Was I insecure? Or was she emotionally abusive?

[Anonymous]

I feel like my ex was emotionally abusive. I used to really be into her more than she was into me. She used tell me “I didn’t want this relationship, you did”. And when people would ask how we met she’d say “I didn’t wanna date him”. I explained to her how it hurts me when she says these things m. And she’d say “you’re just insecure”.

What’s even worse, she told me about how before we started dating. She went on dates with guys who she really liked and they rejected her. So am I the nice guy who finished last?

I used to be highly attracted to her. She never wanted sex with me, at the same time, complaining that her ex boyfriend didn’t want sex with her. She barely wanted to be affectionate with me.

Even worse, she used deliberately turn me on so she could sexually reject me. Would tell me “come over I’ll lick your balls and your butt” and refuse sex when I show up. Every single time we’d have an argument, even if it’s minor she’d say “you’re getting none”. So I started keeping silent to avoid conflict.

She used to complain that I’m not making her happy and give me reasons why. Which I’ll admit I’m not perfect, I know I have my flaws and bad habits, but. When I’d tell her what she’s doing to make me unhappy she’d reply “you knew I was a bitch when you met me”.

About 3 weeks ago we went to a Thanksgiving dinner at her friends house and I felt like she was kinda flirty with a guy. She seemed very touchy with him. I even saw her put her arm around him. I mentioned it to her a few days later. About how I was uncomfortable with how she behaved with him, and again. Told me “im insecure” and broke up with me. Denied ever putting her arm around him when I saw her do it.

It’s been a couple weeks and I’m still emotionally hurting over her. Haven’t been able to eat or sleep. Having nightmares and visions of her in bed with other men. I’ve dated and had sex with other women since. But I still can’t get her out of my head. What should I do?

I’m insecure

She’s abusive

[Bethany22]

What should you do? I guess wait for another woman to come along who you find just as attractive as she is but who is nicer. Maybe try dating websites or going to Meetup groups to meet people who like shared activities. There's no point dating other people who aren't as attractive as the one one wants to be with. She certainly is abusive though. She doesn't validate your feelings, and gaslights you about what actually happened. Not good. It sounds like she might also be using you to get over her ex, and now through the other women you're dating, you're using them (although you're probably not as in their face about it as she is to you). And teasing you about sex is abusive as well. That's not nice.

[DaisyM23]

people who are abusive like this are narcissistic, make you doubt yourself and feel like shit, regardless of your flaws no one deserves to be abused in a relationship

[_Maya_]

It definitely sounds like she was emotionally abusive by what you say she was like. The things that she said are totally deal breakers for me. If someone would have said any one of those things they would have been shown the door. Why did you stick around if she treated you like that is my question? I wouldn't have tolerated it after the first snide comment the person made to me. It is obvious she didn't care about you or the relationship. Sorry to have to say that but I think we both know it is true.