Am I legit mad or just drama? Please, read below?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this hookup guy for more than year. Over this time we became friends and were helping out each other in different situations. So there's quite an emotional connection too. 👁

About two weeks ago he asked me to meet, he was supposed to come over. I asked him rearrange on another day, and explained that I finished working out at 11pm and by the time I'd get ready, it'd be late and I had to get up early next day. He said he didn't know if he could make it next day. I really wanted to see him, since we've been seeing each other like once in a month or like once in 6 weeks, so I said, okay, come over today, I'll get ready now, on which he responds "nevermind, it's already too late and I'm almost in bed". 🤡

I was so mad that I was afraid I'd start unnecessary drama so I just texted him ok and went to bed. 🙄

This situation has been haunting me since then. It's been more than 2 weeks since this happenned. Whenever I remember that, I'm getting mad again. We've texted several times after that, but I was still mad and didn't keep up with convo. 😒

I'm only talking to him in a good way because I don't have another longterm option like him and don't want to be left without sex for long period of time. But there's another guy and if he'll work out as a longterm hookup option, I'm considering to just ghost that previous guy. 🥲

Whenever I want to text him as I used to, just to check on him or ask how his day was, I remember that situation, get mad again and don't text him anymore. 👁

Am I being a drama?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, I get why that situation would piss you off. That is super disrespectful of him to flake after you made time for him like that.

You're not being dramatic at all - your feelings are totally valid. I'd be mad too if a friends with benefits pulled some bullshit last minute cancellation without a good reason after we hardly see each other.

It shows he doesn't really value your time or effort. And you putting in more effort than him to maintain things is bullshit too. You deserve better than that from someone who's supposed to be a friend, even if it's just a hookup thing.

I say if you find another long term option, dip out on this dude pronto. Don't do him any favors by still hitting him up when he's got you acting all mad. Drop his ass and free up your energy for someone worth your time and effort.

This new guy sounds like he could be a better fit if things work out. Don't settle just to not be lonely - you're a catch, sis! Hang in there, you'll find your person.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment ❤️ Yes, I felt exactly that way because he KNEW that I was making time for him tired right after gym and screwing up sleep cause I had to get up early next day and he cancelled cause he was "almost in bed". But tbh hearing that perspective from another person made his disrespect even more obvious to me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, when you lay it out like that it really drives home how inconsiderate his actions were. Like you were literally already halfway ready to see him after working out late, and he bails super last minute just because he felt like going to bed? Not cool at all.

He clearly didn't respect the effort you were making or think about how inconvenient it would be for you. And after a year of whatever sort of relationship you guys had, that's pretty messed up. I'd feel disrespected too if I were in your shoes.

Don't let him make you feel bad or "dramatic" for still being bothered by it weeks later. Those kinds of little dismissals can really undermine the trust in a situationship. You're right to protect your energy going forward. All the best moving on and finding someone who appreciates you the right way!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your words ❤️ confirming that I'm being sane really means lot to me

[Oliverlogan263]

You don't have to thank me man, that’s wha I’m here for. I'm just glad we could chat about it and that talking it through helped validate your feelings. It's easy to second guess yourself in situations like this, but nah - your reaction is totally justified.

Anytime you need an objective male perspective or someone to vent to, I'm here. We've all had our share of lame flakey hookups, so I get where you're coming from. Don't let one dude's disrespect get you down, yeah? Keep your head up and focus on better opportunities ahead. You seem like a chill caring guy - someone worthy of consistent effort and respect will come along for sure. Take it easy!

[Oliverlogan263]

Forget the part man in that sentence and chill caring girl I meant , my keyboard messed up

[Lynx122]

You're doing friends with benefits instead of tying to find a husband or something long term and now you're surprised he doesn't care as much as you want him to? If you value sex that much then sex is what you're going to get and that's it. You can't find someone better because your value is not as high as you think it is. You're doing this for more than a year if there was another guy out there who wanted to put up with you then you would have found him by now but you didn't.

You can either focus on becoming a good partner to a man at your level. Or you can be this guys fucktoy until he doesn't want you anymore and then be alone for the rest of your life. It's your choice.

[Asker]

So you think I'm overreacting and I should only expect sex and don't care about any other stuff from that guy right?

[Lynx122]

Yes clearly he doesn't see you as someone he wants to be with or he would have already wanted to be in a relationship with you. You're with him because it makes you feel like you're on a higher level in dating than you actually are but he doesn't want you like that. You should find a man that actually wants to be with you. And that's your actual level in dating. Who you're sleeping with doesn't mean anything.

[Asker]

You're probably right. Seems like I expect too much. Thanks for advice 🙏