Everything changed in just two years?

[Anonymous]

My love language is different. I love to spend quality time with the man I’m with. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand. All he seem to care about is money, which is fine but he really doesn’t spend time with me anymore. When we first met two years ago it was so different. He use to plan dates we took trips he always called and texted. Now he doesn’t say a word to me when he comes home, we barely talk now… I don't know if it’s because we have a son together now or what but he tried and it’s not getting any better. He calls my mom on me when we get into it. My mom seems to be on his side. She doesn’t listen when I tell her how he’s ignoring me all time. I don't know what to do or say anymore

[MrOracle]

Men often feel tremendous pressure to earn money once they have a child - men understand something that most women don't: that there's no safety net for a man. If a woman is unable to earn money, the state will take care of her, even if only at a very low level - but a man is on his own, completely. So, knowing this, men often feel they have to sacrifice everything in order to make sure his child isn't left to the world.

Yes, this means that it's much harder to spend time with his wife/SO. But you're never going to get anywhere by being mad at him, even if being mad is somewhat justified. Instead, you need to make it clear to him that you APPRECIATE the sacrifices that he's making by working so much (he's making those sacrifices for you and your child, even if you don't realize it), and once you can make him feel appreciated (and you will need to show that appreciation for some time before he can trust that it's real), you can ASK him, NICELY, and respectfully, to reconsider his priorities, and maybe back off just a little on the money earning so that he can spend a bit more time with you. Explain to him how much you miss spending time with him, and how much you value it and treasure it.

What I'm getting at is that you are FAR more likely to get what you want from your man if you come at it from a positive direction and with a positive attitude than you ever will by being angry and upset with him. He's not doing anything with the intention of hurting you, but yes, perhaps he's got his priorities a little out of adjustment. Before you can ask him to make changes, you must first establish that you are firmly on his side, rather than his opponent. You've been making yourself his opponent, and all that's going to do is make him dig in and fight against you on the issue, and you'll get nowhere.

[scooogy]

This

[WaterIsland]

Purely on the money aspect. At some point you gotta sit down with him and ask him what is the point in working for more money if you can’t build healthy strong relationships, and have fun.


Most people have financial goals to relieve stress, and/or to have fun and enjoy life. Therefore balance is critical. And he needs to recognize that.


There’s a lot of layers here tho. And I think the first thing is to sit down and have an honest conversation with him. Tell him how you’re feeling. Communication is so important, because even if it’s obvious to you that you’re unhappy, it might not be obvious to him. Sit down and talk about it and work together on how to ensure mutual happiness.

[Asker]

I’ve tried to communicate with him. He won’t listen. He makes everything a argument now, I don’t think he’s happy with me anymore. He won’t say that but it’s obvious

[WaterIsland]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. That is so tough. I feel like I can’t give the best advice here. Because you have a child that complicates things in a way that I personally can’t relate to on the same level as you.

My biggest suggestion is to ensure you have a solid support system around you. Focus on friends or family. I know there’s lots of considerations, but consider seeing a counselor or therapist to talk things through.

I don’t feel like I can suggest what you should do. Nor do I really even have a suggestion. Sadly that’s something you’re gonna have to figure out on your own.

If you want someone to talk to, I’m definitely here to talk. Just realize that I can’t relate in the same way you can. But my messages are open on this app or feel free to keep commenting here.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

Same situation as me. I'm not happy either and want to end it

[Asker]

Me too. It’s so obvious! He would rather be with homeboys than with me. He barely talks to me now. It’s so depressing

[scooogy]

Now what if he was jobless and had every hour of the day for you but you two had no wealth anymore?

[Asker]

I never said he couldn’t work 🙄 just because u work don’t mean when u come home neglect your women

[Jamie05rhs]

You guys need to talk to each other. I can understand the temptation to talk to other people (like your mom) about the relationship, but I honestly think he messed up when he did that.

[scooogy]

You remind me of my ex crush. First she urged me to find a job. As soon as I had one, she felt neglected and went for a college guy.

[Asker]

Then this post isn’t for u

[scooogy]

I need to get this straight: wealth or partnership, what's more important to a woman?