now theyre 45 and still in prison. They insisted theyve changed since then but it doesn't matter because they STILL hurt or killed someone. It doesn't make the victims pain any better

[Asker]

I said it's up to them to hold grudge even tho im not the one who cheated but I'm gonna pretend I am. They're very allowed to hate me as much as they want but i'm moving on. But what they don't realize it that it's only hurting them more than it's hurting me.

[nastyb]

@Asker

It never hurt you which was why you did it in the first place. Sounds like you are just as inconsiderate as when you were younger

[Asker]

Yeah when I was younger. I've been suppressing my sensitive side to make me seem powerful even tho I knew it was wrong until I realized that sensitivity is a strength and it made me feel even better than I was in the past. Which is why I listen to people's problems and to make them happy, trying to prevent suicide and against bullying now like how I reassured my girlfriend lots of times which got her to be so honest with me. If I was the same person back then, I would abuse my girlfriend and can't last 4 years in this relationship.

[Asker]

Maybe in your experience that you said people can't change, people who had never change don't really have to hide their past. You don't know it tho. If you have friends who you just met at your age, they could be bullies in the past too but who's gonna be straight up honest about it?

[nastyb]

@Asker

Sensitive people dont tend to cheat. Sensitive people are Sensitive to other peoples reactions when they try their best to avoid hurting others.

You cheated because you were a bad kid back then and you just are unwilling to admit it

Based my intuition, it sounds like you cheated in the past and are unwilling to admit it.

[nastyb]

Nobody cares if you changed... you still inflicted immense pain onto someone else.

What if a guy in high school stabbed you with a knife , causing you immense pain years after it? Would you forgive him simply cuz he changed 10 years later? Likely not

You just demand other people forgive cus the pain didn't happen to you

[Asker]

Which are the people who were once insensitive until they developed sympathy. Saying "nobody" is an overstatement because people are different. And I'm not even asking for forgiveness. As I'd repeat what I said, it's up to them to hold grudge. They're very allowed to hate me as much as they want but i'm moving on. But what they don't realize it that it's only hurting them more than it's hurting me. So firstly, you're assuming I'm the cheater. Secondly, you're assuming I'm demanding forgiveness. You only read my question just once and you're already acting like you've known me for years. Ironically you think it's right to make assumptions on people.

I said was a bully. You believe.
I said I'm not a cheater, you don't believe.

So it just goes to show you just wanna believe in what you wanna believe without even knowing the truth first.

In situations where if someone stabs me in the back causing me pain years later, yeah I won't forgive him but it's not really worth all my time chasing after him and to do the same. I can just cut him off. As i've said, they're allowed to hate me as much as they want.

Please read this again and stop looking for excuses to put words in my mouth "it's up to them to hold grudge. They're very allowed to hate me as much as they want but i'm moving on." Put that in mind. And also looking for excuses to make assumptions on someone doesn't make a person better either.

[nastyb]

@Asker

Over and over again, you keep talking about your own feelings and how you feel instead of someone else. WHEN YOU JUST HURT SOMEONE ELSE! You keep defending yourself. You keep demanding victims to be nice to you. You keep talking about moving on. You wouldn't even admit you cheated on someone. I know you cheated because there's nobody who would be so obsessed, frustrated and bothered by other couples cheating on each other

Quit looking for excuses to defend your shit actions and trying to make yourself look better than you really are.

[nastyb]

@Asker

[Asker]

"it's up to them to hold grudge. They're very allowed to hate me as much as they want but i'm moving on." It's to them. I don't get which part of "it's up to them" you don't understand. I'm the one who's moving on from their hatred but it's up to them to hate he for as long as they want.

"It's up to them"

I don't know what that's hard for you to comprehend

[nastyb]

@Asker

So why the fuck did you ask this question?

How could anyone forgive someone who won't even admit they did something wrong?

It has nothing to do with the victim- which you tried BLAMING the entire time on here. It has to do purely with the fact that you have a lot of guilt bothering you for years and now its eating you alive.

You want to erase your guilt by trying to minimize the severity of your bad actions. "Cheating shouldn't reflect poorly if it is done before a certain age" is your way of relieving your guilt. Its your excuse.

[nastyb]

You can't move on because you're feeling extremely guilty. You knew it was wrong but you chose to do it anyways.

Why would you ask this type of question if you didn't care if the victim forgave you? Throughout the entire question, it sounds as if you're demanding what the victim should do

[Asker]

yeah you can say whatever you want but I know I'm not the same person as I was. I'm taking care of my friends now.

"if you didn't care if the victim forgave you?" I care and be grateful if my victim forgave me but I'm talking about victims who hates me. "It's up to them to hate me or not. I'm moving on" I'm not saying "it's up to them to forgive me or not, I'm moving on"

Read again?

[nastyb]

@Asker

What you say doesn't matter... its easy to say things you dont truly mean. Actions speak louder than words

You spent more time on here defending yourself than giving consideration for the victim. This itself shows you're not willing to own up for what you did

[Asker]

Ok. You can spend more time making assumptions. And don't get surprised why people think cancel culture is toxic. I'm moving on with my good friends

[nastyb]

@Asker

Someone who would never admit theyve done something wrong will never say the truth...

[Asker]

"I myself was a bully in highschool but people can change over time" Read that again. And of course people who makes accusations aren't any different either

[nastyb]

@Asker

I can also say im jesus... doesn't mean i am.

You can say anything you want but actions speak louder than words

[Asker]

Just like how you make assumptions on people. Take that advice.

[nastyb]

@Asker

When you dont tell the truth... thats when assumption are the truth.

[nastyb]

@Asker

Nobody is that bothered, frustrated, can't move on so badly... about someone elses relationship. Thats how i know you're the one who cheated...

[Asker]

It's not the fact that you're against cheating and bullying. But it's how you make false accusations of anyone. You still don't know me. You've only read my question for a few times in your life and you're acting like you've known me for years.

[Asker]

If that's the case, I can assume you're just someone who likes to virtue signal for attention

[Asker]

Using situations like this as an excuse to make false conclusion of anyone. It's like your response is to shoot someone just because they bumped you intentionally or not.

