What to do if your partner is uncomfortable with how you look?

[Anonymous]

First, I request everyone to not judge me or criticise for what I say.

We've been with each other for 10 months. Due to his work and my studies we meet very less. Our problem in the relationship is that he thinks he's below my league or not as good-looking. I everyday try my best to help him get rid of that irrational feeling but probably it would take some time.

A few days ago I had my birthday dinner with my parents and they clicked few pictures of me. The pictures were nothing inappropriate. When I narrated the incident to him, he enthusiastically told me to share the pictures with him. I did so. When he gets pictures of himself he sends me too.

After seeing them, he went silent and said that he wanted to rest and not talk. I realised that I messed up somewhere and asked him what was the actual matter. He revealed that he was angered to see me get so overboard and full of myself. According to him, I was trying to show off how beautiful I looked and that made him feel insecure. He also told me that he always wanted traditionally unattractive girlfriend with who he could feel some peace. I was really hurt but I apologised again and again. But he is still cold.

Did I do anything wrong?

[Anonymous]

Hi, first I'm sorry to hear you're going through something like this to make you question things. I know I'm probably missing a lot of context, but I feel there's a couple of possibilities?

The worst of which are him trying to get pity or attention, by using the Woe-is-me approach to things. "Oh, I'm so ugly and you're so pretty I don't deserve you" may or may not extract sympathy from you to fill some hidden need of his.

But I still can't imagine anyone genuinely being mad if their partner "looks better than them." Like, yes, it's fun to complain about, but if he's actually passive aggressive about it, you guys need a talk.

I worry either everyone is above my league or below it, and I end up not being able to date anyone whether from rejecting them, or rejecting myself before I can be rejected. If I had gotten a girlfriend who I thought was out of my league, I'd be thrilled on the inside, but I know eventually my self esteem would cause me to self sabotage somehow. "Oh, you're too pretty for the likes of me" or something.

But even counting that in, I'd still never be upset at a nice photo. It's an insecurity stemming from somewhere. Be happy with, not... jealous of your partner, I guess is what I'm going for.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it’s hard to say w out seeing the pics. But w that said a big part of it is w him as well. If you are the way you are then be you. But he has to realize either he’s going to have to accept that, or move on, or you’re going to have to change for him if you really want to be w him. If that’s what he wanted than that’s what he should seek.

[Asker]

If we consider I've to change for him, then what changes? I'm already the submissive one in the relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know you’ll have to ask him. Like I said w out pics can’t really say much. Is he a dominant male or feminine?

[Asker]

The pictures - they were nothing inappropriate. I'm from a conservative family, they were long, full sleeve clothes and no chance of them appearing as immodest or anything. If that's what you mean.

He's a dominant male, I've never found anything feminine about him. He gets mad if I cry even.

[Opinion Owner]

Getting mad because your girl cries isn’t a dominant male. I get sure it’s irritating at times especially if she’s crying over something simple. Sounds as though he has the issues. Like he basically doesn’t want you to do anything.

[Sonorous]

Drop that mofo & don't look back. That's some middle school drama 🤣 like wtf

[Anonymous]

Damn weird guy!

It's ok to be insecure about your looks, but blaming others for that.. naah

He wants a "traditionally Unattractive girlfriend"? .. why are you still with him?

He just said he doesn't like being with you unless you become a different person

[molonski2]

The problem is not with you , the problem is the self esteem of this guy , its he who needs to change and get real , its his lack of confidence.

[spartan55]

You need to get rid of that guy. Wtaf? He needs mental help

[Anonymous]

Depends