While unmarried, would you feel more comfortable living with your current/future significant other or having your own place? Why?

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn’t mind living in the same apartment complex or house neighborhood, and just spending the night at eachothers place on occasion. I understand that its technically causing us to spend more money than necessary, but I really like my space and have no interest in shacking up. If we’re at least engaged, then I’m okay living together. But even if living together, I’d have joy in knowing that we have the option of separate bedrooms for when we want to sleep alone or have that extra space between us. It doesn’t mean I love the person any less. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy seeing them on occasion. I just don’t need them in my face every morning/night. Hearing my ex suggest rekindling and me moving up north with him just makes me cringe. Even back then I told him I’d rather just live near one another rather than together. And hearing my current think that I’d HAVE to live with him if I got knocked up is sweet, but not necessary. I’ll probably have mood swings while pregnant and he's probably better off at a distance. #FeelFreeToList

Sharing a spot while unmarried

Maintaining our separate homes while unmarried

I never want to marry so its okay if we live together eventually

I never want to marry and I’d prefer we keep our separate places

Updates

6 mo

If I agree to move i with someone before ENGAGEMENT, then I see myself agreeing to be roommates (with separate bedrooms) just so I dont have to feel like we’re shacking up. That way i still get my own space AND we can sneak over to eachothers rooms whenever we’re feeling some type of way. The living room and kitchen will still be shared of course! But i prefer my own bathroom. Plus i’d occasionally have my own bed! Oh yea, This works for me

[ShadezMcgee]

I think it is imperative to be able to live together as a couple prior to engagement and marriage, because you will be able to see how you act together and if you can hack a married life or not. That is what my sister and brother in law did for five years before marrying and they just celebrated their fourth year of marriage last month.

My girlfriend and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary of being exclusive in two days and I know we have discussed living together a couple of times and the discussion we agreed on was that if we made it three years we would take that next step together when it comes time to renew a lease because it then becomes easier to split and be more cost beneficial. Plus, we each have saved money up and if it did go tits up we can survive on our own for a while, and our parents can help as a last resort.

Bottom line, if you can't live with them, you have no business marrying.

Also, unrelated, but like I said Dizzy. You really should block that ex completely.

[DizzyDesii]

5 years? Good lord. If i lived with anyone unmarried, its not going past a year of shacking up. And this of course is having already dated like 2 years before that potential nonengaged or engaged shackup. As for the bottom line, its not about not being able to live with them. I can. I just quite possibly don’t want to yet. And yea I don't know why i haven't blocked him. Maybe if this guy and i reaches a certain amount of time together I will. I can tell my ex is trying to make me his backup plan for if he leaves his girl. I never ever thought I could see myself with him again after we ended, but deep down, maybe I see him as a backup plan now too. I’m trying not to think that way but these weird dreams i keep having are toying with me

[ShadezMcgee]

But at the end of the day, why even get married if you can't live with them? The way I see it the longer one waits to make that move to try living together before marriage, the less likely it is going to happen. Not being ready is one thing, but how long of "not being ready" is it befire it becomes one of fear of commitment? If you live together you aren't spending every minute of every day together, you know that. You need quality time, but there is also me time that exists.

Now back to the ex again, I will be upfront and just say this Dizzy and bear with me here. This isn't to be mean or anything, but ask yourself. Why would you want to be affiliated with a guy who is trying to hit you up while in a relationship? Both of you, mind you are in a relationship with different people. You argue that he is making you a backup? Take that at face value, because if you did get with him as a backup if things don't work out with your current guy, he is just going to do it to you too. If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. It is for your best interest and your current guy's to block him, completely and not even entertain the idea. Your dreams are just that, dreams. Do not take them seriously and create unnecessary doubt or drama that can come back to haunt you. I am honestly concerned you could say that you can even see him as a backup plan deep down.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont see committing to someone in general the same as needing to live together to fully commit. Its just not the same to me. So i can have one without the other. As for the ex thing, i get it and fully understand that and remind myself of that. But by backup, its for conception purposes. I dated him longer than anyone and if i ever got back with him, its just to get what i feel was mine in the first place. If he cheated then we’d end. But i’d hope i at least had my kid with him (hypothetically speaking) before that happened. he's aware of this. Its almost like this little pregnancy pact that friends make. Sounds insane but i’m being honest

[ShadezMcgee]

So you want to marry, but until you have a ring on your finger you aren't willing to entertain living under the same roof? That is what you are saying?