[nastyb]

@Asker

I dont think its a false conclusion. Because it makes no sense why you're so bothered and frustrated over cheating in someone elses relationship. Your question posted sounded like a long ass rant with passion and frustration

[Asker]

You're looking at how bothered I am to people like you assuming I'm the one who's cheating here. Also bothered by how people can just easily use that situation for their own gains. Yeah it may sound like an ass rant to you because you have poor interpretation skills. Which is why you put words on people's mouth.

[Asker]

Maybe next time if you read the bible, everything you see is "FUCK YOU" and just call it BS.

[Asker]

If you wanna make conclusions about me fine. I'm starting to think now you just don't really feel bad for the victims. Lets be real, you're only doing this for your own gains.

[Asker]

If you do care about the victims, how about you encourage people like me to help more people instead of trying to discourage them? I know why. Shaming someone just feels good and I've been there. That's basically just what you want.

[nastyb]

@Asker

I CARE about VICTIMS. THATS WHY I SHAMED YOU FOR DEMANDING THAT VICTIMS SHOULD FORGIVE YOU.

Victims are entirely entitled to the pain they felt and the grudges they hold. Nobodys pain should be DISREGARDED simply cuz the offender says so

[nastyb]

What you did CAUSED HARM. END OF STORY. When someone felt IMMENSE PAIN, they FELT IMMENSE PAIN. What you destroyed is ALREADY DESTROYED. Who you fucked over, GOT FUCKED OVER

You regretting it doesn't benefit them in any way.

When it hurt, IT HURT.

So quit coming on here and act like everyone else is the problem but you

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG YET YOU CAME ON HERE BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE INCLUDING THE VICTIM.

[nastyb]

What if a 16 yr old kid murdered your mother then he got sent to prison. 10 years later, he regrets what he did. So now he's demanding that he should be released from prison?

Would you release him? No you wouldn't

[Asker]

And you don't realize what the result would turn out. So i guess it's better for people to not change then because apparently. Let's talk about the difference of your comparison here. You're talking about murder. Such cases is reasonable to turn in someone for the rest of their life. That's not even comparable to cheating from way back. Even the law agrees with that. But when it comes to someone cheats on me, yes it hurts and id cut ties with her. Because that isn't murder nor someone stabbing me in the back. But if she regrets that one and tries to become a better girlfriend to someone, then i want to discourage her so she will be able to make someone else happy instead of cheating again. So which do you think is better? For people to change or not change at all?

Also i love how you're getting so defensive over i made conclusions about you when you yourself have been making conclusions about me from the start. See you don't even like your own actions being taken on you.

[Asker]

This is exactly why, you're not really helping the victims by discouraging bullies trying to change. You're just encouraging them to basically remain and can potentially hurt more people. If you do really care about victims then you don't put words on people's mouth.

It's easy for anyone to just type in capitals you know. I DONT BULLY ANYMORE. I DONT DEMAND FOR FORGIVENESS. Just like that. And how does that make someone anymore correct?

[Asker]

This reminds me of the cases where george floyd got killed and all the black lives matter protesters thrashed everywhere. You think they do it because they care about george floyd? No. They just like to thrash. Because it empowers them and they just disguise is it by calling it justice like what you're doing. More like your excuse to bully someone. 2 wrongs dont make it right tho.

[nastyb]

@Asker

You dont need to commit murder in order for someone to hold a grudge against you

The fact that you're implying someone does not have the right to hold a grudge against you for fucking them over since its not murder... just comes to show how DISGUSTING YOU ARE.

why are you so defensive angry and defiant? Why are you trying sooooo hard to blame the victim?

Because you're an asshole. Thats why to cheated in the first place.

[Asker]

Yes and i don't need to bully in order to get someone to have a grudge on me either. I can just simply step on their grass, still a candy or so on and they can have grudges only for as long as they want.

Why are you trying so hard to make excuses to just make this about you to make yourself feel like a queen? Because you never care about no victims. Just like again the BLM protesters i give us an example

[nastyb]

[This is exactly why, you're not really helping the victims by discouraging bullies trying to change]

Vast majority of Bullies dont tend to change. I know from experience that once you're a bullying in high school, there is 98% chance you will remain a bully for the rest of your life. Its a part of your personality. Once you hit a certain age, your MIND IS SET. IT NO LONGER CHANGES. Most bullies in the adult world were bullies in high schools.

YOUR CHANGING doesn't MAKE THE VICTIM FEEL BETTER. IT DOES NOTHING FOR THE VICTIM. NOBODY CARES IF YOU CHANGED

[Asker]

So do you justify people destroying other people stores because they are mad that george floyd got killed? I mean they are holding grudges too and you are justifying grudge

[Asker]

That's because all you see are those bullies who have never changed because they are those people who have never change don't really have to hide their past to anyone. If you know a person who is good not knowing that he was once a bully back then in class, you would just assume that he always had been a good person

[nastyb]

What if you married a young woman who cheated on you with your best friend? She broke your heart into a million pieces. You divorce her. Then 10 years later , she regrets what she did and tries to marry you again. Would you forgive her, forget about what she did and marry her again, NO YOU wouldn't.

So quit trying to villinize people who hold grudges

[Asker]

And for your information i did made the victim feel better when we had a reunion one time. And it was good because he doesn't want to hurt himself so he forgave me. So yes it is the choice of the people to just hold grudge and get hurt or forgive and not get hurt. It is still their choice though and as i have said long ago, ''its up to them'' and if they want the consequences for their grudge, it's also to them. The way you talk about imprisoning a murderer is actually a form of justice which is different from grugdge or vengeance that is something you have in mind

[Asker]

Yes i will forgive her but i'm not going to marry her nor be friends with her and hope that whoever she is dating be happy instead of wishing for her date to become another victim.

