I’ve been with my girlfriend Shannon for a year. She’s starting to get real angry because she hasn’t met anyone in my family. Shannon tells me she’ll leave if she doesn’t meet them soon. She thinks it’s “disrespectful”.
She mentioned it the other day while judging me based on my past relationships. Shannon said “you should be proud of me because I’m better than the pieces of shit you’ve dated in the past”.
She wants to meet my sister, but. I’ve foolishly told my sister too much about my relationship. I told my sister about how I’m uncomfortable with having guy friends. Even though Shannon agreed to distance herself from her guys. My sister is still unimpressed. So Shannon is not in my sisters good books. I know they wouldn’t get along if they met. Plus I never tell my parents about my love life. They’ve only met 2 of my girlfriends in my entire life. So to bring her to them would be a big deal.
I do like Shannon but I don't know if I can marry her and bring her to my parents.
1-5 months
6 months to a year
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When should you introduce your partner to your parents?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I think the bigger issue is at the end when you said you don't know if you "can" marry her. You've been together a year. That's enough time to know whether or not you see a long-term future with this person, and if you don't, it's not fair to either of you to let it drag on. I don't like her comment about "being better than the pieces of shit you've dated in the past". It sounds conceited and b****y. But, I also understand her being upset for not having met anyone in your family in a year.
My boyfriend introduced me to his friends and family starting around 3 months, and honestly, it may have happened sooner but we started dating right at the beginning of COVID lockdown. I met his brother, nephew, nieces and cousins first, about 3 months in. Then one of his sisters a few weeks later. I didn't meet his parents until month 6, but I'm now included in all of his family events (birthday parties, Christmas, mother's day, father's day, etc.). We've been together 1.5 years.
You have dated for a year. That is long enough to have a good idea whether this girl is The One. You don't necessarily need to make a final decision at this point but, if you see red flags that suggest that she is not going to be The One, then you should have that discussion with her - very directly - and set her free. Otherwise, you are taking advantage of her.
I understand her feelings. Most guys introduce a girl to their family because they are happy with the girl and proud of her, and your girl is questioning whether you feel that way.
Learn a lesson from this experience. Do not reveal too many details about girlfriends to your family, and especially don't discuss the conflicts and difficulties that you have. This makes it much harder for them to accept her and their acceptance is vitally important to the success of a long term relationship.
Technically my girlfriend met my parents before we started dating. Then when we started dating my parents had a meeting with her mother before her. Sure they saw her but she and I went on a walk while my parents talked with her mom. This all happened within the first 6 months. I give the first time she met my parents was slightly after 3 months when she came over here. I remember because it was during the World Series and we started dating at the end of June.
This read really young. If you have been trashing your girlfriend to your family that's a red flag. Even if she is putting you under pressure you don't talk about your partner behind their back. You deal with your crap together. As for the parent thing it's really not about marrying her, it's about seeing whether she could slot into your family. When you marry a person you also marry their family. So the bottom line is you've already decided she's not the right person. I think you're just wasting her and your time. If I'm honest.
If you know and are sure that this is woman you want to be with why would you not introduce, some much time has passed at this point they should have been acquainted.
Another thing is that you are so wrong for bringing the negatives about your girlfriend to your family, of course that will leave a bad taste in your sisters mouth. You made your sister make unfair judgments before even letting her get a chance that is so terrible. Now every simple move your girlfriend make is being watch by your guard dog sister.
You are wasting this girl's time, its either you get serious or leave her alone so that she actually get a MAN that is more than happy to introduce her to his family and give her the life she wants.
She's YOUR girlfriend, not your family girlfriend. I was in a situation kind of similar to this except they all only heard good things about me, my now ex never introduced me to his family/friends and took almost 2 years to do so. It was a huge red flag for me knowing that I had a boyfriend who was essentially hiding me from some of the most important people in his life.
If you value both your girlfriend and your family - you would introduce them. It might be awkward at first, but there is no feeling that can compare to being left out by your own significant other.
yep I would never hid my girlfriend from anyone. If I'm dating you I'm proud to be. I want to show everyone I love how much I love you. Idc what their opinion is I will defend my woman's honor through it all and have her back.
If you are in a relationship and don't think you want to be with that person long term then you should break up. Don't be in a relationship with someone if you don't plan on keeping them around.
Then that's not a good attitude to have in a relationship. How can you be all in and enjoy the relationship if you don't know if she's who you want to be with.
She does a lot for me and has been emotionally supportive during this pandemic. But we live different lifestyles. For example, she wants to party and club in her late 30’s. She can have attitude and my family aren’t nice people either. So I’m concerned about her meeting them.
You don't need to feel bad about this, but you need to get real with yourself and maybe your girlfriend. Do you secretly feel like you won't make it? Do you just not like her enough, or are you worried your family will point out things you already know? Do you think she would be an ass to your family? Some of those things you should talk to her about and some not, but whatever it is/you decide you need to talk to her about your decision/worries/timeline etc.
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Asker
+1 y
You’re 100% right. I do really like this girl, but there’s a part of me that feels like we won’t last.
🤔If you have a good relationship with your family, it might be best to talk to one or two of them. Talk it out with them and then introduce the girl to your family as a test, see how it goes. If it is a complete disaster at least your family won't be surprised and you will have some answers. If it goes well you will know you worried too much.
I’d say whenever you feel you’re ready to introduce them. If you think they’re the right one. Think about it, would you introduce a partner to your family that you think they’re not the “long term” type of partner? Because you can be with someone but they’re not actually someone you’d consider marrying. It’s a suckish thought but if you’re in a situation like that I think you shouldn’t and save that girl/guy from the heartbreak. Family is important but so is the partner you surround yourself with. Family is sacred and you can’t just intrigue just anybody to them. Especially if things are on and off all of the time.
Girl has high interest level in you, but you don't seem to have same for her. If you did, you would be more than excited and proud to introduce her to your family within 6-12 months already. And you seem confused about loving her, which clearly indicates your lack of interest.
In my world, my past girlfriends of more than a couple months have been to family functions e. g. holiday dinners, cook outed, weddings, funerals, etc.
Should we assume you never go to family functions?
Depends on if I think we're going to stay together for the long haul. If so, I'd introduce her to my father after a year. My mom, being on the other side of the country would be harder and thus she'd have to be really special. In your situation, I'd honestly break up. She doesn't fit in with who you'd introduce to your family (in your own words) and if she's that upset already, I can imagine other things going wrong.
It's not so much the time vs the seriousness of the relationship. Can't put a time stamp on it. Just go with you guys on this one and best of luck to you
Me personally I think it's important to try and introduce your partner to your family as soon as possible because when you bring someone to your house it's a non verbal cue of just how important they are to you
When the both of you are comfortable with each other and discussed it. You're not obligated to meet the parents because they want to meet you. Meet them when you discuss it with your partner
6 months to a year. I dated a girl I really liked and had dinner with her family on our second date. After two months. Worst decision I ever made, way too soon.
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