To get what is yours in the first place? This whole idea of yours about a pregnancy pack much less using him specifically for a kid seems more like a headache than it's worth. Why not just go to a fertility clinic and do it that way? They only take the best candidates as donors anyway. Why create a kid with a man if it doesn't work out. Sure, you get a kid, but what if he wants in that kid's life? Kids should have a strong father figure and mother in their life. Would you deny him the right for seeing his kid if he wanted in their life? Wouldn't you see that as a method of control with that pact in the first place?

[DizzyDesii]

I’m saying, depending on the circumstances, I will live together before marriage but I do not PREFER to live together unless at least engaged. Its not just for religious reasons, bt I am not comfortable shacking up while unmarried. And i’m not using the ex for a kid. He and i have had all kinds of discussions. His current girl wants a baby and he doesn't see himself with her longterm. He always saw us longterm despite things getting in the way and so as odd as it sounds, he's willing and ready to have a kid with me IF i ever take him back. I understand that he could very well be lying as he did when we were first together. But i’m just telling you what he's claiming. As for the fertility clinic, thats always been an option. I’ve saved up for that for years and could have done so some years ago. But a part of me stalls feeling like maybe i should go about it naturally. Another part is that everytime i go for it, some amazing guy comes along and i push back my timeline for him. I don't know. But i won't keep pushing for long. I always wanted to be a first time parent in my 20s. Im closing in on my 30s and that makes me less patient with these men. And no i wouldn't deny a guy the right to see their kid bt if they didn't want to be there, i’m prepared to play mommy/daddy. My mom did and i’m fine. And this is even with my dad wanting to see me throughout my life, but me just choosingto keep my mom as the subsitute parent.

[Lliam]

I definitely would not rent a place together until we were married. That would entail buying furniture, redecorating, moving all our stuff into one place, sharing bills and expenses.
No way I would take a chance on doing that with a girlfriend. There is nothing keeping boyfriends-girlfriends from breaking up at some point in the future, no matter how much in LOVE they are at the moment.

I would keep my own place and bring some clothes and necessities to her place and live with her. That way, I could keep all my stuff at my place and go back there to get things I needed. Or she could do the same thing and live with me. Or we could take turns living at each other's places.

[DizzyDesii]

Love this 🙌

[EmmaMary]

At the time my husband and I met (nearly eleven years ago) we both had our own homes.

After eighteen months or thereabouts we decided to move in together, with me renting out my house for an extra income.

A few years after that we took a huge gamble/risk in selling both our properties and investing it in a huge plot of land (approx 50 acres/20 hectares) and having a brand new build which my then future husband designed (he owns an architectural practice).

We then managed to sell off five individual plots, all with planning permission and very bespoke designs of five new builds all to the buyers requirements, and again all designed by my husband.

Thankfully the many sleepless nights we had worrying whether we had gone too far with this almighty risk has since paid substantial dividends!

But would we do it all again!!!

[DizzyDesii]

Thats great

[EmmaMary]

Thank you so much for the MHO.

[kylee2437]

Hmmmm if I am engaged with someone I want to be living with them, however if we are just in a relationship I feel like there’s a lot to lose when you choose long term ideas with someone that hasn’t showed you they want long term with you (engagement) . I think I’d prefer to live on my own

[DizzyDesii]

I fully agree

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes. I’d like to check the product before purchasing it permanently.

[DizzyDesii]

Whatever is best for you

[coachTanthony]

I would always live with her but have my secret love shack downtown in the city lol

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao why you gotta call it a loveshack 🤣 I’d call mine the “summer home” or “guest house”

[coachTanthony]

You say potato I say love shack lol

[DizzyDesii]

Thsts gonna def bring paranoia that you're cheating

[coachTanthony]

Trust is needed in a committed relationship lol

[Pink2000]

I’ve always wanted my own place. I've never desired to live with any partner I’ve had. I love me time and I love being alone at times. If I’m mad I want to be able to leave his place and go to my own home and relax. I’m also very meticulous. This is an issue I’ve had in the past I like things to be a certain way and they aren’t gonna do things the way I want.

[DizzyDesii]

I feel 100% the same

[RavVid]

Not wanting to marry is a recent decision (influenced by GAG incidentally). So no longer inclined to want to share.

In the past though I would have. It has always been we were sufficiently keen on each other to keep on visiting each other and more and more stuff kept on moving across till we were living together.