[nastyb]

@Asker

[The way you talk about imprisoning a murderer is actually a form of justice which is different from grugdge or vengeance that is something you have in mind]

there's no justice when you're imprisoning a " fully changed good man" in prison. According to you, someone should never be defined by their past

And plus... i know you're single and likely never even had a girlfriend. You would lie or absolutely say anything to justify cheating

[Asker]

I mean isn't that much better than just wishing for my ex who cheated on me to cheat on her new boyfriend just so that i can prove how much of a cheater she was hurting her new boyfriend? Because i care about the victim, i don't make such wishes like you do

[Asker]

Ok then i know you're just a karen. Your assumptions are not really getting you anywhere but just conclusions making you feel like empowered. You don't even like it if i make assumptions about you. I assume you were never a victim. How does dog sound?

[Asker]

*how doe that sound?

[nastyb]

@Asker

[The way you talk about imprisoning a murderer is actually a form of justice which is different from grugdge or vengeance that is something you have in mind]

there's no justice when you're imprisoning a " fully changed good man" in prison. According to you, someone should never be defined by their past

[nastyb]

Nobody should be defined by their past right?

So why are you keeping a fully changed good man in prison? He said sorry and that he's changed?

Why are you still so angry?

[Asker]

If i'm angry and you're not then why are you typing in capitals? Why is it now that i'm angry for making assumptions about you but you never admit you're angry for making assumptions about me?

Anyways, murdering someone and getting in prison now is not the past and it takes years for someone to actually change so getting him convicted is the time when he hasn't changed yet. Use your brain. The question is ''way back in the past''

It would pretty much be reasonable to actually just break up with her because she just did it recently. And especially if she did it as an adult. So it's the same as i wouldn't really be with my girlfriend if she cheated on me now. That's the difference

[Asker]

And also i don't compare murdering to cheating like you do. Just like how someone can also compare stepping on a grass to murdering.

[nastyb]

[Anyways, murdering someone and getting in prison now is not the past and it takes years for someone to actually change so getting him convicted is the time when he hasn't changed yet. Use your brain. The question is ''way back in the past'']

he commited a crime when he was a KID!!! he was just a child!! he grew up since then. it has been YEARS already!!! you're punishing an innocent fully changed man. how do you judge someone for what they did as a kid? even you said YOU wouldn't JUDGE SOMEONE FOR WHAT THEY DID AS A KID.

as you can already see... YOU HOLD YOUR OWN GRUDGES TOO even when people have changed.
but then if someone else held a grudge against you , you would say they shouldn't hold grudges.

thats how hypocritical you are.

[nastyb]

[And also i don't compare murdering to cheating like you do. Just like how someone can also compare stepping on a grass to murdering.]

so what? you can only hold grudges in murder cases? but you can't hold a grudges for anything else in life? what kind of fucked up logic is that? so the only pain that matters is in murder? not cheating?

you've got to be a fucked up person to imply something like that.

[Asker]

Ok no you're changing the story so if you're talking about if he was a kid who committed the crime then sure i can just let them go. And i hope that he doesn't kill anyone anymore. And if anyone actually do get in prison for committing murder, that's not grudge but that's just how society really is which is against the law i didn't even make which also makes it justice.

Is that a tactic of yours to change the story at the very end so that the argument just goes in your favor?

[Asker]

And also you are still talking about murder cases you're not talking about cheating. Because i don't associate them as the same

[nastyb]

[Ok no you're changing the story so if you're talking about if he was a kid who committed the crime then sure i can just let them go. ]

i said a 16 yr old kid murdered your mother... nothing has changed. And I"m sure you KNEW it was a 16 yr old kid

[And i hope that he doesn't kill anyone anymore. And if anyone actually do get in prison for committing murder, that's not grudge but that's just how society really is which is against the law i didn't even make which also makes it justice.]

this is just the same thing saying "it doesn't matter if its kid or not.. you would force him to spend his life in prison regardless if he changed". according to you, nobody should be defined by their past. so it woudn't be justice to put a "fully changed good man " in prison.

age also has nothing to do with it. Something you did as an adult at 21, you may regret at 41.

but you wouldn't even let them out of prison. you FIRST REACTION was : you wouldn't forgive regardless if they changed

[Asker]

I could arrest him way back in the past. Because the action was still fresh also because murdering is different from cheating. And if you he has changed the moment after he killed my mom, he hasn't because people who will change will take years so yes i can still arrest him. That is justice and also against the law. I have lost a mother go to murder but i don't lost anything that valuable if i am cheated. So if you want to kill someone because they cheated, don't get surprised if you also end up being in jail. You just said kid and you are also the one who is saying teenagers are not kids.

[Asker]

But if he was just a cheater not a murder, then of course he is going to have to undergo some sort of a social stigma just until he's ready to become a better person as he grows up. Your situation talking about murdering is a way more serious crime

[nastyb]

@Asker

your premise was : People should not be judged by their past. Your emphasis that "changed people" should always be forgiven.

but YOU won't FORGIVE a changed person for murder...

so hows that?

YOU HOLD GRUDGES...

[nastyb]

You LOVED talking about how you are changed so everyone should forgive you. Or that changed people SHOULD NEVER BE JUDGED FOR THEIR PAST.

but yet... you won't forgive a changed person for their past.

you would never let them out of prison!!!

so why are you being a hypocrite?

[Asker]

I can forgive him if he changed and after his jail time. He still have to go to jail that time for retribution. You're mistaking retribution for grudge and vengeance

[nastyb]

[But if he was just a cheater not a murder, then of course he is going to have to undergo some sort of a social stigma just until he's ready to become a better person as he grows up. Your situation talking about murdering is a way more serious crime]

some people die of heartbreak... they are never the same again. its quite common for people to die shortly after their spouses die. its something called heartbreak and it can kill. often times, people are never the same again after a divorce. and the change is usually worse... not better.

but the seriousness of the action is not the topic here.

your premise was that : Being a changed person justifies forgiveness

you can say that but you can't do just that

[nastyb]

[I can forgive him if he changed and after his jail time. He still have to go to jail that time for retribution. You're mistaking retribution for grudge and vengeance]

so now you're changing stances mid way to save your dignity?

you can't do that.

your first reaction was that you would never let them go from prison regardless if they've changed...

dont go back to change your answer...
how pathetic.

