My partner is a drug addict. And I have been so much abuse over the years because of this, like he has stolen from every close family member of mine, stolen off myself. Kicked me out the house at least seven times in the past year. So around four months ago his friend stopped me in the street and told me he had cheated on me and told him all the details and laughed about it. I confronted him about this and he denied everything, which I knew he would anyway. He then tried to say this guy groomed him in his house for drugs. Anyway in this midst of all of this I became friends with a really nice guy works doesn’t take drugs, I have been trying to get my own house to separate from my partner who is an addict and abuses me all the time, the new guy I have met wants to also help me get out of this situation and relationship. I haven’t told my partner about my new guy as I am still trying to get a new house for myself. Is this bad of me as I’m lookin to start a new future with someone else once I can find myself somewhere else to live?
Does this make me a bad person?
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This sounds like a really tough situation. Your current boy ain't treating you right at all. Stealing and cheating and kicking you out - that's straight up bogus behavior. You don't deserve to be abused like that, nobody does.
It's smart that you're trying to get your own place so you can get away from him. And meeting this new guy who's nice to you and trying to help, that gives me hope there's better out there, you know? I say don't feel bad about talking to this new dude, especially if you just want someone supportive as you plan your escape. Gotta look out for number one.
My advice would be, don't do anything rash before you get your new spot lined up safe. Don't wanna make things worse where you're at now, feel me? Once you know you can safely bounce though, then do you and start fresh how you want. you don't owe your boy anything more after how he did you wrong. This is your chance to find real happiness sis, don't waste it on someone who hurts you. You deserve the whole world, remember that!
Thank you so much. 😊
My pleasure ☺️
Can I ask if you would believe the “friend” telling me my partner cheated and was boasting about it to him, even though my partner denies it
Well, thats a tough one luv. You see, on the one hand, partners usually deny cheating when confronted, so his denial doesn't necessarily mean it didn't happen. But the friend could also be lying or exaggerating to cause drama. A few things I would consider:
- Do you trust this friend generally, or does he have a history of starting shit?
- Were there any other signs your partner may have been cheating before this came up? Did your relationship hit a rough patch where it could happen?
- What exactly did the friend say happened and did it seem descriptive/believable or vague? Did he have proof?
- How is your partner's relationship with this friend? Any reason the friend would want to sabotage things?
Ultimately you might not ever know 100% what really went down. But if this friend is trustworthy and what he said tracks with other issues in your relationship, I'd be more inclined to believe him over your partner straight up denying it. Addicts aren't always the most honest. Tread carefully but trust your gut feeling on this one. Hope you get it all figured out.
It is a tough one … when I confronted my partner he was angry at first that I didn’t believe him, then calmed down and said he wouldn’t ruin “what we have” but the day the guy told me he also said two other things about things he has stolen off me and my family member and both things he said I know for a fact were true. There has been many times also I have fallen out with my partner because of his addiction, and I’ve seen him leave for a short time and message other women (including one of my friends) and these were of a sexual content, his reason for this was he was angry or …. He wanted to upset me even further. I have always thought he would cheat given the opportunity, as I feel he has disrespected me in every other way possible aswell. 👎
Damn, your relationship situation sounds toxic as hell. Based on all the other stuff that's gone down, I'd be pretty inclined to believe the friend who said your partner cheated.
I mean, messaging other girls sexually when you've had fights? That's cheating behavior right there. And the fact he admitted stealing other stuff the friend mentioned proves the dude knows private things about your partner.
Plus with your partner's addiction issues and tendency to lie and deflect blame onto you, I just wouldn't put it past them to cheat. Seems like they don't respect boundaries and will do whatever when using/angry.
You clearly have no trust left for them after all the stealing, abuse and disrespect over the years too. A relationship without trust is basically nothing.
I say at this point, who cares if this one incident was true or not - your partner's proven themself untrustworthy time and time again. You gotta let this trash take itself out, mama. Focus on your own happiness and getting away from all that drama. You deserve so much better!
Don't let them gaslight you into staying either. You know deep down it's run its course. You've got this - go be free of that mess!
No don't think it's bad, it's not, That relationship has you tied to his bullshit, addiction is one of the 4 biblical exceptions for a divorce, God could've put this new guy in your life, it's not wrong to not see a future with an addict, it's completely normal to see the green flags in another person when weither you are single or not, just do one thing tho anon, before starting anything with this other guy, leave the other one, I know he's a piece of shit and a cheater but you make the right steps when moving on.
Thank you so much 😊 it’s been very difficult
I don't doubt that anon but best of luck, hope you can move on properly with no difficulties
Can I ask if you would believe the “friend” telling me my partner cheated and was boasting about it to him, even though my partner denies it
Yea, I believe it because some people can't just keep shut when they know someone is cheating on their partner, it's possible the friend has debated weither he should tell you or not until he eventually told you cause he knows it's wrong, it would make no sense for the friend to just lie and risk the friendship by lying unless it's true and he felt bad holding such a secret, he probably felt like it was the right thing, you shouldn't just ignore such knowledge.
Yes I understand where your coming from the guys me details about the situation and how my partner was “bragging about it” something which I could see him doing. Only thing that thrown me off what the fact the friend told me not to tell me partner, but the same time the friend told me this he also told me other things my partner had done which were both true.
He said not to tell him cause he knows it can ruin his friendship
It's not bad. You are in a bad situation. Do what it takes to get out of that life, and into a better life for yourself. He is the bad person, not you. Lie if you have to, if that's what it takes to keep him sane while you get things straightened out for yourself. You should not feel guilty in any way.
Thank you so much 😊
Can I ask if you would believe the “friend” telling me my partner cheated and was boasting about it to him, even though my partner denies it
Sorry for the delay. I don't get on here every day.
I don't know about the cheating. It doesn't mean guilty, but I suspect that my gut feeling is the same as your gut feeling. Listen to your gut feeling.
This first guy is not good. The new guy seems good, but be careful.