Should I breakup with my boyfriend for not defending me from his brother?

[Anonymous]

I have my own apartment but I have someone staying with me until they get on their feet so for privacy reasons when I want chill time with my boyfriend we go to his house that he shares with his brother. Me and my boyfriend have had some arguments in the past about insensitive jokes he had made. Well today I visited and his brother was sitting in the living room. I said “hey” but I called him by his nickname. I wasn’t that familiar with him so they started joking about how I shouldn’t call him by his nickname. I only called him by his nickname because I forgot his real name for a second since I don’t talk to him that much. But his response was “don’t call me by my nickname before I smack the makeup off of your face.” I instantly was offended and I wanted to tell him but I felt like it would cause an argument. My boyfriend just had a surprised look on his face. I told my boyfriend when we went into the bedroom that I felt like it was rude but that I was staying chill because this wasn’t my house. But I was raised to speak to someone when you enter their house and I felt like I was being polite only to be met with such a rude comment - joke or not. I stayed for a few hours and the plan was for me to spend the night but I ended up asking my boyfriend to just take me home because I was uncomfortable with staying over. He was upset that I woke him up and I explained to him that I didn’t want to come over anymore and that from now on if we wanted to just chill in the house we could go to my apartment. When he seemed upset I told him that I wasn’t leaving because I was upset at him but that I was offended by his brothers comment and that the only reason I stayed even for a few hours was because I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. I personally have straightened out my own friends about badmouthing my boyfriend when he wasn’t around so even though this was his brother I felt that if I could defend him why didn’t he defend me?

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think there might be more to this and maybe there is a reason everyone is getting irritated.

Who is the friend staying in your place and why are they there displacing you and putting you and man into your brother's space? You are making choices that could be affecting everyone that didn't get a say in what's going to happen. Reminds me of my wife bringing her Mom into our house and then I'm just expected to deal with her.

So who is the bum that's trying to get on their feet? Are you gonna break up with a boyfriend for that person? I think that's the start or the basics of where these problems are originating. That is causing the changes that are leading to other changes in my humble opinion. Fix that and I bet you'll fix what's causing you to be stepping on your boyfriend's brother's toes, so to speak.

[Drumlin2001]

Maybe it's their sense of humour, and as you'd used the nickname they assumed you were comfortable enough with them that they could do that. You should talk with your boyfriend, let him know how it hurt you and how you expect him to 1) ask his brother for an apology and 2) not expext to be spoken to like that again and for your boyfriend to back you up. Be clear that it's a red line and things will be over if crossed.

[HelpfulWoman]

I kind of side with the brother. while the "slap the make up off you" was a bit unnecessary, if you aren't close, don't use nicknames. I have my own brother in law who's a bit like that, but with him he just seems to lack a bit of social skills.

[Asker]

I would have apologized but his comment was so outrageous and uncalled for that I can’t see how that was okay. I should have just not said anything at all to him not even said hi

[EmmaMary]

Sounds like your boyfriend is very much afraid of his own brother.

Maybe you should start thinking whether you've made a good choice of boyfriends or not.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

The slap part was out of line but I do side with the brother here. I would hate to be called my nickname by anyone who I didn't know that well regardless if they were dating someone I knew. Nicknames tend to be for family and close friends only.

As for you wanting to break up with your boyfriend over this. It's pretty pathetic. Did you even try and apologise for calling him by his nickname?

[Asker]

Him saying he would slap me was so out of line that I didn’t bother to say anything because the next words that came out of my mouth were gonna be really mean if I didn’t compose myself. However if he had just told me he didn’t want me to call him that I would have apologized

[Anonymous]

It does sound weak on his part.