[Asker]

In my girlfriend's case, she already faced her consequence which is a retribution and now that she has changed, i accept her. Also because i myself have never seen it for myself so therefore benefit of a doubts are always a thing. If someone just accuse your boyfriend of cheating, i'm pretty sure you just wouldn't give him a benefit of a doubt and start throwing tantrums just like that.

[nastyb]

@Asker

yea... continue lying to save face.

everyone knows you care more about "getting forgiveness from others and defending yourself" than actually showing consideration towards the victims.

this itself shows that you are not sorrowful for what you did.

[Asker]

I am summarizing my answer which you failed to comprehend. Jail time and change is required for me to forgive someone.

You keep changing your interpretation everytime which is why

[nastyb]

people who are truly sorry for what they have done will want to REPENT for their sins.

people who aren't truly sorry will say "I shouldn't need to repent because i have changed".

[Asker]

I'm sure just continue making assumptions for your own gains. You've never been victimized and you just want attention

[Asker]

People who are truly a victim don't accuse someone for their gains. They ask for help in a nice way

[nastyb]

@Asker

take a look at your fucking question and everything you're written on here... every single line was all about "HOW YOU FEEL"... or "WHY YOU SHOULD GET FORGIVENESS" or "WHY YOU PEOPLE SHOULD TREAT YOU BETTER"

when was the last time you actually wanted to REPENT for your sins? NEVER

you just want people to be nice to you... you just only care about how you feel?

when did you ever show any acknowledgement that the other person might STILL BE IN PAIN? never

[Asker]

Yes i already face my consequences way back. And as i have told you i repent by helping people by listening to their problems and be against suicide. And this is also why i'm willing to help people who faces karens like you who just wanna gain from calling out someone not even caring about the victims

[Asker]

When was the last time you truly care about anyone? Never.

You just want drama i know it. I just read my question and it's very clear that there are none of those capital letters you are talking about. You are seeing things or just making that as an excuse to make yourself feel like a queen

[nastyb]

@Asker

[Yes i already face my consequences way back. And as i have told you i repent by helping people by listening to their problems and be against suicide. ]

what a joke... you call that a punishment? sounds like an easy way out of a punishment

the fact that you kept talking about what YOU WANTED instead of showing some empathy to people who might still be in pain... already shows you want to repent.

when you truly sympathize with someone, you don't demand to be treated well.

when you TRULY WANT to repent, you dont demand forgiveness. Instead you do what is necessary to PAY UP FOR YOUR OWN MISDEEDS.

so far... nothing you wrote shows you want to PAY UP for your own misdeeds. all you care about is how people see you and treat you...

selfish pos

[nastyb]

[When was the last time you truly care about anyone? Never.]

of course I care. I"'m trying HARD TO STICK UP for the victims who are not on here to speak right now. if i didn't care, i wouldn't stick up for them.

[You just want drama i know it. ]

it didn't have to become so much drama. you could've just agreed to what i wrote and we would be done with this conversation. no argument would have needed to take place.

its just that you like to lie and defend your own misdeeds. and im here to spot them out. and i think I've done so very well.

when you care more about yourself and how you're being treated than the victims you screwed over. you don't want to repent.

[nastyb]

@asker

typo:

[Yes i already face my consequences way back. And as i have told you i repent by helping people by listening to their problems and be against suicide. ]

what a joke... you call that a punishment? sounds like an easy way out of a punishment

the fact that you kept talking about what YOU WANTED instead of showing some empathy to people who might still be in pain... already shows you ** DONT WANT** to repent.

when you truly sympathize with someone, you don't demand to be treated well.

when you TRULY WANT to repent, you dont demand forgiveness. Instead you do what is necessary to PAY UP FOR YOUR OWN MISDEEDS.

so far... nothing you wrote shows you want to PAY UP for your own misdeeds. all you care about is how people see you and treat you...

selfish pos

[Asker]

Ok so you don't want me to just help people out then fine i guess it's just doesn't make a difference anyways two people like you and you see how that can just make someone retain their wicked ways. The way i help people out is a part of the repentance. Which is why i said ''And'' i have faced my consequences before AND i am now repeating by helping people out.

And if you truly care about the victims as i have said, you would have really encourage people to help each other out but you're doing the opposite which could potentially even harm more people. But you're just feeling good about it i know it. It's not for the victims but it's just for you. You don't want me to change. You don't want people to change

[nastyb]

@Asker

[And if you truly care about the victims as i have said, you would have really encourage people to help each other out ]

why are you constantly trying to change the topic about ME trying to help other people out?

the topic of discussion WAS NEVER ABOUT ME.

the topic of discussion was always about YOU.

don't try to deflect your lack of consideration towards others BY CHANGING THE TOPIC

but ultimately nobody has to forgive you for the suffering they faced. you have no right to insist someone be nice to you after you fucked them over big time. There are a lot of people who can NEVER TRUST anyone again after they got cheated on. A lot of these victims have a hard time dating or simply don't want to get into relationship because they are afraid of being hurt again

[Asker]

theswaddle.com/.../ Here you go that's just something you want. I'm not forcing you to stop holding grudges on me but i'm not the one getting affected by it

[nastyb]

[Yes i already face my consequences way back. And as i have told you i repent by helping people by listening to their problems and be against suicide. ]

says the same guy who said he never cheated.

if you never cheated then why would say you want to repent?

what a liar

[Asker]

You constantly trying to change the topic by making false accusations about me. This topic was about the situation not about me. And you're making it about me. Nobody has to forgive me and it is also of their choice to hold their grudge but it's affecting them after all not me.

[Asker]

It's because i never cheated and you have no proof of it. Prove right now tho. Im waiting. Do you have any photographic evidence? Do you have any alibis? Im waiting

[Asker]

Do you even know who i am? Have even meet in person? Answer all of those and tell me how that proves it

[Asker]

People like you can just be as dangerous as anyone who ever cheated though making false accusations like that. It's up before time i can just accuse you of killing my dog yesterday. I'm pretty sure you would demand proof

[nastyb]

@Asker

your "changing" does NOT change the victim's trust issues. It does not make victims feel better. It does not help the victim in any way. It does not minimize their pain or trauma. It does not minimize their fear of being cheated on again. It does not minimize their fear of getting into relationships again.

