Is it normal for a marriage counselor wanting to meet with us separately?

[charles]

My wife's sister is a relationship counselor and she wanted to meet with us, we had an argument but she couldn't have noticed right away, could she?

[hector]

Oh, absolutely, this is pretty normal in the world of marriage counseling. It's not like a one-size-fits-all approach, but many counselors find it valuable to have individual sessions along with the joint ones. Here's why:

-Comfort in Sharing: Sometimes, one partner might feel more comfortable sharing certain things without the other present. This could be about personal feelings, concerns, or issues they find hard to express in front of their spouse.
-Different Perspectives: The counselor gets to hear both sides of the story without interruption or influence from the other partner. It's like getting all pieces of the puzzle before trying to solve it.
-Personal Issues: At times, there might be personal issues or past experiences that impact the relationship but are not directly about the relationship. Individual sessions allow these to be addressed.
-Tailored Strategies: Counselors can also use these sessions to give more personalized advice or strategies that might be more effective if discussed one-on-one.

​Remember, every couple and every therapist is different, so what works for one might not work for another. But generally speaking, it's a common and often effective part of the process.

[AviatorTom]

My then-wife and I went to marriage counseling for about 6 months... shortly before we amicably divorced. Though most of the sessions were both of us together with the counselor, we did have a few sessions where it was one on one with the counselor.

So, to answer the question, yes, it's normal, but not all the time.

[IslaTheWitch]

It's a standard procedure.

You will be more open to voice some concerns without your partner around. The counselor needs to learn about you, as a separate people to help you as a pair.

[Explorer91]

Yes it’s normal. But what is not normal that it’s your wife’s sister. Marriage counsellors are meant to be neutral non biased third party.

[RavVid]

It is reasonable a MC wants to meet separately but I question using a relative for this.

I also question the value. I went through some couple counselling and any issues I had were shut down by the counselor. It was just a bash up. Get a male counselor but it is still going to be her centric and far and away from being unbiased.

If you have problems identify what they are - disrespect etc and don't be drawn into long discussions. State you need X to be Y.

I have seen couples bristle at each with just a single phrase so I would tend to think your wife's sister has noticed something and/or your wife has said things to her.

[bolverk]

If this marriage/relationship counsellor was a neutral third party then seeing you individually would be valid, but there is no way on this planet that your wife's sister could be a neutral counsellor for the two of you as she would always biased in favour of her sister, IF you need counselling you need to find a neutral counsellor.

[slatyb]

Yes, that is completely normal. But it's absurd that you would see your wife's sister. You need to see someone who is not acquainted with either of you. It's absurd that your wife's sister would agree to see either of you professionally.

[Fireguy17]

yeppers, they can get each side of the story without it become a shit show, and then the truth is somewhere in the middle.

[midnightmoon05]

at lease you are not married to her 😊… now that you see her true colors what will you do next?

[Astarlessnightsky]

Makes sense, so they can hear each persons viewpoint on the relationship, without the other person interrupting.

[SotiCoto]

Yes.

That aside, why do people start questions with the words "is it normal"? Are you sure that is the question you want to be asking?

[RedInnocent68]

No. They’re clearly like your partner more than you and are trying to start tan affair. Don’t be stupid! Of course it’s normal… 🙄

[Nikki1989]

I thought they all did that.

[Kelly6]

That’s how it’s always done

[Pterodon]

Yes it’s normal

[A_Bell]

That sounds sketch.