Apart from sex, I think there is a natural desire to sleep together. I certainly sleep better with a girl beside me even if there hasn't been sex that night. I can see opposite might be the case for some, especially if one snores.

I certainly wouldn't marry a girl if we didn't have a track record of compatibly choosing movies to watch every night. You could fake enjoying particular genres 2 or 3 nights a week but not be able to hack 7 days a week.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree sleeping next to eachother feels good. I just can't say i’d want it all the time

[RavVid]

One girl was obsessed with horror movies. I didn't want those all the time so I am with you on the not all the time constraint.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I prefer living with my partner while not married.

It's not about trying to spend every minute with your partner, it's about not spending hours every week getting frustrated about out logistics to see each other, or on the boring side, getting stuck in a Thurs - Saturday sleepover routine.

Living together means you get the little moments, the caresses in the kitchen, hearing new music, and being the first person they can turn to at the end of the day.

[DizzyDesii]

Which is sweet but i wouldn't consider it a struggle to see one another even if theyre in another city/state/etc

[electromagnetic]

We live together and that’s because in this economy, 2 separate home is crippling. This way allows us to travel more, save more and basically utilize the washroom without feeling weird 🤣

I like your approach also but girl, I live in one of the most expensive cities based on inflation. Cannot afford the same apartment block.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i understand

[lilyanony1]

Who I'm with now I would really like to move in with him, but he owns his place, I don't, he lives 45 mins away but it's tricky to get to my work from where he is for 8.30 every morning.
He lives with his sister, we both have dogs that haven't met yet...
I live alone but don't have a garden.
It's still too early.
If I didn't have my dog, and I didn't have the issues with renting/subletting I would live at his at least 2 days a week.

[DizzyDesii]

Is it really his own place tho if the sister stays there too? You dont think she’d interfere? I only ask because one of my exes had an overbearing sister

[lilyanony1]

He owns his own place she rents a room from him. She's 21 and although she works I've already seen hints of her playing stupid games like convienetly forgetting her house key when she knew he was spending the day with me. So that he had to come home to let her in. The worst thing is Saturdays are their takeaway night so that's why. She also invited her boyfriend round and only told him when he was on his way. He's an idiot because he has allowed his life to be run by others.

[DizzyDesii]

Omg take note of this for when we talk because i went through something similar to this as well

[Simslover92]

I totally get wanting to have your own space but I think to really get to know the person, you must live with them. That's how you find out if you can be together long term. So I'm for living with my s/o but my boyfriend doesn't really want to right now but I feel it's the only way to see if we're truly compatible. I'm hoping he changes his mind sometime next year.

[DizzyDesii]

I would live with them while engaged. I learn before marrying them

[Fabiloso]

I mean your separate living scenerio isn't horrible. I think it can keep a selfness intact for a lot of marriages. People tend to forget themselves and all. I'd just imagine it opening too many doors for cheating and such. But if their gonna cheat they'll do it either way so. But doing the cute things like climbing to their window or throwing pebbles at their window. Paper airplanes with notes n stuff. Like it could still be nice and connective.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao that actually would be cute

[Finchie40]

If I am engaged to her , I would want her to be by my side as much as possible , if she wanted to live separately, or in separate rooms , I probably wouldn’t marry her and realize I deserve someone that wants to be by my side as much as I want her by my side

[DizzyDesii]

I of course would live together if engaged. I’m mainly talking before that step

[Finchie40]

I think it’s best to live together first before making the big decision of getting married , mainly so you both know what you are both getting yourselves into , to see if you both can make it the long haul

[DizzyDesii]

Which is why i said engaged

[Anastacia1989]

I don’t wanna move in with my boyfriend unless we get engaged just so that I know it’s a sure thing and that I’m not just being moved in for the sake of paying bills

[DizzyDesii]

I agree!!

[loveslongnails]

I would want to live with a woman first before I married her. There are too many little things that could amount to a major thing, or maybe there are major things that could be deal breakers which we didn't know about each other. I think it's a good idea.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea but people need to understand that engagement is before marriage. I dont mind living together at least engaged

[loveslongnails]

Being engaged doesn't mean you end up being married. A guy can give a girl a ring and say "let's move in together" and the girl agrees. Then 6 months later he says " I can't do it " for whatever reasons. The engagement doesn't guarantee the wedding.