[Asker]

I don't really have to make them feel better. But i can make other people feel better those who can actually accept me will be my true friend. Of course i can try to help my bully victims but it is up to them if they want to accept it or not. After all they already did.

And i'm going to repeat again I'm not the one who's cheating. You still never proved it

[Asker]

The cheating victim may not be able to heal but not doesn't mean the cheater will just not change.
Which is why i still ask you what you keep dodging this question. They don't have to change is that what you want?

[nastyb]

@Asker

so why are you repenting if you did nothing wrong? haha

[nastyb]

[I don't really have to make them feel better. ]

yea... that alone shows your lack of empathy. you don't feel the need to make your victims feel better.

[The cheating victim may not be able to heal but not doesn't mean the cheater will just not change.]

I'm telling you why the victim DOES NOT NEED TO FORGIVE YOU. I'm trying to get you to empathize and ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR PAIN. You have not acknowledged their pain. You spend this entire discussion about why your misdeeds deserve to be forgiven or why should no longer be angry.

They're angry because they are hurt and they are probably STILL HURTING. They might still be suffering from TRAUMA or monsters that you've inflicted onto them long ago.

Stop being so obsessed with what you want and start being concerned about your victims.

[Asker]

You weren't reading my description because you're just too busy making assumptions about me. I actually said it there that I was once a bully and that what i'm talking about when i'm repainting but you are distorting it with your idea with me being the cheater.

I am indeed making them feel better by leaving them alone because apparently they don't want to be help by me so i'm doing them a favor. You yourself cannot even accept it if i'm helping people so why should i bother helping you out if you cannot accept my help? You want me to bow down to you and be your servant? No. You're just doing that for your own gain. you don't care about the victims but only yourself.

[nastyb]

@Asker

you're not interested in helping people. you just said its not your responsibility to make them feel better.

throughout this entire discussion, not once did you ACKNOWLEDGE the victim's pain...

you never apologized.

you keep insisting how you're an angel who deserves forgiveness because you changed.

YET, you can't forgive a "changed good man "for murdering your mother.

you're such a fucking selfish liar.

[nastyb]

[[I don't really have to make them feel better. ]

do you think this sounds like you empathize with your victims? haha

[Asker]

Ok if that's what you think then i won't bother with people like you because apparently you believe i won't help you out. I am moving on to another person who is more greateful who never assumes i am not interested in helping people and never apologize like making assumptions for their own gains.

I don't have to be forgiven as well but it's not me who's going to be in pain for holding that grudge. Which is why i forgive people who murders my mom just after they've really change and after their jail time or even in their jail time.

And you are also a liar when it comes to being a victim too. Victims don't like to hurt themselves more than they are already hurt.

[Asker]

www.piedmont.org/.../what-does-holding-a-grudge-do-to-your-health Holding grudges can definitely impact your health so it's your choice though.

[nastyb]

@Asker

[Which is why i forgive people who murders my mom just after they've really change and after their jail time or even in their jail time.]

you said would want to keep this "changed good man" in prison forever. you said it was a form of justice.

then you went back and tried to change your answer

it doesn't work that way...

i can easily tell that you're a dishonest person with no integrity.

[nastyb]

you said you never did anything wrong. but now you're saying you are repenting...

if you did nothing wrong, then what are you repenting for?

like i said, you have no integrity.

how can anyone forgive you IF YOU CAN'T ADMIT YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG?

[Asker]

Keeping him in prison it's different from not forgiving him. That is called retribution not grudge.

You didn't read my description. I said i what's a bully and that is what i am repent thing but you're assuming i am a cheater.

And with you full of assumptions and putting word on people's. You cannot admit that you are just wanting attention for selfish gains. You never had a hard life

[nastyb]

[www. piedmont. org/.../what-does-holding-a-grudge-do-to-your-health Holding grudges can definitely impact your health so it's your choice though.]

Is this your way of relieving your guilt?

I hold grudges... it doesn't bother me. Everyone is different. Some people can feel perfectly fine holding grudges... others might not.

[nastyb]

@Asker

[Keeping him in prison it's different from not forgiving him. That is called retribution not grudge.]

its not any different. you just said you wanted to keep this changed good man in prison forever. I can copy and paste what you wrote on here if you want.
[And with you full of assumptions and putting word on people's. ]

I have to make assumptions because you're a liar who never tells the truth. you CONTRADICT yourself over and over and over again...

why would anyone believe you?

[Asker]

www.cliffsnotes.com/.../ Here you go, perhaps it is time for you to learn something new or maybe you're just someone who can't learn.

It's not my decision to imprison that guy forever if the law says life prisonment. I mean it's pretty reasonable as well but that still doesn't mean i don't forgive him. He is still need retribution what he did. It is also just like a thief need to return what they stole from me. But i can forgive them.

If that's the case then i can make assumptions about you being a selfish brat who actually just wants to throw tantrums like that because it what make you feel good to get attention to anyone but you're just not getting any of it which is why you're so desperate.

[Asker]

ivypanda.com/.../ Vengeance involves emotions like holding grudges while justice and retribution involves the law and i'm not even the one who just made the law. So again learn the difference

[nastyb]

@Asker

why would you expect victims to forgive you if you won't even release the innocent man from prison?

its time for you to STOP FAKING and face what you actually said.

[Asker]

I don't expect victims to forgive me. I don't release a murderer from prison because that's retribution and law which is different from grudge.

It's time you stop being a spoiled brat about your gains.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I bet she recently cheated and this is as close as she could come to telling you the full truth.

Probably the same guy too.

[Asker]

You ''bet''. I can consider that possibility but what if she never told me at all and we get to be together until we are both old and retired? You would have assume she never did cheated in the past.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I assume all chicks cheat and that they lie mainly by omission. The ones that don't simply lack opportunities.

