Should I explain to my boyfriend that I’m dealing with abandonment issues?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know whether to tell him or how to explain it because I don’t want him to feel responsible or like it’s a problem in the relationship. Ever since we started dating I feel the need to overcompensate or be perfect because I’m scared he’ll leave at any point in time even tho ik deep down everything’s fine, if I do something “wrong” or I fuck up or say the wrong thing I don't know why my mind instantly goes to the fact that he is going to stop liking me and he is going to leave. I think it stems from how I see myself or past relationships etc but I just don’t know what to do about it, or whether to tell him about these thoughts I have because I’ve never opened up about them or mentioned anything to do with it, I just keep it to myself because I don’t want to cause any problems

[ohsheeT]

So before you do that why don't you do with it first

I don't know what happened but I do know this that whoever walked away from you you had nothing to do with it.
So you don't need to feel those issues the person that walked away is the one that is responsible and is the one that should think about it and the one that it should hold back or hurt or whatever it's their fault it's their problem it's not yours.

Do you love yourself truly love yourself that's the most important thing in the world right now.
. Are you independent are you confident are you smart are you happy are you wise do you have a beautiful heart can you smile can you say I love you.

From the day that you believe that you were abandoned to this day right now have you made it this far.

When I was born about it half a year later maybe a year my dad left

I guess I was too young to feel as if I was abandoned

From 2 years old to 10 years old I had a step dad
When I was 5 years old my cousin came from Nevada to California and she told me that my dad was not my dad he was my stepdad

I called her a liar and I wouldn't ask my mom and dad
She was not lying he was my stepdad

18 years old my parents got a divorce
At 10 years old he told me I was the man of the family now man of the house I was to take care of them as in my mom brother and sister and protect them

I never felt abandoned when he left

You search for yourself all those years when I was 27 I'm at my real dad.
For 27 years I always wondered who I was
And I think I got a better answer I found out who I didn't want to be.

At 16 I moved away out of my mom's house
Other people's choices will affect us if we allow them to if we're angry enough to blame or 2 point of finger or were upset that they're not in our lives anymore then I guess we can look at it anyway we want to for you and it's abandonment.

But as long as you carry that with inside you what you're really doing is you're abandoning yourself because you're not 100% you always have something holding you back so let it go that was many years ago or yesterday it does not matter let It Go you cannot change it let It Go because if you don't let it go you are never going to be the person that you're supposed to become and that would be a shame because what somebody else did to you long time ago you're doing to yourself right now so just let it all go it means nothing anymore there's nothing you can do about it anymore ever again let it go the only thing you can do about it is don't do it to yourself because if you do it to yourself and roundabout way and you're doing it to everybody else that's in your life right now because you will never be the person that you are meant to be

I think if you deal with that first you won't have to do with anything else good luck I know you can do it because you already have done it this far which is a lot of weight on your shoulders that it all go

[ChiTown33]

Only YOU can answer this. You know better than any of us the level of intimacy you've reached with him. I will say this. Guys typically are natural problem solvers (so long as we're not being selfish) we want to fix whatever problem you have. It's kind of in our DNA. Where we run into problem sometimes is sometimes women don't want a problem solved. Sometimes they just want us to listen. That can be a weakness of ours and some guys do it better than others. Some guys have to learn to develop that skill.

The important thing you need to keep in mind is if this guy cares about you he'll WANT to help alleviate these fears of yours if he can.

Good luck!

[sage2021]

I am wondering if one of your parents abandoned you, or some guys?
Guys now a days say we have daddy issues if our Dad abandoned us and they think we're all messed up from it. Why tell him?
The fear us inside of you. That's what you need to work on. You cannot walk on egg shells with every guy you date. Be more confident in yourself.
I have had abandon issues since I was a little girl when my Dad left me when I was only four, only I didn't know it. Then my first husband abandoned my baby and myself after four years of marriage. Now, just recently the boyfriend I was living with died suddenly two weeks ago. That is a sort of abandonment as well.
So, here I sit at my old age, alone and scared as hell.
No matter what, there are just a lot of people that just take off on people. They don't even need a reason.
I wish you the best 🌺

My sister had an old saying she used to say a lot in her household
"Don't make problems when there aren't any".

[yumziee]

Same situation like me. When he wants to leave he'll gonna leave and you can't stop him for now just tell him how you really feel and I'm sure he'll support you and will tell you that how much he loves you that's all give yourself some time you'll soon gonna open up to him

[Lynx122]

Go to therapy if you can afford it. Telling someone won't really help the situation because your behavior that is based on fear will still continue. So I think you just need to try and deal with it. You can talk about it with him when it comes up or something but I wouldn't specifically start the conversation about that. Personally I thinkthe most important thing is to see that someone is working on their issues and trying their best.

[boggboss]

How do I ex0ect to have a functiong long term relationship whilst dealing with these thoughts and him not knowing that will look like u don't trust him

[Juxtapose]

What do you mean? You're a woman, you hold all the cards and can replace the guy tomorrow. He's the one who has to do the impressing, not you.

Recognize when you have leverage.

[AmeerX]

Be confident and stop worrying. What will happen will happen

[balyai]

Always be honest in relationship

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think that's a great idea.

[shades777]

sure