Always complaining hyperactive boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I have a boyfriend of two years. And I like him very much. But he has some behaviors that annoy me.

First of all he always talks about how everything sucks. He seems like having a quarter life crisis, I don't know I’m not an expert. We both finished university just started working. But he hates his 9–5 job. Even it’s a normal job from my perspective, he believes life must be better we should all be doing creative things. I find that this is a good point of view but it’s not realistic.

Secondly when he is not in a depressive mode about life, he wants to do stuff all time time. I feel like I have a 5 year old boy. He wants to move every second he says he wants to create memories with me but in this point it feels more like a race. He says we should finish 5 movies a day or visit some new place everyday. I work very hard I come to home very tired. Also I’m more of a person who likes to do things slowly and I like to take my time at home. He gets very annoyed with me when I don’t do things with him.

Also I feel weird about that I never felt a spark with my boyfriend. As I say I like him very much. He is very handsome, intelligent, funny. Maybe it’s good because I feel safe around him.

It’s my first long-term relationship. We hardly fight and at this point marriage seems like a possibility. But I’m afraid of regretting my decision afterwards. What should I do anyone got any advice?

[Anonymous]

Funny because a lot of women don’t realize that the way he’s acting is the way they act. Complaining about their job, their feelings, how someone hurt their feelings at work, etc, etc. This is what you get when women want men who are emotional, who express their feelings. Whether you like it or not these are his feelings, but now you don’t like them. This is what happens when you raise men to be like women, a lot of weak men. They act out. While I understand how you feel because this is how I feel w a lot of women, a lot of men probably feel the same way. But we don’t express those feelings. We deal w them, we continue to move forward. I’d consider finding someone else. Because honestly, I could be wrong but like most women who want a man, you probably want a man who is going to lead. Be in control, I don’t mean controlling either. But you look to him for security, to handle things that may be overwhelming. How can he be that dude if he’s the way he is? He can’t. You won’t respect him. Eventually you’re going to think he’s a little bitch, maybe cheat on him or leave him.

[Asker]

Oh my god this red pill stuff is really annoying. You don't know my boyfriend he is a very masculine man. Stop giving the same, simple answer to every question asked. I really respect him by the way he is a great guy, I would never cheat on him, I would respect him even we happen to broke up, it's a matter of character.

[Opinion Owner]

Omg women ask for the truth and they get it and they can’t accept it. It’s the truth. A lot of men feel this way, they just don’t say it cause you know as well as I do if your man told you how he really felt you wouldn’t want to be with him. What makes him masculine? To me his complaining isn’t indicative of a masculine man.

[Asker]

Are you sure you are not gay?

[Opinion Owner]

Idiot response from someone who has no grounds to stand on. That’s how you know you’re dealing w someone who doesn’t have the intelligence to have a conversation that they just start talking nonsense. Usually what women do. I mean you don’t even like all his complaining. Most men aren’t like that. But you know better cause you’re a man I guess.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, it does sound like your boy's got some energy! On the one hand it's cool that he's always down to do stuff and make memories. But I get how that much hyperness could be super draining too.

A few things I think:

- His quarter-life crisis rants would annoy me too. Sometimes you just gotta accept life isn't all creative awesomeness.

- Maybe try talking to him when you're both calm and explain how his constant go-go-go pace stresses you out. Compromise is key - do some chill stay-at-home nights too.

- Lack of spark is concerning long term. But some people value comfort and stability over crazy passion. You gotta weigh what's important.

- Marriage is a big step though. If you have doubts already, maybe hold off a bit. Keep dating other dudes too so you know for sure.

Overall he seems like a cool dude just high strung. Maybe see if he chills a bit with some activities and talks first before fully committing. But don't feel rushed - follow your gut! Hope it works out.

[Asker]

Thanks that's good advice :)

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome luv

[provokeesmokee]

Talk to him honestly about these issues. And maybe ask if he's considered therapy.

Because especially for the whole complaining constantly and the depressive-manic moods, those feel like things that might indicate deeper issues.

Definitely worth looking into that. And if he gets super angry about therapy, that's another red flag.

[Asker]

I think also it will do him well to talk to a an expert, it really makes me sad seeing him sad like that.

[provokeesmokee]

I hear that, I was in that same position for a few relationships.

It's tough, but you're right. He needs a professional and you're not that for him.

If he continues to resist, start to think about if you need to exit to avoid being trapped by someone who will use you as a therapist, mother, partner, and housecleaner.

[Anonymous]

If you are having doubts, don't do it. You will regret it later.

[TheSpaceGnome]

He sounds like me, is he also an artist and gamer?
Either way, let him be himself, people like that make the world a better place.

Though it sounds like you two aren't a good match.

While looking for a wife, I make sure that she's hyper/energentic, motivated, likes to be busy, creative, talented, smart, lewd, funny, into the same hobbies and interests, etc.

Mental compatibility is very important, and people who act like you do (tired blue collar old person life) are VERY emotionally draining on people like me/him. It makes us catch your excessive tiredness just from being mentally drained from struggling to get you to have fun with us, and that + the lack of fun times had makes us depressed.

I honestly don't see your relationship lasting unless you can fix your fatigue issue and start being creative and hyper and driven. He's not acting like a 5 year old, you're acting like a 95 year old. :l

[Asker]

I'm a lawyer and I have a hard job. And I would consider myself funny actually. Oh my god that was mean.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Ugh... yeah you definitely aren't a match lol.

My condolences on the eventual breakup, hope you both find love one day.

[TheSpaceGnome]

It actually wasn't mean, it was honest. Also I never said you weren't funny, that part was just a checklist for my future wife, the point is she'd need to meet everything on the checklist, not just some of it. I imagine he feels the same about what he wants in a wife, where she has to check all the boxes he wants checked.

Based on your conflicting lifestyles and personalities, you don't check off all of eachother's boxes. So it won't last.

[Staximus]

Don't get pregnant and don't marry him yet. Tell him you don't want to watch 5 movies or go somewhere every day. Sounds like he's on Adderall, which is actually speed (amphetamines). Tell him to relax and stop being a tweaker.

[In_Trance]

Marriage is definitely not a possibility unless you're out of your freaking mind

[Anonymous]

He sounds like the perfect guy for you.