Think about it for a second... if she came clean now after lying about it by omission for so long... just why did she come clean? Have you thought about why she would bother to get that out there? Why now? After keeping it under wraps for so long... I have a hunch...

I bet that dude is around, or one of the girls knows about it and they had a falling out. To me... it sounds an awful lot like damage control more than anything. But if it's the dude himself... I'd be wondering if any dudes have come around that got talked about a bit too much at some recent point.

But yeah... what if, right? The facts are she will hide things from you... cheat you... and that's just deceptive all around. What if you do grow old with that? 4 years in... and then when the 7 year itch rolls in? that's when women really start cheating on a whole new level.

I would suggest being observant. Look back in time... what was her behavior like when said cheating happened? Contrast that and compare it to what's going on right now. ... I'm just saying. Not trying to be dream destroyer, but walk with your eyes open.

[Asker]

I've known her way longer than you've known her. i only just mention about her now and you're already acting like you've known us for years. She didn't come clean. She is nervously told me about it. Why now? She always wanted closure and that's better than just never and for a long time, it always felt like he wanted to tell me something. I'm motivated her. If you are not paranoid and assume that everybody are cheaters after all, life is too short to not take risks. Just play it safe and grow old and you end up dying alone.

[Asker]

And for her, she's dating someone who used to be a ''bad ass'' bully as a risk. I only understood after a genuine change of heart. We can let other people hate us but we can both accept each other

[D_Bone_Steak]

Alright... not the first time I've heard that sort of retort, in fact, I expected it. But I'm always right. You'll see.

[Asker]

Yea ill see. Because in my experience people who always say they are always right are always wrong.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Lolz alright dude. You must've been a bully. Overly emotional. Keep thinking with your little brain. Blue pill yourself to bliss.

[Asker]

Ironically, saying "But I'm always right." is a feeling. Like there's no logic in that.

[Asker]

At least I have a brain tho. Do you? I don't think so.

[D_Bone_Steak]

How is there no logic in that when it is an observable fact? You just haven't waited long enough to see it for yourself.

I will ignore the brain question and your hunch on that... irrelevant and sounds emotional. You're just clapping back like most of the females do when I say something true and they just don't want to hear it. 😂🤣1) If you say for a fact that it is not true, you're wrong... because you get lied to by omission and don't know what the fuck is going on to begin with. 2) You've already made it clear, you just what to be with her even if she cheats you and then lies and manipulates you... that's a you problem and your choice... not my problem. Therefore I've said my piece... watch and learn. Give it time.

... or you can get all pissy about it and clap back some more. No need for me to convince you, your mind is made in my opinion, and time is on my side. We'll see who is right.

[Asker]

You don't know that if you have a girlfriend, chances are they may have actually cheated but who is actually honest with that? Since there are just plenty of narrow minded people like you who ignores how they have been loyal to you, treating you like a king for years and you don't make that a big deal. Kinda like you are just using that as an excuse to break up because you are unsatisfied or to just cheat at all. Your girlfriend or you could have been a cheater but neither of you would just admit it. So yes that could be the same for actually those who are actually happy married until they actually grow old. One of them couldve cheated way back in the past when they were teenagers without spilling the beans. So there's a big chance you could be dating a liar and a cheater the same time until you die. After all many teenagers don't even take the relationship seriously which is why there could be plenty of them cheating at that point.

[Asker]

And by the way, you still exactly have no evidence and there is always something called benefit of a doubt. If your girlfriend tell you that we have never cheated, you could be skeptical but just believe it but if she tells you that she have cheated before, you're just going to believe imediately without even giving it a benefit of a doubt. You have no evidence for both claims and you're only using your feelings to make conclusions so yes i call you bulshit and emotional

[D_Bone_Steak]

Obviously, I'm just light trolling here and trying to get a rise out of you... But... on the real, you've made some seriously deep blue-pilled statements and assertions which I actually do think is going to end up getting you cheated on and manipulated by a woman... like it already has.

So yeah, I may have been joking in a sort of mean way, but there's a lot of truth in what I said. You've heard the saying right?"No girl is really yours, It's was/is just your turn" You've heard that one before right? I think that saying didn't come from thin air. With that said, I would just highly advise you to evaluate it a bit more harshly. It really does sound like you're just all too ready to just pat her on the head and tell her "It's okay honey." 😂

With all that said, let me tell you my personal experience with this sort of thing as I've been married 15+ years with the years of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' stuff before that. You're going to start to see patterns of behavior. The woman isn't going to just change like we change as dudes... their circumstances and opportunities just shift. You're right... about the age thing for instance... those other options dry up for them as they get older. But if you see the same circumstances and opportunities arise that were around the first time, then you know what to expect before it even happens. That's why I kept probing as to if you've noticed anything recently that was like then... What's digging up this old stuff for her?

[Asker]

This is a serious topic so how should i do if your actual an idiot or not? When I actually know a lot of them online and even in real life, how you sound like was pretty comparable to them. If you are trying to get the rise out of someone by acting stupid and delusional, what do you expect? People to bow down to a clown? I don't know what normal society would do that but maybe in your clown world, stupidity pretty much a norm.

You don't know but i actually did evaluate her. After all, i don't have any proof that she actually cheated in the past or not and there is always something called benefit of the doubt and it's a very same thing i would do to anyone just accused of rape. And so far, there have been no signs of disloyalty. I know i have to keep my guard off just like everyone else in relationships have to keep their guards up. Keeping their guards up in relationship in case of cheating or any signs of disloyalty is not something only to be done to someone who had a history of cheating but for all just like how we all keep our guards up when we go out in with the crowd and not be murdered or just pick pocketed. In the end, anyone can just be cheaters even if they never cheated in the past.

[Asker]

I know i have to keep my guard *up

[D_Bone_Steak]

Wait... so you don't know if she even "really" cheated or not? Personally, I would give the benefit of the doubt. At the same time, I would assume she may have, but has it done any real damage?