[DizzyDesii]

Exactly. Neither does living together before marriage. But my point is beinn engaged is a tad more serious then just being a girlfriend/boyfriend. So when he proposes then i’ll feel more comfortable temporarily shacking up until married

[loveslongnails]

I see your point. I'm sure there's stories out there too that go like this: "My boyfriend gave me a ring cuz he knew I wouldn't move in with him unless he did. Turns out he had no intention of marrying me, but figured it would green light a lot more sex if I thought we were getting hitched". Can you hear it coming? LOL

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn't stay engaged longer than 6 months to a year. If we’re not married by then, i’d be ok leaving. Guess we both got good sex while engaged before it ended

[Twalli]

If I am marrying someone, I want to know what they are like on bad days. I love the good days (for better, in health), but without living together with them before marriage I won't expierence thr bad days (for worse, in sickness). I need to know I can deal with the latter before proposing.

[DizzyDesii]

I've seen bad days without living with them lmao. So im getting it either way

[Twalli]

I don't because we aren't going on dates if she's sick or having a bad day.

[DizzyDesii]

I don't know i see it as a makeup type thing. Its kinda hot

[CubsterShura]

I wouldn't unless it's a very stable relationship and we've been dating for a while. But I'd still need separate bedrooms and my boyfriend agrees. We don't live together and are happy with our own places but we are open to moving in together.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i’d want separate bedrooms as a backup

[iron_ninjs]

Depends on what stage of the relationship we're in. But I think it would be good to live together with someone, before you get married. It would give you the chance to see what it's like, before getting married.

[DizzyDesii]

But engagement is before marriage

[iron_ninjs]

It is.
My friend did a smart thing regarding that, with my consultation.
He wanted to propose to his girlfriend, and I told him he should start living with her, before he decides anything. His parents said the same thing. Because you might not like someone's way of living.
Anyway, I'm having dinner with them this weekend.

[DizzyDesii]

I feel being engaged then living with someone makes more sense. You know you’re both serious and just have one last step to take. If you were serious about the proposal, you won't feel it was a waste

[iron_ninjs]

I don't know. It makes sense to me to start living together, before marriage. As for the engagement, I don't know yet, because I never got engaged. 🤣

[DizzyDesii]

I've seen too many people shackup especially while not engaged and then the guy has no interest in proposing since he's already getting everything a marriage would include

[HelpfulWoman]

engaged but been living with my partner for like nearly 9 years now. I think EVERY couple should cohabit BEFORE marriage. it's an eye opener.

[DizzyDesii]

For 9 years tho? lmao at that point its commonlaw and shacking up. How did y'all even live together at 15?

[HelpfulWoman]

rip, feels like 9 years but won't have been then XD how long I've known him for is the 9 years my bad haha. Been 6 years then. But point still stands, anyone who even looks at person as potential marriage material should absolutely live with them before they sign that paper XD

[provokeesmokee]

I prefer to live with my partner, but have become more open to having separate but near places if that's something my partner requires.

[DizzyDesii]

Sounds good

[kellytheman]

Yeah I think might have to share a spot to make sure we don’t get on each other’s nerves that we start hating each other. Also I think it’s one of those steps that needs to be taken during to further a relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

Maybe

[smilelots]

If it makes sense to live apart, that’s cool if it makes sense to live together before you married that’s fine too. I have done both but only married once.

[DizzyDesii]

Sounds good

[smilelots]

In the end Dizzy. We have to be comfortable with what we’re doing right and if it’s the right time it will happen and if it’s not, it probably won’t but it takes two to make that decision do what you feel is best for you, because in the end you have to be happy and satisfied with where you are and who you’re with.

[DizzyDesii]

Its not even about the person. Its just certain stuff i like to do in solititude

[DizzyDesii]

*solitude

[smilelots]

Yes, we all have certain things that we like to do without anybody being around I will go out on a limb and asked you what are some of the things you like to do by yourself

[smilelots]

Dizzy

[DizzyDesii]

I simply enjoy eating, sleeping and bathing alone

[TaureanBull81]

I'll never be getting married and would prefer an arrangement where a future partner and I live separately.

[DizzyDesii]

Understandable

[TaureanBull81]

Having your own personal space is important.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree, even if we had a main home together and i still had a separate as a “vacation/getaway/summer home”

[TaureanBull81]

Keeps sex and intimacy spicy and sexciting when living separately as well.

[DizzyDesii]

Unless paranoia about cheating starts

[TaureanBull81]

If you've been faithful and loyal and a partner starts getting paranoid because you don't live together then they ain't right for you.

[DizzyDesii]

Possibly true