Thoughts on marriage and my man’s perspective?

[Anonymous]

My man asked me to marry him two years ago and I said yes. It was very early days for us having only been together for a year at that time so I wanted to say yes but not rush into a date etc. plus we have been saving for our own place and building up businesses etc.

Sometimes my man is really keen on tying the knot and I feel like it is almost to tie me down or lock me in and not for maybe the right reasons like romantically. He said he wants me to have the same name and I just thought sharing a name wasn’t THE BE ALL AND END ALL.

I guess if you looked at us objectively I have more to lose than he does (financially speaking) which is why I’m cautious and it’s still so early. I don’t want to make a mistake.

is it ok for me to be feeling this way? I guess my thoughts and feelings on marriage might have changed somewhat

[IslaTheWitch]

You shouldn't rush anything you feel uncomfortable with.

but... (yeah, this fucking but is everywhere)

Think about what can happen if you keep this state longer. Your man can feel the whole spectrum of emotions (those are hypothetical feelings, but it could happen that I hit the bullseye :D ).
He can also be worried that you don't love him as much as he loves you.
He can feel you are putting an emotional distance.
He can be angry because you said "yes" and nothing changed.
(... any other possible scenario)

And... with decisions and triggered by them emotions, are coming consequences. Do you know them? Are you ready to bear them?

What can happen in the best scenario? In the worst scenario?

Suppose you don't like what can happen. Try to change your perspective.

If you are afraid of being tied down, did you talk with your man about it? Do you have specific scenarios in mind? Can you point him out what you want to AVOID as his wife?

You can have a prenup (or what is it called in your country) for financial safety. Talk with your man about your specific fears, listen to his proposed solutions, and share your ideas.

You won't achieve anything if you don't share your fears and ideas and don't listen to what he wants to share. Communication is the key.

[etsylo]

you should probably sit him down and talk to him about the marriage plans. what does he see in a marriage? because while marriage is nice and all, supposedly, it's just an official status. what truly matters is the romance between you guys, so marriage or not, your love for each other defines your relationship and not a some document.

love is beautiful. just discuss this with him and ask his thoughts on what marriage means to him.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's totally understandable to have some reservations and want to take your time before getting married. Two years together is still pretty new, and marriage is a huge commitment. I can see why tying the knot feels rushed to you.

At the same time, I get why sharing a last name is meaningful to your man and wanting to fully commit. But you're right that it shouldn't be the only or main reason to get married. There needs to be way more romance and certainty there first.

Have you talked to him fully about all your concerns - wanting to wait longer, wanting to be absolutely sure before making it official, not feeling pressured? Communication is key. Reassure him of your love and commitment to the relationship, just explain marriage isn't a rush decision for you.

Maybe suggest a long engagement instead of saying no outright. That way you get more time to continue building your lives together before legally binding everything. See how he feels about compromising that way.

Trust your gut girl - don't let anyone push you into something you're not 100% sure of. But also be open and keep the communication open. With understanding and patience on both sides, I'm sure you can find the right solution. Just follow your heart!

[ThrillSeeker01]

You should always move at your own pace. It's not right for him to put pressure on you like that.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal. You seem to be finding every reason under the sun to not marry him. That right there should be an indicator to you that he is not the guy you want to marry.

Also just be aware depending on where in the world you live. Considering you accepted his proposal and you have been together for years. He could potentially be entitled to some of whatever money you have. This does depend on where you live in the world though.

[LazerBean]

Together three years and still don't think you can trust him. Smh it's time to move on and take some dating classes.

[Asker]

I’ll never trust anyone I guess. My life and job have made me cautious of everyone. I guess I just see how things can end up. I know sometimes you have to “go with it” but what if the stakes are so high… you can’t “afford” to do that?

[LazerBean]

The marriage just isn't for you. The best course would probably be to find a person who wants a relationship but not marriage or children.