You didn't get a STD from it. There aren't people pointing and laughing with dude-bro's saying they banged your chick. No other man's baby in the mix. She isn't hung up on dreams with some other dude. All true right? So if assuming that she has or may have... damage assessment comes out as non-existent and probably can just be set aside just as if she hasn't done it at all.

Again though, if you come to find out this is some sort of pattern, that keeps repeating itself, you've got a problem on your hands. Like one girl I was with, it was first a "cool new friend" and then the hanging out with her cool new friend, and then the guy at the bar situations would arise. Or another one... she'd justify flirting which she would claim is just talking, then texting with the same claims... my concerns would be met with "You're just jealous/paranoid" and "he's just a nice guy/friend!" As you can imagine it would just go too far at some point over and over like a cycle... a pattern.

Yeah dude, if it may of been a one-off thing way back and isn't a pattern though... I'd say you don't have much to worry about.

[Asker]

If i actually have known, i would have found out about it the moment we have dated. And yes i know it could be a red flag if she is trying to manipulate me with her ''innocence'' and that's what i am keeping my guard up for. I can keep what she said in mind but i can't just simply overlook the goodness in people, the good times we had together and just nitpic on those words she said. As i have said every relationships have risks it doesn't matter who you are dating. Even if someone has never cheated, you can still be the first victim. And those who didn't even cheat may also have a history of breakups or their partners being the one who cheated on them. They can be non cheaters who have transmit STD. Life is full of risks and it's not even only in relationships.

[inhua]

so basically you want your flaws to be glossed over?

[Asker]

No but there is such thing as called ''fixing something that's broken''

[Asker]

Or replacing it

[inhua]

fixing for who? you or the victims you bullied? your girlfriend or the guys she cheated on?

so people should just "get over it" because somebody else had to get screwed over during your learning process?

[Asker]

Fixing the flaws like being become a better person next time instead of justifying their past behavior by glossing them over. They can start by apologizing but that doesn't mean they have to be forgiven it's up to them to forgive or not. So what do you want them to do then? Because apparently the damage is already done, they don't have to change? They don't have to fix their own flaws? Maybe you think that's better but i don't

[inhua]

you can fix your flaws but forgiveness should not be expected to clear one's guilty conscience

even if you think bullying is just a minor incident during your learning process, it has major consequences. victims of bullying have been known to commit suicide and retaliate in much worse ways

[Asker]

I am not saying forgiveness should be expected. It is still up to them if they want to forgive or not. But the asshole can move on and treat the next person better.

Where exactly did i say bullying is a minor incident?

[Asker]

I'm all where it can cause suicide which is why i'm someone who try to listen to people who has problems just like how i reassured my girlfriend lots of time. If i was glossing my flaws and i would just bully her like what i do before but in a lowkey way.

[Asker]

Im *aware

[Asker]

I could try to help my victims to but if they don't want help, if they cannot accept me then i am helping them by allowing them to hate me as much as they want. I wouldn't tolerate vengeance though.

[inhua]

when you bring up bullying as part of your learning process, you are essentially minimizing its effects

most kids never had to shoot someone dead during a learning process to realize that murder is wrong

[Asker]

And where am i minimize its effect? Which is exactly what i don't tolerate bullying now. Yes and those kids who actually commit mass murders in school do end up in jail and its justifyiable.

[Asker]

And once they go out of jail and learn their lessons, i don't have to broad in the past about unless they themselves have never learned.

[Asker]

But course people are still allowed to hate him. Exept vengeance is not tolerable.

[Asker]

If you're trying to say i'm minimizing the effect, can you tell me where i said it's not that big of a deal?

[inhua]

it's in the title of your question

[Asker]

I meant bigger deal than it should be. You're talking about it as if it's still happening currently though actually. But people making a really big deal about something that happened way back in the past until now are just the ones who end up hurting themselves

[inhua]

it is seen as a big deal because of the potential consequences that can arise from such

[Asker]

So if you're making something bad that happened in the past a big deal, why aren't you making something that is happening now in the present a big deal as well? You may it's not a big deal that people changed? It's not a big deal that USA and Japan are now friends despite USA bombing Japan way back in the past?

[inhua]

the people who invented and dropped the bomb aren't around anymore nor are those who survived the bombs. if they were, their hostilities are well justified

you are still alive today. the people you bullied are still alive today or maybe they've committed suicide. either way their life gets fucked up while you get rewarded. good for you and more power to you but don't be upset when they enact vengeance on you. I don't agree with such methods but I wouldn't blame them if they did

[Asker]

That still hasn't answer the other question. Why make it a big deal if someone cheated way back in the past but why don't you make it a big deal if someone has changed, stayed loyal and not a cheater now? That is almost like you nitpik on people's flaws but you don't like to appreciate whats good they've done.

It is up to them if they hold grudge even if i'm trying to convince them. If they cannot accept then i don't have to convince them and i'll just have to move on. But gladly my victims do understand that it was way back and i'm grateful for it when we just had a reunion and i don't even look the same as a person has back then. Good thing we started over but if they couldn't accept that then it still up to them. The thing is the people who just hold grudges would just hurt themselves more than they have hurt who they have grudges on. I don't tolerate vengeance because it can pretty much be used as an excuse for their own gains.

[Asker]

And yes there are still people in japan who are alive since world war 2 and have some relatives living in hiroshima and nagasaki. It's up to them to hate USA but that's not really going to change anything but hurt themselves.

[inhua]

that depends on if they really changed and what the reasons are for them changing

[Asker]

In this specific case, i thought bullying and not caring if it's wrong would always make me powerful until i realize that sensitivity is my true strength.

[Asker]

I always thought sensitivities BS. I was also bullied before I became one.

[inhua]

to be fair your bullying did give you strength but it came at a cost. people who are successful or want to be successful often need to "sell their soul" in order to get where they want may it be politicians, pro-athletes, military leaders, businessmen etc.

there's always gonna be a price to pay. whether you can live comfortably with this is up to you. you don't seem comfortable with your bullied victims retaliating but you had to go through it to get what you wanted

[jahaims]

Because it still says something about your character. Everyone knows it is wrong before they do it. That means you chose to go out of your way to hurt someone for your own benefit.

