Can it be more confusing?

[Anonymous]

So I am talking to this guy since March, who my family is trying to set me up with to marry. His parents know my parents, it is kinda an arranged marriage situation. We talked on March and decided to continue talking to see where it goes. I even met his parents. I like the guy, he is a decent person. I try to maintain a good communication with him to know him. But he often forgets to call me. He will text me sparingly throughout the day, and when I told him that I prefer phone calls, he makes sure to call, but it lasts few days. Then he forgets to maintain a consistent communication. This is making me feel like he doesn't appreciate me or like me enough. We discussed about it multiple times, but he will still forget. It's like I'm not even an afterthought. We were trying to figure out a plan where we both can manage to get married, but he keeps bringing up problems such as his Visa issues and the fact that we live in different states. When I bring up the communication gap, he says he talks to me the most. I have a feeling that he's not sure about me, but he doesn't let me go as well. I'm not sure what to do since it's not a regular dating scenario. Am I asking too much too soon? Is it a pattern that'll never change? I'm absolutely clueless. I don't want to be with someone who can't love me. Should I break it off?

[SueShe]

The fact that your marriage is arranged leads me to believe that you and your (future) spouse are not on the same wavelength and it will never be.

Clearly, he is not happy about this situation because this marriage is imposed on him. This is not true love but something that he clearly has no control over because he lacks the character and personality to make it clear to his parents that he is independent.

He makes it clear to you by going back over and over again into his old habits that you are not the one he chose but the one his parents chose. By the way, the very same applies to you. You are not free to choose but you are too afraid to hurt your parents' feelings to say anything.

Sorry to say but this setup will never work. It may work in a remote village in India but certainly not in New York.

[Asker]

Actually, none of it is imposed. He and I dated before and spoke to different people before. His parents and my parents introduced other people to us as well. We can stop talking any given time. The only reason why I said it's an arranged marriage is because we met through our parents. I'm struggling with the communication bit. If it was a guy I randomly found and started dating and that guy had the same patterns, I'd still have the same problem. The fact that I'm thinking about marriage is what makes it complicated.

[devilish-cutie]

Take it slow without much expectation if you think he is worth it. He might just need more time and its all too much too fast to him or he is not interested enough, time will tell.

[Honest-Matt]

My brother who is married told me this. Make a list of what traits you want in your future spouse. Any traits, and then look at them, categorizing them as unrealistic, realistic, optional and so on. If this person realistically checks off most of your boxes, you might get along well enough.

Let's try to think about what he does throughout the day, what his other obligations are in life, what demands his time and focus? You say he texts you every day, that's good, some of us these days just aren't phone call people. So it's one of those things, is this one of those traits you can keep optional?

And what feeling do you get about him? Like your gut feeling, how does the idea of you and him sit with you? Is it a good feeling?

[boobliker]

why not talk on face time or something like it to see if you going to get on with each other?

[Asker]

My friend suggested this. Is it a guy thing?

[boobliker]

not at all my girl FT me all the time and see can see where I am?

[Anonymous]

Yes, break it off. Some men are just not worth it.

[Iron_Man]

Where do you live India?

[Asker]

I live in NYC.

[Iron_Man]

Wow, I’m surprised