Ever been mentally drained by a perfect textbook (covert) narcissist?

[Beautyblossom2]

A narcissist, on the surface, is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They often come as the most "charming" people around you & someone who never fails to NOT mention anything good they've been doing. Narcissists are not secure people and the "self interest and excessive admiration" that shows, is usually stemming from a deep deep insecurity. They have an insatiable need of people's (collectively, never a single person) validation, to feel valued. 'Never a single person' cuz they usually cannot care about anyone particular other than themselves. A lot of times they're just BLIND to see the harm they cause to the ones they "care" about (covert nar.). Their reasonings can be anything, at any level, to justify their own selves and their actions. They can never be argued with bcz their minds are incapable of seeing their own self at the 'wrong'. They have to "win". They live to win, "reputation" is the most important thing to them. They're incapable of being vulnerable (could be cuz of a past trauma) to others. They leech out the people they're with, if you've been through that mental exhaustion. They all have pretty much the same patterns. If you've been one of their victims, you can pick out those patterns easily. Manipulations, gaslighting, not being truthful, conditioning, twisting words are just few ways. I wish you all the best on your healing journey & hopefully (not smth good), those triggers are strong enough that you never trust such person again.
(my personal view of them 👆 you may correct me/or add to this (if u want to) but be polite)

Yes

I've seen this happening to someone else

No/ I'm interested in the topic

have a history of myself being a narc.

What!! Who are these people?

Updates

+1 y

Ah yes, breadcrumbing too.. Wasn't remembering this one.

[provokeesmokee]

A narcissist isn't necessarily a charming person. Ffs, it's like you watched 50 Shades of Grey as a substitute for an education...

Narcissism can be a personality trait.

An actual narcissist is someone with a personality disorder.

Some shit my narcissistic mother did, before I had enough and cut contact with her:

• Would literally cry if she wasn't the centre of her husband's life (he wasn't allowed friends and for decades he wasn't even allowed to hang out with his family)
• Attempted to control the narrative about our family, demanding lies be told about her career to save face, and controlling what we said to our friends and family
• In private, would make my and my father's lives hell in order to make up for her personal failings (she always claimed to be successful - she never held a job longer than 6 months)
• Lied to friends and family about my father and I in order to look good or feed her denial

[Beautyblossom2]

"charming" is synonymous to 'reputation' maintainance, you repeatedly wrote for your mother there. It's the main thing about them, they work hard to maintain it. I didn't write it in a positive way (thought it was obvious). Just cuz you're 33, don't assume other younger people are illiterate and go on spewing sh.. Without actually knowing if they went through some experience of their own or not. I've myself had a good longterm experience with a narc n just cuz I'm not sharing it, doesn't mean you should have the authority of making assumptions n being indifferent

[Beautyblossom2]

@provokeesmokee anyway, I'm not a narc so I feel sympathy.. I genuinely hope you're doing better n healing. Cuz I can relate to an extent

[provokeesmokee]

Lmao you did a 180 real quick.

[Anonymous]

It’s just never healthy to be around narcissists, it feels like their personality is eating your wellbeing

[Shamalien]

Lol all you have to ask yourself is “is this person getting more out of me than I am getting out of them” and if that divide is very significant, high chance you’re dealing with someone you want out of your life, narcissist or not

[Beautyblossom2]

That's not a "lol"💀 unless you don't feel empathy & emotions

[Shamalien]

Only a sith deals in absolutes

[Beautyblossom2]

Those were two separate sentences.
I don't think most of the people can make it out of a narcissist's traps, if they never experienced some form of manipulation before. Especially as kids. Usually adults have direction & are mature to just simply look at the logical aspect: that input / output you mentioned. But kids n teenagers are more innocent: have to fall, break their rose-coloured glasses & stand back up to learn.

[inhua]

good luck to anyone who tries to mentally drain me

[DryGermanGuy]

Yeah, that happened. And feeling drained is the perfect description.

[Anonymous]

The word "narcissist" is so overly used in today's society.

[Beautyblossom2]

I agree. That's sadly true. Sometimes people know it for a fact n are right (100%) like for some diagnosed "xyz" person.. But sometimes they're (70-80%) right, if it's a "covert" one.. And sometimes probably just (40-60%) when their "xyz" person doesn't really show ALL the signs, but for coping sake, they take it that way.. Like how people go through "breakup/moving on from an ex" articles even when they haven't been in a relationship... (this is just my way of seeing things)

[Beautyblossom2]

The word, if being used, should be used carefully and after a lot of thought.
And NEVER, to point out someone specifically, if they're not a 'diagnosed' one.

[shades777]

this word is almost exclusively used as a way to insult a confident man that they can't use or manipulate so no

[sheenagwapa]

no... in
my family we hqve ocd but not nars

[DerekC321]

Omg yes.