[Asker]

I'm not saying it's correct either. Just like when kids were spoiled brats, that doesn't make them who they are as adults but being spoiled still doesn't mean it's a right thing to be. If your child was being spoiled, what do you want them to do to make up for it?

[jahaims]

I am not implying that you should write someone off because of their past. I am saying it is fair to take into account. If you murder someone, then get out of jail, that doesn't mean you aren't a murderer. Your actions can carry with you forever.

[Asker]

That's the very same logic if I label you a spoiled person now just because you were a spoiled brat.

[jahaims]

Being spoiled and / or a brat is a subjective term, so a matter of opinion. Whether you cheated or not is a fact. Opinions and facts aren't the same thing. You don't understand logic.

[Asker]

Wanting more, throwing tantrums, not appreciative, whatever spoiled things, you sure those aren't objective? I can also tell you what else is subjective. "Labels" because you don't see through someone's past objectively. You don't see labels floating on top of their heads. So you sure you understand what logic really is?

[jahaims]

You think you are intelligent but can't follow the conversation from A to B. You are literally too ignorant to converse with.

[Asker]

You don't even know what analogies are. So what makes you someone to be in the position to call someone "not intelligent"? You wanna focus on me instead of the conversation? That's just ironic if you say I can't follow the conversation.

[Asker]

Back to the main topic here. You think there are different kinds of being spoiled just like how people think there are different kinds of cheaters. That basically just makes both of them subjective if the case is they have many kinds. Just like rule breakers, they can litter one time as a kid but they know the consequences later on as an adult. I don't think they are still called litterers. How people view someone is also subjective.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Once a cheater, always a cheater, zero exceptions.

Any claim of an exception is a lie.

You can't change my mind.

[Asker]

I don't have to. After all you're just went to hurt yourself knowing this but you don't know that if you have a girlfriend, chances are they may have actually cheated but who is actually honest with that? Since there are just plenty of narrow minded people like you who ignores how they have been loyal to you, treating you like a king for years and you don't make that a big deal. Kinda like you are just using that as an excuse to break up because you are unsatisfied or to just cheat at all. Your girlfriend or you could have been a cheater but neither of you would just admit it

[Asker]

You cannot change my mind too everyone could be cheaters. But you don't know it. And you have no way of knowing the truth

[TheSpaceGnome]

Says "I don't have to" then proceeds to attempt to anyway and fails miserably 😂

I've been cheated on before, she told me she did, and I dumped her.
I've never cheated on anyone myself (I'm still a virgin and I prefer monogamy).

Also you don't understand what you're saying, if a person cheats on you, they aren't "loyal" or "treating you like a king" (not that I even want to be treated like a king since I prefer equality, but I do want loyalty).

You are just making nonsensical excuses, it actually is a big deal to cheat, the biggest deal of all in terms of reasons to break up.

No one is worth that kind of trashy behavior, and trying to call a person "narrow minded" for not putting up with cheating, is just retarded. 😂

[Asker]

I'm just saying. It's a fact tho. But you don't really have. After all i'm not the one who has their mind poisoned but you. And you're just going to lie it to yourself even if you know it. The question is from way back. I'm not talking about someone who cheated just recently at an older age. It would pretty much be reasonable to not give someone a chance for that. But talking about in teenage years, i'm pretty sure you are aware that most teenagers don't even take the relationship seriously so you don't know how many of them could be cheaters at one point that time. You're making up your own scenario. You're talking recently about yourself just now when the question clearly is about from way back then and cheating on someone.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm loyal and don't put up with cheaters, and you cheat and are defending cheaters, and somehow I'm the "mentally poisoned" one? lmfao dude lay off the drugs. It doesn't matter when a person cheated, it matters that they cheated at all. People don't change. Not at the core level.

Also I wasn't talking about something recent. That was over a decade ago that she cheated on me.

[Asker]

Sure you can say that but how should i know but if you like to assume that i justify cheating, they can also give you a benefit of a doubt saying you have never cheated at all because i don't know you. You probably won't believe it as well if i say i have never cheated at all. Also you are not being clear with your decades ago. You mean someone who is like 26 years old who cheated? Well yeah that is pretty much reasonable since that is the age where people start really taking relationships seriously and when their brains stop developing so we're going to have a really hard time in changing at that time. But if you really say people don't change, then maybe you haven't changed a but since todler? Or maybe since just teenager? Then you're the oldest teenager in alive who cannot really grow up. Perhaps you getting attracted to teenage girls don't change too since highschool.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dude give it up.

Your sentences are barely legible and your "point" is nonsense.

[Asker]

You're the one who said people cannot change therefore i give you an example but now it doesn't make sense because it made you realize how stupid that made you sound?

[TheSpaceGnome]

I know you won't change your ways, that does not mean I have to agree with your nonsense.
This conversation isn't for changing you, it's for people to see my viewpoint on the matter.

[Asker]

Which is why i said if that's the case then you haven't changed since todler. Why is that different now? You're not changing your mind sure. I'm not forcing you to be correct either

[Grovermint]

Who cares if they were, "still learning", still cheating, still a major character flaw.

[Asker]

Look. You may have thrown some tantrums as a toddler. So with your logic, who cares if they were, "still learning", still cheating, still a major character flaw. That means your a whiner forever?

[Asker]

*Still tantrums, still a major character flaw.

[Grovermint]

A teenager should know better about loyalty. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag.

[Asker]

It's scientifically proven that our brains are still developing at teenage years so yes. It's the same as having a spoiled teen, that doesn't mean they're going to become a spoiled adults. Maybe you yourself just can't grow up

[KrakenAttackin]

Bro, just don't marry a whore.

[Asker]

How long have you known her tho?

[KrakenAttackin]

Lesson #2, they are all whores.

[Asker]

Im someone like you can't get laid. Speak for yourself

[KrakenAttackin]

If you want to commit to a whore, that's on you. Don't come back to GAG crying how she cheated on you after she baby trapped you.

[Asker]

If she really is a whore, the n i am moving on. I don't just whine like a cry baby are until i die alone.